We saw all these ‘soft tissue’ injuries coming, didn’t we? The rush to play combined with the lack of proper preparation led us here. Thing is, are there more injuries than a usual-season first week? I don’t have that answer but if someone comes up with it and the answer is ‘less’, The Shield shall crow it from the mountaintops.
TO THE GAMES!
Bills/Fins:
Buffalo’s Edmunds and Milano-two starting lbs, are out of commission and another backup is as well. Some guys from the practice squad have been engaged but look for heavy safety looks today. Miami’s secondary is looking good but the D as a whole only got 4 pressuses on Cam last week. That means good things for Allen if he can limit his tendency towards bone-headed turnovers.
Niners/Jets:
San Franny is all kinds of banged up but will it matter? Because you see, Adam Gase got his dream backfield of Gore/Ballage once again. Does the guy have Hypotoad capabilities? I’ve looked at all other options and this is the conclusion I’ve come to.
Broncs/Steelers:
Rb Conner is ready and raring to go after much teeth-gnashing by the fandom earlier in the week. Expect this cycle to repeat itself often this year. No worries though, Snell Jr filled in with a healthy 5.9 ypa and 2.89 yards after contact. That said, the Denver run D is a whole nother kettle of ponies.
Vikes/Colts:
You know what they say, “You can take the serial baby-maker out of LA but you can’t make him pass to his wr’s”. Of his 36 noodly appendage passes, 50% were to his rbs.
Jags/Titans:
Tennessee should roll as long as they can find Laviska Shenault. The ‘supposed’ wr played out wide, in the slot, at te, at rb and even had one down at qb. That’s interesting stuff.
Falcons/Cowboys:
Atlanta refused to address their lousy secondary during the offseason and paid the price yet again last week. They allowed the 8th most fantasy points to receivers but I think they can do even better vs. Cooper, Gallup and Lamb-maybe 2nd or 3rd most?
Rams/Eagles:
Philly’s glad to get Sanders back at back because Boston Scott got all of 35 yards on the ground last week. Fantasy deep-sleeper! Pshaw, I say.
Giants/Bears:
Call me a dumb Giants fan but I think Saquon flashes here. Y’all thinking, ‘but Bears D’ and I hear ya but they gave up almost 100 yards to AP and Swift would have had 4 catches and a TD if not for that egregious drop in the end zone last week. Bears sorta escaped that game.
Lions/Packers:
Rodgers had a 96 PFF grade last week, his highest in more than a decade. Did a trainer say something nice about his mom or something?
Panthers/Bucs:
This is Brady’s ‘get right’ game, right? But Godwin is out and Carolina looked functional last week. Don’t take the 9.5 spread but you may want to play Scotty Miller-he’s smallish but grabbed all 5 of his targets for 73 yards last week.
Go get ’em.
My decision to start Cooper and Lamb is not paying off well.
My indecision to just leave Aaron Jones in against Detroit is more than making up for that.
Detroit’s defense: the gift that keeps on giving.
Lookit that, the Jets get to double digits.
Now the race to 7-9 and the NFC East crown truly begins
Slayton with a double move wins this game if Dimes hits it right.
I need a verdict from the class – what’s worse -> Youtube Music recommending “Sealed With A Kiss” by Jason Donnovan, or me actually enjoying that song?!
Was he the guy on Neighbors with Kylie Minogue?
A Bears kicker miss a field goal? That’s unpossible
Safety dance!
Are we bananacakes yet?
FAEK FOTO… It can’t be Texan, ’cause there’s no MG turrets anywhere on that bad boy!
It’s a convertible.
So? You just mount the turret ring to the chassis and rollbars.. Hell, if you do your job well, a CROWS install is also doable … Shit, my spirit animal is a Texas Gun Nut, isn’t it?
No turrets needed, just need two places for the cousins to stand and shoot from.
I have to disagree there – a turret is important, ’cause that way you can go 50cal or recoilless (or a ATGM, but fat chance getting a good deal on those stateside)
We are talking about Texas here. They teach creationism, the rest of their mentality is in that form.
Creationism, shop class.. call it whatever you want… Still power tools and enough scrap metal to make a tank…
I see, one of their kind.
I actually googled “creationism” (it doesn’t mean what I thought it mean)and.. uhh, I have a question – Is that REALLY taught in secular state-run schools?!
Many school districts have notes in textbooks that make sure it is given equal weight. Also a lot have opt outs for parents so their kids don’t have to hear about science. They renamed it “intelligent design” Sigh.
I am legitimately facepalmed while reading that, because … how to put it – I live in a religious (enough) country like Ireland and my kids study in a school run by the Catholic church… and they have NOTHING so stupid in their textbooks
Yep. I need to keep your country in mind with my responses.
That type of shit it just amazing in its regressive stupidity, that at first you don’t believe it.
That’s why I initially thought “creationism” was an arts and crafts sort of thing where you “create stuff” and the idea that it was a class on how the G-man in the sky’s “creation” of the Universe didn’t even cross my mind (because it feels that … silly)
There is an active logic and science denying portion of the population in this country that will make us stupid for a good fifty years or longer. Silly is good, but an understatement. I tend to forget grownup countries are not as subjected to this as much as the US.
No to fuck each other.
I have spent a lot of time in Texas, and that car is perfect for their cousin fucking inbred, 70 IQ nature.
Jacksonville actually good? Or Titians wildly overrated? WE MIGHT NEVER KNOW!
The new and improved Eagles secondary
Staley the Bear in a covid mask telling the fake crowd to quiet down while the Bears are on offense.
We deserve to be annihilated in a global pandemic.
Stafford is the GOAT of violin players on a sinking ship
RAMMIT
Good thing I have Goff! On my bench! (You’re welcome Spam.)
Juju!
I have no idea which is worse, my football team or Mitch McConnell.
Yes.
to be fair, mcconnell gets way more wins and probably has better politics
A very dark timeline, indeed.
McConnell is worse than eye gonorrhoea, so is your football team worse than that?
I mean it is currently 31-6 and Jimmy G was 14/16 before he died…
His team is not evil or responsible for a large portion of the degradation of the country. On the other hand his team is fucking up a lot of fantasy rosters, so maybe even.
Trevor Lawrence better start looking for property in new jersey now.
Or… he can find a nice little graduate program to save him until someone that won’t destroy his career in its infancy is on the horizon
Jax, much like moonshine, is not going down easily.
What cunttastic moonshine are you bloody drinkin?! The good stuff goes down easy (speaking of which, next week I’m distilling me some 150-proof rakiya/torpedo juice)
I think he means “Jax” the hooker he stifted…. did not pay, last time.
Dimes, you might want to know where Mack The Knife lines up.
Dak back, 1 TD game.
Tired of all these handsome young coaches finding success. No I’m not talking to you Zac Taylor
“OH WHAT A CATCH ALONG THE SIDELINE BY ALLEN ROBINSON!*
*Giants cb Bradberry gets the intercept
Apparently the trick to beating the Rams is to run every down
Red Rocket is in for Dallas
And so the Seventh Seal has been broken… We are all doomed to see Geno Smith and Christian Hackenburg start for someone by week 8
For all the lip service, Kaepernick will remain unsigned.
He’s still listed out with a knee
On his neck.
That is simultaneously so wrong and so right, so here’s a +1.
So bloody what? He’s not nearly as good as people give him credit for and he’s too much of a media circus to get full time and too “big” to get camp body pay
This is true. But he can’t be worse than Hackenburg.
Yes, but he’s cheaper and for a team that’ll probably be in “fuck it, we’re gonna tank like it’s 1940 again” way more effective. That’s the sad truth of how the actual “pros” rate Kaep – he’s just not worth the hassle (and that’s the same league where way bigger “issues/actual bodies” get buried if you’ve got enough sportsball talent)
I did not think about salary. You’re right, if Kaep demands starter money no chance.
Plus there’s always the optics – if he signs somewhere and sucks (or is just average), the whole “The NFL killed my career for doing what’s right” thing goes outta the window and that’ll cost him a ton of clout and money
Is Dak hurt or just garbage?
Late hit in the RedZone, someone who’s not listening to Led Zep can elaborate on how ded he is (tho if they put Dalton in…)
Jerrah is coaching again?
Ded Ham
Red Rocket time!
Mein Gott! Die Prophezeiung wird wahr!
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-partner=”tweetdeck”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>With five minutes left in the third quarter, Kirk Cousins has a passer rating of 0.0.</p>— Chad Graff (@ChadGraff) <a href=”https://twitter.com/ChadGraff/status/1307759067725692932?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>September 20, 2020</a></blockquote>
Vikings headed for double secret probation
Mr. Winkles is gonna feed at practice this week.
Falcons secondary is absolute trash.
Giants O looking better with Dion Lewis at rb. This is where we are?
RIBS, SHMIBS!!! YOU STRETCH OUT WITH THAT FITBAW!!!
Zymm is taking me to the woodshed.
Julio Jones haz ALS?
Fuck, those Ram unis are trash
These white ones are slightly better than the gray monstrosities they were sporting last week.
Welp. Rammit! found the one thing Robert Woods can’t do: run block.
Is Atlanta 3-28’ing again?
Can I haz Slayton TD?
no. not just because I’m a bears fan,
but because I’m starting the bears d in fantasy and my opponent is starting him as well.
*somewhere god hears this and prepares to spread his asscheecks
Stupid Pittsburgh showing off their beautiful stupid city.
When you come from the airport and go through the tunnel, bam! There it is. It’s beautiful, especially at night.
Marvin Jones got another one in him?
Engram suplexed.
Flipping through all these games…I can’t see a single team that could hang with the freak show that Baltimore has this year.
I just can’t spot any team that I think could hang with the Ravens offense if it is clicking at all.
Wait until the playoffs. Jackson is one playoff loss away from being compared to Dalton in the playoffs.
he is only in his second full season as a starter.
Welcome back to CBS for week 5 of the NFL Season… before we talk about today’s match ups let’s return you to the Bills/Dolphins game still ongoing from week 2.
I wonder if Humphries smells like coffee filters, diapers, and egg shells?
Jeff Driskel’s still in the league?!
bears defense: still good.
kirk cousins: still the overrated white quarterback we all knew he was
Jets participation trophy kick.
HORSEMASK!!
Dallas only MOSTLY ded.
Alright, the pool is now closed. What did I miss in the early games?
Death and destruction
NFL salute to Khorne today or maybe Nurgle
Khorne, if it was covid it would be Nurgle. Which makes me think that Mark Davis looks like a Nurgling.
Dallas tried anal. Receiving.
Rams offense doing a Week 1 Eagles