HEBER! HARLOW! Who Ya Got? The actual great debate going down tonight is as a football fan, should I dare cast my eyes on the fetid refuse that is an interdivisional NFC East contest? No, you didn’t deserve this. As for the other one tonight-I would pop in if this were an exchange of ideas but we all know that’s a sham of an artifice foisted on dumbsters by a corporate media claiming to be “doing their part” to help the democratic process along. Yeah, that worked in the 1800’s (debatable) but we’re long past that now. Best to watch large and speedy fuckers knock heads, right?
TO THE GAME!
Giants/Eagles:
-Miles Sanders is out but Sterling Shepard (predicting he would miss time early in the season is the easiest money ever made) and Desean are in.
-Just a reminder that NFC East teams are ‘led’ by these guys-Danny Mistimed Throw, Kyle Allen, Andy Dalton and Carson Wentz. The latter is ranked highest by PFF at 17th and that’s a reason right there to question their metrics. (I find a lot of their stuff quite interesting btw, I just wanted to do a joke thingy)
-The Jizziants have thrown downfield to te Engram exactly once so far this year-at the combine he ran a 4.42 40. Of course the best te’s like Kittle and Kelce have great numbers in comparison so I’ll just mention a doofus like Logan Ryan-he’s been targeted 14 times already.
-The Eagles have owned the Giants for some time now, their last loss occuring back in December of ’16. Of the last 24 times they’ve tussled the Battery Bearers sport a 20-4 mark.
-Detroit Lion castoff Travis Fulgham is on fire with 16 catches the last 2 weeks. Imagine how bad Philly would be at the wr spot had he not come out nowhere.
-The league average for getting a TD when in the red zone this year is at 63.7% and the Giants are pulling up the rear at 25%. FIELD GOALS AHOY, CAPTAIN!
Please join me and Gratliff as we pity-watch the hell out of this mofo.
If DAK hadn’t passed on, I still don’t think DAL would have ran away with the East. I think the beauty of the division is that they’re all so intricately inclined, the roster you build is almost secondary to how your division foes are performing in the East.
Oral B? I mean, yeah, sure. but I’d prefer Oral A, tbh.
I am intrigued by where humour is at right now.
“More a fan of unmarked vans myself.”
-M. Trestman, parts unknown
Chris Rock, not aging well
Sexy
In lieu of the live offerings, I am working on this mid third season The Wire episode. It’s not the hottest part of the series (nor does it prove redemptive later in the series — as does much of Season 2) but it’s interesting and…..
Wait, did internet sleuths already break the fraud on these NEWHILLARYEMAILS about just stupid file data?
Daniel Jones toucheddown? Which timeline is this?
Eli Manning has rings.
Plural.
Well, that looked almost competent!
Tatedown!
Fuck you Hummer for using The Immigrant Song, and fuck you Plant and Page for letting it happen. But I am sure you needed the money.
Nothing is sacred anymore. Remember Cadillac using “black dog” for one of its ads?
If we extrapolate, that means that we’re only about 20 years away from NWA in an Audi ad
“No Vaseline” by Ice Cube has a much catchier beat than any of their songs.
I remember when one of the cruise lines used Iggy Pop’s Lust for Life, a song about heroin addiction, to advertise their product on TV. Jim Rome used it as part of his show too.
I think Cadillac also did the same thing with LZ’s “Rock and Roll.”
/gunner on punt is not defended
//punter tries to point it out to head coach that was a specials teams coach
//head coach is oblivious
Go Gints!
The head coach, a former special teams coach.
I’ve had the game on, but been distracted by arguing with people on the internet. Did I miss a lot of impressive derp or just ordinary NFC East derp?
Run of the mill NFC East derp
I was just thinking, toilets in NFL locker rooms have got to be huge.
Our old couch fell apart so my wife bought a new one, it does NOT have that long part where you can stretch out. She also bought a chair that does NOT recline.
My sons and I are about to stage a banana republic style revolution in this piece.
What day of the week is your election on? Is it Monday or Thursday?
Depends who’s asking
The real answer is Tuesday, but Redshirt’s mom should wait for Wednesday 11/4.
Same goes for Fozz’s MIL
Early voted here in Texas last Wednesday
I got a text from the county saying they received mine today.
BC is Saturday.
I went with wentz in the “do the opposite of hippo” strategy
Atta boy. Always trust his futbol picks though.
Starting linebacker for the Iggles played for Calgary for a couple seasons. That is all you need to know.
I would like to see George “The Animal” Steele moderate this debate. I mean, he’s dead, but still…
Oculus Rift, because your rich nerdy kid isn’t getting his ass kicked enough
She screams Jersey
Bridge and tunnel boobs.
“This great city of Philadelphia.”
Someone’s been drinking
Who hasn’t to sit through this.
I think a lot of people have pounded their way through that
I prefer the term “A” gap.
C gap.
C section gap.
First bumper music. Rush Tom Sawyer. Appropriate?
Unsurmountable lead!
Penalty on #69. The way it should be. [glares at commentariat]
Nice
All the smoke was left over from the Obama speech celebrations yesterday.
I miss PrePlay because 4th and 1 is the perfect time to doink a FG
The cameras down on the field are fine.
and then.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fog_Bowl_(American_football)
There once was a man named Joe Buck
When Fozz heard him he always yelled fuck
So he located Joe’s hovel
Beat him to death with a shovel
And now Fozz lives in his truck
I thought he’d be busy with the World Series, which I have not been watching.
DFO poet laureate
Either the fog is coming in, they used too much fireworks or our collective will is trying to prevent us from seeing this game.
Nice that the firework smoke will obscure some of this dreggery.
Hey! I am playing against the Dead Hoboes
YOU DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!
If your team was Johann Jacob Bach German (J. S. Bach’s brother), Francesco Barsanti, Alessandro Besozzi or Antonio Besozzi, you would be the Dead Oboists.
Or anyone who plays the Strauss Oboe Concerto with the original/written phrasings.
It causes brain aneurysms.
oh erin andrews, if only you had bigger knobs
Uhh…
…hhh…
Erin with the mom jeans look.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aVxNH6iN9I&ab_channel=SaturdayNightLive
Seems like a bad idea
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGfBEnBw01A&ab_channel=SaturdayNightLive
Summary of Tonight’s Debate (non shit throwing/eating edition)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJKcxBK1RNI
Hello my brain damaged, slathering, wetbrained gorillas.
Let’s get to it.
What will be more of a disasterpiece? This what hilariously describes itself as a “Presidential Debate,” or, what hilariously describes itself as a “professional football game?”
Yes.
What will win the ratings? Seriously.
My wife went over to my rabidly christian and republican mother in law to watch that shit fest. having to go would be my personal hell.
Hey, I can post on my phone again! Maybe it was an old as fuck iOS issue.
Have my lucky Demarco Murray Black Eagles (thanks China) jersey on cuz this is a big one.
ARE YOU READY FOR TWO SHITSHOWS?!?
“Weihnachten hass come fruh this jahr!”
-Anon, Berlin
So Trump’s passwords were “maga2020!” and “yourefired”. For that reason alone, he should be removed from office.
https://news.yahoo.com/president-trumps-twitter-accessed-security-153722291.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6iW-8xPw3k
Yeah but at least he wasn’t running his own email server, THAT would be unforgivable.
I better not run for president then. I’m fucked.
No argument here.
That would be like me naming my fantasy team in the DFO league, “Dead Hobos”, smgd… Wait a sec.
If Team beats the Cowboys on Sunday the division will have a 3-way tie for 1st with everyone having 2 wins. I CHOOSE CHAOTIC INEPITUDE!
Leeetttsss goooooooo! 1st place on the line!
[checks the bottom of the line]
[sees a noose]]
Yeah the bottom line of your blog hurts too.
Reposting from the other thread:
Speaking of idiots who do dumb things with limbs, Wentz or Burrow as QB2 this week?
Philly receivers are meh and the Giants cb Bradberry is playing “shutdown-ish” football right now. I really like Burrow and his wr crew is so much better.
I dropped Carson Wentz last week
I feel like an idiot drafting him
So much relief
He’s always this close to being good. A tease, if you will.
Didn’t he actually have a good week?
Yup
Harlow Shapley is no Perd Hapley.
And the comment Rob has to make…has been made right above this one.
Mrs. Sharkbait is willingly watching this game. She might need a safe word.
“Debate”
I call it the NFC Least.
Yeah, I’m a pretty witty guy.
Well, I’m gonna agree with the ‘pretty’ part not the ‘witty’ aspect.