I quote from a synopsis of Oedipus Rex, “His self-punishment (blinding himself) reveals that he believes his suffering is deserved”. That sounds about right, doesn’t it? Perhaps that’s a bit dark and melodramatic but on the other hand I might be preaching to the choir. (snorts) Well, this is where we are. This is lining up as a derpy, sloppy, turnover-heavy slopfest that folks should only tune in to if they are 1.) fans of the respective teams or, 2.) have fantasy guys involved or 3.) are Gambloring on said tilt. If you’d like to learn about the extent of the suckitude of each of these teams you should follow me…
TO THE GAME!
Broncs/Jerts:
-There’s a massive amount of mouth-movers saying that Gase gets the axe if N.Y. is 0-4 after this game. The silver lining here is that puts them in the driver’s seat in the Trevor Lawrence Sweepstakes. In related news, way-too-early mock drafts have Denver picking up Patrick Surtain II.
-Brett Rypien, the third qb to give it a go this year for the Mile High horsies, is the nephew of Mark, a Boise State product and the possessor of a Chad Pennington-like noodly appendage. If that’s the case maybe look for wr Jeudy to have himself a game out of the slot because Jets DC Gregg Williams loves to blitz. At 6’2″ 202(!), Rypien might get injured if someone nearby is breathing heavily.
-Both these squadoos have filled out multiple stat sheets in not-good ways. The Jets are last in the league in (takes deep breath) total yards, scoring, passing yards, first downs and red zone efficiency. The Broncs o-line has allowed 13 sacks the last two games-their special teams are worst in the league with respect to DVOA and they have the most number of injured players out by a good margin.
Let’s mock this sure-to-be ugly, “only-a-mother-could-love” game together, down below.
Smith was too open
Certainly for Darnold. I’ve made more accurate throws with lawn darts, and that’s why I’m an only child.
These teams suck, but this game is entertaining.
that’s the theme three Thursdays runnin’
Next Gen Stats, powered by global pandemic and crushing debt.
I know this guy. He’s an epic douchebag. The photo says it all.
I mean, the cup even says “Sell out”
It would take a 1000 word post to explain how much of an asshole this guy is
A picture is worth 1000 words and I’m pretty sure you could find the right picture by googling ‘Goatse’
anytime you want help to go murder him, just let Hippo noe
I would do it bare handed cause I want to enjoy every second of it. Maybe if he fucking actually managed his department, and turned out designs that weren’t fucking pieces of shit, I’d still be employed.
He is a cunt.
I guarantee he’s referred to himself as a “thought leader”
You’re fucking A.
You know what else he does? wears a knit cap inside, all day long.
His son is also a fucking cunty stuck up dick.
Do people actually cuff their shirts over their jackets?
No.
Only if they are smarmy, overpaid, egomaniacs.
Since all you have to do is break the plane, Boeing is the TD leader
+1 MAX
I’m South Carolina and I approve
Um, not sure what’s goin on here
is MOAR what’s going IN
Tommy Shaw?
Yes. Maybe he is now trans?
He’s always looked like that. I love Daryl Hall, not gonna lie!
Live From Daryl’s House featuring the badly-cloned horrorchild of Willem DeFoe and Madonna?
Kittens are the only way to compete with porn on Internet, you have yourself a winner
Much as I dislike it, that’s a TD
/checks to see if started Melvin Gordon.
I did 3 years ago!
Had him in my league that has keepers but didn’t keep him this year.
I’m not saying they should throw it to Fant here, but I’m not not saying it either.
Im saying they should!
My God man, you have a BRONCO on your fantasy team?!?
You know who else had a Bronco on their fantasy team? Kenneth Pinyan.
When Lock was the QB he was putting up 15-16 a game.
Reporter: “How do you think you can improve your play?”
Darnold: “If I could just get rid of those voices in my head during the game, I think I could play better.”
Reporter: “The voices…in your head… Uh, do they sound familiar? Like your offensive coordinator?”
Darnold “Oh. My. God. Do you hear them too?”
You could probably be an influencer on instagram with quality content like this
I would watch that all day long. Oh wait, I already do!
Checks out
Driskel’s our getting-hit-in-the-head specialist.
He’s best qualified for it, too!
That was bullshit
BLEERGH feasts today!
Jesus, Desir, pick it up. I haven’t seen a Haitian wrecked like this since 2010.
Two interviews tomorrow, one is on phone, on is video call. How can I make sure my suave, swarthy, slightly sultry Mediterranean panache comes across correctly?
Your gonna want to start by laying on some gold chains and then unbuttoning your silk shirt to your navel.
laying or layering?
Yes
Burp loudly. Tell them it’s a compliment in your culture.
Italian chest hair is like plumage attracting a mate, drop a button and let the flow go.
well my chest hair has gone gray, i could dye it with shoe polish tonight for that thick, wavy, shiny look
Prepping is key. Rub the devices with your scrotum beforehand.
And, of course, kill.
I’m only smoking half of the normal amount of meth I usually smoke
1010 is half of 2020, not sure if that means this game is half as good or half as bad as the year
I wonder if the year 1010 was as shitty for the people of that age as 2020 is for us.
Apparently the Nile froze in 1010, so I’m gonna go with yea
https://www.scmp.com/week-asia/opinion/article/3080365/think-2020-weird-spare-thought-1010-frozen-nile-giants-killer
Bigly
But if 11th century was all you knew, maybe it was prettay…prettay….prettay good?
Apparently Beowulf was written in 1010, so on behalf of high school students everywhere I nominate 1010 as The Worst Year Ev-urk!-
/is hauled off-stage by a disembodied, scaly, clawed hand.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1010
For Mariners it was pay $30
I thought that Mariners would be the ones to pay $30 for facial shots
Philadelphia retailers have reported a massive dip in battery sales.
Music lovers, there is some awesome shit on this site: https://www.livefromdarylshouse.com/welcome.html
This Rypien kid has the #StrategicUnderthrow down COLD
How’s the football like substance going?
The Draw can not be ruled out. I am content.
Did you read Maestro’s Chrissy Tiegen joke?
Like that.
I have so done.
1.7 quarters of FITBAW, it has required 3 cups of coffee.
I tried. The Reds said even though the seat in front would block the view, I still needed to be pictured wearing pants.
Was that a mask or a feedbag on Elway?
It can be two things.
It’s loaded with time released Lasix
Our Equine Lord and SavioUr, wearing his mask wrong.
/surprising nobody
No mask can hold back the choppers AND the entitlement.
And good god is Apple CarPlay a steaming hot pile of shit
I hate it. I thought I would like it, but the damn thing is terrible.
You know, if the Long Snapper is a defenseless player, than he shouldn’t be allowed to block anybody after making the snap. Just take the snap and stand up and still until the ball is kicked or the kick is aborted.
I’m riding shotgun with Elijah Craig tonight, that fucker is smooth, yet bold. He goes down great – no homo
One of my favorites, once I get a job I’m purchasing a bottle.
This game deserves to end in a tie.
A shitty demoralizing pointless abortion of a tie.
So this game deserves to end like Chrissy Teigen’s third child?
Yikes.
And that was a Godbortion.
There are no pointless aboortions
There’s a pic of Hope Hicks walking with Jared yesterday, both sans masks.
C’mon RONA.
Waste of a wish. Now if she was seen with Wilbur Ross, maybe we’d be onto something.0
How the fuck you doing boys?
Not enough alcohol on board.
As a new father, you’re expected to keep a fully stocked bar. Come on.
I really hope that Darnold slammed a couple beers in the injury tent and that’s why he’s fine now
At what point do they get the Relief Referees up in the Bullpen? You don’t want to have your Starting Referees throwing too many flags this early in the season.
Do you want to put your referees on a flag count or do you want to fix games for gambling interests? You can’t have both.
69%?
Scotchy is not happy at Joe Buck.
Nailed it!
–Blair Walsh
PRAISE BLEERGH
PRAISE SHA’NKLOR
— B. Walsh
Hubie Halloween!
He fell like he got shot!
Are we sure he didn’t play soccer at one point?
At this rate, our entire roster at DFO is going to be playing for the Donks and Jests by December.
I’m 5’9”, 180 lbs., and I think I have it in me to play nose tackle.
you just have 2 WANT IT MOAR
I played center in high-school, but if I stand up from a crouch thar fast now I almost passout. Maybe right guard…
Looks like Claudine Longet is at The Meadowlands tonight.
I think it’s pretty telling that changing the channel from 90 Day Fiancé to whatever station the NFL is on is just not worth the effort to me.
Colt-ay showing his man tits again?
More green card scamming by Russians and Nigerians, mostly.
Which season are you watching? If you say Dar-see and Stay-see, I’m just going to vomit on your front porch.
I have no idea. My wife puts it on as background.
Oh but they showed Darcy during the promo so I assume she’ll be showing up at some point. There’s some guy who is 4’11”.
My wife (Russian) still asks if I’m getting a mail order bride when she kicks the bucket. I told her ‘no’, but I meant ‘yes’. I think she knows that.
Remember to get one with kids. Dynamite value on shipping costs.
Hammy
THANK YOU.
I kept thinking “Moons Over My Jammy” but I knew that wasn’t it.
I kept searching for “Moons over my Nanny” on Pornhub but that’s not it either.
If that’s not already a title it needs to be RIGHT NOW.
is that the follow up to “Teabags for Two”.
16 seasons as a usually starting RB? Gore must be the output of one of those cold war era super-soldier programs that was disbanded when the Berlin Wall fell
The man is unquestionably Captain America. Anyone who spends willingly time in Buffalo because they believed in the team has clearly been brainwashed with patriotic propaganda.
Tucson sauce?
Is that salsa mixed with ketchup?
Man, don’t you hate it when you’re limited on the backend?
No comment
I wouldn’t know myself.
/Puts chair in bathroom, checks butt in the mirror
Is that when the wife decides to limit backdoor access?
What is in Tucson sauce??
Wind-blown dry failure.