I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…
TO THE GAME!
Broncs/Jerts:
-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.
-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.
-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.
Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.
Karmona virus hits you fast.
Calling it now, positive test, no symptoms, and even more convinced in the “librul hoax.” That’s what’s going to happen because 2020.
Nah, he and Pence die violently simultaneously, President Pelosi keeps the seat warm until Biden takes over.
Also, unicorns are real.
Ooh, can I have one?
Yeah sure. Just need your SSN and bank account info for unicorn reasons.
Well, we’re up to two positive things about 2020 now.
I had leftover lasagna tonight.
So that’s three.
Better news than the Ron Paul TIA.
But that was kinda fun too.
Okay, Karma, take a lap and hit the showers. You can take the rest of the year off.
Not yet
Anyway ToD has a sprained shoulder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLy2SaSQAtA
Apparently now Brian Williams is reporting that both he and Balkan Barbie tested positive.
Damn glad you’re here.
I hate to see the death count go over 210K, but if certain people contribute to that number, I might not be all that upset.
If only we could choose the target audience. Although it seems some of them made the choice for us.
Update above. Whoops.
one of my favorite south park moments. took a timely joke and actually found a way to make it tasteful
https://www.google.com/amp/s/consequenceofsound.net/2018/05/a-padawans-guide-to-star-wars-porn-adaptations/amp/
I was gonna post a horror gif, but this is legitimately too funny to not share. I struggle to write 400 word posts and these guys do this.
obvs. NSWF
last funny:
friend: you ok to drive?
me after taking dog sedatives: yeah these are for terriers
Mission Impossible 3 sucks in every way except for Philip Seymour Hoffman as the villain
I legit forgot that one existed for the longest time until Ethan’s wife pops up in the latest one
I have a new robot!
Vacuum.
It’s fantastic. The new place is hard wood floor and tile. The easy nomenclature would be WALL-E or Bender but I’m gonna go with Daneel Olivaw in case it wants to kill me.
Beats the shit out of vacuuming.
What species?
Devil wray.
Awww!
Can’t that be the “nuke it ’til it glows” island?
Sounds like a good start.
Fuck that shit.
I’ve been paying the salaries of people who need it and who deserve far far more than they’re getting (plus, not so humbly, us as poorly paid and constantly in harm’s way civil servants) for the last six months, and I will be motherfucked sideways if these pieces of shit are allowed to have anything, let alone get more.
They should be stripped of everything they have and everything they will or could ever have. Fuck ‘em. Take them for everything they were ever worth.
Calling out Greggggggggggggg, because everyone’s gonna get fired!
/No one gets fired
Trump choking on his own lungs and dying would be tragic, said almost nobody
Personally, I want him to live and see what his legacy is. How quickly the republican’s who supported him dump him as soon as he’s no longer useful. I mean, look at how quickly the tossed George Bush aside and he was likable.
For someone like Trump, hell is no one taking his calls.
If I trusted the law after these years I’d agree. Sadly the best shot at karmic justice is him dying to the disease he called a Democrat Hoax.
This is why I actually have been having a good year. Watching every dickheaded, privileged asshole lawyer lose their shit and become anxious messes because reality has been slightly inconveniencing them as they watch their precious legal system prove how awful it is and always has been and always will be BECAUSE OF THOSE SAME ASSHOLES has been the fucking highlight of my career in the law.
Every time I see one in anguish I become pure schadenfreude because fuck them and fuck their stupid, incurious, completely indifferent to human life and humanity fucking asses.
Are you fucking high? Liberals have spent the last four years forgetting how much they hated and fear Bush and have rehabilitated that fucking war criminal piece of fuck.
It is a 100% certainty that Trump will be rehabilitated in a decade by these same #Resistance shitheads.
They could put it on pay per view. I’m sure he would approve, the ratings would be through the roof!!!!
Have the espn talking heads ever seen a white rookie quarterback they didn’t think was “poised”?
3 INTs is not a sign of poise. It’s a sign of not being very good.
No, that is the sign of a normal rookie.
those fuckers tried to convince me tebow was good in his rookie year
Russell Wilson was a wasted draft pick, too short, and nothing but a game manager. White status half.
Josh Rosen still has a shot.
Honest to God. If I actually watched these games and had to hear or read these racists fuckers, I’d go on a killing spree.
Is that next to Dana Carvey’s Predator Island?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwGIiANJmEs
brocky’s month of macabre kicks off with some great 80s entertainment. honestly this film, released in the same year as day and the dead and re-animator, helped revitalize interest in the waning zombie genre, introduced the concept of zombies loving brains, and had running zombies long before 28 days later did it
Wearing a mask is a choice, and today it’s a choice to not visit most businesses or interact with most people outside of your household. I’m totally okay with the choice to not wear a mask also being a choice to head to Quarantine Island. Having freedom always has to include the freedom to fuck yourself over.
Sadly they F over their families as well. Some of whom are not cult members
Just put them on a garbage barge and set it adrift to the sea.
With trades and the draft and just how shit is, how do rivalries survive?
Drunken family
In the minds of TV announcers.
Way to get yourself run in an elimination game, Brandon Woodruff.
They’re earning their bounties tonight!
THURSDAY NIGHT SLOP!
There’s your tagline the rest of the year!
Date night?
Looking at male suitors on ladies’ night?
Absolutely brilliant.
Why the fuck are the Broncos still throwing down the sidelines anyway? I’d drill Rypien too…assuming I didn’t fall over taking the snap from center.
They’re killing the clock on 4th down. All the throws were intentionally out of bounds.
Way to end it Jests.
Such a well coached team.
I really hope that was chaw, every other option is more gross
Maybe it was Bovril?
Beef, brick, and bovril smoothie?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDlMLqdvHzI
lol I didn’t even notice the white Sox lost.
my snapchat group from work has been silent all day
Trump tweeting that he and Malaria have entered quarantine.
Nice excuse to dodge the next debate, eh?
Drafts, debates, fatherhood, monogamy, debts, Trump will dodge them all.
Alimony, child support, taxes…
A deadbeat loser coward his entire life.
I hope they’ll be very happy together. He and malaria, that is. Melania clearly hates him.
Gase going straight to LaGuardia
Driver makes a surprise exit first
Jets. The not fun kind of fucked.
Leave Gase on the runway with his bags already loaded.
Leave him in Jersey in a swamp.
Or the Pine Barrens.
/Mix it with the relish!
Darnold has 84 yards rushing.
C’mon Darnoldception…
In the event of a water landing, you are a flotation device
Unfortunately, silicon is heavier than water
She doesn’t know that
Yes. Yes, we do.
I just want y’all to survive various emergency situations, if you’re sinking grab the real tits, not the fake. Do whatever if buoyancy is not a concern.
They are saline solution nowadays.
a slightly less redheaded anna kendrick?
Winners or losers, this is LOL everyone. Even you, viewer.
Is it ridiculous that I still have a low-level grudge against the Broncos for super bowl XXXII?
Darnold has what my dad called”The Dumb Look.” Applied to my brothers and all of my boyfriends except Gumby. They loved him!
If you’re a Jets fan….you have to be used to that, right?
Openly rooting!
Adam Gase should be denoted to locker room attendant.
I’d never googled him before, but I love that this is the top image result
seriously, was there ever a plausible explanation as to what the hell was wrong with him?