We’re almost at the end of April! Who would have thought that time would fly by so quickly under this quarantine/lockdown/whatever you want to call it?
Last week, I told you guys about Tik Tok. In Tik Tok, I ran across a very funny video of a little Latino kid watching sexy girls dancing and then clapping “Bravo”. My joke was that this was a rare video of young Balls.
The funny thing is that it’s not too far from the truth. As you all may or may not know, I was born in Mexico City and came to the US legally (thanks to my dad’s job) with my parents shortly before I reached double digits. We watched, as would be natural, spanish language TV.
Well, spanish language TV in those days, was… sexy. These are the shows that stick out in my head the most as influencing Young Balls (Fuck you, CBS, I’m not selling you my sitcom idea):
La Carabina De Ambrosio was a Mexican variety show that featured sketches, magicians, songs, and dance numbers. If you play that intro song to any Mexican that was around in the late 70s and early 80s, I guarantee you’ll get a hearty laugh and they will instantly recognize it from the show!
For those of you that don’t know, Jorge Porcel was an Argentinian comedian that made a bunch of comedy movies with his partner Alberto Olmedo in the 1970s and 80s. Their movies aired on spanish TV in the US during the early to mid 80s.
My favourite is “Los Caballeros De La Cama Redonda”, translated literally as “The Gentlemen of the Round Bed” or colloquially as “The Knights of the Round Bed”, a play on the Arthurian Knights of the Round Table. Here is the entire movie, in case you want to see it. Yes, it’s in spanish. You should learn a second language while you’re stuck at home:
Olmedo tragically died in 1988 after falling out of a high balcony, ending the film series. A year earlier, Porcel had started his own variety show, “Las Gatitas y Ratones de Porcel”, translated as “The Kitties and Mice of Porcel”, in Argentina and that show aired on spanish language TV in the US.
Eventually, Porcel moved to Miami, where he started “A La Cama Con Porcel”, translated as “To Bed With Porcel” which was another sketch variety show which aired late at night.
So, if you’ve ever wondered why I’m the perv that I am, why I absolutely love double entendres, and why I have an affinity for shapely female asses, it’s because of these shows and films.
Many things happened at DFO last week. Let’s talk about them.
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BC Dick’s Curling Updates
Our awesome Master Curler has concluded the Women’s Curling Championship Poll. As of my last update, I did not know who had won as the scores were tied. Well, apparently BC Dick had voted for Canada not knowing he was going to be the tie-breaking vote!
This meant that, once his vote was removed from the initial tally, Sweden was able to win by one measly vote!
Thank you very much to BC Dick for putting this together and I look forward to the Men’s Tourney coming soon!
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The Week in DFO
These are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:
Let’s start things off with a note from one of my exes:
and a reminder we have important sporting events to look forward to:
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Found a funny:
rockindog
Dr: I was going to ask if you were sexually active but-
Me [wearing hot dog costume]: but what
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With no barber I am a month away from starting a garage band and really getting in to heroin.
Litre_cola
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/ found a funny
Redshirt
“The COVID-19 numbers are starting to flatten. We can start removing the social restrictions” = “The parachute is slowing our decent. We can start removing it now.”
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Any guesses who the NFL troublemakers were in 1974? Hint: it was the black guys.
Gumbygirl
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From Weekend Update:
Redshirt
“Mitch McConnell, seen here calmly watching an orphanage burn…”
“Spread the tallow around, for a consistent flame”
Don T
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My wife has done that to me and it is awesome.
Horatio
That speaks well for the shape of your wife’s behind.
Viva La Tabula Raza
Made you go to the mall?
Moose
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I learned today that cutting your own hair with electric clippers is harder than I thought it would be. I now look like John Candy’s character from Stripes, during boot camp, only a little less husky.
ArmedandHammered
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Choke him, Jesus!
Gumbygirl
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I feel Fronkenshteen. When I was single I used to get two sodas when I did the drive through at McDonald’s so they would think I was getting food for two people. I HAD SODA AT HOME.
WhyEaglesWhy
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The accent? Really?
Dunstan
I’m judging you like Hippo judges fetishes.
Like Itchy Hippo before the pills? Or Mellow Hippo after the pills?
LemonJello
Hippo is busy being addicted to a video game. Stay tuned for Saturday when you won’t understand the words but feel his rage.
Litre_cola
Oh yes. Yes a hundred times. I love that. Favourite accent by far. In my afterlife she’ll be yelling at me to clean up my act while I drink beer on the lawn in a filthy undershirt.
BC Dick
Some accents and voices can move people way up the charts…… other way down (listen to Fran Drescher)….. this might also be a good competition or spank bracket.
Moose
Yeah, Brooklyn, Long Island, and Boston accents are huge turnoffs for me. Australian and Irish, yes please.
Dunstan
I turned my GPS to an Irish woman, and now I can never find my way without an erection.
Moose
I discovered that Siri has an Australian female setting.
Dunstan
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“Not gonna lie, every last man on earth hung from a tree and vulnerable blondes getting fucked by robots really turns me on!”
scotchnaut
-King Hippo
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The Bud Lite sponsored boos finally made me understand what my leftiest of Profs. meant about “coopting”. It means “thoroughly declaw a ‘Fuck You’”.
Don T
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Found a funny:
rockindog
friend: u know how neat it is when 12 ppl shout over each other in real life
me: no
friend: [sends me a zoom link] well ur in luck
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Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick: ‘You cannot stop COVID 19 you can only hope to contain it”
Buddy
This pandemic is going to ooooooooooovertime
Buddy
NOTHING but the bottom of the casket
Buddy
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Chase Young’s nickname is “Predator” ??? Seems more fitting for a Penn State athlete.
LemonJello
Chase Young is already a pretty appropriate name for anyone associated with Penn State athletics; no need for a nickname there.
Horatio
In homage to JoePa, I’m going to pretend this comment didn’t happen.
LemonJello
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Mike Brown has sent Joe Burrow and his parents jerseys (#9) and a welcome letter.
SonOfSpam
I’m guessing the Burrows will be billed for the jerseys (plus postage).
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Goodell: “The Cincinnati Bengals are on the clock.”
Redshirt
Operator: “You have a collect call from…”
Goodell: (under his breath) “Cheap ass, motherfucker.”
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My wife just asked “How are you doing? Are you winning?” and I said ‘What exactly do you think the draft is?” and she said “I don’t know; you’r drinking beer and typing at people you don’t know, so I figured a game was on” and folks, I did not have a comeback for that.
Horatio
My then girlfriend now wife has always called this place my nerdery. Then I got her brother involved.
Litre_cola
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Chargers select a real estate lawyer who’s really good at getting their clients out of a lease.
Spur
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Gruden realizes there’s nothing Vegas like more than speed
Gatoraids
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If Jordan Love had gone to BYU instead of Utah State he’d be Jordan Loves.
makeitsnowondem
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What can I say? I love airplanes. And now, a double shot of great songs featured in this week’s Request Line:
Thank you to everyone one for providing quality gifs to keep us entertained as we are quarantined in our homes. Now go take a bath, you filthy animals!
Please stay home and avoid other people. See you next week!
On a conference call and someone asked what the policy is about coming back to the office if they’ve been diagnosed with Covid-19.
Me: “Fucking don’t. Next?”
I know this is missing the point, but what the fuck is going on with her right arm? Did Salvador Dali show up right at the end, shove Elvgren out of the way and say “I got this”?
Found a funny:
(Breaks off tab while attempting to open a can of whoop ass) oh dear
Seems impractical for them *both* to run to throw it in the pool. The one who wasn’t holding it really should have run the other way.
Your NFL team doesn’t use teamwork either.
Plus how the fuck would both of them get wet, which was the whole point of the sequence…. probably.
Some good reading:
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/05/04/twenty-four-hours-at-the-epicenter-of-the-coronavirus-pandemic
That is, I had seen it earlier. Unfortunately the people who need to read and understand won’t.
What to Watch While you Work
Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World – Starz Edge – 10am Best Coast
We get 10 Fast and Furious movies and but only one movie from the Aubrey–Maturin series? The same people that keep watching Ryan Reynolds are the reason we can have nice things.
I watched The Vietnam War by Ken Burns.
Well, go ahead with the light-hearted, cheery, escapism if you want.
I want to watch that. Don’t tell me how it ends.
Is it a spoiler if I tell you that it doesn’t end with more Americans dying in combat than get killed by a virus fifty years later?
“It was a tie”-Kevin Kline
Might be the only film I’ve purchased on Amazon Prime, because it’s not available for free that often and I’m in the mood to rewatch it every year or so.
It’s a shame there wasn’t a sequel, as it’s a really well-done film. I know there were complaints among fans when Crowe was cast, but I thought he did well with it. I think that marketing-wise, they chose the wrong story to adapt. I don’t know why they couldn’t have just started with the first novel, which gives you the beginning of the friendship between Jack and Stephen, some on-shore politicking, and plenty of nautical action. Alternatively, they could have chosen any of the stories set in the Med where there are on-shore meetings and formal dinners and actual women characters, to offset the all-male action on-board. (Wait, that didn’t sound right. Stop singing “In The Navy” by the Village People!)
I think the only women in the entire film are some of the natives they trade with along the South American shore, and I don’t think any of them utters a line. The only reference to Jack’s wife is a letter we see him writing to Sophie, and I don’t think Diana is mentioned at all. More of a female presence, a hint of romance, perhaps even bringing in Stephen’s role as an intelligence agent, might have helped attract a broader audience than it did.
I think the books would make a great mini-series or something on HBO. 20 full novels worth of stories, without the showrunners having to actually be creative.
I wonder about the budget, though. The film was fairly expensive as I recall, because they shot so much of it on a replica ship.
I suppose one virtue of going with the books and including more on-shore stuff is that it would be cheaper. Like Game of Thrones, they could have just one or two really big battle episodes per season.
Just skip the dumb story about Jack going to debtor’s prison….
Nice to see a Captain wearing his scraper athwartship in the proper Nelsonian manner. Rather than that Whiggish modern way of fore and aft.
Well, you see, by rank……
“Bad news, men. The captain wants to water-ski.”
I was good with it. The screen writer put a little too much modern expressions and some other things in the script. The effects and sets were great. I’m a C. S. Forester fan so I am biased towards this type of story.
Of course there is always classics to fall back on.
God Bless Russ Meyer
Ha-hmm.
“Asshole” – the woman, muttering under her breath while furiously rubbing her a stinging eye.
This comment needs more facial time…… it’s that good.
I feel like this thread is incomplete until Horatio weighs in….
The high seas are not the only wet thing.
Speaking of weighing in, that scene where the 13-year-old officer kills himself by jumping overboard while holding a cannonball haunts me.
I am finally getting around to watching The West Wing. Good stuff.
TWW gets a bit of a bum rap these days. Many people dismiss it as some dumb liberal fantasy where all the country’s problems are solved by someone making a big speech. But that almost never actually happened on the show. When they solved a problem (“how do we get our budget passed?”), it was usually because they cut some imperfect deal (“so we’re giving the right funding for abstinence education? Ugh!”), not because someone in power actually just changed their mind. In fact, the more accurate criticism in my opinion is from the lefties who point out that the Bartlett Administration rarely accomplished anything, and what it did accomplish was small-ball centrism. (And yet, Bernie Sanders himself has said he’s a big fan of the show.)
If you’re so inclined, the West Wing Weekly Podcast just finished up, but the archives are all still up and free. They did one podcast episode per show episode (plus a few extras), featuring interviews from the cast and writing staff, and often from real-life politicians or activists or experts who work on the issues discussed.
It was through making deals that Republicans never did and never would make. The commentary on the latter seasons made it clear that they wrote Republicans with principles. IRL those Republicans haven’t existed since Nixon, maybe.
When your constituency is the powerful, you never have to give in to help them keep what they already have. You can do absolutely nothing and everything stays more as you like it than if you compromised even an inch unless the gains far outweigh the risks. This is what Mitch McConnell has spent the last decade doing and it works.
There is about a hunert cabillion of the Georges Simenon detective books available on audio. The narrator is relaxing and it is easy to go back and pick up things missed. Definitely for the detective procedural nerds, they would bore the shit out of a lot of people.
https://www.orderofbooks.com/authors/georges-simenon/
Hey, Ryan Reynolds isn’t that bad!
His last girlfriend thought he was in The Fast and Furious, so performance is an issue.
Found the Canuck.
If you want to follow the nautical theme, may I suggest Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson. I think everybody is vaguely familiar with the story only because it is so steeped in the culture; the popular perception of pirates comes almost completely from various illustrated editions of this book, and movie adaptations as well.
But the actual book is a rollicking good yarn that can be read in a single evening, and it just never lets up. Long John Silver is a complex character, evil yet likeable. I never read this until I was an adult and it instantly became one of my favorite books ever.
♫…It’s not unusual to be exploited by anyone…♫
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWsSSJ5skx4
Counterpoint:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3rXdeOvhNE
DUDES!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhDKHo2wapM
I don’t know how, but I guarantee that Carol Baskin was involved.
She may have pushed, but Clapton left the damn window open.
Jan Masaryk thinks it was the Russians.
Deep fucking cut! Nice.
(Ron Goldman’s last words)
This comment may bleed into another thread.
Lives would have been saved if she would have been happy with her half of the ice cream fortune.
Yeah, and I ain’t even sorry.
That was a long way to go for a joke of this low quality.
When you put your lactation fetish on ice.
how do you get half a flavoUr?
Just repeat that 38 more times; mixed racecream is okay. Get with the times please.
Oh, so *that’s* why that gunman lost his shit.
These vampire pretenders are out of hand.
This made me laugh out loud. Well done.
[isn’t willing to settle for just half, tells his lawyer to go for the jugular]
– Andy Reid
Is Secret Breakfast kind of like Hitting the Drive Through on the Way Home Before Dinner and Hiding the Evidence?
LOL
Why isn’t that bacon cooked?
Sushacon.