Hello Sports fans and Work Procrastinators!
Happy hump day! To celebrate the midweek’s most sexiest day, we have a triple header– with the two most important matches of the week happening– and one really important match going on in the Championship.
Match 1: The “Please Don’t Choke Please Don’t Choke Please Don’t Choke Please Don’t Choke Please Don’t Choke . . . For the love of God, PLEASE DON’T CHOKE!” Game (1PM EST)
It’s really simple for Manchester United: Win and a Champions League spot is theirs for the taking. After losing their first match in 20 games against Chelski at the FA Cup semifinals, United look to get back to their winning ways in a game that actually matters. I would imagine that Ole will start his best starting XI against Rum Ham. My biggest concern and fears is this: Maguire and AWB have looked shockingly bad over the past 3 games because wear and tear has taken its toll. Both might have actually played in every minute of the season. If they cannot recover from their poor form, Rum Ham might be able to take advantage. Especially Maguire, who has made 5 major mistakes in his last 8 games. I mean, look at this shit! The man is clearly struggling because he’s beyond tired!
https://twitter.com/i/status/1285090701320040448
Add onto the fact that all the other CBs are currently injured for United and it’s looking bleak that Maguire will be counted on to play every second of the final 2 games. Also, Left Backs Luke Shaw and Brandon Williams are both likely out with injuries, again. That means United’s left side will be incredibly vulnerable and easily to exploit by Rum Ham. Any fan that had an irrational hate for Luke Shaw is starting to appreciate how good he is on the left side because since he went down with an injury, United has not been able to move the ball from the left. This is problematic when you factor in United does not have a RW, which is their main target in the next transfer window. OH SHIT!
Equally scary is that David de Gea had a game that was equally horrendous against Chelski. He let a lot of bad goals in and the following goal he let in looks very familiar for United fans:
De gea would be Arsenal's third choice keeper. That's an awful mistake from him. #FACup https://t.co/ruH2uk1zmc
— H2D (@DammitArsenal) July 19, 2020
United’s defense, which has been a strength all season, looks like it could be the reason they may not get 3 points against Rum Ham and miss the top 4.
Due to the Arseholes shitting the bed yesterday, Rum Ham still has something to play for because they still are not mathematically safe from relegation. Rum Ham, a team playing pretty decent lesser footy (they earned 10 out of 15 points) and is coached by former loathed United Manager, David Moyes, are likely going to play some inspired footy.
Prediction:
As I mentioned the last time United had an opportunity to win a crucial game and enter the top 4–a game in which they tied Southhampton due to a Saints goal in the dying seconds– United tend to choke in these games. United will also be playing their 3rd game within a week and are entertaining starting their backup, Romero. However, despite suffering from major fatigue, I think this is it. . .
This is the game United nuts up and wins 2-1 in an ugly game. I almost think Rum Ham might park the bus and play for a draw so they can take care of business next week.
Match 2: The “Push for the Automatic Promotion” game (2:30PM EST)
Litre’s favourite team, the lesser footy Jaguars, could win today’s match and find themselves in 2nd place, which is an automatic promotion spot to the EPL. Mighty Fulham need a lot of help to make that happen, but you never know!
Both teams have a lot to play for–Fulham will look to grab 2nd place while Wigan wants to avoid relegation. Wigan have appealed against a proposed 12-point deduction, which could see them plunge into the relegation places, but the outcome of the appeal is not expected to be announced before the final day of the season. Wigan are currently in 13th and are 10 points clear of the bottom three, so if the impending 12-point deduction is upheld, Wigan must win and hope that other results go their way in order to remain in the Championship.
Prediction:
Both clubs are playing well and their players know their financial well-being is on the line. However, Wigan seem to be missing bodies, so Fulham are going to win 3-2.
Match 3: The “Surely Liverpool won’t shit the bed before another trophy presentation, right?” game (3:15PM EST)
The last time Liverpool was going to get honoUred, they got annihilated by Man Shitty in a 4-0 defeat. To Shitty’s credit, they ended the discussion of Liverpool being the GOAT EPL team. With that said, that must have left a horrendous taste in Klopp’s mouth. Despite not being able to break any more records, the fact Liverpool is to be honoUred with the trophy after the match should be enough incentive for Klopp to start a strong side. There’s no way Liverpool won’t be fired up to get their trophy. Also worth mentioning, is that Liverpool are unbeaten in 58 home matches in which they have scored 150 goals.
Meanwhile, a win for Chelski clinches a top 4 spot for them. Luckily for them, they had a nice little scrimmage on Sunday, so they’ll be warmed up and ready to play against the Scousers. Something worth mentioning for you gamblers: Chelski also have one of the worst defensive records away from home this season, and should they fail to keep a clean sheet at Anfield – something no team has managed since October 2018 – then they will set a new club record for most away goals conceded in a single Premier League campaign.
Prediction:
Hope is a hell of a drug and as a United fan, all I have right now is hope that Liverpool is going to take this game seriously because losing two times when you are about to get honoUred would be incredibly embarrassing. Given LiVARpool’s home record and Chelski’s road struggles. . .
I’m picking the Soucers to win 3-2 in a fun, but sloppy match.
Enjoy the games!
Woo! Won an argument with the wifey.*
*is the lack of sex for the next few days worth it?**
**I’ll get back to you
*“Won”
Chelsea have lost 12 games out of 37 and will still get Champions League. How bad has everyone been this season apart from Liverpool?
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Existential Comics is the best.
Well playoffs are West London v Wales X2.
Should be an all West London final
I root for the Welsh; having two of them win would be a rare bit.
Announcers are praising Lampard for the second goal because he “looked mad losing 4-1”. Jesus Christ
Yeah, because soccer players are always looking at the bench to see if their coach is happy or mad and adjust their performance accordingly.
I remember when I played I never took one look at the coach during a game. It was pre-game pep talk, halftime updates, post-game wrap-up. That was it.
and orange slices….. and Pizza Hut after.
If the Dark Lord Belichick was the coach on my sideline, then maybe.
That was a very nice pass.
Scousers have their Field goal lead again. That’ll do it
Cardiff win 3-0. They are now set to finish fifth in the Championship and as it stands due to play Fulham in the play-offs.
Mo Salah with a terrible miss.