Boy howdy, has today sucked all the ass. Dirty ass, fresh off a round of Hunta Virus. NC State and Everton playing in the same window is just TOO MEAN, even for 2020.
Anyhow, here are your footy options:
Auburn (+24.5) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)
I guess this line is so tight due to Nick Saban’s #NuAIDS. Would Roll Damn Tide win the NFC East? Somebody better ask Peter King, see how strong his MAYBE! be.
Northwestern (-13.5) at Michigan State (3:30, ESPN)
Trappiest Trap Game ever trapped. Trapper Keeper (hey, remember those??) ought to be sponsoring this mofo. Money where mouth is, $30 on Sparty ML.
Mississippi State (+9.5) at Ole Miss (4:00, SECN)
Dread Pirate Mike Leach in his first Egg Bowl. There will be coo-coo-ka-choo. Money/mouth proximity redux, $40 on Cowbells ML. Remember last season, when this fixture got BOTH coaches fired??
Rutgers (+11.5) at Alabama (4:00, FS1)
Man. You want to talk sad-ass, disinterested, back alley handjob of a fixture? But gotta watch somethin.’ Perhaps I shall place a wager. But not so done yet.
LSU (+15) at Texas A&M (7:00, ESPN)
Uh…bet the over. There will be less defense here than in Everton/Leeds. Yes, was nil-1, but should have been like 3-5.
Utah (+7) at Washington (7:30, ABC)
Yeah, slim pickins. You should see the shitshow that Fox got stuck with for primetime.
The best part of COVID-19 is that while its mortality rate is low enough for most Americans to disregard or mock because Americans are idiots, it has a fantastically high rate of causing permanent organ and other systemic damage. I remember for a few weeks during summer people were also describing an increase in the rates of miscarriages and such, and then that all disappeared. But the organ damage is going to last in some people for generations (or … not) and we won’t know the full scope for a decade or more after this ends. They just finished the first full-scale post mortems on Swine Flu from 2009 and the death toll was actually five times higher than it was stated to be at the time in part because some people took a while to die and some deaths weren’t clearly caused by it at the time.
Anyway, I’m going to go back to procrastinating rather than doing work because I suck.
Pretty sure acquired organ damage isn’t hereditary, so unlikely to last for generations. And like so much else with this pandemic, it’s not the bad actors who are suffering disproportionately from long term effects, so not quite sure why you’re happy about them
I meant as a measure of time.
Yeah, I guess that is easier to say than ‘multiple time periods of 20-30 years’
My knowledge of Canadia in one photo:
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Bah, trying this another way
Theres a lot of good fishing in Quebec
My Photos app just automatically made an event for me, of me, and seeing how much thinner I used to be (while still being fat as all Hell) is so fucking depressing.
So just to recap, most of the European soccer leagues have been up and running longer, and with basically zero complications, during Covid. Yet, footballs are in constant terror; what gives?
They do science; we do Trump.
For 9 months they had national policies based on science and followed them; more testing more tracing more quarantine being followed.
We .. didnt
Said it before and I’ll probably do so again. We’re going to be using Caterpillar D-9s to bulldoze corpses into mass graves by 20 January.
I’m fine with this.
This reminds me of Colin Powell and his Potterybarn rule (which isn’t actually a rule at Potterybarn). We broke everything and we now own the fuck out of it.
They actually isolate?
For once they didn’t flop
Pretty sure European governments have had national policies which did require contact tracing and quarantine; and while not 100% compliance, nonetheless was far ahead of our state-by-state; some do some don’t chaos with no national policy whatsoever.
Isolationism!? That’s our policy! Those bastards stole it from us!
Is that you, Charles Lindbergh?
I don’t know how that baby got there!
Just a Fisch story
Australian Rules Football went through an entire 18 week season (1 before COVID and 17 after shutdown) with only 2 player COVID cases for the entire league. No games were canceled through the Grand Final.
They were in bubbles and obeyed the rules. The few that didn’t were severely punished.
Yeah, I guess basketball and hockey were fine…
Hockey did a great job. I hate to compliment Gary Bettman, but they really did a wonderful job. I don’t think there was one hockey player that tested positive during the season.
So ice kills covid?
Applied to the nipples scientifically, … maybe?
MLS had a tournament (that everyone called the Covid Cup) in a bubble; went off near flawlessly. Then a regular season that also was , with a few schedule shifts, completed. Now into the playoffs. The biggest risk came from International break and players going places like Ecuador and Peru.
The WBNA had a whole season in a bubble with playoffs and it also worked.
So it is doable, apparently, as long as your league isn’t widely watched on TV.
They also seem to have far fewer non-athletes around to keep inside the bubble.
Huskies can’t stop shit but are still in this
wat
BFIB strike again
St Louis county. Big flood that year.
4th and 2 and they run up the middle and they get denied. When they write the story this will be the Turning Point.
Jamin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9riv8_tfy4
How many meals in a row with turkey is cause for concern?
“One”
-Armenians
No shit.
—Serj Tankian
Kirby Smart more like Kirby AVERGAGE amirit?
Don T,
I know you are a good and decent man and you did not want to have a Slut Phase after your divorce but dammit the rules are the rules.
You need to have a Slut Phase!
Yours in Sluttiness,
Balls
Could this be a new buddy flick? Balls and Don.
Rated NC17
And in Spanish. You guys would have to pick up Rosetta Stone or something…
I suspect Rosetta stone does not cover the (in)appropriate vocabulary of such an adventure. I should brush up on my travel Spanish though, before heading to Ecuador
¡Muy cierto!
Just look at the pornhub search terms history is all you need to know.
That was some pretty good self-own by UW.
Line up for a 35 yard FG. Woop – shift to under center. Utah doesn’t bite and delay of game. Kick 40 yard FG and … wide right by a few inches.
Wine time! I have a bunch of premixed cocktails and glogg and mulling spices and such, so I might get fancy tomorrow, but right now it’s just a Cabernet, a book, and some chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Macadamias are the finest of nuts!
Heh.
My mom owned a couple of nuts/candy mall franchises back in the 70s and 80s. I remember that we used to charge $16/lb for fresh roasted macadamia nuts in 1977. I still liked jumbo cashews better (I was chief nut roaster for a time).
found a funny:
chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing
floor show girls in the Philippines and Thailand agree wholeheartedly.
Guess I’ll watch The Crown from the beginning now. NO SPOILERS
Don’t get too attached to George VI.
Or Mountbatten
Or the kingdom of India
Or the whole empire thing in general.
Watching it now. Slow burn, but good IMHO
Who has two thumbs and picked up/is starting Kendall Hilton in Freezer Vodka league? This guy.
Since I was stupid and didn’t start Logan Thomas on Thursday, I really should try to pick up a TE that plays on a non-plagueridden team but….ehhhh
Sad state of affairs that I got beaten to the punch on picking up the FIFTH QB for the Broncos
I’m single again. Reclusin’ resumes NOW
/takes off pants and shirt
Oop!
/closes front door
This too shall pass, and/or way to go, depending on the circumstances.
But definitely way to go on the pants.
RIP half of Don T’s paper towels
Now ya living!
First time I was in South Carolina and saw their flag I thought it was a weird, but wholesome, flag exchange program with Pakistan on account of the crescent moon.
Unfortunately I strained some back muscles this morning while moving some soon-to-be-firewood around, and thus had to turn down the Denver Broncos offer to play QB for them tomorrow.
I have given them several of your names, (and suggested that Hippo would make an excellent “trainer”), so expect some calls.
just gimme the special pad already!
So moving trees?
A tree that had fallen in a recent storm and been cut into chunks, said chunks still needing to be split.
Reading the NFL Reddit RE: Broncos QBs. Its beautiful.
More like the elliptical spheroid bowl amirit?
Well this is going to be quite the head-scratcher for the “All Lives Matter but Blue Lives in Particular Matter More but Babies’ Lives Matter the Most of All” crowd:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/nov/27/one-year-old-boy-shot-dead-during-alleged-kidnapping-in-canada
“Canada has sane gun laws and better police” for the bingo
Tres sad
wut if that 1-year old wuz gonna b the next Hitler bet u didn’t think about that libtard smh
That’s an already born baby, their lives drop in value quite a bit once they exit the womb
Especially if their skin color is not ivory or lighter.
Uh, shit. Was the betting line for NW-MS between 3.5 and 9? If so, someone got saved or screwed.
Incomplete
It’s Northwestern.. they can still work at dad’s law firm.
I know. These recent years of them being good is about as jarring as their purple chest stripe.
Look at Northwestern thinking they were people
“Yeah, we get the same attitude out of the kids here.” – Brian Kelly
Like a bunch of little Rory Calhouns!
Not positive but did the Northwestern coach just signal they need to dig a hole?
Your offense has been doing that for the last 3 series coach
I thought that was the signal for the old “Sparano Special” play.
You sure he wasn’t trying to say this?
Northwestern player still on the ground, even after the longest commercial break in history. No targeting call on this play, of course.
Well the Five-Point-Palm Exploding-Heart-Technique technically isn’t targeting by the definition of the rule.
Welp, I’ve been banned from reddit/nfl for 7 days due to the following submission being flagged as “low effort”.
https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/k2y9ob/a_proposed_solution_to_the_broncos_quarterback/
The heartbreaking thing is that I was actually serious.
Wait, you’ve been moonlighting on a different site? Hate to break it to you but we’re gonna have to ban you from DFO too, you signed the exclusivity agreement like the rest of us…
He is one of the admins, rules don’t apply.
Just like the Federal Government.
I knew we shouldn’t have let RTD cross the Rubicon back into the city with his army in tow; now we’re powerless to stop him!
You have no idea how prescient this comment is considering what I’m about to publish on Monday.
Or…maybe you do.
Marcus Lucius is definitely not my spy in your camp. Don’t execute him.
If DFO requires effort, I would’ve been banhammered inside a week.
Reddit nfl is hot cancer up the ass non erotically on a good day
This is true but it’s a good way for me to stay on top of my “now XXX has coronavirus!” memes.
Okay, who had Week 12 when the 2020 NFL Season goes off the rails? In a related inquiry, why the fuck couldn’t it have been Week 10?!
And now the Denver Broncos have Coronavirus!
WCS! Get on a Jet Blue to Denver stat! You are in!
ESPN Breaking News: Players deemed high risk, close contacts (ESPN’s Schefter)
Me: “And the last horse finally crosses the finish line.”
96fe8ab9-f647-409f-bc09-23aa03e00889_screenshot.jpg (720×480) (yarn.co)
University of Buffalo Jordan Patterson
409 rushing yards, 9 rushing TDs
Who is he playing against, tackling dummies?
The power house of Ohio Football, Kent State.
That’s at least the 2nd worst thing to ever happen to Kent State.
I was going to guess the 1970 team from Marshall University.
1st and 30? Literally NFL BLITZ!
This B1G fixture is liquid ass quality, but nothing else even remotely competitive. Wish I was sleepy.
Down 28-6, War Damn Eagle tries a 57-yard FG. For reasons, I guess.
Still better than spiking the ball on 4th down…
Es verdad.
Can any of you guys play qb? Hoseface in Denver may be looking for a pivot.
Wha happen? Though my overriding fear is that Our Equine Lord and Non-SavioUr will trade (and also overpay) for Touch of Downs.
That would about ruin things for me, even with a Chubb on the roster.
Well Driskel has teh Rona, all other 3 qbs be isolated due to it.
/Suddenly a very long neck of an ASU QB grad pokes itself up from the money swamp.
Oh wow, I did hear about Driskel but my peabrain ignored the contact tracing dangers.
Good thing I picked up BloodSugarFitzMagic in vodka league. And that I wasn’t planning to start Judge Jeudy.
Yous axed ure cooch to play! Bahahahahaha
Sorry. My team fanbase is trying to hope that Brandon Allen (who I’ve only heard about on stat lines so am not completely convinced he’s a real person) takes the snaps away from Ryan Finley, while Kevin Hogan sits in the bullpen.
Why couldn’t this NFL Season have blown up two weeks ago?!
Sparty are dumb arses and I wish I had nae bet ’em now
Evenin’ gents… How’re ya this fine eve?
Not Great, (Gooner) Bob!!
/Tire Fire Toffees ruin anoUther weekend
Easy tiger, you’s ain’t in any trouble.
Not going down, but clearly wasting the best opportunity we have had for advancement in living memory. How long until a chance like this comes around again? 20 years? 30??
I watched Fulham v Juventus from 2010 last week. Them chances don’t come around, agreed.
I still can’t watch that Athleti v Fulham final. Fuck Diego Forlan.
I hate that I missed out on the mid-80s Toffee experience. That was some sexy football.
At least your wife didn’t nail your hand to a wall (she claims that she slipped) and then lose her stomach (and shit) when I decided that calling 112 (our 9-1-1) is for pussies 😀 Yes, somehow, I am at fault, just ’cause I released myself and then sewed and dressed my palm myself 😀
…Also, I distinctly remember telling you that you shouldn’t let Everton’s hot start fool you into believing in the team and actually feeling hopeful and positive about the season 😀
Does your wife know you have tanks at your disposal?
They’re also part-hers- (Vin Diesel voice) After all, we’re family.Plus an engineering vehicle makes for a great engine hoist The problem is that she also knows not to pass power tools with one hand on the trigger, but hey… You learn something new every day – in this case, I’m not as good with the needle with my right hand as with my dominant left 😉
I would love to drink whisky with you then next time I am in Ireland. (prob 2 years)
I don’t (usually) meet up with online buddies, but if we even make it to 2022, we’ll see 😀
I have some very close mates in Kilkenny, Waterford, Dublin and Derry so I will be all over!
You really are one interesting (imaginary) cat.
AU getting burned by Balallama.
I’m sure ‘Bama respects Auburn enough to run out the clock and not run up the…they’re going for 100 are they?
It was awfully nice for Argentinian Paulo Dybala to pay tribute to Maradona today. Too bad he played like dog shit
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/En7i9FnXUAIgvOM?format=jpg&name=900×900
Eh, it seems fitting – a dogshit tribute from a overrated player in a second-tier league for an even more overrated asshole who also spent his best years in Italy, whose contributions to the world were a case of blatant cheating and singlehandedly snorting the output of a small cartel …
Matt Patricia Fired!
“Into the sun?”
-Lions Fans
4 wins this season though, that’s like ∞-times more than the 2008 Lions
Darrell Bevell is now HC.
Poor lions fans don’t deserve this
They noe wut they did smh
These Auburn receivers need to take a lesson from my dominatrix, cause they are NOT good at holding balls.
I’m starting to think Son of Clem might be just a bit better at the footed ball than JV Stillers….
JV Stillers lost at home to Shitty Wolves. So, uh, yeah.
Wondering if Sark’s had a little something in his hip flask before the game. Wouldn’t be the first time.
But he found Jeebus so suck it libtard smh
War Damn Eagle, taking “Cover Zero” too literally.
-“Wolfies head coach thanks God* for the victory.”
*apparently “God” is a Cuse qb that doesn’t know anything about clock management and also spikes the ball on 4th down in order to stop the clock
But Brady did it, so its okay to do, right?
Brady is a 5th level tactician that thinks several plays ahead and has never made a mistake, ever. So you might want to reconsider that comparison.
Sparty and the CSA are turning my GAMBLOR ship around, though.
Literally, there is NO GODDAMNED OPPONENT BUT SILLYCUSE that NC State could have beaten with that “effort.”
West Brom v Team Knifey, is nawt good.
I didn’t know Ray Lewis owned a soccer club.
Also in Lesser matters, not sure Barca OR Real Cuntafces are qualifying for next year’s Shempions League
Oh, it it still early young Hippo. They will both get in with Athleti and the wild card.