He really should have minded his own business. I gave him a chance but he wouldn’t listen and now he’s fodder for the seagulls, crows, bears, whatever…

It’s time to move on. Opportunities around these parts are getting increasingly rare and I’m taking more and more chances and I’ve just got a bad feeling. When I’ve had that creeping feeling before I’ve always listened and it hasn’t failed me to this point. So I’m moving on. Part of that process involves getting rid of some garbage that I’ve accumulated. (I always keep my trophies wherever I go though). You know, the normal sort of detritus that piles up, that you put aside and put off until you can’t ignore it anymore. On Saturday I made my first run to the local landfill and as I was getting rid of stuff I saw an older fella rummaging thru piles and he eventually approached my truck. As he looked in he said, “hey you know that metal stuff belongs over there” pointing across the yard “and those bags of leaves go over there”. I nodded and went about my business. He stiffened and repeated himself, “That stuff goes over there!” I ignored him and left as he yelled at me.

You know his type-the guy that had a small amount of power and let it take hold in his head. Maybe he was a security guard, perhaps a custodian. The type that just can’t mind their own business. The type that will point out that you didn’t park properly. The kind that tries to assert their non-existent authority over you. The second visit was more of the same. I didn’t anticipate that he would be there so I didn’t bring any ‘tools of the trade’ with me to my significant disappointment. I figured if I went back a third time it would be too risky but if he’s a regular there I’ll come back. Soon.

I took a chance on the following Tuesday but he wasn’t around. Probably telling off some parent of a crying kid at the grocery store or some such thing. I went back again on Thursday and there he was, jawing at someone else that was minding their own business. I hung back at the far entrance and waited until that put-upon guy was done. As he passed I pulled my cap down over my eyes. No one else was around except Mr. Garbage Cop, rummaging through the contents of what had just been left behind. I backed up, put a Wusthof 5″ boning knife up my sleeve and exited my truck. Sure enough.

“You back again? Just how much garbage do you have anyway?”, he said as he peered in the bed of the truck. “What? There’s nothing in here!” As he turned to look towards me I slashed the side of his throat. Not clean but good enough. His eyes went as wide as any I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen lots. He stumbled backwards over a lawn chair, holding his hand up to stop the gushing. I know I didn’t go that deep but he didn’t. I fell on him. The stink of rotten food was horrible. He didn’t have a chance, trying to fend me off with just the one hand. A deep slash to his stomach followed. His hand left his throat and I (you’ll excuse the cliche) went for the jugular. Blood and mud became one as he flopped around, trying to get to his feet and failing a few times. It didn’t take too much longer. I kicked his body down the small embankment and threw some trash on him. He’ll get found in a day or three but by then I’ll be miles and miles away. A great departing gift though…

TO THE GAME!

Seahawks/Cards:

The Kyler should have plenty of time to make the right sorts of decisions-his o-line gives up quick pressure on only 16.5% of passing snaps and Seattle just doesn’t rush the passer very well. Their secondary should get decimated by Hopkins as long as Murray is consistent on shorter passes-he’s inconsistent there.

Type away.