As a KC fan since first NFL game I remember seeing on TV (the Nigerian Nightmare was in and ripping shit up), I have hated everything San Diego with a passion, including their old dumb stadium and the other dumb stadium they play at now, which is both dumb and stadium-like. I think the real reason they are playing in Mexico City in a few weeks is because they know it will be a home game for the road team, a divisional foe, and that would be too much of an embarrassment to Spanos, who really thinks that LA is home for that team.
Now, as a person who may or may not have graduated from Fresno State, a team that gave us such great QBs as Trent Dilfer, who was just serviceable enough to win with the Ravens, David Carr, who spent his time running away from defenders so much he still has PTSD, that other white guy who was a backup, and Derek Carr, I am one conflicted nose picking KC fan. Derek does a lot with the Central Valley Children’s Hospital, a place close to my cholesterol-clogged heart. His eyeliner is always on fleek. He’s quite easy on the eyes. If he weren’t married, I might have his baby (still might). I hate to see him in a Raider outfit.
Not to say I hate the Raiders completely. The Central Valley, in between the only 2 worlds of California that people recognize, a Bay area full of hippies eating organic meal worms on pizza, and LA, a place where Tom Selleck lives with his mustache. I have seen The Ray-duhs play the most of any NFL team simply due to location and vendors with deep pockets. Many times the Seahawks lost to these douches back in day when those shitty birds were in the division. It was always fun to listen to the crowd shout things like, “I’m going to fucking kill you! Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up!” at those birdy fans in the stands 2 rows down, and the security guard, like some old Irish constable, “Now now, boys, let’s calm down.” Ah, the charm of watching those life-threatening times. Kinda brings a tear to my eye.
My hatred for Rivers is deep. He misses throws at the end of games a few times every season, then throws a downright tantrum about something like a WR out of place, a bad block, someone choking him, or court-ordered chemical castration. None of these are valid excuses to act like a dick with that punchable face. Frankly, I’m not sure how anyone hasn’t really punched him in the face mid-game. Are people afraid of the hundreds of rabid fans in the stands? At least 2 hundreds of fans? Maybe more? Nah.
The Chargers really haven’t done anything this season, in contrast to last season, and what the expectations have been. They did beat Green Bay. We later found out why when Rodgers said in a very demure, upstanding way, that the team partied too hard in LA. I assume they must have went to Manhattan Beach to party. That place is happening without being near downtown. I remember Saint Patrick’s Day when I dropped off the wife and daughter to hang out there. I so wanted to stay and party. Such is life, though, as the male offspring had a fever and needed some attention back at my BIL’s apartment where he was playing Mario Kart. Kids ruin things.
It feels like Keenan Allen is about 80 and Rivers has been passing to him and him only for a decade now. He’s consistent, but really thinks he is “LionHearted” as is documented on his Insta. He’s just the only person worthy of catching a pass on that team. I mean, Mike Williams, the other guy who seems like he is still learning to how to catch, finally caught something last week, and it wasn’t the clap. That we know of.
Let’s hope that Nathan Peterman is traded south as a future replacement for Rivers.
Did I mention my disdain for the QB who is from that San Diego (always the San Diego) team?
Since it’s Thursday night, let’s mention the show Evil. I watched the pilot and had some positive thoughts on it. The CGI is terrible, though. Watch it in standard definition to cover that up.
Here is a song to cheer you up from this mess of a game. I start wiggling my butt in my chair when I hear this one. It’s a good butt wiggler. Enjoy!
What’s going on tonight, my lovely droogies?
Balls: please inculde a search for “king laserface” in tomorrows colum
Why are the Chargers doing anything but running the ball, given the stats they just put up?
Suck on that sack, Rivers!
These aren’t Rikki’s Raiders
So, of all the photoshops of Rivers and Carr posted below, which one do y’all think looks more like a geisha?
Memoirs of a (Rivers) Geisha
Whoa, Carr’s stealing Rivers’s move with that float
1 Wallerdown please.
counterpoint – NO
I clearly didn’t appreciate how big Strahan is.
*or realized how small Cena was
Short man/Napoleon complex?
“I’ve seen Cena’s jacket somewhere before.”
-the racecourse in the Tron movies
Craig Sager’s 90’s closet.
It’s amazing how big John Cena is when standing next to ordinary people, and then he stands next to Strahan, who is certainly way down from his playing weight, and all of a sudden Cena just looks like kind of an average dude.
In a truly ugly suit
Pretty sure he just stole one of his Southpaw Regional Wrestling outfits
Lance Catamaran!
Great twitter follow, btw.
I saw John Cena on that NBC morning show once and he could have easily beat the shit out of Kathy Lee and Hoda.
Guess it depends how far in the bottle Hoda was that morning
PHILIP RIVERS DOES NOT BELONG ANYWHERE NEAR A HALL OF FAME THAT ISN’T FOR SINGLE DICKEDLY CREATING A REPUBLICAN MAJORITY
That’s his “someone wasted a sperm” face.
Obligatory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk
Huh what, only thing I want is in your womb.
Gotta admit the guy’s got a work ethic.
Gritty lunchpail guy, in his personal as well as professional life.
Gritty lunchpail is also what he calls his wife’s womb
In the Missy Elliott sense.
NO, HIS WIFE’S GASH HAS A WORKED ETHIC.
The middle name of all the children? Stepford.
Good evening lizard people. Hey Balls, have you thought of searching various our usernames, starting with yours?
THIS!
A “Brick Meathook” is when you fart on your dog’s head while it’s asleep.
HALFTIME. Time to brush your tooth (assuming there is more than one is not something I want to risk), get a fresh one from the cooler, change your underwear for the week, and consider switching wireless carriers for some free Amazon Prime membership. Come back in 20. Or just stay. Whatever.
Had a healthy helping of raw veggies for supper. Tomorrow morning’s ‘evacuation’ will be intense.
“I know one thing, he loves bein’ a Raider”
For $10 million a year for 10 years I’ll learn to love being a power bottom.
“Rivers still has friends who text him.” Probably his kids.
Spider Y God Y
Have I stumbled into a good Thursday Night Game? What sorcery is this!?
There’s still an entire half for the wheels to come off; especially considering the teams on the field.
Did the British announcers just check out or something?
They tend to do that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvL-4Pm3Zmw
Tea time waits for no one.
Ice Giants win! This will soften the blow that losing to teh Hippo will bring.
Watching Strahan pretend to say ‘hi’ to Cena was painful to watch.
Fuck yeah. TIme for the annual “Let’s tell a bunch of lies about Pat Tillman’s personal beliefs” episode of Sunday Morning.
Walking back from the kitchen with a glass of scotch, for some reason I thought of this 40 year old pair of songs that I hadn’t thought of in probably 39 years. 19/20 year old me wore the 8-track of this album right the fuck out though. I can’t imagine that anyone here, even my fellow olds, remembers these guys?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usrMAHZDwak
Keith Urban is doing the Grey Cup halftime show because the CFL has $500 and Urban’s agents don’t know a thing about exchange rates.
More like “Won’t go down if there is brown” amirite
So I appear to have somehow deleted the account I used for the ESPN DFO league, which is a fitting end to my season
perhaps the Raiders are still That’s Rikki’s Raiders! after all?
/laughtrack
Jesus told him to leave Cox alone, but he just had to know
Guess who’s got Rivers going against Hunter Henry tonight? This fucking colonoscopy.
ha, that’s Sharkbait against me!
Did that work? That actually seems like it’d be a good idea, even if it wasn’t with 0s on the clock. There’s no way Rivers is recovering that with three Titans bearing down on him.
EVERYBODY FLOATS IN SPACE
Let’s see what the Flyera are up to tonight
WE ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE
Better be careful. If Rivers smells like sausage, he might be in danger.
I was restocking my wine rack when the thought struck me; imagine how tragic a big liquor store must be after one of the big earthquakes
Artists rendition:
Somebody moderate this post for violence and gore, please.
But what if I like violence and gore? Ever seen a Rambo movie?
In 2014, the Napa earthquake wiped out a lot of stored booze.
If only it had knocked out the ones storing it
last funny:
cotton farmer: finally, some rain
cotton candy farmer: *running toward his fields* oh shit oh fuck
Reggie Wayne’s stats in the house!
It wasn’t a great play. The Ray-duhs just played inept coverage. 3 people around Henry, and not one of them trying to cover him.
Sometimes, half-naked lady and gentlemen. Sometimes, cats fighting dogs.
And yeah, that’s classic Siamese cat-ness
SO PRETTY!!
Even with makeup, still not beautiful like Derek Carr.
He’s beautiful on the inside.
Pretty sure nothing is pretty inside his anus.
OMG! That’s The Magic School Bus’s music!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egmmYxXhScQ
Sassy and sexy! Ooo-la-la.
Positively glowing…probably because they knocked themselves up.
SmackDown!
Ahahaha. Of course it was Ufford.
https://www.sbnation.com/nfl/2012/10/31/3572472/philip-rivers-mustache-photos
Goddamn, I don’t even remember some of these. This man was given to us to be a walking meme.
-the current president of the United States conception of himself, in his fevered dreams
There needs to be a Photoshop of King Laserface with Pennywise makeup.
Close?
?itemid=5541089
Philip ” Cuyahoga” Rivers is really on fire tonight
Let us reflect on the good #content we have been gifted by King Laser face on this, his last game as a professional football player.