Yowza! Looks like we’ve got a stinker tonight but we’ll muddle through as always. Some of you (me) just might need 8.6 points from Saquon Barko to pull off a W that you don’t remotely deserve. So there’s that.
Fallout:
-Players looking to shut it down for the year after getting injured yesterday include Mike Evans, Rashaad Penny, D.J. Chark and Derrius Guice. Their teams are done, no point in risking further damage, is there?
-OBJ has apparently been playing with a sports hernia. Why did this come out now? Perhaps to combat the rumor that he’s telling opposing players and coaches to rescue him from the Browns. The image that comes to my mind is him in a trench coat and when he reveals what he has for sale he says, “Psst! Want some cancer? I got all kinds”.
-With wins yesterday the Ravens and Niners poked ahead in the Home Field for the Playoffs Sweepstakes. Other big winners included the Titans and Chiefs. Tennessee is rolling and gets Houston twice in the next few weeks so it’s all in their (and Tannyhill’s) hands.
TO THE GAME!
Giants/Eagles:
Of course the biggest news regarding these two moribund squads is that Eli is back for a short return engagement. Will there be flashbacks? Well of course. What the hell else could a producer possibly think of to distract the viewers of this game? Neither of these teams has an O or D unit that is in the top half of the league. As far as fantasy is concerned the Giants give up the 2nd most points and the Eagles aren’t far back in 5th. Did I mention that rain has been called for? It’s gonna be one big sloppy mess of incompetence and Booger gonna get all worked up about it. Enjoy.
Type.
Reminder – Timmy Smith also won Superb Owl MVP in 100% of his appearances
If I’m drinking in the morning – and who doesn’t – I’m picking something better than Coors Lite.
Good gauge of hitting rock bottom, though.
When you bring a sixer of Coors to your AA meeting
Fact. Grayhounds, screwdrivers, or mimosas
We used to pound down these mixed drinks call Madras. No idea what was in them.
Embarrassing day yesterday. Had my in-laws over and after the Patriots lost I couldn’t hide my MASSIVE FUCKING BONER BECAUSE FUCK THOSE CUNT HEAD BITCHES!
Is Santa going to be coming out at halftime?
we are being informed that Santa has killed himself
you get a punt, and YOU get a punt
It’s like I’m watching the CFL here.
Eagles: Anything you can Derp, I can Derp Better!
Cowboys: No you Can’t!
Eagles: Yes, i can
Cowboys: No you ca….what please proceed
“What are you guys arguing about?”
-Redacteds, pausing from eating paste
Nice of NFL to finally trial a relegation league with setting up the NFC East this year
“Relegation?! Don’t mind if I do!”
W. Ham (w/o cloves) Utd.
E. London
No coincidence an Andy Reid plays for W. Ham.
Jesus Christ there’s still six minutes left in the first quarter.
Watching this game makes me feel like the NFL is punishing me. And I don’t even know how to atone.
Or what we ever did to it in the first place.
We need to talk to Janay Rice about this.
Fine. But I’m taking the stairs.
Did you protect the shield today?
.
Cloves in hams are fucking awful and gross. It reminds me of something that really whitebread folks enjoy.
just gets in the way of honey
I love my parents but technology is to them what slim fast is to Rosie O’Donnell
Something they’ve never heard of?
I’m not sure I want to watch this game.
God Hates Dakota Jeebus.
Grand Old Cunningham had an amazing arm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2tMLpHj4hc
She wasn’t a 95 yd throw-maybe only 60.
Looks like the life got squeezed out of Juice Wrld
Reminder – Mike Quick was really good.
Eli’s teammates put his Elf on the Shelf in his locker and he almost couldn’t get dressed for the game.
My son loved that joke.
Yeah, still Elisha out there
He just wants his juice box, orange slices and a new Casper The Friendly Ghost comic book.
So much Belinda of The GoGos. What about guitarist Jane Wiedlin? Huh!? You totally forgot about her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlRWUgID8Jw
You shut up right now! there is belinda and only belinda!
She’s so sweet though… Take a listen if you never have before
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RleJ0xUSBtU
Don’t get me wrong I like her. But I can only stalk one 80s pop star at a time…
They almost gave Wentz a DDT
It does kill eagles…
Good pass protection So far
I bet on Los Gigantes (to win, half and then full time) because that would be Maximum NFC Least
Oh mama
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmdtJWmR9zQ
Crap! Totally forgot about that gem.
So many circles… so much sand…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IS2Fs2nGOl0
It’s like the whole world’s oughta sync…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3kQlzOi27M
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo-KmOd3i7s
You got me started.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQyazt4RDTM
Damn Trump and his tarrifs strike again!
LAMAR JACKSON DID NOT PRACTICE! HE COULD BE HURT! THE SEASON IS OVER! RUN DOWNTOWN AND SET THE HARBOR ON FIRE!
In other words, it’s Monday night?
Come on, we need to let the city rebuild before we can burn it to the ground again. So, we’re planning a new year’s eve holocaust
Yeah, he be my starting QB, sounds right.
Baker Mayfield, step on up.
Fuck Cleveland.
/Scrambles to get RGIII
//Remembers it’s RGIII
Fuck it, didn’t want to win anyway. Go Hippo.
Relax. They play Thursday night. Maintenance day, bay-bee!
Also the Rodgers AMA was weak. Just a PR piece. Dude is humorless weenie.
https://old.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/e8h9tw/im_aaron_rodgers_12_on_the_green_bay_packers_and/
Should’ve shown Eli’s first play where he got baptized
Eli’s Last Ride.
He knows to wear his helmet and not to cross the street.
(Listens to Meatloaf)
Hey this sounds familiar…
(Peels label off)
“Head East,” I knew it!
“Meatloaf? If you insist!”
-A. Reid
Two weeks to go until vacation. i can do this.
Thoughts and prayers to get you through these dark times.
Pre-heroin Belinda Carlisle is best Belinda Carlisle….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RHTiXvELNg
Bouncy, curvy, mega cute. I’m still in love with her. BUT SHE NEVER THANKS ME FOR THE HAIR I SEND HER!
Curvy, cute, silly dancer, my dream woman even now. BUT THE HAIR AND SKIN I SEND HER IS ALWAYS RETURNED UNOPENED!
Apparently Christopher Steele and Ivanka Trump have known each other for years? Forget impeachment, I want to learn more about the Mr. Steele Your Girl dossier.
Balls porn search term?
Balls in Deep State
Murdering young Elisha is the very definition of a get right game
1000000 microLitre Cola knocks me out of the loosers bracket, but he needed Joe Mixon It Up to do it, so does it really count?
/Surreptitiously brushes entire roster under the rug
Eli will have the philly cheese steak with no onions, peppers and cheese. In fact, can we get him fingers and fries instead?
Also he has Olivia cut off all the crust
Who wins the tiebreaker if Iggles and Non-Gendereds both finish 6-10?
Folks
So glad I didn’t count on Jordan Howard tonight. Same way Coach Pederson treated him the first half of the season.
Alright, Eli. My Bengals are close to locking up the #1 seed but I’m going to need your best effort. If you get the win tonight, they’ll be a Strawberry Milk in your locker after the game.
Sunny D would have sealed the deal.
If Manning ends with a losing record overall, no more fucking talk about his legacy
Ugh, if only it was Peyton instead…
Seriously. Eli isn’t good, but he doesn’t bother me. It’s Teabag the older Brother who sucks.
One word.
Cooper.
Low-Com-man-der-Kiss-My-Ass – Peyton M., Aurora, CO
😀
You’re a sweet summer child and you should embrace that.
That’s an S, a K and a J with no vowels. So that’s a no.
Dat’s whut’s up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ij4a6x_mPs
It needs to come full circle and have him interview the actual Brady Skjei. Which now autocorrects in my phone, I’ll have you know.
Found a funny:
BOOOOOOOOO! THE PAYTREEUTS MYSTIQUE IS OVAH! I AM EMBAHHHRASED TO CAWL MYSELF A FAN! A HALFTIME DEFICIT IS NAWT ACCEPTABLE TO DUCK BOAT NATION. FIYAH BELICHICK AND MAKE JOE ROGAN THE COACH
C’mon now. Gotta attribute Big Daddy Drew
LOL
Patriots accused of cheating again….
https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/1204146343851315201
Belichick’s love of snuff films could be only reason he’d video the Bengals.
That or he’ll claim an assistant misinterpreted his desire for a Bengals video
“I thought that Mr. Bellichick’s favorite girl band from the ’80’s was The Culture Club.”
-Peter King
Patriots say its all a misunderstanding and the guy was filming B-roll for a special on the day in the life of a scout. Bengals protested because they have film of the guy’s camera pointed at the Bengals sideline showing what substitutions they make in certain situations and they really don’t understand how a boy scout or a cub scout has to do with a football game.
Every day lately, life is a pain in the arse.
And I keep begging foar someone to kill me.
But no one ever does.
CAN A BRUTHAH CATCH A BREAK OR WHUT?????
Meh, fuck it. I got time fo’ Jeopardy.
Hang in there tWBS.
Nah, I’m just screwing around.
Alex Trebek has it worse than me.
/takes it teh wrong way
– James Dungy
I bought an ‘organic’ vodka from Hawaii because it was in an odd-shaped bottle and was in a basket right next to the cash register. I’m more stupid than you.
“Shipping Container aged” during the six months it took to get to you
Are the Wings playing* tonight?
*losing in a very embarrassing fashion
Doesn’t look like it, but then again that’s also what it looks like when they are playing so…
My husband once bought a bottle of tequila in Mexico with a hand written label, with tequila spelled wrong. And he drank it.
I bought a hand made chess set in Nogales. It was actually quite nice.
With those fingers, Booger can make multiple points at once, though. Ppl forget that.
Young me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QIy2jqAuXU
Now me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awlS5PPl8hk
Eli Manning vs. The Eagles secondary: The stoppable force meets the movable object.
There Will Be Juice
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