NFL News:
- Hilarious if true – the Cowboys “are not expected” to attempt to sign Earl Thomas.
- This works on a number of levels:
- Two years ago, when Jason Garrett was coach, Thomas tweeted “come get me” to him.
- Now Mike McCarthy is in charge, and he knows a thing or two about having to cater to prima donnas.
- It severely undercuts his signing price.
- If Baltimore is able to recoup their money, then teams have to pay him a full salary.
- If the Cowboys openly don’t want him, then it undercuts his negotiating stance because people know the crazy guy with the fat chequebook isn’t lurking around the corner.
- He must have something seriously wrong we don’t know about.
- After all, Jerry Jones signed Greg Hardy.
- He’s still dealing with the cheating & wife-pulls-gun scandal from back in May, which seems a decade ago now.
- Two years ago, when Jason Garrett was coach, Thomas tweeted “come get me” to him.
- This works on a number of levels:
- Attendance updates:
- No fans:
- The 49ers – citing “the continuing COVID-19 health emergency and accompanying government restrictions” imposed by the state of California & Santa Clara County.
- The Rams & their tenant – who came to the conclusion “after careful consideration and discussion with State and local health officials”, but they are leaving the door open for the possibility fans could attend later in the season.
- No fans:
- The Lions cancelled practice today to protest the police shooting in Kenosha, WI.
- As a group, they walked out of the facility & had spokesmen speak to their anger over continued police abuse of authority.
- “We can’t be silent,” DE Trey Flowers said. “We can’t say silent. We cannot be going on in the world with our regular day. So today, unified we stand here and we came up with these words, these slogans, and we spread the message, spread the word.”
- The Packers team & players issued their statements late Monday, and are deciding on what other response they will bring.
- As a group, they walked out of the facility & had spokesmen speak to their anger over continued police abuse of authority.
- A different social action the Lions are taking is to host City receiving boards on election night in November.
- Ford Field will be home to eight of the 12 County receiving boards, to ensure outside integrity of the process.
- A receiving board is used to check ballot returns and review paperwork from precincts throughout Election Day.
- In addition, Lions office employees will be given the day off to assist the process.
- Ford Field will be home to eight of the 12 County receiving boards, to ensure outside integrity of the process.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Tampa Bay Lightning vs Boston Bruins – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- Game 2 – Bruins lead 1-0
- Vegas Golden Knights vs. Vancouver Canucks – 9:45PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
- Game 2 – Vegas leads 1-0
- Tampa Bay Lightning vs Boston Bruins – 7:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Jazz vs. Nuggets – 6:30PM | TNT / TSN5
- Game 5 – Jazz lead 3-1
- Mavericks vs. Clippers – 9:00PM | TNT / TSN5
- Game 5 – Series tied 2-2
- Jazz vs. Nuggets – 6:30PM | TNT / TSN5
- WNBA:
- Indiana Fever vs. Seattle Storm – 10:00PM | ESPN2
- MLB:
- Blue Jays at Red Sox – 6:30PM | Sportsnet1
- Orioles at Rays – 6:30PM | FS1
- Dodgers at Giants – 9:30PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1
- MLS:
- Montreal vs. Whitecaps FC – 8:00PM | TSN
A pretty solid night of sports and entertainment.
Hot Mexican Space Sex.
Yeah, little Jimmy has a space boner, so what?
My (I swear to Bettman this is true) Pierre Maguire Story-
I served him, his strength coach and the Whalers GM. Pierre was fairly drunk. The strength coach at one time worked under Bill Parcells and noted, ‘teams succeed when the coach is a strong leader’. He listed a number of guys that he thought had those qualities. And then covered his ass and said, “Oh, and you too, Pierre”. A meaningful glance was exchanged between the strength coach and the GM. Pierre was in his own world and had no idea what was happening.
This hockey game needs more live performances from Rush.
Nope.
The crowd noise on the nhl game is just on the broadcast, right? They aren’t pumping that into the arena?
Either way, it’s funny they have someone watching the game and generating crowd noise.
Yeah. It’s fucking terrible. I wish they would kill it.
I kind of like it. I don’t get hockey and am dicking off on my phone. It’s nice to get some prompts on, like, how good of a hit that was.
Next thing you’re going to tell me is they should put a light on the puck so you can track it during play.
Show me when it’s hit FAST!
Lasers on everything!
Even in the jungle?
Alright! Got the Knights stream finally! I don’t know nothing about them but I think it’s important to root for local teams — who aren’t the Cardinals.
Just tuned in to the Indiana Fever v Seattle Storm game and, I must say, it’s nice to turn on a sporting event and see a regular sized crowd.
I have been paid to be at a WNBA game. I have no idea why I went out to watch a quarter of it instead of stay in the Madison Square Garden green room, but I have been paid to be at a WNBA game.
Wait — tell more.
So after I played the Knicks game with the Eli Manning story, later that summer they asked if I wanted to come back and do the same at a Liberty game.
Unlike the Knicks game I was not the winner. But the girl who won later won the first season of America’s Got Talent, and she was cool. Her dad and my dad were just talking about music because they’re both musicians, while we were playing cards with Hermana Weaselo.
Very good.
I got free tickets to a mystics game and went (and enjoyed myself). And got a free John Kerry bobblehead doll out of it. It did not come with a terrible curse.
Did that mean you had to pay for the frogurt?
At least, not one that went into effect immediately. That you’re aware of.
Fine it didn’t come with sodium benzoate
Pierre McGuire just made a reference to a guy getting the “Malachi Crunch,” which is a wonderful reference to a classic Happy Days episode. For a brief moment, I actually felt positively towards him.
Then they showed the replay, and he repeated the fucking joke. Because of course he did.
Hey, it’s his one for the year, he’s gotta try and push it.
I remember for a while, TSN had some feature called the “Monster of the Night” or something like that, where McGuire would give some player that title. He would decide on his pick sometime early in the third period, and then proceed to declare “what a MONSTER hit/pass/save/whatever” for the rest of the game.
Oh my goodness I want to hear all about this guy.
Hard to describe. Former assistant coach who’s been a broadcaster for the last couple decades. Either a color guy or the “third guy” they station between the benches.
His shtick is (1) ramble a lot about trivia to prove how much he “knows” about hockey (as if knowing where every player played as a teenager means you really understand the game deeply); and (2) come up with one piece of “insight” that you then proceed to use as the One Great Secret to understanding this game (like, say Team X is winning most of the faceoffs — McGuire won’t shut up about it the rest of the game).
Regarding (1), here’s a really good impression someone did:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxDMG7xKuS4
Over the next 20 years of my life, I hope to learn so much more about Canada. It’s so funny to me — and I mean that with no maliciousness (I’m American so, not exactly one to brag right now).
He had a stint as head coach of the Whalers that was memorable only in that it’s probably one of the top 5 reasons that they’re no longer in Hartford. He sucked.
He was apparently the runner-up the last time the Habs hired a GM. Weirdly enough, he seemed to share my views about the team, and I’ve certainly soured on Marc Bergevin. But I wouldn’t be able to stomach having him as a GM.
I feel like that is the most absolutely infuriating thing this guy could possibly do — and I have no idea who he is (beyond what I can infer).
I actually applaud the Lions for addressing the election this way.
If they think it means they won’t have their front offices looted and burnt to the ground, I hope they are wrong.
Not gonna lie-6 of 9 is really hot.
I’ve probably said this here before, but: it never ceases to amaze me that we might not have had Obama as President if Jeri Ryan’s husband hadn’t decided that just fucking her at home wasn’t stimulating enough.
Damn i Wikipedia’s that. He has a guy stalk Obama and video him? Good god — the gop is devoting lifetimes to trying to get dirt on the guy. Fucking pathetic.
He was into watching, like Falwell.
Yeah, that appears to be one of those fetishes that is WAY more common that I would have guessed. And apparently (as tempting as it would be to assume in Falwell’s case), cuckolds usually aren’t gay or bi. They really do just want to watch.
Wikipedia says he was more into exhibitionism. He wanted to bang her at sex clubs
I’m REALLY surprised here. Did not expect that from you, Scotchy.
7 of 9, sure. 5 of 9, of course. But…
Not gonna lie-no one can hit my curve ball.
NIIIIIIIIICE!
Seven of Nine is a 69 with one finger in the ass.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZuFq4CfRR8
The parentals are upstate to celebrate their anniversary, so dammit I can drink, and I’m still full from the extra steak tacos I got for lunch. Because I got the run of things.
And wherever the cat is. She’s under the table because it’s cooler there.
It’s been so hot here lately my cat has been staying out all night.
That is some pretty fancy code talk.
My cat’s 15 and there’s a whole bunch of ferals. She’s done picking fights.
“Hmm, seems there’s lots of colored folk in the audience here.”
*Spidey calls the ICE tip hotline*
Rye and club soda.
I haven’t had hard liquor in a while.
I brought a bottle back from my vacation that was a gift. I am very much looking forward to drinking some. Been a while for Rye, makes me a bit crazy.
Rye-and-7up (or, occasionally, rye-and-ginger ale) was one of my go-to drinks as an undergrad. Although technically, ordering “rye” was shorthand in those days and places for Canadian whiskey, which might or might not contain actual rye.
Then I went to the States, and in those days before the rye renaissance and the cocktail revival, some bartenders were actually confused by an order for “rye”.
I was also wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. This has been “pointless drinking anecdotes with Grandpa Simpson.”
Cheap Rye nights were a thing when I was in Uni. There was always one somewhere every night of the week.
I should drink more rye
Those who like Seagram’s Seven would order “7 and 7.”
At least one of my friends named Ryan insists that it’s because his father’s favorite drink order was “rye and…”
That was still a thing when I started bartending in 94. Never could figure out the reasoning.
7 and 7 was one of my go to drinks in college until I figured out that 7 and ginger ale (Canada Dry, of course) tasted better. Then it was 7 and Ginger.
Crown and ginger was my college drink. Still can be depending on my mood
I was a Crown Royal man. Went from wasting it with coke as a teenager, to 7up and occasional ginger ale as an undergrad. One of my father’s friends once told me “once you start drinking it straight, you won’t go back.” He was right. Can’t remember the last time I mixed Crown with anything other than H2O.
Nothing against mixes; I still have the occasional rum and coke or dark and stormy.
WTF was that?
P*ts fans are raising money to send the Kenosha Kop on a vacation to help him through this stressful time.
“These last four years-they’ve been a lot of things but they haven’t been long or hard.”
-Melania
I’m going to backtrack though my numerous masturbation journals but I’m sorta sure that Charlotte Rampling’s boobies are the very first that I ever saw in any movie, ever.
First movie boobs; Simonetta Stefanelli, also first graphic mod violence.First movie whore house The Reivers, also first domestic violence realization.
All in one night at age 12 or so. The naive rural kid becomes just slightly less naive.
Melania… blink twice if you’re being held against your will…
With that amount of Botox, any facial movement is very difficult.
Oh, that’s fantastic.
Your praise is……. numbing.
No-hitter for (checks DFO Guide) the Dirt Colts!
That’s a nice bit of nothing you’re almost wearing.
– J. Bond
“Fuck, left the camera on again!”
-Moose
[accidentally]
“Yeah, they’re skating…”
You mean Vancouver wasn’t doing that in Game 1? Well no wonder they lost 5-0.
I blame the equipment manager…. they needed skates.
Back-ordered on Amazon.
Donald Trump is so embarrassed by Eric, he doesn’t answer his phone calls. For once, I don’t blame The Donald.
Eric is an ignorant sycophant, just not ignorant enthusiastically enough.
A friend texted me to ask if I was watching the RNC. After I finished laughing I asked him “Do you think there’s really a shot in hell I’m watching this televised Klan rally?”
FESTIVAL OF FEAR!!!
*with blood-dripping-off-of-letters font”
So did you laugh in your reply?
I called a business prospect tonight. We ended up screaming at each other. Do I miss having a boss?
Guy said “You Puerto Ricans” more than Kim Guilfoyle. Both can get bent.
He sounds nice. Probably not Canadian.
Did he apologize a lot after ? That’s kind of a thing.
That’s “YOU PUERTO RICANS” in Guilfoyle’s case.
I wish you could reach through the phone and rip his dick off. Fuck that.
Evening.
Gotta admit, I’m a huge fan of your observational skills.
Not so fast; he’s drunk in Uzbekistan….
for all we know he could be balancing scales, or aligning towers in Pisa
He’s tried the trick photos before.
In fairness, he probably would have been a better president than the guy before Lincoln. Almost everyone else has been.
Almost.
NBC political talker person saying that Melania’s job tonight is to ‘convince suburban white housewives to vote for Trump’. She can’t even convince herself to hold his hand in public.
I thought it was to convince them to plow under their once colorful and happy gardens, transforming them into a bleak and joyless place.
Not that that would be a metaphor for her own marriage or anything.
“Wait was it plow gardeners or pool boys?”
–Jerry Falwell Jr and/or his wife
Lightning win in OT. My only regret is that they didn’t bank it in off f Marchand’s nose.
“It’s fine.”
-Angry Birds
There’s frost warning up scotchys way. Wtf mother nature
That’s what I get for buying a house on Path Less Traveled Boulevard. smgdh…
That’s huntin at the rail yards weather.
If I had a dollar for every time I used “D minor, the saddest of all keys” in passing while teaching, I’d have a surprising amount of money.
The catholic priest in the back perks up.
Regarding using a ‘D’ in a minor, you’ve got a lot in common with your President.
I like yours better.
You get that type of thing way up north……
What would you know, Colorado?*
*not a confrontational statement. I just wanted to rhyme a couple of words.
Elevation = latitude unless you are drunk.
Date night Friday.
Seriously, Mike Pence needs to wash the dick down he never admits to doing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KyR-FYwUpGg
But he can pray conversion the gay away!!
I read that BAL cut Thomas for detrimental conduct. That could void guaranteed money and allow teams to sign him for a lot less. Nickel and dimin’ is Jerral’s eay.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/ravenswire.usatoday.com/2020/08/23/ravens-officially-release-s-earl-thomas-for-conduct-detrimental-to-the-team/amp/
I know I may also be a Dirt Giants fan, but the Ice Giants’ two biggest rivals are in the same conference semifinal, but it’s the other one that has the team I hate most. WEIRD, MAYBE.
I’d really hate to own a Japanese insurance company.
Japanese insurance agencies don’t pay out on Acts of Godzilla.
Toho Pictures hired Raymond Burr (under the pseudonym Perry Mason) to act as counsel for wrongful damage lawsuits,until an unfortunate salad bar accident put Burr in a wheelchair.
You have to pay to pray.
/sorry, not sorry
Brad Marchand is one of those-“if he’s on another team you hate him. If he’s on your team, you pick another team to cheer for”-type players.
Okay, the RNC is bumming me out. I’m going to watch something more uplifting and fun, like Justice League Dark: Apokolips War.
Omega Beams for some, eternal subjugation for others.
So every three months or so at work I get a phone call something like this. (out there on the net it says we handle fresh fruit and vegetables)
Guy: “Are you looking for a containerload of mangoes? I’ve got a good price.”
Me: “A containerload? No.”
Guy: “What about avocados? They’re fresh.”
Me: “No.”
Guy: “Maybe you can split a load. What kinda volume do you do?”
Me: “Oh, about 5 cases of each per week.”
Guy: “Oh….”
Guy: “…how much for you to film yourself while smushing them with your feet?”
“Guy Carbonneau’s retirement from playing and coaching allowed him to really lean into his obsessions.”
-The Prosecution
Guy: “Oh, smaller volume then.”
Scotchy: “Right.”
Guy: “I currently have two and a half cucumbers in my ass. How much for them?”
Scotchy: “That doesn’t sound appealing.”
Guy: “But I a-peeled them before insertion.”
Scotchy: “Geez, I can’t even imagine what state they’re in.”
Guy: “Right now? The pro-state”
Scotchy: “Sorry, can’t help you. Hope you find a solution.”
Guy: “Yeah, if I had a solution it wouldn’t be such a pickle. OR MAYBE IT WOULD!”
My wife and I watching the RNC:
I didn’t know you two were masochists.
I just watched DC’s trailers to their new movies and games. When did they suddenly get good? Did Marvel’s soul contract with Satan expire after Endgame?
…and King Shark is voiced by Samoa Joe. Didn’t see that coming.
Did it involve acquiring James Gunn the whole time?
No, this one’s a game by the same people that made the Batman Arkham games. That looks better than the movies.
Oh yeah, Gotham Knights does look cool. Might have to get it for resident Batman fan Senorita Weaselo.
THESE GUYS DONOVAN MITCHELL AND JAMAL MURRAY I DO NOT CALL THEM MITCH AND MURRAY BECAUSE THEY DO NOT APPEAR TO BE ON A MISSION OF MERCY.
So Flight Simulator is pretty good
Opening a Saudi flight school?
Student: “Hey, when do we cover the landing part?”
Instructor: (laughs heartily in Terrorist)
Getting pretty good at handling a joystick, eh?
found a funny:
H.P. Lovecraft? No I have a different printer.
’60s sploooosh.
She really likes that bikini.
REALLY likes.
Needs some more modeling up in the hotel room. This week away from her husband is turning out to be very nice. The 7-Up will be replaced by gin and tonics.
Okay, this gif is getting to my head.
Girly parts feeling really groovy.
Making a pantie smoothy.
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">"MY NAME IS ED MARKEY AND I'M TAKING THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY BACK AND TO THE LEFT."</p>— James DeBruicker (@jamesdbr) <a href="https://twitter.com/jamesdbr/status/1298390330992099329?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 25, 2020</a></blockquote> https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.jsI don’t know what this is from, but it reminded me of this:
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=tzEVRappRC0
Ook tits.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=7&v=ohRiciVoMzo&feature=emb_logo
He must have something seriously wrong we don’t know about.
Good points; he’s injured would be a high probability.
Injured again.
FIFY
Still.
Eternally.
https://www.reuters.com/investigates/special-report/usa-falwell-relationship/?utm_medium=Social&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=twitter
Our Man In Japan is so much fun.
The Penis Festival cracks me the hell up.
I just watched that episode. Yujiro is hilarious!