I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…
TO THE GAME!
Broncs/Jerts:
-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.
-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.
-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.
Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.
Rick Sutcliffe is a godawful announcer and for the life of me I cannot understand how he keeps getting work.
16-1 in 1984.
Sounds much better there than tonight
Hippo’s night is getting worse and worse with the Myers homer.
I’ve always said I want a clear Trump loss to show that as a country we reject his method of rule. HOWEVER, since he’s started setting the stage for a post-election coup I’ve started seeing the benefits of him drowning in his own fluids with Covid. And while we’re at it, let’s get some international observers up in here.
What good would some Canadians cowering from Proud Boys at polling places serve?
YES YSE YSESSS!
WILL MEYERS HR! baabababyy!
PADRES!!!! GO!
yay baesball!
This Rypien guy kinda sucks huh?
BETTER THAN DOUG WILLIAMS
–Drunk [REDACTEDS] Fan
Donks, WOO!!!
Full boncos
DERP
Apparently the Mississippi death rate from Covid is now one out of every thousand residents, and I think it’s high time we asked ourselves, what can we do to help Covid?
Right in the dick!
That had to be a nut shot
Trevor Simien reference, finish your drink!
I am not drinking semen, thank you very much.
Hope the kid’s okay (referring to Trevor Semen)
I’m sure he’s just upstairs masturbating
LOL
The fuck? meh
I was about to ask that question; it’s been 45 years since I tried to speak German, but “fick” stays in my head for adolescent reasons.
Jets’ helmet color reminds me of these horseflies.
More like these assholes:
Great play call on that 2 pt. attempt. “Let’s have our QB with the dinged up shoulder run as far as he can away from the end zone, then see what happens from there? Hey, who wants onion rings?”
(Applies to both plays)
Weird. When I turned it on, all they said was how good he was playing, now he’s a bumbling fool
Look what you did!
The Fortress of Derpitude
Neat
SUDDEN CHANGE!!!
oh, Donks.
I question the St. Louis Cardinal strategy of sending up a 12-year old boy for that at bat.
That’s more something I would expect from the Catholic Cardinals.
I’m assuming Darnold is doped up with the good stuff, so not only is falling on his ass excusable, he won’t remember it tomorrow
I can attest, everything is better this way
Favre approved!
“Darnold falls down!!”
He hasn’t heard that since he lost that 100 yard dash competing for USC in the Special Olympics.
DERP
Self sack!
Touch of downs self sack!
So what’s the deal with dudes and facial hair? Based off of observation of players cross-referenced with guys I’ve dated it seems to be a pretty strong identity thing.
Unrelated: Jamison Crowder WOO! (I no longer root for DC, instead I want all ex-Redacteds to do well)
You shouldn’t have your whole career ruined just because the first job you got is shitty, so when DC manages to draft talent I really hope they do okay
I got too lazy to shave and my wife decided she liked it.
Same scenario here.
Violinist means the opposite! Well, for me at least. It’s all about the contact point.
Like bass players and no fingernails!
I have no idea why a whole generation decided it was time to LARP as 1890s baseball players.
This is the best description I’ve heard
I’ve had the beard for continuously for about 40 years with a couple of gaps where I had to be facially shorn for work. I think I keep it because I’m shy.
Some urge to show pubes, but don’t want to get arrested?
Down by two scores, but I bet the Adam Gase offense can make it three scores fairly soon!
Trump just tweeted he is awaiting test results and is going into quarantine. Please let this happen.
He’s gonna lose his shit if he can’t make the second debate
Or breathe a sigh of relief.
His advisers will. Trump thinks he did great and can’t wait to do it again.
This is the most convenient excuse he could hope for.
I’m trying to imagine the scenario where he forces himself into the debate, then both he and Biden get it, and then both die.
CHAOS!
Harris v. Pence? I’ll take those odds.
/so will Hippo and Litre.
What the hell does he consider to be ‘quarantine’?
my tinfoil brain says this is all a fake-out/ploy
mcmANUS!
bleh
padres error makin me sick
Goddammit Tatis.
Speaking of catchers who shouldn’t be in the Hall of Fame, remember Tony Pena?
Love Pena. Supposedly he once walked out to the mound, stuffed the ball in Clemens’s chest and said something like “You keep throwing like a girl and we’ll lose”, then walked back and got in his stance. May not be true, but I choose to believe it is.
These Jets are going 0 for however many games are played until COVID cancels the season.
Was the last time the Jests were good with Favrere?
Sanchez?
¡OLE!
Wasn’t Favre after Sanchez?
I don’t feel bad because the Jetss are utterly forgettable.
They went to the playoffs with noodle armed Pennington no?
Never good. Slightly above average for a year or 2
Testaverde probably
When Belichick took over for Parcells.
TATIS YES YES YES
TITIS YES YES YES!
tardis?
Do you have those up there?
Oh yeah, en fuego!
What about Zombie?
Were they traveling in a fried out Kombi?
Tackled by the punter. He’s never living that down
I remember Ray Guy leveling a few guys back in the old days. No shame in Ray knocking you down.
Sav Rocca would take people out too. There are badass punters, although they are a rare breed
punter saving tackle. What a Man
Slam Diego woke up just in time.
It broke many hearts besides yours
I prefer the quiet competence of Gary SancHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-turns blue and dies
the three words every New Yorker loves to hear. It’s Darnold time.
Well, I think I can safely write ‘Game Over’ in my FF TE points notebook.
Fant down in the wrong way
Ded.
As a Cascadia viewer how was Rypien not the starter already? Boise St. is a QB ranch.
…and Moose and Hippo just came
Together
no eye contact so no homo obvs
Someone needs to tell the audio guy that you don’t need to increase the crowd noise up to 11 after EVERY play.
I mean, sometimes a nice five yard run is just a nice five yard run.
They have the wrong controls. Instead of volume they should have ‘Drunkness of crowd’, ‘quality of play’, and ‘is the home team winning?’