Your “All’s Well That Ends Well” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes:

  • Josh Norman has agreed to a one-year contract with the Bills.
    • A base salary of $6 million, with another $2 million in incentives.
    • It becomes official once the free agency window opens on March 18.
  • The New Orleans Saints plan to place a first-round tender on restricted free-agent quarterback Taysom Hill.  
    • It means that if someone wants to sign him, they have to give the Saints their 2020 first-round pick.
      • If the Saints want to match the offer, it will cost them $4.67 million.
    • They can do this because they control the option year on his contract.
      • Which gives them a little leverage in contract negotiations.
  • CBA News:
    • Russell Okung, player rep & candidate for NFLPA President, has accused the NFL of “bad faith” bargaining.
      • He hasn’t defined what he considers the bad faith to be, but he’s said it out loud.
    • The voting deadline for players has been extended from Thursday at 11:59PM to Saturday at 11:59PM.
      • There’s no word why the extension was made, but the NFLPA said, “[e]very vote matters, and we encourage all players to review the materials sent via email in order to make an informed decision.”
    • A “small group of owners” wants the CBA vote among the players to fail, so they can lobby for an 18-game schedule.
      • This “small group” has not been identified.
      • They also believe the currently presented agreement gave away too much revenue to the players.

Finally, it appears Tom Brady is taking investment advice from Curt Schilling, as he has started up his own media management company – 199 Productions.

  • Because I’m lazy, Bleacher Report says that Deadline says 199 Productions is, “a global multiplatform content company to develop original premium content including documentaries, feature films and television shows.”
    • Curt Schilling, if you’ll remember, famously started his own multimedia company called “38 Studios”, which defaulted on $75 million in loans provided by the State of Rhode Island.
      • After corporate bankruptcy proceedings, the State recovered $2.5 million.
  • The production company is, obviously, named after Brady’s 199th overall draft slot in the 2000 NFL draft.
    • His first project will be with the Russo brothers, of “Avengers” fame, called “Unseen Football”.

Speaking of rock-solid investment strategies, how’d your day go?

Myself, I watched the cost of my season tickets rise by $200 as the Canadian dollar melted away value due to the combined shock of the market & oil price crash.

Had I paid Friday, the exchange rate was $1.335. As of market close today, the exchange rate was $1.36. Now, I have until next Monday to make my play, but do I panic & settle tonight, or wait & see if there’s an inevitable recovery.

THE TENSION!


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Panthers at Blues – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Raptors at Jazz – 9:00PM | TSN
  • NCAA: it’s season-ending tournament week!
    • Horizon League Basketball Tournament:
      • Wright State vs. Illinois (Chicago) – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Northern Kentucky vs. Wisconsin (Green Bay) – 9:30PM | ESPN2
    • Southern Conference Basketball Tournament: Championship game
      • East Tennessee State vs. Wofford – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • West Coast Basketball Tournament:
      • Gonzaga vs. San Francisco – 9:00PM | ESPN
  • Wrasslin’:
    • WWE Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • only one month to Wrestlemania 36, where the Corona virus will be up against MRSA in an empty Raymond James Stadium.

Meeting The Maestro for drinks after work today. I hope he’s not disappointed by what he sees.

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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SonOfSpam
ALXMAC
yeah right

I like to think that maybe people can, I don’t want to say this out loud,

but maybe, I don’t know..

Maybe bond with their families?

Get to know each other?

Maybe find out that 2nd daughter can actually play drums?

Maybe read books out loud?

Maybe actually get in touch with your family since they’re not focused on a goddamn 5 inch screen?

Play a board game by candlelight and create real lifelong lasting memories?

Hell, make smores over an open flame on the stove.

Tell ghost stories.

That’s probably too much to ask.

Or maybe just hoard some more fucking toilet paper.

Your choice.

SonOfSpam

I mean, like…GOOD toilet paper?

Yeah, we can go one of two ways.

Brick Meathook

I have paid subscriptions to The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal. I never read either unless I need to know something and then I read both and try to figure out the truth in between.

I get my “lay of the land” from all of your comments and from the very helpful Twitter reposts here. Most of it I blow off but occasionally I’ll look something up.

Mostly I use my NY Times subscription for the crossword puzzle, of which I am a championship solver, with papers. Not quite a Jeopardy! champion but that’s just a personality contest.

I completely forgot my original point.

SonOfSpam

I participated in CrosswordsLA about 10+ yrs ago at Loyola Marymount. I did well in the Rookie division, but the hardcore are a whole different level.

And you should get news from Fox Nation online, because they know all the best QAnon stuff.

yeah right

I participate in championship “Hearts” competitions.

I’ve got game but when they team up on me?

Damn. That shit gets harsh.

I can still shoot the moon with the very best though.

The very best.

I ain’t scared.

SonOfSpam

DFO HEARTS TOURNEY AT YOUR PLACE.

I’ll bring beer. And “non-trick” cards. Mostly beer.

yeah right

Sold! We need a 4th.

Brick Meathook

When I’m back home I’ll walk over. I won’t walk down Pershing, I’ll jump the fence at LAX and somehow make it across all four runways.

Anybody can cross a busy street without getting hit. It takes a lot more skill to cross a freeway without getting hit. But to cross four major runways without getting hit by a 747? That’s probably the easiest of all. Not getting caught doing it is the trick.

SonOfSpam

Brick, on vacation:
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yeah right

Besides, by the time they hit our neighborhoods they better be in the air or we got bigger problems.

blaxabbath

Three month notice and I’m in.

yeah right

We’ve got to do this.

Name your menu challenge.

Brick Meathook

CROQUE MADAME

yeah right

Done and done.

yeah right

And all 13 cards can NOT be the 3 of clubs.

C’mon!

SonOfSpam

Ah, I see my reputation precedes me.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wing like, 4 letters, 1st letter “a”?

SonOfSpam

Anal?

yeah right

Aria

Brick Meathook

THEINDIGOGIRLS

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m in.

blaxabbath

That’s amazing. You bust out a crossword puzzle and I am straight up [big word meaning ‘bad’].

SonOfSpam

horseraping

Brick Meathook

37A: Eats pussy (4 letters)

THEINDIGOGIRLS

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This person who wrote this is an idiot.
https://getpocket.com/explore/item/let-s-colonize-titan?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d much rather colonize Titania.
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SonOfSpam

We are so fucking far away from Mars, let alone Titan…people are really dumb.

yeah right

So much Vonnegut.

SonOfSpam

He was really really wise as to how fucking stupid we are.

yeah right

I’m currently re-reading Breakfast of Champions,part of a collection, for probably the 8th time.

This is my favorite Kilgore Trout story from this book:

The Dancing Fool
mentioned in Breakfast of Champions
A flying saucer creature named Zog arrived on Earth to explain how wars could be prevented and how cancer could be cured. He brought the information from Margo, a planet where the natives conversed by means of farts and tap dancing.
Zog landed at night in Connectitut. He had no sooner touched down than he saw a house on fire. He rushed into the house, farting and tap dancing, warning the people about the terrible danger they were in. The head of the house brained Zog with a golf club.

yeah right

1974 he was writing about how a race of automobile people destroyed the environment on every planet they inhabited.

1974

SonOfSpam

Prescient, but even back then we just had to pay attention. I was five. So I wasn’t paying attention.

yeah right

You should have been out bird dogging chicks and banging beaver.

SonOfSpam

Fuck yeah, I WASTED my kindergarten years. SO MUCH POON.

BC Dick

Doesn’t that also mean that he was way too worried about the automobile people? Almost 40 years and you know mother earth can take more than what we’ve given her. She’s got a chin like James Toney.

BC Dick

But think of the spring breaks spent frolicking in the many lakes of methane!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s always a good night when I get to drink a whiskey in the rain.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sounds like a good first lyric for the next hit Country song.
But you gotta get something in there about Mama, Trains and your dog dying. We’ll work on it.
😀
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sco_eBvXGTQ

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, how did Beer Guy Rob find a photo of RTD from this morning and get it posted so fast?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS STOCK MARKET I CALL IT KOBE BRYANT BECAUSE I AM WILLING TO BET IT IS GOING TO BE FLAT TOMORROW.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey ohhhhh!!!!!!!

blaxabbath

I’ll buy the tix for you beerguyrob. Split the vig when the KOD returns.

Redshirt

After three trips in the ER, they may have narrowed down what is causing my mother severe pain. Why it took the third visit and not the first or even the second, we’ll let the malpractice attorney decide.

SonOfSpam

Here’s where I take the classy way out and wish all the best for your mother.

But “how did they finally extract it” is RIGHT THERE.

Seriously, hope she’s on the road to recovery.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Batten down the hatches, LA, cause it is gettin’ STORMY out there.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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OOOOOOHHHHHHH YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

blaxabbath

“Nah. Didn’t bother with protection with the last Stormy either.”

-Patient Individual-1

yeah right

Yep, I went to the store on a MONDAY! to stock up.

On beer and corned beef.

Those goddamn hoarders finally found my local Ralph’s.

Nary a sheet of TP to be found.

If only the world would have listened to Rikki and his bidet idea!

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Official: White House didn’t want to tell seniors not to fly.”

I guess if all the old people travel and get the virus and die, that will at least put off the bankruptcy of Social Security for a few extra years, and I will not have to look forward to a retirement villa consisting of a refrigerator box under a highway overpass.
Worrisome part is I’m sixty, which by many measures is considered “old.”

blaxabbath

You look so much younger in your pic.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s from my high school yearbook.

Gratliff

Pretty half assed circling there, Sabres

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I suppose I should detach from market and coronavirus news for the evening.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve spent the last three weeks having a fucking nervous breakdown. My construction projects have all cratered, and I finally realized I was going to fucking lose my mind if I didn’t do something. So this morning, in my first full day back at the office in three months, I tracked down my Division Chief (guy I have worked with or for ever since 2008 back in Iraq) and told him I’d hit the wall. Couldn’t sleep and couldn’t do anything to enjoy myself except get shitfaced, and that mostly just to get some sleep, still waking up at 4AM and staring at the ceiling until time to get up. He was all on it and said he’d get the word out to the other directorates at the Center and get me an inter-agency transfer. My immediate supervisor had the same reaction and was very supportive, she realizes the kind of construction projects I supervise are highly stressful. I’ve been doing it for seven years, which is not quite a record but pretty fucking close.

So I’m driving home finally feeling a little less stressed and get home, and start checking on the news, and I now realize that all I’ve done is create more time to stress out on the virus and the fact that my 401 has probably taken a big shit and I’m probably going to have to work until the day I die and my dogs are getting old and have to be put to sleep this year.

Fuck. Problem not solved.

blaxabbath

I want to backstory on your job.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Not sure exactly what that “backstory” term means in this context, but I have been renovating old USAF buildings, and we can’t spend enough money due to the Brooks Act to ever get a decent design, and when we start construction, because of cheaping out on design expenditures, there are always Unforeseen Site Conditions encountered that result in cost growth and change orders, adding months or sometimes years to the project. I’ve got one out at Holloman AFB that we have been working on the design since initial award for 4-1/2 years, still haven’t turned a spoonful of dirt. That’s over twice as long as it took for Leslie Groves to build the fucking Pentagon. And this is just to upgrade the fire suppression systems in five aircraft hangars. Total project cost is going to be in the neighborhood of $14M when it’s all said and done. Most of the $7M cost growth is a result of the AF taking over three years to finalize UFC codes for hangar fire suppression and changing the design criteria considerably over that period. We went from having 95% design complete back to 35% design complete three fucking times and having to basically start over due to criteria changes. I do not feel like a good custodian of the taxpayer dollar, but the decisions made were definitely above my paygrade.
Trade jargon terms I apologize for, but Brooks Act and UFC are both Googleable terms.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m in a similar industry and I feel for you. I loathe and despise design professionals that work public sector jobs. They can’t design for shit and think Google Earth is better than a site visit.

blaxabbath

I have so many questions.

I will circle back — let me know when your sanity returns.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s late and I’m drunk and ready for bed, but ask away next time you see me on board. Will try to be a little more present here, going forward.

yeah right

Better yet, come decompress in LA on the 28th. We’re doing the annual Atwater Village Pub Crawl (patent pending) and we can share some uplifting shit with you.

Hell, I’ll even cook for random flattery alone.

Brocky

Guess what movie I just realized is on Amazon

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Neil Young nods, smiles, thinks to himself “You stole my line, mofo.”

Brocky

See I always thought it was more of a nod to def leppard, but it doesn’t seem like kurgan would be into glam rock

Viva La Tabula Raza

Looking at his wardrobe, I would have guessed he was a fan of Queensryche, Dokken, or Great White (you know, “It’s better to burn down, than to fade away.”

King Hippo

Presently being reminded – always pick someone else to win Gonzaga’s region.

King Hippo

This WCC tourney court is an abomination towards God and man.

litre_cola

Scotchy will be safe when the Toilet Paper Wars begin. Small community with retirees, lots of fake jewelry for currency and old people for huntin.

LemonJello

Hear me out on this.

Scotchnaut is actually a Predator here for his (?) regular hunts.
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Predator has morphed into coronavirus. When I saw John Carpenter’s Thing at the base theater in Yokosuka Japan in 1984 (during which viewing we experienced an earthquake, which was weird), I thought The Thing was a metaphor for herpes simplex. Later I changed my opinion, and that The Thing was AIDS. Now I think it was Trump.

Unsurprised

The worst part of this TP run is that all that paper product money goes straight to Charles Koch.

WCS
Brick Meathook
King Hippo

For anyone who has not binged, I can not possible recommend Mr. Show highly enough. Just goddamned brilliant.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The pre-taped call in show is one of the greatest pieces of comedy ever devised.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Oooh, something besides motoring shows and history documentaries to binge on during my next “VLTR as Martin Sheen in the Saigon hotel room in first scene of Apocalypse Now” imitation.
First four seasons available at “no cost” on Amazon Prime. Any suggestions as to where to start, season-wise?

Brick Meathook

Season 1. Watch it in order.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Thanks!comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook
scotchnaut

“Second tier NCAA basketball leagues-this is the very last refuge of the once thriving population of gangly, un-athletic, tripping-over-their-own-feet, six foot nine plus white athletes. Soon, there will be none left.”

-Sir David Attenborough

Brick Meathook

Once all the weaklings are dead the markets will recover and we can again enjoy cheap gasoline and football tickets.

King Hippo

Can we have slaves again?

Wutchu mean “again?” – Mistuh Richardson, Rock Hill, SC

Viva La Tabula Raza

Is that you, Robert McNair? I thought you wuz daid.

Porky Prime

“Is that you John Wayne? Is this me?”

LemonJello

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scotchnaut

And demanding to not pay for shitty sandwiches, pple forgt that

scotchnaut

“All the weaklings dead? Ayn that the truth!”

-Ms. Rand, while collecting her government cheque

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Daylight Savings is the worst holiday ever: you lose an hour, have your sleep schedule all fucked up and it stays light later so people expect you to “talk to them” and “do things” longer. This is my nightmare.

King Hippo

I guess it makes staying up for the NCAAT games easier, but fuck a duck, that really is it. I have felt completely disoriented all day (and yesterday).

litre_cola

It fucking rules. Just dont change it back because that is a 3rd dimension of hell with a toddler.

Viva La Tabula Raza

You should spend October through March in Iceland and April through September in Tierra del Fuego. Problem solved.

Gratliff

C’mon, buffalo, let’s circle some fucking wagons

King Hippo

Can Ice Bills do that? Seems like would be pretty to make a circle like that.

LemonJello

Fun fact: Fucking Wagons was a short-lived Amish themed porn site.

Porky Prime

Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood sang it as well as they could.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It was like Clint and Lee’s rumspringa movie. I remember seeing it in the theater when it came out and wondered if Jean Seberg banged either or both of them offstage. I was 10 and had just learned what sex was. My dad liked the movie so much he bought the soundtrack on LP.

Redshirt

(while waiting in an Emergency Room Waiting Room)

Front Desk Receptionist: “No reason, but can everyone here please take a mask and put it on.”
Everyone: “Aw, fuck.”

I may be living up to my avatar name.

LemonJello

Did you get to pick out a Luchador mask, or maybe a cool Avengers one?

Redshirt

A gimp mask. I got three angry looks and a phone number.

Porky Prime

Speaking of your avatar name, last night I watched the Trek episode where the transporter splits the Captain into Pussy Kirk and Dick Kirk. I wish Spock had referred to them as such during the episode.

Redshirt

He saves those pet names for the late night “Performance Reviews”.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Wanted:

-AFC North Commentist (Bengals fans preferred)
-Sensible conservative
-Expendable
-Bronie (optional)

All applicants please send resume and a bottle of bourbon to:
Qualcomm Stadium Sub-level, San Diego, CA

A representative will contact you if needed.

Redshirt

You honestly think they’re a second sensible conservative that exists?

Sharkbait

Stubbed my toe on baby Sharkette’s bouncer last night. The toe may or may not be broken. Currently employing the RICE method:
Rye
Ice
Citrus peel
Enjoy

LemonJello

“Rice? Not on my goddammed watch.”
-B. Parcells, probably

WCS

Our annual trip to Castaway Bay (indoor water park in Sandusky, OH) starts Thursday night. Can’t wait to come home with crippling diarrhea, AND, coronavirus! Should be fun!
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King Hippo

This is the PERFECT time to do that, bet much less crowded than usual. Just drink plenty of booze and you’ll be fine.

WCS

It is a disinfectant.

Sharkbait

Don’t forget the cocaine!

WCS

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I’ll get them from Bingo.

Porky Prime

Just be glad Tommy Callahan sold those million brake pads or the park might not exist at all.

Dunstan

Not sure about crippling diarrhea, but most trips to Sandusky do result in a sore anus.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Why doesn’t this comment have more upvotes?

Dunstan

“What comment?” — Joe Paterno’s Ghost

Don T

?

King Hippo

I have plenty of Charmin plus aloe (they call it “extra soft” now or sommet) on hand. Take care of yo’ butthole!

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s “Ultra Gentle” nowadays (I just bought a packet and checked), but they only changed the name from something else I can’t remember a couple-three years ago. My go-to shit tickets for 30 years. Yeah, I’m seen as a pampered asshole sometimes.

scotchnaut

If this was a just world this health scare would be centered around Pabst Blue Ribbon, not Corona.

Porky Prime

Is that considered a Pabst Smear?

litre_cola

You sir get an upvote.

litre_cola

These get posted so early on West Coast time!!