Your “Brother, Can You Spare a Hamstring?” Sunday Early Slate NFL Football Open Thread

We saw all these ‘soft tissue’ injuries coming, didn’t we? The rush to play combined with the lack of proper preparation led us here. Thing is, are there more injuries than a usual-season first week? I don’t have that answer but if someone comes up with it and the answer is ‘less’, The Shield shall crow it from the mountaintops.

TO THE GAMES!

Bills/Fins:

Buffalo’s Edmunds and Milano-two starting lbs, are out of commission and another backup is as well. Some guys from the practice squad have been engaged but look for heavy safety looks today. Miami’s secondary is looking good but the D as a whole only got 4 pressuses on Cam last week. That means good things for Allen if he can limit his tendency towards bone-headed turnovers.

Niners/Jets:

San Franny is all kinds of banged up but will it matter? Because you see, Adam Gase got his dream backfield of Gore/Ballage once again. Does the guy have Hypotoad capabilities? I’ve looked at all other options and this is the conclusion I’ve come to.

Broncs/Steelers:

Rb Conner is ready and raring to go after much teeth-gnashing by the fandom earlier in the week. Expect this cycle to repeat itself often this year. No worries though, Snell Jr filled in with a healthy 5.9 ypa and 2.89 yards after contact. That said, the Denver run D is a whole nother kettle of ponies.

Vikes/Colts:

You know what they say, “You can take the serial baby-maker out of LA but you can’t make him pass to his wr’s”. Of his 36 noodly appendage passes, 50% were to his rbs.

Jags/Titans:

Tennessee should roll as long as they can find Laviska Shenault. The ‘supposed’ wr played out wide, in the slot, at te, at rb and even had one down at qb. That’s interesting stuff.

Falcons/Cowboys:

Atlanta refused to address their lousy secondary during the offseason and paid the price yet again last week. They allowed the 8th most fantasy points to receivers but I think they can do even better vs. Cooper, Gallup and Lamb-maybe 2nd or 3rd most?

Rams/Eagles:

Philly’s glad to get Sanders back at back because Boston Scott got all of 35 yards on the ground last week. Fantasy deep-sleeper! Pshaw, I say.

Giants/Bears:

Call me a dumb Giants fan but I think Saquon flashes here. Y’all thinking, ‘but Bears D’ and I hear ya but they gave up almost 100 yards to AP and Swift would have had 4 catches and a TD if not for that egregious drop in the end zone last week. Bears sorta escaped that game.

Lions/Packers:

Rodgers had a 96 PFF grade last week, his highest in more than a decade. Did a trainer say something nice about his mom or something?

Panthers/Bucs:

This is Brady’s ‘get right’ game, right? But Godwin is out and Carolina looked functional last week. Don’t take the 9.5 spread but you may want to play Scotty Miller-he’s smallish but grabbed all 5 of his targets for 73 yards last week.

Go get ’em.

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Spur

Those ATL uniforms aren’t bad.

Spur

Any of you cut your dogs nails? Should i just cop out and pay the $10 bucks at Petsmart?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Depends on if you want to paint them yourself

BugEyedBoo

Too easy to get into the quick. Pay the $10.

Gratliff

Alernatively, get a pair of clippers with the guard so you don’t have a moment like I did during the lockdown where the dog shoved his nail through just as I clipped and just started pouring blood

Spur

that settles it, paying the 10. Thank you.

Gratliff

He barely reacted to it, but my floor looked like a crime scene

BugEyedBoo

We had a shiba inu, and he damn sure reacted to it. Bit my wife in the face.

Gratliff

I have two german shepherds and I’m convinced they just don’t feel pain.

Gratliff

I have one that will hold her paw out like she’s at a salon. The boy will dance for hours any time the clippers get even close. Usually, I just pay for them both, though.

Fronkenshteen

Kerryon NAWT ded.

King Hippo

OF COURSE KERRYON THIS WEEK FUCK YOU MATT PATRICIA

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Bears bringing back the wing and it worked as well as it should in 2020

Spur

Welp. Dallas is fucked for the next 3 years. Just end the season.

Gratliff

Truly, this is the year of Football Team.

King Hippo

Nice mobility, Horse Cock Lock

Gatoraids

Mostert clocked 23.1 mph on that 80 yd run

Spur

Cant believe i got Mostert so late in the draft

Gratliff

[booing begins]

Spur

virtual batteries tossed

Doktor Zymm

Yuuup, 80 yards on the first play, Mustard

Doktor Zymm

Jets off to a hot start as usual LOL

Last edited 4 years ago by Doktor Zymm
King Hippo

SUTTON WOO

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Let’s Go Bears! Try not to embarrass yourselves.

King Hippo

Hey, I even gets the Donks game on local CBS!

litre_cola

You cheatin on Redzone?

King Hippo

when they be showin’ MRSA Dreamboat? chuh chuh

Gatoraids

He’s missing out on that sweet octobox action

Spur

Morning Folks.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Chris Carson vs NE
Lats Murray @ LV
Marvin Jones @ GB

Choose 2 – PPR

King Hippo

Not Carson

Fronkenshteen

Carson vs NE, or Ingram II @ HOU?

King Hippo

flip a coin

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

I have to leave half way into the early games, but I’m only getting SF/NJ so I’m totally okay with that

Doktor Zymm

I like how on nfl.com if you click ‘more news’ they show you fewer news stories. What an amazing grasp of English and web design they have.

clint greasewood

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Gratliff

The one thing I truly miss about living on the east coast is when I lived in the northeast corner of MD, I got affiliates for both Philly and Baltimore, so often got 4 different games. Lots of fun.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

JSD saved me with sports24.club

Gratliff

Yinzer communion dress

Fronkenshteen

Pre game Red Zone going with a breezy Wes Montgomery take on “Fly Me To The Moon”. Very nice.

bk109

G’evenin’ fellow degenerates, how’re the gambling Gods (and East-Asian criminal syndicates) treatin’ ya?

clint greasewood

Who to start?Melvin Gordon III or Nyheim Hines.

King Hippo

Hines, homey

clint greasewood

Thanks King

Fronkenshteen

Even with no Lindsay? (UNDRAFTED! COLORADO!)

King Hippo

Yes, the #3 back is capable. Gordon is also fragile.

Gratliff

Nine Hymens due for a breakout

Gratliff

What are we supposed to do with the other 9 minutes?

Gratliff

“If they don’t pressure Matt Ryan, he’s going to pick them apart.”

NFL Network today being broadcasted from 2016.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Image failed to load

So Bengals attire?

rockingdog

benched carson wentz and am going with big ben as my QB
here to hoping he throws it to JuJu for a couple of TD’s and like 350 yrds
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Gratliff

You know whichever you choose is incorrect. Expect Wentz to put up numbers unless you start him.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

See below

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And two rapes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m starting Tarik Cohen over DK metcalf because I’m crazy

rockingdog

ummm wow

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bench includes Metcalf and Kelley

Screenshot_20200920-121545.png
King Hippo

Would 100% play Kelley, though I see the case for Leonard Cohen in full PPR.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I had Ron Goldman on my fantasy waiters team 26 years ago until an unforseen preseason injury kept him out for the season.

King Hippo

Questionable (throat)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Doubtful (decapitation)

Fronkenshteen

To be fair, it WAS a helluva nice pair of sunglasses.

litre_cola

Quintez Cephus? That is an all time name, should be an MLBer though.

King Hippo

Sounds like a pinch-running specialist. Probably plays a good CF, too.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Soooo Buddy doesn’t like getting political, but Cephus is a really interesting case.

https://www.si.com/college/2019/09/07/quintez-cephus-wisconsin-john-clune-possible-lawsuit

Horatio Cornblower

I am missing the point entirely here, but am fascinated with the detail they managed to get onto the thigh pads.

King Hippo

God help me, I’mma play Sutton in my moneys league.

Game Time Decision

Same

Horatio Cornblower

I thought he was questionable at best. He’s sitting on my bench, and I really want to see him play before throwing him in.

King Hippo

My alternatives are Judge Jeudy and Too Many Cooks…so…yeah.

litre_cola

Maybe wipe the condensation off the camera for the Chelsea, Liverpool game.

Gratliff

Another week of pondering just why they’re making it so fucking hard for me to legally access NFL games

Gratliff

NFL Sunday Ticket available for non-direcTV customers for the low low price of $75/mo. Go fuck yourself.

Gratliff

Have to think if they cut that price down to $25/mo, they’d get 100 times more subscribers.

Horatio Cornblower

FF advice. I already have Cooper going against Atlanta. Lamb is on the bench, with Marquis Valdez-Scantling, Fourth Baron of Green Bay, going against Detroit, and Chris Carson in the flex position against NE.

I am sorely tempted to play two Cowboys against the worst defense in Atlanta since Sherman torched their secondary, the questions being a) Who do you bench, Carson or Valdez-Scantling, and b) Why do I care, there’s no money riding on this and, as the Commissioner, I can just change the scores anyway.

Thanks, I’ll hang up and listen.

King Hippo

Play all the Non-Gendered receivers. I don’t trust either a RB against the P*ts run D, or MVS. But at least you are against the Fuck LioUns with the latter.

King Hippo

Now THAT is some bullshit.

Fronkenshteen

This is the best part of where Brady landed. Finally he’s in a real division, with real division games. No more going 6-0 or 5-1 every year vs. the shitty AFC East.

rockingdog

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m starting Brady against Carolina today. I’ll sacrifice a win if it means Carolina sacrifices Brady’s femur.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is the best thing on the internet that isn’t porn

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And better than the porn YOU recommended.

King Hippo

I have had less “yips” than I did with Gold, but I also only do laptop streaming directly.

rockingdog

found a funny:

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
The one where Gunther tries to kill Ross
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ask3uvs_pdrJY0I5lNQK6YYHxM85Ol-7/view

King Hippo

One would also suspect Scotchy keeps a few spare hamstrings around, if u noe wut I mean.

King Hippo

#Winning

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bah I forgot to put my dfo booger picks in before Thursday night.

And I always lost the suicide pool. Shame.

Horatio Cornblower

The Eagles betrayed me in Week 1. Serves me right; the last good thing to come out of Philadelphia was Rocky, and he moved the fuck out of there the second he made a couple of bucks.

blaxabbath

Up before the fam and sitting on the porch here in the mountains. Exhausting trip – mostly bc the kid is in battle mode and I don’t sleep well away from home. Sun’s coming up and birds are going now.

blaxabbath

Being able to make coffee would be nice right now but the living/dining/kitchen is all one space and the kid is on the sofa sleeper.

litre_cola

Good morning, Gamblor be praised! He hath blessed me early this morning already!

King Hippo

I bet on Mainz, because I hate myself that much.

litre_cola

Had Tottenham like we spoke. Also have a Napoli/Genoa parlay.
SexiMexi was good last night as well.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Sonny Boy comes good!

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