Your Early Slate of NFL Games

TO THE GAMES!

JAX/ATL:

This game is silly. Why?

BAL/CLE:

I hear the sound of many Browns fans dying little tiny deaths. No one cares. Kitchens is fired into the sun at season’s end.

N.O/TEN:

Gimpy McLegwound will fail me in fantasy just like everyone else. (hopes to hell he hears this and proves me wrong)

CAR/INDY:

The Colts have a punch-drunk chance to get into the tourney, don’t they? Does it not involve the presence of a comet streaking across the sky or something like that?

CINCY/MIA:

Now to the serious shit. There’s some jockeying going on here. Both started out strong, the Bengalis especially. The Fins gutted their roster with ruthless tenacity but someone forgot to tell coach. They might have actually stumble-bummed their way into a good one that can guide the team through a rebuild. You have to figger the hiring was an accident on their part.

PITT/NYJ:

Speaking of fine coaching jerbs, Tomlin has pulled a doozy-I mean Duck Dodgers? The acquisition of Minkah on the cheap has totally transformed the D and it has dragged the sorry ass of an O along for the ride. Sound a lot like the Pats to you?

Giants/Potato Skins:

Good luvin’, there’s quite a bit of bad going on here. But if you want your rook qb to get well you pit them against these secondaries. There’s just nothing there. Quality finds in the third and fifth rounds for Washington and New York respectively have them with wr’s they can pair with the youngsters behind center.

Go fifth and comment.

 

 

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The Maestro

The Cincinnati Bungholes just clinched the #1 prick in the NFL Shaft.

Mistborn Impossible

Penis

The Maestro

Yikes to all that fumble stuff. That seems bad.

Mistborn Impossible

That Titans player fumbled because he was knocked out. Yikes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I HAVEN’T SEEN A TITAN GET TAKEN OUT LIKE THAT SINCE ZEUS SHOWED UP ON THE SCENE.

King Hippo

Tits have life if they win (Yinzers play Ratbirds’ practice squadron next week).

Mr. Ayo

Let’s go TITS!

King Hippo

#BustinOut

King Hippo

/deflates

The Maestro

iiiiiiiiiIt’s the most won-der-ful time of the year! (to get absolutely fucking obliterated on a Sunday afternoon). Hope you’re all having a wonderful holidays so far, you glorious intoxicated bastards.

King Hippo

But first, a very Jest-y punt.

King Hippo

Darkwing Duck will have 90 seconds and no timeouts. Please proceed, Yinzers.

King Hippo

SAFETY DANCE DENIED

hippofant

I will not be denied!

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve got a report (that was due on the 19th) that I need to get done by tomorrow. As is proper, I’m focusing on trivialities like whether or not the tables and figures are numbered correctly.

King Hippo

Nantz is wrong, of course. If you are to need two possessions, better to find out NOW.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

People are so goddamned stupid about that. So, so stupid.

Mistborn Impossible

But it’s just not how things are done!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Raiders can stay alive in the playoff hunt if the Jets defense can get a stop here.

I feel like this is an episode of That’s My Raiders used to launch a spinoff series.

King Hippo

Maximum #ThePauls here

Mr. Ayo

I haven’t seen a Chubb denied like that since my prom night.

King Hippo

TheVeon getting some vengeance.

Redshirt

It would be such a Bengals thing to do if they come back from 28-3 and win this thing.

Redshirt

Uh oh. LAMAR! LIMPING!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“[LAMENTATIONS]” – Ravens fans

Mr. Ayo

Playoffs?!?!

Quoth the Raven, Nevermore

King Hippo

their best three offensive players, all on this drive

King Hippo

#ThePauls, doing Belicheat’s dirty work

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is going to be interesting – the sun is out right now in LA, but it’s windy as hell and rain is forecast to hit in the next three hours or so.

THIS INCOMING STORM, I CALL IT SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE RAIDERS DEFENSE BECAUSE IT IS ABOUT TO HIT HARD.

Mr. Ayo

DUCK BACK!

King Hippo

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King Hippo

Tits…bounce back??

King Hippo

This should be Lamar!’s last drive of the regular season.

herodotus450

On the plus side, Asian billionaires are less likely to think that eating boiled tiger penis is going to make them eternally youthful after watching this Cincinnati season, so wild Bengal tiger populations might start to rise.

Redshirt

Bad Bengals! Bad!

King Hippo

GAMBLOR likes this Su-su-suddio lead over Napoli.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I have a year but for some reason I want to grind out the last few MCLE credits I need this afternoon. Perhaps because they are the ones I want to watch/listen to the least.

King Hippo

was fun while it lasted, Tits. que lastima

Unsurprised

We’ll always have the mammaries.
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King Hippo

HAWT RIBS

Unsurprised

Mmmmmmmmm … ribs

— A. Reid

King Hippo

/laboured breathing intensifies

King Hippo

Baker, Baker, the turnover maker

/and Judon gets one FOAR Chaka Khan

Horatio Cornblower

The Redacteds score! And their dozens of fans in the stadium rejoice.

Spur
Mr. Ayo

Potato Skins kilt another one.

King Hippo

Bury My Knee at RFK

Spur

that will be a $3020 convince fee and $4000 for the standard burial.

herodotus450

Bangles’s winning percentage is in the hundredths, and dropping.

King Hippo

Tank Like An Egyptian??

Mr. Ayo

Bullock giving life to the ghost of Blair Walsh.

Wait, no. He actually executed when it mattered.

Spur

Does Odell pass out his resume on USB or handouts? I bet he uses glitter.

herodotus450

Pair of cleats would be my guess.

Spur

Lamar has no time for Browns wackiness

Redshirt

Oh Browns.

King Hippo

That’ll do, Lamar! That’ll do.

King Hippo

really is like Brittfar, except he’s good

Mr. Ayo

This is the time of year you want a Rudolph leading instead of a Duck.

King Hippo

Q2 has not been kind to DonT’s Tits

Redshirt

Dawg Pound is starting to get a bit rabid.

litre_cola

Moore, Slayton and Chark have a combined .1 pts. Greqt week for it.

Redshirt

Did Cleveland forget to field its defense?

King Hippo

So much for #ThePauls’ clean sheet…

King Hippo

SF/SEA flexing to SNF is confirmed. Huzzah!

/remember that awful year there was NO Week 17 night fixture??

King Hippo

Jest would finish 5-3 at home if this result holds. They have a pretty solid defense, if they could just fumigate out the Adam Gase stink…

Dunstan

“That’s harder to get rid of than you think. We’re still scrubbing the locker room, it still smells like rancid meat.” — Miami

“Scrubbing a locker room?” — Tampa

“Meat?” — Andy Reid

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Rancid?” – [whoever is the most punk NFL player]

Mistborn Impossible

Does Christian punk count?

Redshirt

7/9 and two picks and Duckman is cancelled?

King Hippo

we can’t have nice things

King Hippo

MAGA man back in the Yinzers’ saddle. BOO!!!!!!!!!

Unsurprised

No “Kitchens has burned down in a grease fire?”

Unsurprised

I need to make gifs of all the winning Quotables and maybe some other submissions that people pick to do a round-up when the regular season is over to maybe select a regular season MVP gif and commentist (SonOfSpam, probably). I just need to carve out an hour or so after work for the next couple of days or weeks.

King Hippo

#2!
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King Hippo

KHunt goes airborne.