The only good thing the state of Alabama has is football and now they don’t even have that. So, Crimson Tide fans, cram that loss up that MAGA ballcap, go back to your hovel and throw a Saban-like tantrum in front of your haven’t-bathed-in-weeks kids. Don’t forget to slap your cousin-wife for good measure. It’s her fault she looked at you funny again, right?
TO THE GAMES!
Jets/Bengals:
I’m streaming Darnold for this one because I’m frightened and confused. And also because since week 10 he’s been QB3 in fantasyland. There’s much to criticize about Adam Gase but the state of the Jets D is not among them. It has slowly become a very solid unit that is very to run against.
Titans/Colts:
Speaking of robust run D’s, Indy has one. But the sheer mass of Derrick Henry has a way of changing defender’s minds and defense’s stat lines. T.Y. is out so the Colts have to employ the remaining members of their “Bring Out Your Dead” receiving corpse.
Eagles/Fins:
Jordan Howard is done for this week so Miles “And Miles” Sanders is in a potential smash spot against a Miami D that gives up 130 yds. per game to rb’s.
Packers/Giants:
Does anyone remember when Janoris Jenkins was a lockdown corner? I do. It was way back in aught ’16. We were so young and foolish back then. We made tons of mistakes but we learned from them and we had such fun along the way…
Browns/Steelers:
Chubb and Snell should get all kinds of work today and I’m going to give the edge to the rook because Pitt’s D has been gangbusters Minkah came to town.
Potato Skins/Panthers:
Play McCaffrey. [wipes hands on shirt] There. Done.
Bucs/Jags:
Good Lord! Here’s a stat for you-11 times Tampa has played against a wr that averages 12+ fantasy points. Those 11 players have gone off for a collective average of 26 points. Btw, D.J. Chark and his 17.2 mark are salivating at the moment.
Niners/Ravens:
This is the reason so many of us are tuning in, right? I wouldn’t mind seeing this tilt again in early February either.
Hit me with your best words!
Baker, he die??
He sorta ded?
Gotta love the Browns, they always find the most gut-wrenching ways to torture their QBs and their fans 😀
Eagles and Cowboys fans are going to transition from bathing in eachother’s schadenfreude to forming a support group by the end of the season
I could get behind this result
argh
Settle down over there.
At least you still have the P*ts.
Oh wait, Ravens beat them too.
P*ts best offensive play tonight might just be Izzo puking all over the Texans D…
Of course the question now becomes how much would we be willing to pay to see that happen?
wha happen if Non-Gendereds lose out, and Iggles only win against DAL in Week 16? Both end 6-10.
pie eating contest
I could get behind this result
Rocks fall, everyone dies.
Dan Fouts just seriously did the “Webster’s Dictionary defines ‘moxie’ as…” thing.
What ever happened to the Madden camera angle? I thought they were about to show a play from that angle and I perked up, I thought I was gonna get to really watch some football! Instead they switched to the sideline cam at the snap. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu…
Why do we put up with this bullshit camera angle? Watching football this way sucks. Literally 2/3 of the game happens offscreen every play! The QB drops back, throws, and it’s always a surprise to find out if the guy he’s throwing to is open or not. Or if he’s alive or not! Who knows what happened offscreen? None of us do! A guy could be brutally murdered on the field and we wouldn’t know until the pass falls incomplete. Maybe it’s already happened, but Aikman was calling the game and we were all asleep. The passing game is the most important thing in the NFL, but the networks refuse to show us more than a fraction of it.
I guess what I’m saying is I’m way more excited about Barca – Atletico this afternoon than any NFL game, and Fox is destroying football like they destroy everything else.
I am off Lesser Footy after this afternoon. Except for GAMBLOR.
I’ve been an Atletico fan since 2014, their manager Simeone was throwing some good shade at Real and I’ve liked him ever since. They have been so boring to watch this year though! I’m hoping the new kid Joao Felix will help fix that
5th sack for the Clots. In the 1st half. Why stay sober?
Was that the play that the Colts (?) screwed up against the Patriots years ago?
Nah, the Pagano special was just meant as a way to catch the pats for “a too many men on the field” penalty… they just did it in the most hilariously wrong way possible… This one was…different… it was … competent?
TheFu.hhhhh…Ins?! The Fins did a thing?! HOW SHIT ARE THE IGGLEZ!?
Redacted and the lolphins scoring at the same time what are the odds. Dr Manhattan would save us
Have guests over but have to chime in. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT IGGLES?????
???
!!!
Bananacakes special teams fake TD for LOLfins
Colts seen taking notes
Wlldcat Fins
Sanders can cry all he wants. That was the most illegal block in the back in EVAR!!!!
Trickeration!
PLAY OF THE DECADE!!! God bless Brian Flores
Fuck you Hippo.
Well, that was new
Imagine how bad this would be if Miami fielded a professional football team
For fuck’s sake, who has got to go explain to the Bungles again what “tanking” is and WHY they have to keep on doin’ it
I knew this would happen. Dalton is playing loose and motivated. He can play good for a future contract while screwing his future ex-team with a 3-13 record and the #3 overall pick.
Woot woot. Made it to Real Time™️. Great illegal block in theback. Fuck!
I don’t know how I’m more shocked with: a two score Bengals lead or a Bengals RB rushing TD?
J – E – S – T JETS JETS JETS
To prove myself as a Hippo of good faith, I will get my Chubb on for Drew Lock’s debut.
I’m not sure which is worse. What you just typed, or the fact that my niece asked me this morning to get her some blue balls.
(Christmas ornaments you sick fucks….but she did say blue balls)
((yes, I almost shit myself laughing))
Turrrible, candy-ass call against Tomsulas
I want to live in a world where the LOLfins and Bungles both win on same day.
No way burrow for burrows
Can I have a Original Honored Continental Occupants win too? I’d like to preserve the two game lead?
sure, who gives a fuck about the ded Panthers
Danny Dozer!
As loyal as I am to Baltimore, I’m damned glad I’m not sitting in M&T Stadium today.
Damn, that looks miserable.
Are you sure that look doesnt come from just living in Baltimore?
Yes, quite sure. We’ve got uniforms and everything now.
Need someone to tell me if my zombie ESPN fantasy team has a shot at the playoffs
Fueled entirely by Mark Andrews
Also these Fox announcers for the Ravens game are not bad.
A real STRONG announcing job by them.
Congrats to Jameis Winston on his 101st turnover
Those are rookie numbers – Andy Reid
Also, replay review overturned the turnover.
[snorts] “101 turnovers? That’s one afternoon at The Golden Corral!”
-A. Reid
“(pfft) Amature!” – JaMarcus Russell
awesome run for San Fran
Goddamn grown man run by Mostert
PIT really bad, or CLE finally getting their shit together?
Yes.
give it time, the Browns will Brown it up
Bengals are trying a bold new strategy of remembering that Tyler Boyd exists and wears a tiger-striped helmet.
%$$^&** Lamar
Gotta figure 49ers gonna have to put up some points today…
Bengals Radio Darnold Ghost Jokes Counter: 4
A lotta teams throwing for TDs on 4th and short today O_O
It seems impossible that the Eagles could have both the worst receivers AND the worst corners in the league, but here we are
maybe role swap ’em?
They dropped 4 picks in a close game against Tom Brady, so I’d expect the same outcome
Who do you think you are playing today
The second worst receivers and corners in the league?
How stupid is I? Done ML bet the goddamned LOLfins.
Mack Hollins has negative net yards on the season with penalties and is somehow still playing for the Eagles
Touchdown…Bengals?
Well alright then!
Nice of dolphins to support thalidomide patientss and employee them on defense
If given time, Dimes is super accurate on his throws.
Eh, if you have time, you can be reasonably accurate in the NFL… The problem is that QB’s are paid to perform under pressure, under duress and (for an ex-QB of the Jets) – under their linemen’s arses….
1) my throwing arm is a spaghetti noodle, buddy
2) we’re talking about a rook and his progress behind a pathetic O-line.
Ok… So? Still better than like 3/4ers of the NuBrowns’ cavalcade of QBs.
[moves the goalposts]
-bk109
So not true… the Goalposts are holographic, so they were never there in the first place…
Seriously, though, I guess I was unclear in my initial comment, so I’ll try to be as clear as the 21 year old Bushmills and 2 Cohibas allow me to be:
Everyone (yes, including you), can make the throws when given the time and space to make the throw. The issue is, Daniel Jones and everybody else in the NFL is paid to make the throws in the face of a constant pass-rush and basically be “the guy” his team. That Daniel Jones makes the easy throws doesn’t matter, what matters is that he keeps on shitting the bed when he has to be “the guy and let’s be real,a good QB can mask the problems of his O-line with a quick release (think Baker or Brady) , but a good O-line can only help you so much…
I bet I could throw a football over 25 yards if I had to!
My problem would be that I have the accuracy of a claymore mine.
really hoping Jimmy G does well today
Fuck, there is nothing more fun than a sliding catch in the snow
I prefer an ice storm. That way when they slide, they don’t stop.
How do you know about Operation ICE Storm? – Stephen Miller
Victor Fries looking motherfucker
Because he subscribes to alt.right.masterrace, duh.
This is a good joke for the 3 of us old enough to have used newsgroups
That was autocorrect’s fault! I was looking for another newsgroup,
He subscribes to a.great.masterpiece? Wholesome
That’d explain the Pats, then? They slid and slipped during the Snow Bowl against the RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssss and they haven’t stopped since…
More like DJ Shart
This is a fun game!
Serious snow coming down in Jizziants game.
LT up in the owner’s box?
Hard nipples are Rodgers kryptonite
Holy shit, Lamar
So Jimmy G is not very mobile.