Eventual Balls Thoughts XII

Holy shit we’re in May already! And today just happens to be Star Wars Day!

I don’t have really much to say today. Apparently, Amazon Prime only had the Bond films included for the month of April. It looks like it was the same thing for the Pluto TV thing I was checking out that had a 007 channel.

That means I may have to figure out a way to rewatch the Bond films of the 80s so I can continue with that series. Don’t worry, folks, I’m on the case!

At the very least, I may be able to find a Bond porn parody on Pornhub or Xvideos…

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The Week in DFO

These are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:

Let’s start things off with a reminder that the Cannonball Run movies were awesome:

h/t Moose

and a reminder that we are anxiously awaiting the debut of the Hippo Judges Your Fetish posts:

Why is it that Madeline Kahn and Bernadette Peters both so do it completely for me? I’m not even into blondes or redheads that much.

Viva La Tabula Raza

They are beautiful and smart and funny and talented and only one of them is dead.
So that’s enough, innit?

SonOfSpam

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h/t rockindog (appropriate!)

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I see Ratt’s financial advisor took off with all their 90’s money.

Horatio

What goes around, comes around.

Gumbygirl

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h/t Moose

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Just picked up food from our local Japanese place. Aki was telling me that the gig delivery services take 20 percent of sales so he decided that if anyone went to their website which offers free delivery he would give the customers the 20% as a discount.
Aki 100% has my business going forward. Good lad.

Litre_cola

I always pick up myself or have the place deliver directly. GrubHub and UberEats gouge the restaurants. Fuck ’em.

Horatio

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h/t Gratliff

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The threat of sending people to nursing homes carries a lot more weight these days

Gratliff

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h/t Moose

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Math is hard!

Gumbygirl

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It’s been six months since I last drank a beer on my deck while doing a crossword while bathing in sunshine. I feel good right now. Real good.

scotchnaut

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h/t Don T

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h/t Moose

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I remember the 80’s for the scare of nuclear weapons and the very real possibility that a nuclear exchange could happen at any time.
I remember it mostly because I was one of the guys who would have launched the nuclear MIRV-tipped Trident SLBM rockets. Well, I wouldn’t have, but the Weaponettes up forward would have, using the 250v 60Hz AC and the 120v DC main electric power, plus the 400Hz static-inverted weapons power, plus the 3000psi hydraulic system, plus the 4500psi stepped-down compressed air system we provided from back aft in Engineering. In fact, fuck those guys we were the real heroes.

Brick

AC is so lazy though, it just ends up back where it started.

herodotus450

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I swear to God, as someone in a position of ‘essential work’ if someone tried to take my picture after a 10 hour shift I’d cough in their stupid face.
I’m also really tired of being told who my heroes should be and that technically I am one. I’ll keep that in mind as I develop heat rash while unloading the fifth trailer filled with gaming chairs that are all being sent priority air. No one is getting ‘essential’ shit and you’re a rube if you think they ever were.
Any other time of the year I’m a degenerate who unloads trucks because he hates school a little bit more than this job but now because some bat virus has gripped the world I’m a conditional hero. Fuck off.

Buddy

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h/t Moose
h/t Moose

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On a conference call and someone asked what the policy is about coming back to the office if they’ve been diagnosed with Covid-19.
Me: “Fucking don’t. Next?”

Horatio

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I’ll always treasure the day I got into StubHub Field in Carson and saw a Miami Dolphins home game against the Chargers, and midway through the second quarter I realized that the Miami quarterback was the cat himself, Jay Cutler. At the end of the game, he was the very first player off the field and into the tunnel, directly beneath my seat. That was like watching the moon landing, folks.

Brick

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h/t Sharkbait
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

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Life is one big Jay Cutler gif, and no one should be surprised by anything except the marriage lasted this long.

TheRevanchist

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h/t Moose
h/t Brick

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Ummm, YOU DIDNT HAVE MY ADDRESS RIGHT!!! Do you know how long the avenue I live on is? It spans over 100 blocks!?!?! I am now out of weed and one cannot subsist on wine and edibles alone especially with your nephew who is a toddler lunatic.

Litre_cola

There were plenty of numbers available to them. And like I mentioned, the coitus parties would lead them right to you.
Hopefully the next one gets there. I think I double checked that it was all there. Though, I was sure on the first one, too.

BC Dick

Plenty of numbers available to them. I just snort-laughed and scared my cat! Of all the Dicks in BC, you sir, are the Dickiest!

Gumbygirl

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I just agreed to let this website use cookies . . . for the ten thousandth time.

Brick

Consent is important.

Dunstan

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When I visited Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh City) there were swastikas everywhere at the Buddhist temples. It was unnerving. I asked “is that an ancient Buddhist symbol?” and they said “no, Buddhists really like Hitler.”

Brick

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I’ve got a “W” tattooed on each cheek of my ass. When I bend over, it says “WoW”, and when I stand on my head, it says “MoM.” But I only stand on my head on her birthday and Mother’s Day.

Viva La Tabula Raza

See, now that’s just thoughtful.

Dunstan

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h/t Moose

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Koo?

Viva La Tabula Raza

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h/t Moose

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h/t Moose

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“The plot centers around a rich madman that wants to reshape the world by destroying it and then rebuilding it. Keep this in mind when you read about the next film.”
You should also keep this in mind when you vote in November.

Horatio

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I feel like it’s a mistake to leave it all in packages labelled “Hoarded Flour/Sugar.” I mean, you don’t see Scotchy engraving “Murder Weapon” on all his axes and clubs and whatnots.

Dunstan

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Today marks 6 weeks of isolation. Walking 5 miles a day, no meat, diary or flour. Eating fresh vegetables and home cooked meals every day. The change has been fantastic! Zero alcohol. A healthy, gluten-free, caffeine-free diet and a 1-hour home workout every day. Lost 20 pounds and gained muscle mass.
I have no idea who wrote this, but I am so proud of them that I decided to copy and paste.

Redshirt

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself

Sharkbait

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h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

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I have the same reaction, boys.

monty this seems strange to me

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“Horatio ist not ztuck under a couch cushion”
Horatio, the spare change of DFO.

Horatio

The quarter of DFO’s spare change

Don T

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h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

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glassware no longer matters
Ummm, all alcohol already comes in a convenient dispensing container…

GameTimeDecision

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h/t Moose

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Had my first “telemedicine” check up this am. The doctor asked how my drinking was going.
I told him to fuck off.

BFC

***

h/t Brocky
h/t Moose
h/t Brocky
h/t Moose
h/t Viva La Tabula Raza

I can’t believe this was the last song posted on Request Line. For shame!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=np8GaFHD9Lg
h/t RTD

plus a great song from earlier in the week:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIldaw6QgzA
h/t scotchnaut (thanks for posting the long version!)

Thank you to everyone one for providing quality gifs to keep us entertained as we are quarantined in our homes. Let’s end on a good note:

h/t Unsurprised

Please stay home and avoid other people. See you next week!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Game Time Decision

Scotchy’s in love

Don T

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Foot stabbin’!

Balls is hesitant.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So this is kind of interesting – the “Margaritaville” episode of South Park, famous for it’s “…and it’s gone” bit, was released in 2009. Not long after the financial crisis, which saw the stock price of AIG fall from around $1000 to less than $50. “And…It’s…Gone”…A-I-G…think about it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

…….thinking……. [sees a shiny GIF]….. well, now the thought is gone too.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

I was gonna save this for later…
Found a funny:

the person who photoshopped all the assault rifles into dildos
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That looks ….. familiar somehow….

Horatio Cornblower

Don Shula’s dead.

https://twitter.com/MySportsUpdate/status/1257311085276696580

I don’t have a joke

Horatio Cornblower

I have never eaten at one of his places, so no idea if they butcher the steaks, but anyone who cooks their steaks well done deserves worse than death.

Game Time Decision

In oversharing news, i was long overdue for a hair cut, but with everything being closed up here, and no end in sight, i wasn’t going to be able to see my guy for awhile. So i got Mrs GTD to do it. Happy to report that I do not just have a buzz cut and that we are still on speaking terms. lol

LemonJello

Mohawk? Or did you go with an ear-to-ear Mohawk?

Game Time Decision

reverse Mohawk, duh

LemonJello

Good call.

ArmedandHammered

My wife is still giving me shit about my inability to use the clippers properly, but I am beginning to really like the #2 clippers self haircut. Easy to wash, no combing needed, no bad hair day, and no bed hair. I think it pairs well with the no pants look. So if we are still on lock down in a month or so, the clippers will come out again.

nomonkeyfun

I’m a #3 in the Winter and #1 in the warmer months.

The extra length doesn’t really make much difference in terms of warmth, but I think it looks better with the heavy winter beard. The #1 in the Summer makes it much easier to duck my head under some cool/cold water and drop the body temp. Also, wash the salt off my skin during the day.

I’ve been to a barber shop twice in the last 15 years or so. Both were to get a shave/beard shape up for a wedding.
It just took some practice to not miss a small patch of hair on the back of my head. The shorter I go, the easier to find the stray suckers.
/baldy life

Game Time Decision

There’s no way I could cut my hair myself, even with the clippers. I’m not nearly coordinated enough.

We started with 4, ended up with the 3. Will prob go with 2 in the summer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve been cutting my own hair for years. It’s not that hard to do a halfway decent job if you have a set of clippers and are very patient. Once in a while you fuck up royally and it all has to come off, though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Oh I will refer to my statement a week or two ago. I am learning to play bass, purchasing some candles and looking for a heroin dealer.

rockingdog

Star Wars yea!
Hot take: I enjoyed Rise of Skywalker
LOL

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE6fXhEVo3A

theeWeeBabySeamus

How did I miss “Bert’s Tit” the first time around.
Too funny.

Gratliff

I'm nervous about defending my dissertation tomorrow. I never imagined I'd have to do it over Google Hangouts. Please wish me luck. pic.twitter.com/Qw8SrdQeNI

— Mangaka who only tweets gacha game screenshots (@SeanRMoorhead) May 3, 2020

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Senor Weaselo

As long as he remembers…comment image

Brick Meathook

I can’t believe I wrote 250v AC. It was 450v AC. We were a warship dammit!

LemonJello

That’s just years of OPSEC training kicking in…can’t let the commies know our true capabilities*

*at least until the KGB gets the engineering specs and blueprints for everything anyway