Your “I Don’t Want To Start Any Blasphemous Rumours” Monday Night Football Open Thread

But yeah, something’s got a sick sense of humour. Everything was lining up so well for Dak. He was gonna get some big money no matter how things shook out. Now? Maybe a one year ‘prove it’ deal. That ain’t right, that ain’t right at all. I read a word fart about Dak being “the future” but the Cowboys’ actions speak volumes.

Fallout:

-Speaking of ‘goners’, look for A.J. Green to be traded or released. One catch for three yards and a pathetic attempt at 1) batting down a potential interception and 2) making a tackle on said intercept. Redshirt probably doesn’t want to hear this but Cincy was smart as hell going after Tee Higgins. Sometimes a plan comes together…

-I laughed out loud hearing that Dan Quinn was replaced by DC Raheem Norris, the guy who was at the center of, oh, 70-75% of the Falcons problems. He’ll bring all the wisdom gained during his 17-31 run with Tampa to bear on the team. I’m not ruling out a one or two game bump though.

-Chase Claypool-his hometown is Abbotsford, British Columbia, as CBC was so proud to point out this morning-had himself a day for the ages. Did I mention something about rook wr’s getting up to speed recently? I love being right because it makes up for the 90% of times when I’m wrong.

-Daniel Jones is looking like David Carr these days. Remember that guy who never had a chance to develop (despite having skills) because his O-line caused him to be beaten to a pulp?

TO THE GAME!

Chargers/Saints:

-Mikey Thomas was ruled out yesterday(?). The reason being that he got into a fracas (this word is not used enough) with safety C.J. who care about his last name?

-Justin Herbert is the new ‘fuck it, I’m going long’ guy. Last week he had two scores of 72 and 53 yards. He’s tied for 2nd in TD’s over 20 yards (that’s throws over 20 yards, not a dink pass for 5 that ended up as a long score) despite being 25th in pass attempts.

-Now starring in the Halloween special, “The RB That Just Won’t Go Away” is Kalen Ballage, who was just signed to the Chargers practice squad. Folks complain about shitty coaches being recycled all the time-what about K.B.? And yes, I have no idea why I’m following his career so closely.

-Hunter Henry might just do something tonight (my fantasy brain hopes). When the Saints lost to the Raiders they gave up 15 catches, 142 yards and a score to that spot.

Let’s do this!

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Doktor Zymm

He’s a First Amendment type receiver?

Horatio Cornblower

Thomas suspended for acting out, meanwhile Michael Irvin tried to stab a teammate with scissors and didn’t miss a game.

You gotta want it, Payton.

litre_cola

I need one Breesusdown. Am not hopeful.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, you’ll get it.

Horatio Cornblower

If anyone knows about gettin’ it, it’s a guy named Balls.

ballsofsteelandfury

Litre: you’re welcome!
Horatio: Thank you!

litre_cola

Yah buddy!

ballsofsteelandfury

Back to back Prop 22 ads. They’re spending a LOT of money!

Doktor Zymm

I checked my mail today and 90% of it was election fliers including one for prop 22. Also, a ballot for a former resident. I’ve lived here for 3 years and I still get important shit like ballots, social services packets, car loan collection notices, etc for former residents.

Horatio Cornblower

So happy that the Subaru ad on the show my wife is watching is making me feel like an asshole because the rescue dog we adopted was a puppy and had four legs, instead of being on death’s door with 2.5 limbs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It really doesn’t count as a “rescue dog” if it’s a puppy. It’s just a puppy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like that they have scheduled the Masters for November so it will distract Leatherface from any kind of civil war he tries to initiate.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Don’t know if that will deter his Army of Maniacs, though.

yeah right

If y’all enjoyed the high flying Saints offensive attack of years gone by, light a candle. Drew is done. It doesn’t give me pleasure to say this but it’s clear fucking cut.

ballsofsteelandfury

I disagree. He’s moving into Tom Brady I can only do five yard passes mode. He’ll keep getting stats for a couple of years until he retires.

Last edited 4 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
litre_cola

Manning won a Superb Owl with no arm.

Recovery Whiskey

No worse than second best over 40 year old QB in the NFL

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe he can do a Brady-like move and spend his last couple years in Atlanta, displacing Matty Ice.
Heads asploding.

ballsofsteelandfury

I just picked up food from an Italian place that I had not gone to since college. I last went there on a date and we both agreed the best thing about the date was the food.

Recovery Whiskey

So did it hold up?

ballsofsteelandfury

Better than I remembered! Will definitely order again.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sorry the sex wasn’t as good as the food.

ballsofsteelandfury

Thank you for assuming there was actually sex.

Horatio Cornblower

I was figuring you had sex with the food.

ballsofsteelandfury

Those red chili flakes get EVERYWHERE!

Doktor Zymm

It’s like edible glitter, but fewer tits

The Maestro

DaMario Davis is a good linebacker. DaWario, on the other hand…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s a good linebacker too but he’s evil.

Redshirt

DaWaluigi disagrees.

Doktor Zymm

What do figure skating and the Saints have in common? A Lutz will help your score!

King Hippo

that was the SOVIET judge

King Hippo

My Dak!-led team in DFO ball could plausibly still limp to a Week 5 win (no ofence)

litre_cola

Don T is just rolling up folks week after week.

Doktor Zymm

Hrmm, what’ll ya gimme for MRSA Dreamboat?

Recovery Whiskey

Lutz’d

Redshirt

I guess the NFL is now part of the public school system, because Breesus has no place in it.

King Hippo

thanks Obama!!!!1111

Doktor Zymm

Dear IBM’s Watson. With any probabilistic decision you still need luck. But I guess you’re fleecing the rubes, so go with it.

Mr. Ayo

Keenan downgraded to out.

Sharkbait

Come on Shitty Clippers D and Diggs

King Hippo

what about Peele???

Recovery Whiskey

The Cryptkeeper on pizza shooters

Doktor Zymm

I think that was a Vulcan Death Sack

Spur

Brees is going to transfer his consciousness to Hill after a freak parade float explosion

Recovery Whiskey

Weird, Vulcan Death Sack was the name of my TrekCon Filk band

Spur

Tomorrow’s Covid Bowl is going to be great. The Josh Allen experience is death defying (if your an NFL Coach) and the way Singletary is ignored. It’s almost sublime.

Recovery Whiskey

Brees folded like a Buffalo table

Horatio Cornblower

I made the exact same comment last week. I changed the channel this week, so I guess he didn’t get better.

Spur

Speaking of Berman…is DFO going to do readers Ghost Stories this year? I think it was skipped last year.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh! Yeah, we should probably start talking about that. Maybe a “pestilence” theme.

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, it’s been done*.

https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2020/03/30/the-mock-of-the-red-draft/

*just blatantly ripped off

Spur

Let’s do real ghost or unexplained stories.

King Hippo

I like the theme idea of a FF league, where all of the team names are dictatorial ramblings/slogans. Make reading those Yahoo automated “matchup” articles more fun.

Doktor Zymm

It might be like the problem The Onion has had, can we actually outdo reality in 2020?

Redshirt

(one 20 minute discussion about election history, polling bias and Biden campaign strategy later)

“…and that is how Trump will win reelection.”

(entire Commentrait shrieks in terror)

rockingdog

Steelers are gonna win their division this year, right?

Redshirt

I doubt it. Big Ben can’t keep this up all season long. Voodoo curses can only go so far.

King Hippo

they’d have to at least split with the Ratbirds, who I think now get a bye before the first game with PIT (and PIT does nae)

Redshirt

Either way, if the two Browns, both Pristini and Praesenti, keep the pace, this division may need 13 games to win it.

Recovery Whiskey

Good god Berman has gotten senile

litre_cola

Jesus Humphrey Christ what ditch did they get Boomer out of? Holy fuck.

Horatio Cornblower

Booger saying that the Cowboys might be a little better because a Dalton-led offense will keep the defense off the field longer is all you need to know about why you should never listen to anyone named ‘Booger’.

Doktor Zymm

I thought it was Gollum?

gollum-dungy1.jpg
Horatio Cornblower

He’s on Sunday nights. Mondays he hangs out with the family.

litre_cola

Change that to Dungy is on Sunday nights and you have yourself a banner right there.

Horatio Cornblower

Much like JJ Watt, I’m not here for the glory, just to help the team.

Spur

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Recovery Whiskey

Matron looking great as always

Spur

Evening Folks

Doktor Zymm

‘sup

rockingdog

bow wow

Recovery Whiskey

Hey. Hope Dak recovery goes well

WCS

“For My Sake, just give me the ball.”

— Breesus

litre_cola

WHY THE FUCK IS TAYSOM HILL INVOLVED AT ALL??????? DO HIM AND DREW SOAK TOGETHER AFTER THE GAME????

/Hill is mormon you see

SonOfSpam

“suck” is how it’s spelled

litre_cola

I really should be aware of U’s more. I feel Canadian shame.

Doktor Zymm

At least you didn’t go with ‘souk’. That’s a whole different thing.

Recovery Whiskey

The simplest play is the QB sneak. Do it

Doktor Zymm

There ya go

Recovery Whiskey

Sean Payton is missing out on the branded facemask market.

Doktor Zymm

‘Gourmet’ popcorn has to be one of the best scams. It’s cheap as fuck, and you can charge absurd prices for it

Recovery Whiskey

Orville Reddenbacher was a Hoosier

SonOfSpam

“Hoosier” – a Philadelphian describing a Canadian.

Recovery Whiskey

Hoosier – Indiana inbred. Thats redundant.

litre_cola

Popcorn anywhere but at home falls into that category. How about “Truffle popcorn” at a pretentious restaurant gastroplace.

Doktor Zymm

Even movie theater popcorn. The only exception is bars that have free popcorn.

Horatio Cornblower

“If you’re overweight, you might think it’s your metabolism, but it’s really because you won’t stop shoveling pig lard into your cake hole with both hands you goddamn slob”

-What the commercial I just saw would be saying if it was interested in the truth

Doktor Zymm

Either we saw different commercials or I TOTALLY missed the subtext in the Dark Horse Wines commercial

Horatio Cornblower

Struck me as a local ad, and I would never slander alcohol that way.

LemonJello

Strangest Trump election ad I’ve ever heard of.

jjfozz

Going to get this bad boy refinished. Authentic barber chair from the old, old, old days.
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Recovery Whiskey

Add a few electrodes and you got Old Sparky

SonOfSpam

Refinishing at Italian guy’s barber chair?

Gonna need a second mortgage for the degreaser alone.

LemonJello
LemonJello

“See!?! SEE! I told you all she was real!!”
-Manti Te’o

jjfozz

THIS DREW BREES, I CALL HIM KATRINA BECAUSE HE’S SINGLE HANDEDLY RUINING NEW ORLEANS

WCS

Take your +1, your banner.

litre_cola

Drew Brees arm gone.

jjfozz

I ordered so much shit out of the backs of comic books. A dollar was worh the six week wait for shitty, probably toxic toys
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Horatio Cornblower

Yeah. ‘probably’

Doktor Zymm

I think Wish has filled the desire for cheap, shitty, possibly toxic stuff that looks awesome in the ad nowadays.

WCS

Justin Hebert still has acne. I have chronic knee arthritis and GERD. I imagine Breesus understands.

SonOfSpam

Gonna Ejaculate Randomly Disorder?

That’s rough man.

Horatio Cornblower

Drew Brees’s arm is the Dak Prescott’s ankle of upper body extremities.

WCS

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Doktor Zymm

QB passes are like eggs, the old ones float

jjfozz

Much like the kids in the sewers of Castle Rock…

Recovery Whiskey

Should’ve run it

jjfozz

Trying to get rid of the white elephant on the left. The one on the right is mine. I want to bash Elton John’s head in with a piece of uncut marble, but we’ve owned this machine for three decades.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit Fozz has great toys!!!

litre_cola

Turkey and Red wine en route to Baltimore!

SonOfSpam

Mrs Fozz has her own collection.

Gently used.

jjfozz

Aaaand you win everything.

Doktor Zymm

Sweet! My favorite has always been the Twilight Zone machine

Sharkbait

Jukebox and pinball?? The hell does the rest of your basement look like??

Doktor Zymm

Motion to move the DFO Clubhouse to Fozz’s basement

litre_cola

Seconded

ballsofsteelandfury

Seconded!

Recovery Whiskey

Thirded!

jjfozz

MI CASA SU CASA!

ballsofsteelandfury

Stripper pole. There’s gotta be a stripper pole.

Recovery Whiskey

Not all people do well on the pole. Sometimes the St. Andrews Cross is more appropriate

Horatio Cornblower

It’s full of uncut marble and bloodstains. Pay attention.

Recovery Whiskey

Impressive. We have owned a 1989 Whirlwind for 15 years and its had more years down than up.

How much you want for the Williams?

Last edited 4 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Gumbygirl

We used to have a cool Dracula pinball machine, but we move too often for that to be a good idea.

litre_cola

This should be an Ekeler down….

LemonJello

Breesus-ception!?!

Recovery Whiskey

Pickerception

jjfozz

Trying to get rid of this beast. Christ it weighs a metric ton.
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Sharkbait

Is that a fucking jukebox?

jjfozz

It fucking is.

LemonJello

No, just a regular jukebox. Unfortunately…

litre_cola

I appreciate your use of the metric system.

Horatio Cornblower

A friend of mine had one of those and sold it and I had to help him move it and now we’re no longer friends.

Not only are the heavier than hell, they’re awkward as fuck to try and get any sort of decent grip on.