Your “It’s World Series Eve!” Monday Night Football Open Thread

What, you thought I was going to reference this bukkakke-ganza of a game in the title? For shame…

Fallout:

-It would seem that Matt Ryan has just a regular old sprained ankle and not the ‘high’ kind. Soon to be not-coach Quinn indicated that he’s already running in a pool (of his own blood?) today.

-Fantasy owners everywhere were given the shaft when David Johnson couldn’t make a go of it yesterday. Chase Edmonds thanked the magical black custodian that believed in him when no one else did, after the game.

-Relatedly, the Cards have invited both Spencer Ware and Jay Ajayi to audition for an rb spot. The written portion consists of “can you carry an oblong ball several yards down the field?” and “did you get the ‘Rudy’ reference in an obscure football blog that was posted just now?”.

-Don’t tell me that Fin’s safety Bobby McCain doesn’t care about his team. He’ll be disciplined soon for spitting in the face of a Bills fan and exchanging words with a 13 year-old after Miami’s loss yesterday. This has clinched it for me-they’re gonna finish 1-15, not 0-16.

-Despite extremely poor qb play of late, the Bears ran the ball all of 7 (SEVEN!) times yesterday. According to reporters present after the game, coach Matt Nagy lifted his head to the sky and yelled, “I’M NOT AN IDIOT!” to the football gods. The lack of response from the gods was deafening.

TO THE GAME!

Pats/Jets:

What’s to say here? I sorta enjoy Booger McFarland’s incredibly *insistent!* announcing. The birds that live in Sam Darnold’s eyebrows sing a melodious tune. Bill Belichick’s favourite food is ‘cupcakes’. C.J. Mosley missed his calling as a private dick in late ’60’s Las Vegas. Yeah, that’s about it.

Type you beautiful mutherfuckers, type.

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Sharkbait

How the fuck ya doin boys?

Fronkenshteen

On behalf of Jets fans, I apologize to all other fans of the sport for our team signing Le’Veon Bell. It would’ve been fun to watch him play on an actual team for a few more years. I hope he quits like Barry Sanders.

hippofant

Huh. Don’t see the entirely wrong replay that often.

jjfozz

And good night, you puckish fuckers

King Hippo

maybe pull your starters, Gase?

Fronkenshteen

Is Belichick pulling his offense out? I saw the backup with his helmet on.

herodotus450

I thought Nugent was old, but Brady was still drafted 5 years before him.

King Hippo

he was old in that “High Enough” video, FFS

jjfozz

Down 24-0, we should run it up the middle.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Same result.

Dick E. Phuck

Offensive genius Adam Gase

King Hippo

Are the Grits gonna have a majority gubment, eh?

hippofant

Probably not? They’re down in the Atlantic right now. Quebec’s splitting the progressive vote 4 ways again. Ontario … hard to predict, we got Ford driving voters away but also we elected Ford in the first place and we plum forgot the Harper years by now.

litre_cola

My province will go 100% fuckwit. It is embarrassing. My apologies.

King Hippo

even the cities??

litre_cola

Oh yes, I live in 1 questionable riding which is very urban but the riding has enough of super rich that live near downtown to go fuckwit. I like living here but the politics both federally and provincially are awful.

Dick E. Phuck

Christ, I would rather watch Pat Shurmur continually run draw plays on 3rd and long. The Jets are miserable.

hippofant

They were a’ight against the Cowboys.

Not surprised that they’re getting completely outplayed by the Patriots though.

King Hippo

makes one miss that super compelling Iggles/Non-Gendereds match from last night

The Maestro

They really should have named this place FetLife Stadium, because anyone who’s willingly a fan of the New York Jets is clearly a hardcore masochist.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, at least the “competition” the P*triots get in their division is remarkably consistent over the years.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, at least Jets fans got almost 8 full days to bask in the glory of the victory over the Cowboys before reality came crashing back like this guy.
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Fronkenshteen

Holy shit. There’s 10 minutes left in the second quarter?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, but the game is over.

theeWeeBabySeamus

On the pregame, Darnold said sitting out for three weeks watching made him a better QB. I think he might have been mistaken.

Dick E. Phuck

Hold my 8-ball.
-Adam Gase

Fronkenshteen

Shut the fuck up Edelman. You know you’ll be punished with a touchdown.

Fronkenshteen

This is WORSE than 45-3 on Thanksgiving. The NE home game and your players can’t even be bothered to FUCKING PAY ATTENTION!?!? The fans should get their ticket money back.

Dick E. Phuck

Well that was a “football” game.

Dick E. Phuck

Hey all, Is the Watchmen show any good? I need a new show and i’m debating between whether I should start watching The Boys or Watchmen first?

Gatoraids

The Boys if you want to be in a good mood. Watchmen if otherwise. Also for Watchman the opening scene actually happened in the US history planes and all.

Dick E. Phuck

Thanks! Good to know. Hmm…I think i’ll watch the Boys because it’s a work week and I wanna be in a good mood. Watchmen will be more of a weekend thing.

Gatoraids

Yeah and its just the opening episode still Watchmen is good and seems promising.

hippofant

Made by the creator of Lost though, so expect to get fucked eventually.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wow, I’m up for tha…… oh, you mean….

litre_cola

Meanwhile in the Canadian election
*HIGH QUALITY CANDIDATE NAME ALERT*

Name : Le Marquis De Marmalade
Party : Rhinoceros
Riding: Algoma—Manitoulin—Kapuskasing

litre_cola

This is said Marquis
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jjfozz

How do you make a shit drenched Monday even better? Come home to a guy using a motherfucking NAIL GUN and COMPRESSOR in your house and listen to it for THREE FUCKING HOURS!

King Hippo

It drowns out the slurping on Dreamboat’s cock

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You have fairly different masturbation habits, that said, we are not here to judge. I’m here to encourage; but please wear hearing protection and don’t come on the power cord.

herodotus450

We’ve replaced the New York Jets this evening with–oh no wait, those are the real Jets.

Unsurprised

Crucify Tebow

jjfozz

Not worth it, he’ll just be back in 3 days.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Kong will fuck anything.

jjfozz

That’s super racist.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s fucking funny.

Unsurprised

I wish I could say the same. It would make life a lot easier

King Hippo

oh YEAH, I still have It’s Always Sunny in the DVR

jjfozz

so now that the game is over, what is everyone doing for Halloween?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I am 46. So, nothing. Well, I will have to sit downstairs and hand out candy to the handful of bell ringers.

ArmedandHammered

Buying a bunch of candy I like and then “forgetting” to turn on any lights so it looks like no one is home. Then binge.

Unsurprised

King size. And leave some wrappers on the porch. Just to be a dick.

King Hippo

the fuck do I still have this on?

Fronkenshteen

Michel ded?

jjfozz

So the asswipe art director posted something really shitty about Columbus on Columbus Day – and yes, I get it, but I’m proud of my heritage. He’s Irish, so wait until fucking St. Patrick’s day. Just you fucking wait.

Fronkenshteen

RELEASE THE SNAKES!!!

Unsurprised

The only land the Irish colonized was Boston because no one else fucking wanted it.

litre_cola

Bondi Beach in Sydney is County Bondi so they got 2 and that is it.

jjfozz

I get the word play on gangrene, but why would anybody apply it to a football team? Oh wait, the Jets are green, stinky, and fall apart easily.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dead, rancid flesh…. flies.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maggots, a danger to the living parts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

….and that’s just the fans.

King Hippo

hopefully, this is it for these chucklefucks and national broadcasts

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I am enjoying the Apex SuperTarget’s newest option, blood orange ginger beer. It is sublime.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

I thought Fireman Ed was a thing of the past. So glad it’s not true.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

7-0 NE in the first quarter. I assume that’s an insurmountable lead against the Jets

litre_cola

Just tuned in. Yep, DFO will be far more entertaining than this. Last nights debacle will be topped.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

The Jets Triple D* Offense is firing on all cylinders, I see.

*Downs Syndrome Darnold Does It Again

King Hippo

But just IMAGINE the tax deductions we get! – Woody J., East Rutherford, NJ

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I prefer Caveman Quarterback. Most Downs Syndrome people have a better understanding of modern defenses.

Horatio Cornblower

What did Star Wars mean to you?

Me: Nothing. I mean, it’s a space-western. There’s nothing more to it.

jjfozz

I saw it in a theater when I was 7, and I enjoyed the hell out of it. I got the toys and the bed sheets. Then I grew up, discovered tits, and just went to see the movies once in awhile. That’s what it means to me – realizing tits are way better to play with than plastic action figures.

King Hippo

I didn’t really like it that much when I was a little kid. Watched it again as a teenager (with a bunch of super exuberant fans), and it didn’t hold up even to that standard.

Unsurprised

What boyfriend?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The women who wore the Leia slave costumes with little or no underwear were fantastic for several years there.

jjfozz

Edelman is a cunt. I want to pull his eyeballs out and then shit on his brains.

King Hippo

u skipped teh skullfucking smgdh

Horatio Cornblower

Did he though?

Horatio Cornblower

How did racist-as-fuck Hank Williams Jr. get his MNF gig back?

Redshirt

Trump broke the curve.

Redshirt

You know, the Jets may be a nice team to root for.

OH GOD! WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!?!

Unsurprised

It’s too late for an Exorcism. We’re just going to have to burn him at the stake.

King Hippo

but wut about when REAL CANADIA starts reporting??

hippofant

Don’t worry, real honest salt-of-the-earth Canadians would never vote for a lifetime politician. That’s not somebody you can have a beer with.

herodotus450

Also what’s up with Canada hijacking our shit? We have our thanksgiving in November, they schedule theirs for October; we declare independence from England, then they follow along 50 years later; we elect a vapid, boisterous clown as president, then they just happen to release a picture of their president doing something stupid right after. God! Stop copying us! Do your own thing Canada!

Redshirt

At least its not UK. Their Prime Minister looks and acts like our President’s annoying little brother.

herodotus450

Can only assume some kind of vast Conservative conspiracy to schedule a Leafs game on election day.

hippofant

Oh god. I just… have no hope in humanity any more. I’m assuming Bernier somehow becomes PM or kingmaker.

hippofant

Eh. There seems a lot of internal debate whether Muclair ruined what Layton did or whether Layton had long laid the grounds for an NDP shift to the centre. Or whether neither of them had anything to do with it, and this is just what the NDP does sometimes (like with Alexa McDonaugh).

Either way, a lot of my NDP favourites are no longer with the party.

hippofant

I’m still so pissed about that. T hose young MPs were good. They could easily have been a new generation of political leaders. Instead we went back and got the same old shit we’ve always had.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So are the beavers or moose going to be in charge this year?

King Hippo

Please let me know if things start looking good or bad. I probably would be NDP up there, but the Grits seem adequate.

hippofant

Whooo adequacy!

King Hippo

hey, when living under a fascist lunatic, adequacy looks like the Holy Fookin’ Grail

hippofant

I’m applying for jobs in the US.

Am worried about being shot, inadvertently walking into a culture war battlefield, getting fucked by a health issue, getting detained because of my race, getting fat, in that order.

King Hippo

eh, still more likely to get struck by lightning than shot, I’d focus on the health and fat thingamabobs

hippofant

Am an academic, so #1 and #2 are professionally heightened risks.

Heck, just today, I was thinking about whether the shit I post here could ever leak out and get me in trouble. But ……

rockingdog

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

And, don’t forget, the Jets!

Redshirt

It was rough and touch-and-go there, but I managed to beat the odds and leave work employed and not in police custody.

Unsurprised

An Ohio miracle.

rockingdog

patriots gonna get the win, right?

rockingdog

found a funny:
HR: you list 911 as your emergency contact

me: i hear they’re the best

Gratliff

Can’t believe Syfy just let this go
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Jc76QrX5Vg

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Kung-fu grip is a part of Super Soldier training that I did not realize could lead to sex trafficking imprisonment.

Redshirt

There’s a whole fetish for kung-fu grip servicing like that. Or so I’ve heard.

Redshirt

Say what you want about Robert Kraft but when he finds good quality service, he isn’t afraid to communicate it to help their business.

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