I actually turned on my teevee box these past two days, and boy howdy, did it feel weird. Actual sportsball content! Plus a veritable marathon to come this afternoon. This will certainly not heal our land, but I will take the brief interlude of distraction.
What else goes on in our sheltered, shut-in lives?
I was slightly annoyed by Donks WOO!!! going back to the WR well in Round 2, but realize my judgment is likely clouded by my much stronger irritation in how much of a bust our last Paedo State receiver pick has been. But then to get Cushenberry in Round 3? ALL IS FORGIVEN, HAIL TO OUR EQUINE LORD AND SAVIOUR.
The QB Jakes continue to slide precipitously. Poor fuckers. When will good looking, athletic white guys ever catch a break (smh)?
Still some small school OTs on the board, and a developmental guy could make lots of sense for Denver. We can likely afford a redshirt year, especially with expanded rosters coming in 2020 (assuming we can has gamez at all).
Pretend Everton continues to charge forward. We brought Lucas Digne back to the squad for a 2nd act, and he’s been quite tidy. DCL and Mason Holgate are beginning to slow down now, and that makes me sad. But fuck, I need them to make it to their testimonials. What a special, simulated day that will be. About time to finish my fixture away to Carlo Ancelotti’s (yes, he went back) Chelski. A win likely takes me back to the top of the table.
Still haven’t won Shempions League A or the fucking cursed Caribou Cup, but we did win last season’s FA Cup in an absolute cracker of a tie with Arsenal. Nil-nil after normal time, each side scored TWICE in extras. Including a Leroy Sane breakaway, full-length of pitch charge to equalize for the Mighty Blues. At the very, very death. Whistle blew right after the ball came back into play. And I won on pennos, thanks to the also slowing down Jordan Pickford. He’s now playing like 40% of the time, I brought in a hotshot Chilean kid who somehow has an even bigger chip on his shoulder.
James Madisson joins at the NYD start of the January transfer window. Should be the final piece of a real Prem/Shempions A contender. Will I stay up all night to find out? MAYBE.
Enjoy the Draft, and whatever else gets you through your Unabomber Bunker Day.
Time to try mowing the lawn for the first time this season. This will involve clearing out the shed, shoving the mower out, then trying to jump start the battery that’s been sitting still all winter. Will the lawn be cut? Will Horatio be electrocuted? Will an electrical fire burn down the shed? Tune in and find out!
Well, I *have* been looking for something to wager on….
The ponies are running in Tampa and Oakpark. Are the brothers logged into their Bovada accounts and betting on the damn ponies?
Bet your ass!
Lions GM’s daughter looks thrilled that Dad just gave a guy charged, (and acquitted) of sexual assault a job
LOL… yea
How about some pie?
Yes please.
Seinfeld: The Video Game!
https://www.seinfeldgame.com/
Holy shit, the kicker the Patriots just drafted sports far-right militia tattoos.
https://twitter.com/JuMosq/status/1254120952520077312
Yikes.
Football would seem to be an odd sport for this guy, but Boston is perfect.
OWAH KICKAH IS DA BEST AMERIKAHN!
Bahahaha
Patriots gonna Patriot, smgdh
The Patriot’s way
ESPN: “Ladies and Gentlemen, Jake Fromm is off the board! Where did he go? We’ll tell you when we came back!”
You have one job to do ESPN Live Draft Broadcast. ONE JOB!
I see Ratt’s financial advisor took off with all their 90’s money.
What goes around, comes around.
Nice
“The muscle that gets you out of bed at 5 am, and just keeps pushing until you do”
My bladder?
I am strong! Mine is at 1:00, 3:00, AND 5:00am, pal!
I love the kids coming into the videos. “Dad, Mom said dinner’s ready and you need to stop with the computer and come in before the lasagna gets cold!”
That’s why people need the Jerk-it Tent (TM).
In other stupidity, here’s the MI state senator from Ida (just north of Toldedo, OH) who wore a confederate flag face mask to the senate floor, claimed it was actually Tennessee’s state flag (it clearly was not), said it was just something his wife made for him, then said even if it was the confederate flag that it’s part of American history so it’s okay, and is now apologizing because everyone yelled at him for being a fucking idiot.
https://www.mlive.com/politics/2020/04/michigan-state-senator-apologizes-for-wearing-mask-appearing-to-depict-confederate-flag.html
Christ, what an asshole.
It’s important to remember that the idiots and psychopaths that sit in the US Congress are far and away more competent and sane than the ones they leave behind at the state level
And then there’s the municipal level…
The evil part is about equal, so we have that.
I stick with traditional myself.
But then I am not an ignorant racist piece of shit.
Just ignorant.
Nostalgia; I loved those as a kid.
LOL
How about toilet paper? Would using a Confederate Flag as emergency T.P. be racist?
Valid Exception (VE).
Michigan removed the restrictions on landscaping, so now every yuppie dipshit in my neighborhood has a crew of like 5 people in his yard because god forbid you let the grass get taller than an inch.
At least it’s a chance to brush up on you Spanish language skills.
“¡Bájate de mi esposa y sube al maldito cortacésped!”
Ese maldito weedeater fuera, son las 6 am!
In my neighborhood we have that, Vietnamese, and Cambodian.
Laos would like a word.
I am okay with that. At one time before I got rid of the water sucking grass I had the Cambodian crew worked on my yard. Six of them would attack, be done in 10 minutes, and then disappear back into the jungle. The tactics sound familiar, just can’t place it……
Is the riding mower guy 6’0″ at minimum away from edger/ trimmer guy?
So…1/4 of a Favre?
I got drunk last night for the first time in a week. I got to watch somewhat sports for the firs time in months. I woke up with a hangover.
It felt so damned good to be back.
Philly picked a safety from Clemson? I’m not going to do any research whatsoever before announcing that I’m happy we got our new Dawkins.
RTD: [spends morning gardening before it gets too hot]
RTD: [makes bagel-bacon-egg-cheese-chive open face breakfast sandwiches]
RTD: [settles down on couch to relax for five minutes before laundry finishes and he hangs it outside to dry]
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ. (ret): Oh, you should make frozen yogurt now so it has time to freeze properly for after dinner.
RTD: [logs on to DFO to complain about how unappreciated he feels]
So what kind of yogurt are you making?
And is that really a euphemism for sex?
After some debate we have decided to go with lemon-coconut.
That sounds refreshing!
RTD: No YOU go make some yogurt!!!! [dies tragically in a yogurt “accident”]
Make sure it contains sodium benzoate!
LOL
Even though it’s not a position need for the Ravens, I really want them to take Lamar Jackson (CB) out of Nebraska. I think that would be amusing.
One of them would have to put “La.” on their jersey
How are New Orleans done after the third round? Are they still giving picks to Washington for the Ricky Williams trade?
Did they still have more picks than the Bears?
And some weed to be named later.
They called Ditka for advice.
Trey Wingo is talking intimacy with Gary Payton. I’m a little bit scared.
I would make a Peter Graves Airplane joke here, but they seem out of taste in today’s culture.
Well, it wouldn’t be the NFL Draft if ESPN didn’t cut to commercial during a Bengals draft selection.
Downs a Route 44 Coke from Sonic.
♫ There’s a lady who’s sure
All that glitters is gold
And she’s buying a stairway to Heaven ♫
Interesting that you know the name of the biggest sugar drink…..
My friend makes me stop to get one before every roadtrip. He downs his over five hours. I down mine over five miles.
“Makes”
I confess; I’m not day drinkin’ yet.
Same here but I’m tempted as fuck to light up a bowl. Me and my chilluns are planning a video call today because the granddaughters miss each other and even miss me.
Sunshine baking! I’d wait until after the call me-self.
I did.
“Why is granddad talking about 80s bands?”
ESPN: “…that’s a good reason why the NFL Draft should last 10 days.”
YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!!!
That is indeed a whore (advertising dollars) statement.
Steve Keim’s impression of The Red Skull is spot on.
It seems effortless too.
Jesus Christ, Captain Bluebunny won’t fit out his front door soon enough.
I think the corner guy they got will fit into the Fangio system, especially nickle and dime packages (not drugs). I agree the tiny WR seems a reach to address the return game and the slot position. It shows how much they HATE the WRs they have. I am actually good with the first rounder as they need two WRs or team just double Sutton. The center probably will start right away…. in 2021. I actually understood the first few paragraphs, so thanks for that.
“You sir, are a ruffian of the first order! You’ve jostled my monocle from its resting place. This will not stand!”
-Lloyd Cushenberry III on “Miked Up!” next year
“Huzzah!” – Winchester, from his estate
[Albert Okwuegbunam has just joined in this sentiment]
[Michael Ojemudia nods in approval]
“This gentleman can be a guest at my eating club any day!” — J. Garrett
Mort probably needs to retire at this point.
Spend MOAR time with his tumors.
ESPN is too cheap to provide medical coverage; dude has to work to pay off the chemo.
Spend more time with a goddamn cheeseburger is more like it.
Andy Reid once spent 0.03 seconds with a cheeseburger.
If only he’d spent that much time with his kids.
Also, anyone else think the two Jakes should just fuck and get it over with?
Y’all might could tell, but I am indeed on zero hour’s sleep. Goddamned Pretend Everton.
Bloody Mary time.
That’s a great idea!
I just saw a name across the ticker that was 3-4 letters away from being an ex-gf. I did nae enjoy that.
Was it L’Jarius Sneed?
How was her…….FOOTwork?
Had the draft on while I put on my dog walking boots. The dog recognized the boots and got all excited. Now I’m just waiting two picks to see who Dallas takes and. he. is. pissed.
Also Jerry Jones should do all future drafts from a villainous yacht, because he’s been nailing it so far.
“You aren’t joking. Look at these sheets from his cabin.”
-Chief Steward, MV YEEEEHAAAAWWWWW
Who would’ve thought the trick was removing the Cowboys’ coaches and scouts from the equation?
Does your dog actually get angry? Mine gets excited and frustrated when her walk gets delayed, but I’ve never seen her behave in a way that I could describe as “angry”.
Frustrated his better. Whines, gives me the side-eye.
He just got 6+ miles so he can just shut up.
We got an early favorite for Name of the Draft with TE Albert Okwuegbunam. Denver commentators are going to have fun with that name.
Looks like we drafted one of Drew Lock’s friendos? Eh, fine by me. Whatevs.
ESPN seems very high on the Broncos efforts.
When reached for comment, John Elway agreed with them.
Cushenberry does it for me. That was marvelous. We still have two signposts at OT, though.
At least a signpost will stop somebody. It better than the two venetian blinds we had in Cincy.
Not sure if an altitude joke or a legal weed joke.
Seems like a redzone specialist and they are tired of the guys they have and want to replace them. They want more speed on the two TE formations.
I had been in first place until 3 players went mega-cunt on me. The ones who didn’t so do? Just beat Barca 1-nil in home leg of Shempions A.
/also, fuck a duck, I wanted that Bartch mofo
Does anyone else read these and worry that our beloved recluse has had a stroke? Just me? Carry on.
No different than before, really.
Hippo just put one hotshot on the U23 squadron. Bulleh DAT
From a different thread I’m involved in, but I’ll share it here at DFO:
On a crucifix there is a sign at the top that says “INRI.” What’s up with that?
My answer:
INRI
Jesus Nazarene Rex Judaea
Brick Meathook graduated high school and received his diploma on the main altar of The Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington DC. So here’s my take:
Q: What did Jesus say to the desk clerk at the Holiday Inn?
A: Can you put me up for the night?
Q: Why did Jesus flunk out of medical school?
A: He got nailed on his boards.
In truth, I learned both these dumb jokes not at the basilica, but on an atomic submarine far beneath the waves of the North Atlantic Ocean.
Heya!
“Here comes Jesus, King of the Jews”
Is that a Vatican-specific site or a more general Illuminati board?
Crossword puzzle site
The old Sam Kinison line: “They want me back on Earth? Sure, I’ll go back to Earth…as soon as I can play the fucking piano again!!!“
INRI? Thought that stood for “I’m Nailed Right In”
“They ain’t making Jewish carpenters anymore what don’t know what nails are for”
-Kinky Friedman
Jamin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTPJ4PTqpDI
Three days and four rounds into the draft and the Raiders still have their Draft Board out for all to see.
Tbf, ain’t nobody cribbing off a them
SmokeScreen
That’s My Raiders!
All these Clemson dudes? Somebody in Vegas must love Jeethuth
There is something oddly poetic about them cutting to Ron Rivera and it showing an empty chair.
Also, I cant believe he made it on to the TV during the draft!
Found a funny:
sometimes i recall that my college friend’s dad was a notorious philanderer who gave up drinking because it almost cost him his house and his marriage and took up the dulcimer as a hobby but then cheated on his wife at a dulcimer gathering
Today’s excitement is a trip to the grocery store followed by food delivery. Tomorrow is my day in the kitchen.
I NEVER would have believed it before but I look forward to returning to work on Monday and weekends aren’t that big of a deal.
What the fuck.
Mid-70s and sunny, gonna mix up a large adult beverage and go ride around on the lawn tractor for a couple of hours. Plan is to hang out on my buddy’s large safe-distance back patio for a couple hours tomorrow.
Farmer’s Market and dump run.
The excitement never even starts!
You seem to take an inordinate number of trips to the dump.
Are you off the beaten path?
We’re in a pretty rural spot for a university town, so it’s either pay for weekly pick-up, and still drag everything to the end of a longish driveway, or just throw it in the car, drive past the end of the driveway and trade 15-20 minutes for $35 or whatever it is now a week.
Rather spend the $35 on a rack of ribs or a roast at the farmer’s market, especially now when they really need the business.
Holy shit, 35 bucks a week? I’m pretty damn rural and pay $37.50 for three months of weekly pickup.
I’m guessing. maybe that was a month. Haven’t looked into it in years.
Smart call!
NE Patriots are going to go with Jarrett Stidham, right?
I think they’re playing chicken with the Bengals in regard to Andy Dalton, waiting for them to cut him.
I was wondering why Jake Fromm, a guy I always liked, was still hanging around. Then I read this from walterfootball:
“Fromm has a backup quarterback skill set for the NFL. His arm strength is average at best. As a pro, he is going to struggle to challenge defenses downfield with his arm. He also does not have the ability to fire a fastball into a tight window. Every throw from Fromm is a touch pass because he does’t have the arm strength to drive the ball. On top of not having a strong arm, Fromm is not a running threat and he won’t be able to make plays with his feet at the pro level.”
That’s, um, that’s not good.
“On the plus side, his name basically guarantees a series of very annoying commercials with Aaron Rodgers.”
So basically late-career Peyton Manning without the vast NFL experience.
Hey, end-stage Manning was good enough to not only win a Super Bowl, but also to make enough money to afford all that HGH for whatever was ailing his wife.
What the league really needed was another Alex Smith
“Unlikely to get caught up in a domestic violence case due to his slow delivery and extremely weak follow-through”
“Will require a vehicle with power steering”
“May be unable to raise a full heavy NFL water bottle up to his mouth unassisted”
I like that mapping the draft has gone from “what player will the Raiders take next?” to “what wide receiver will the Raiders take next?”
I don’t know about you folks but I want to see more of Lou Diamond Phillips.
I’d rather see his lesser-known understudy Bathroom Sapphire Flathead.
Oh my. I like it. Did you have that saved up?
No, totally spontaneous.
Sounds like exactly what Lou Diamond Phillips would say.
/pulls gun
Gonna need you to take off that mask, stranger.
I fear we’ve lost teh Hippo to the simulated footy programme. If only it had nice shoulders, he could marry it.
(Hippo takes a deep breath)
OK, fuck the nice shoulders, marry the pills, kill Liverpool. Final answer.
You talking swimmer shoulders or basketball shoulders? Shot-put shoulders?
This past week, I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with concise and persuasive exhortations. My working draft so far: “Banks and mail are still working, deadbeat.”
Still gotta finesse the passive aggression tho.
Belarussian fútbol is on live!
https://www.babagol.net/broadcasts/2020/4/25/belarus-league-live-stream-broadcast
Giants got the #1 ranked safety (at 36!) and multiple folks are saying he can cover the tight end when asked to do so. My man parts are sopping wet.
Unless he can cover two at once, he won’t be enough
I heard that your gang was not happy with the 2nd round pick.
“I heard that your gang was not happy ”
Fixed. We’re talking about Eagles fans here.
The shit they were saying after Jalen Hurts was picked? Oh my.
They also took Matt Pearl, an OL from UConn. He’s supposed to have a lot of “potential” and he might. He’ll certainly improve away from Randy Edsall, who wouldn’t know an offense if it walked up and but him in the ass.