Gotdamn, this has been the dreariest autumn that recent memory can recall. My Completed Hikes percentage is down 45% and Adjusted Alcohol Intake is at an all-time high. Not good numbers.
TO THE GAMES!
Bucs/Raiders:
It probably has more to do with “I love it when a plan comes together ” but with Henri Ruggs Le Trois on the field the Raiders points per drive leaps from a pedestrian 1.86 to a sprinter 3.04. The Bucs should put all kinds of points on the board in this one but the Raiders should be able to match. This is an under-rated tilt.
Chiefs/Broncos:
Toques off to Drew Lock for doing just enough (despite 2 intercepts) vs the Pats to get the W. And the way he did it was by increasing his league-leading aDOT to 13.9. You’d think that number would belong to Mahomes or Herbert but there he is, stretching the field with the best of them, keeping opposing D’s guessing, off-balance and backpedaling. Nicely done-now clean up your short game.
Niners/Pats:
This is a great spot for Edelman given that slot receiver D is a problem for San Franny. When qb’s attack there they put up a sensational 120.4 passing grade and have the third best TD percentage at 10.3. As we’ve seen when Stidham and Hoyer have the floor, the Pats are a below average squadoo. It’s pretty much all on you, Cam.
Jags/Chargers:
Expect Minshew to play poorly today as he struggles when he doesn’t have a clean pocket. The Chargers don’t blitz often but Bosa and Co. don’t really need to as they get quick pressure 27% of the time with a regular 4 man rush. You can probablt get away with starting either Jackson or Kelley if need be given that the Jags incredible D of 2017 is a distant memory. Their run D has given up the 4th most fantasy points to rb’s.
Get going, goobers.
SUDDEN DREW!
Also – howdy folks! It’s been a long time since I popped up here.
[clears throat]
HOW THA FUCK YOU DOIN BOYS?
Are we still doing that?
We’ll allow it.
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN SLOTH?
Surviving.
Currently making my ridiculously good steak bites, because foosball and beer and I’m not doing a damned thing else
I will purchase some steak bites. Lemme call UberConcorde.
The browned butter is the secret.
[Uproxx Cease-and-desist flies open]
Hey there
I used to be a Bucs fan, not a huge fan, just always pulled for them stretching back to my childhood when I saw how terrible they were in the 80s.
Now that they are on “national” coverage every gotdamn week because the scheduling powers think 95% of NFL fans want to see Tom fucking Brady, I fucking hate the Bucs.
My least favorite memory of Tampa is the time they closed the Vet then blanked the Eagles at the opening of the new stadium. My most favorite memory is the 17 years of being a garbage franchise that followed.
One of my favorite games ever, as I have a family history in Philly.
I don’t know if there’s any other NFL equivalent of winning it all in dominant fashion like that and completely imploding and blowing up the team. Marlins maybe if we’re including other pro sports.
Not to mention how the Bucs and Tom cocksucking Brady is BROUGHT UP IN EVERY GOTDAMN OTHER GAME being played that same day.
Sum Folk has all the points
You know what? Fuck you, Agholor.
That motherfucker couldn’t catch a cold last year
Cam looks like he’s running in sand
I feel like the next couple days would be a good time to slip into a week-long coma.
Sooooo is Jerick McKinnon still employed by the SF 49ers?
Jeanine got double-teamed at the goal line
C’mon, Cam. Fuck. Read the goddamn secondary.
Oh, that was hilarious
Evergreen
<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>i can’t believe i went to law school i’m so stupid</p>— I already voted (@InternetHippo) <a href=”https://twitter.com/InternetHippo/status/1319469328836689921?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>October 23, 2020</a></blockquote>
That certainly increases the likelihood that InternetHippo is an active member of DFO
I wonder which one he could be.
?
Hard to say. Self-loathing attorney seems to be our key demographic.
I CALL THE CHIEFS A DRUNKEN STEPFATHER BECAUSE THEY HAVE SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS TO BEAT YOU!
found a funny:
me: r u good at magic spells?
witch: m a g i c
me: [under breath] holy shit
Sorry, my second team, but yer gettin’ owned.
/not sorry
I used to think the reason why the Raiders were always the team getting teabagged in highlights was because they sucked, but that’s only part of it. The other reason is that their white away uniforms are basically as close as you can get to having a blank white opponent, which is good if you want your highlights to emphasize one team in particular.
“Your theories are curious and interesting. As a person that would like to blow up things, can you provide me with some more guidance please?”
-Qanon
Once you Pringle you can’t Stop!
/or something like that
COME ON
Robinson needs to punch it in here…..
bonnngggggg
“National Tight Ends Day” sponsored by Colon Guard
Chiefs CB Six Down!
More like Drew Suck.
HA!
Well, that pick 6 ends any dreams of money team going 3-4. Merde.
Our guy’s a fast learner. Covers Edelman for a quarter and a bit and now can catch like him.
Camception
This Donks squadron ain’t very good, but it IS quite likeable.
Calling Kyle Shanahan “still creative” is like saying Paris Hilton is “still STD free”
Some slippery balls in Denver
Gronkdown
Spike?
Nope
Do we all have our Chubb on now???
ESPN says the Raiders game is on FOX. On FOX Albuquerque: The 2020 Toy Awards co-hosted by…DJ Khalid. Welp, ok, over to CBS.
To be fair, it IS the gay Super Bowl.
Wait, Tony Awards or Toy Awards? I’m confused. Either way, buttplugs will win something.
FOX only has a single header today and they showed y’all DAL-WAS early.
https://506sports.com/nfl.php?yr=2020&wk=7
Look, we have a GODDAMNED snow game, and RZ is showing every play of TB/LV
Narrator: “Garoppolo’s first incompletion is sn interception”.
WHEN DUD THE NFL BECOME THE “LOLA” Lyrics?!1?11
I guess it was to be expected from our Janeane – old habits die hard
#StillWithHER
DonksDown woo!
Horse Cock Lock WOO!!!
Just woke up from a most excellent nap. LET’S GO (no, not you guys this time)
You and Mr. Nel have to hide the sharp objects today?
NEL HOUSEHOLD SHOWDOWN!!
bah bah bah BAH, buh buh, buh buh, badudududum
Nah, he’s not watching this one. He’ll just have to hear his team lose from down the hallway 🙂
Ok off to a brewery for an allegedly socially distanced reservation. Wish me luck.
Have funsies, soon to be #NuAIDS Eskimo brother!
Football!! But snowflakes…. Does that make the players trans? I’ll check with the mega church pastor.
See, never have 2 worry about that with Non-Gendered Cowpersons smh
The bar near me won’t play any NFL games because they’re all filled with snowflakes (aka people that are slightly bothered by racism)
snowrumbledown
4.5 minutes in and Andy Reid is already eating his facemask.
His first name ain’t baby. It’s Jus-tin. Mr. Jackson if u nasty.
I FUCKING LOVE COCAINE!
I mean, snow games.
#TwoThings
Is Raiders RB Jacobs gonna have a good game?
I will tell you in a couple of hours.
Muy, muy bananacakes
/obligatory
oh falcons
The Todd Gurleydown Game
Another tie brewing in cinci
Cincinnati Defense begs to differ.
Best division in football imo
Blurriness intentional.
Finally, wordpress’ terrible compression algorithm makes sense
It makes sense when you know that you have to be drunk to want to even look at that division’s stats