[turns BEST BRA EVER! admercial off]
It’s almost too much football, isn’t it? Kidding! No, it is not. TO THE GAMES!!!
Jets/Bills:
Did the Vikes front office giggle a bit when they traded the league’s best downfield wr (% of passes caught 20+ yards from LOS) to the Bills so that he could be paired with the league’s worst downfield passer? Probably. Singletary’s usage last year befuddled me-a dynamic, breakaway type back, he was used behind Gore when the latter was clearly fading. Now Zack Moss is the apple of McDermott’s and Daboll’s eyeballs. It seems that this coaching staff is in ‘Back To the 80’s!’ mode.
Fins/Pats:
I’m forced to cheer for a Pats player because I want to see Cam do well. Please shoot me.
Browns/Ravens:
So many offensive weapons on the field in this game. Should be a fun game to watch and yes, that is the first time that word has ever been uttered in the context of these two cities. Sure it’s an easy joke but… I’ve got nothing.
Colts/Jags:
Lots of debate among conservative fantasy players as to whether or not one should start Taylor. Look, the Jags have one of the worst run D’s in the league-both Mack and Taylor will have about 15 carries and a score by game’s end.
Eagles/Team:
Sanders is a goner so play Boston Scott if ya gotta. One concern is that Team has a very impressive D-line now. As always (it seems) Philly’s wr’s are nicked up-play DeSean before he joins the wounded.
Bears/Lions:
Golladay tweaked his hammy and didn’t practice on Friday. The Lions would be stupid to play him, so he’s a go? Pivot over to Hockenson, he’s my candidate for 2nd year breakout tight end.
Pack/Vikes:
Dalvin got paid! Anyway… That Minny D that one could always count on to force the issue has only 5 returning players from 2019 playing today. Reportedly, A.J. Dillon’s thighs are in action this afternoon. The fellas on the Sirius fantasy channel were gushing like schoolgirls at a K-pop concert the day the photos came out. [rolls eyes]
‘Hawks/Falcons:
Gotta love the combo of Matty Ice/his receiving options and the lousy Atlanta D. Perhaps his first 5,000 yard season is in play? He’s been very close twice before. There will be no fans at this game. By choice.
Raiders/Panthers:
Everyone is jawing about Ruggs 3 but 3rd round wr Bryan Edwards did the wowing in camp. Them Las Vegans have quite a bit of young talent at the rb/wr spots-how long before they give Carr the old boot?
There’s your first slate. Have at it.
Brady wearing his “Risky Business” shades.
“Nice”
-ARM CEO Simon Segars
/RISCy, you see
Ugh
Lot of “Green 80″s these days, but what happened to good old “Blue 42”? smdh
Raegor might be the first real replacement the Eagles have had since Jackson left the first time.
so, on IR by week 7?
For two years in a row the Giants had by far the most players on IR. They were actually proactive about it (for once) and got rid of the entire training staff. Relatively few issues after that.
If you don’t have a staff, there’s no one to put players on IR, we smrt
OK, off to slap a second coat of stain on the shed or, as Bill Clinton might say “interviewing for that intern position”
Washington football team with a Football move
Weird year
It’s a Rob Lowe kind of game.
Scoring in the teens?
“Or urinating on them. amirite?”
-R. Kelly
Washington Sam’s Choice Football Team
Huzzah, at least I won’t lose Survivor/Loser pools Week 1 (doubled down on BAL/CLE)
Barkevious Mingo is a Bear now? I did not know that
“Me either, but you have my attention!”
-Certainly not Aaron Rodgers
Mingo only pawn in game… of life.
Jamar and the Ravens offense are just clowning at this point.
What does Jax (currently tied at 14) have in common with bk109? Right now they’re not tanking.
I wanted the Colts to suck so we could have River’s first screaming rant with his new team.
Funny enough, you’re wrong. I’m currently playing a tank game, so I am indeed tanking XD
World of Tanks?
Steel Beasts Pro (basically the groundside equivalent of DCS World). It’s on the difficult side, but then again – it’s based on an actual armored warfare training software 🙂
I think your real talent might be ‘ruining the joke’.
In all fairness, it was a rather anemic joke, so I’m not exactly sorry to Old Yeller it…
Btw, from someone that actually is in the field… 5G isn’t really that viable outside of stationary installs and high-density venues like stadium. Everything else is just 4G with somewhat better signal processing and a new coat of paint to entice people to get a new phone 😀
Good to see Rick Moranis making a return to kicking
Non-Union Mexican Equivalent
I think Washington’s piping in opposing fan crowd noise
Moar liek Nick Fucksup, amirite NE?
Shank’lor for the halftime show
Ugh this game is going to merit a halftime masturbation break
“And it differs from any other game how?”
-DFO
Break.. .for a quick Kraftjob? Oh you innocent folks 😀
Redzone tag on the hub
FITZCEPTION!!! 😀
FITZERCEPTION!
Nelson Agholor… caught a ball?
For a touchdown?
This is indeed a most disturbing universe.
Jet powered tank for Trevor Lawrence.
Just as an FYI, [DFO] has passed 800,000 overall comments.
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!
That can’t be right, I clicked on a button to claim my 1 Millionth Comment Award years ago. I filled in my credit card and SSN and everything!
And the people of Sudan thank you.
Almost done with my movie spec script about an East Coast elite SJW and a down home racist southerner who meet and fall in love while both are protesting the NFL for their own reasons. Agents and financiers are welcome to contact me about this surefire hit.
/I call it, “The Two People Who are Oddly Different”
Unfrozen Caveman QB off to a good start with the folks that bet he would have the most INT’s this year.
This is the problem with giving Drew Magary an NFL player contract when he’s in his 40s.
It’s like the Ravens are playing at a different fucking speed than the browns.
I think Jackson could complete a pass to me for positive yardage, he is that talented. I would instantly die from the tackle, but it would still be a catch.
/I would include a gif from Not Another Teen Movie but I am using my phone.
Gotcha
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuPd4L7_0uQ
I made the road trip to visit my parents in Vancouver, which is currently #2 in the world for worst air quality (behind Portland).
I think in co-ordination with President Pigshit, a press conference should be made about Canada wanting to charge the gender reveal couple with manslaughter and Trump considering giving the couple up.
Just really scare the shit out of dumb couples thinking about doing a dumb, over the top gender reveal
AND YOU DIDN’T CALL?!
One of the things I learned on a trip to NZ is that if you cause a large scale fire you will receive a bill for the damage and the cost of fighting the fire. Some body had let a field burning get out of hand and set the Remarkable mountains on fire, probably having to live in the Remarkables.
please hand ball to Mark Ingram thx
Okay, time for “Irrational things that make Beerguyrob irrational”:
Why is a Whopper a sandwich? YOUR CALLED BURGER KING!
Why is it even called food at this point
I guess that’s question 1b.
Fantasy team doing suspiciously well, I predict the season will be canceled
Just don’t look at the non-fantasy one
MOAR TE DOWN
Blah-blah-blah publicity stunts are so powerful talk about the NFL… Let’s be fucking real, if public opinion changes tomorrow, teams will be wearing “Napalm sticks to kids” type of slogans ….
Kraft in Miami, let the handjobs roll!
I tried that on the wife, sadly without effect 😀
Truthbiscuit is 5/16?
Somebody had to make Farve feel like a big man.
Gonna be all liek Bollo del Falsito
Bleeding KansasDOWN!!!
My “end racism” T-shirt is not ending systemic racism. Oh well, fuck it, I tried.
/goes out for ice cream
tell me about it, I voted FOAR Obama 4 times!!!
Jamal Adams is having himself one hell of a debut
Man, they’re showing ads on RedZone right now. Someone is getting fired.
Santa Clara air quality at the moment. Actually slightly better than it’s been, but still in the unhealthy range. I haven’t exercised in 5 days since everything outdoors is a no go and I have the same air indoors as out. Although maybe if they can’t breath they won’t be able to run as fast an that will reduce other injuries?
Santa Clara needs something for that rash.
Plus since when the peasants in the Bay area get the right to complain about the air their betters fart in their general direction ? :p
2nd HinesDOWN, on BOTH Hippo benches.
Odell Beckham Jr. got a personal foul? Well, now I’ve
seenheard everything.Listen, compared to what else he’s into anything he does on the field should be a freebie.
Josh Allen underthrowing Brown after sailing a ball over Knox’s head. Get used to this Bills fans.
“Matthew Stafford, one of the best quarterbacks in the game…”
FACT CHECK: FALSE
They did not say what game, could have meant BloodBowl.
well, more like a half-truth… he is a quarterback … sorta…
One of his kids musta edited his Madden stats to fuck with the announcer
Matthew Stafford, one of the TWO quarterbacks in THIS game…”
Simple error; anyone could have made that mistake.
Heh, the Fizception braindamage through the ages montage was something 😀
Fantasy football, every season = reminder that I am the dumbest shit on the planet.
/pill bottle flies open
Back to the dolphins game is the methodone for my Red Zone addiction.
Dacteds in FG range??
Hope their kicker doesn’t have a wounded kn…
You know what, forget it.
Folks.
Squire.
Where?
How ya like that safety
I enjoy a pass where both teams drop it.
As our high school coaches used to say….that’s why he plays defense.
Huh, it appears I now have a visceral disgust reaction to Apple commercials
Is it the overpriced tech, smug presentation or the concentration camp-style factories they use?
Yes
SOLIDARITY, my BlackBerry Comrade/sister!!