Before we check out the game let’s see what else be going on out there.
Newsy Notes:
-Jalen Hurts gets the start for the Eagles next week. He didn’t exactly set the world on fire with his 5-12, 109 outing so you might want to call him “The Extinguisher” because he’ll likely blow any slim chance that the Eagles win the division. Dem poor Eagles can’t do anything with Wentz until 2022 because he has “Elephantiasis of the Contract”. That’s gonna hurts. (look how I made it come all the way back round!)
-One of the recipients of The Lou Marsh Award (Canuck Athlete of the Year) was Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, the K.C. lineman that is studying to be a doctor and is helping out on the front lines. The co-winner is Alphonso Davies-the Saturday morning crowd might know him.
-For the first time since 1917 a Michigan/OSU game won’t be played-a suicide watch is being held for the dude that was supposed to dot the ‘i’ this year.
-“HACKEY!” might start as early as January 13th. The Red Wings called dibs on last place overall.
-College basketball programs in temporary shut-down mode include Zaga, UConn, Houston, Wake Forest, Louisville and many, many others.
TO THE GAME!
Cowboys/Ravens:
-This sure looks like a Dallas beatdown but Lamar hasn’t played in 16 days and Baltimore are 1-4 in their last five. Still, they are slowly filling out their roster with starters that were sidelined to Covid and/or injury.
-Dallas will have to come out aggressive and they have been throughout the season. They’ve gone for it the most times of any team but their conversion rate is 24th in the league. Well, you tried.
-The question is-are we going to get the team that trashed the Vikes or the one that rolled over for Team on Thanksgiving Day?
-What was once Dallas’ Pride and Joy (the O-line) is now a unit made up of recycled plastic bags, butcher’s twine, spider webs, dumpster juice and shadows.
-The Ravens will need to prevent ‘splash’ plays by the likes of Cooper, Gallup and Lamb and run the ball hard against the Cowboys second-worst run D.
What say you? Are you liking this rending of the usual sked? Use your words below.
Ravens r ROCKING!
nice
Red Rocket!
Houston, we have a problem
“We’ve been told that we have an NFL team but we can’t find any evidence of this.”
At least there was some liftoff. You know, age and booze and everything else …
Nice play, not-Dez!
forty years ago today?
surprised i didn’t hear about it earlier today
I’ve seen a few mentions of it over the last couple of days. I was watching my Pats play when it happened. I am old.
(sung to the tune of Sgt Pepper)
IT WAS FORTY YEARS AGO TODAY
A CRAZY INCEL SAID TO LENNON “HEY-
CAN YOU SIGN MY RECORD FOR A WHILE?
IF YOU DO IT, THAT’LL MAKE ME SMILE!”
SO THEN HE SHOT HIM IN THE BACK
AND YET YOKO ONO STILL LIVES ONNNN
DAMMIT THE WRONG LENNON DIED THAT DAAAAAAAAY!
This isn’t getting nearly the love it deserves!
Joe Buck
That was unreal. Am I higher than I think or did they really just jinx him?
He missed! That’s it. It’s sangría time.
He made it! That’s it. It’s sangria time.
Don T
We’re out of beer and wine. That’s it. It’s sangria time!
Really Poe kicking by the Ravens.
Nevermore.
The Fall of the Hopes of Tucker
Masque of the Wide Left
The Cask of A-man-til-a-don’tmakethekick
LOL dude just said u dont
want to jinx him
and he missed!
BAHAHAHA
HAIL SHAN’KHLOR!
The Ratbirds could/should easily just run off-tackle every fucking play.
Absolutely no reason to do anything else. Just rotate all three in and out and keep doing it.
It seems the impulse to over-complicate and prove how SMRT one is…just too strong a pull.
3rd and 8 and we’re averaging 13 yards a run?
Better pass it into the flat here.
Right after “option to the short side”
Rooting for Persons in this one. I appreciate Capt. Blue Bunny’s reckless 4th down calls. And let’s be honest: Harbaugh has gone full douche.
Three(!) unlikely upsets by NFC East teams this week? Wow!*
*really, just trying to jinx the Boys because I’m just that petty
Ah man RIP Justin Townes earl. Thanks for making me sad NFL bumper czars
Fuck you Gallup
I mulled it over. This is what I think: for having a beer, Odd Todd; for looking for ladies, Even Steven.
You get a real good strand of weed?
Not yet. But ah feels The Abstinence will end sometime in 2020. I’ll be damned if I spend New Year’s NAWT high.
Might an Imaginary Friend suggest a nice pill habit??
After mah 50th, when weed smoke gives out burnout vibe instead of “What a rebel!” moistness.
-cowboys down by 4, 3 seconds left.
-Andy looks worried in the huddle
-stone cold’s glass shatter music over the megatron
-dez runs out of the tunnel in a cowboy’s jersey . . . .
Keep feeding Lamb!
“MMmmmm lamb.”
-A Reid
Co-signed, for entirely different reasons.
What a great return by Pollard!
/3 plays later
And here comes the Dallas FG unit.
GREG THE LEG!
QB sneak on 4th and 2, Dallas Defense caught off guard.
I mean, I knew that there was no chance Baltimore wasn’t getting 2 yards, and I knew that there was no chance that Lamar would be carrying the ball, but I did hope that the Cowboys might have touched him at some point.
Really wanted that field goal. Fuck.
LAMAR!
“Fuck you, Harbaugh. I do this myself.”
-LAMAR!
Oh my good gay god.
The Baltimore running game is absolutely impossible to predict. Why is Gus Edwards getting run before JK Dobbins?
You can tell Lamar is playing like shit cause he just tossed a floater.
here is to hoping Amari Cooper
has a pooper of a game
bow wow
He’s off to a flying stop so far.
That’s a GOOD Dog!
Red Rocket!
I think that the only qb that hesitates more often before making his throw is Alex Smith.
It’s maddening.
Why isn’t the game shown in Tucson? Preempted for a special about cacti?
Stream length? Trick shots?
Get it the clown’s mouth!
“Hey, no name calling!”
-D. Trump
NFLN also showing it?
Check Amazon Prime, sometimes they have them.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EoweW4dXEAAvmNf?format=jpg&name=small
It’s a shame Covid doesn’t kill people who get it and have any sort of healthcare.
Are you drebbed up like a goose,
Another mugger in the blight?
Dallas’s strategy of repeatedly throwing it outside to receivers well behind the line of scrimmage with no blockers in sight seems questionable at best.
I need Gallup to get next to no points tonight
He could pitch a donut. Lamb has made him obsolete.
Dallas seems to go one or the other with Gallup and Lamb, and since Lamb already has two receptions this just might be your night.
I wonder if Dez caught the ‘rona from his whore mother.
(wait…was that Dez?)
O/U on Cowboys testing positive for Covid in the next 10 days?
Let’s set it at 6.5.
Holding a 32 point lead in fantasy with my opponents last player being Zeke Elliot. I need him to shit the bed to get the last spot in the playoffs.
‘Boys o-line is pig shit. Zeke’ll run for 60, 15 more on 3 catches, and MAYBE falls into the end zone once, if Pollard doesn’t vulture all the goal line work.
Oh, it’s Lime Time for you!
Hey
You
I don’t like your boyfriend
Even these NFL Kiss asses don’t buy the contact tracing
To counterjinx myself with FF results, I have bets on Hollywood Brown TD, Amari Cooper td and because its 2020 Dallas ATS and the under.
I would also have taken the under, so go ahead and count of an explosion of TDs tonight.
This game has big playoff implications in the DFO-affiliated Gratuitous Simpsons Reference FF league. I face off at 7-5 against the playing hurt Beerguy Rod at 5-7. I am currently up by less than 4 points, and BGR is running Gus Williams and Greg Zeurlien out against me. I am countering with Cooper, Lamb, and Zeke, and I haven’t got a bit of confidence that they’re going to hold that lead.
Also neither of us has more than 70 points this week, if you’re wondering what two teams ravaged by leprosy would look like.
I think with Waller making the Jets his bitches, I’m gonna sneak in to the 8 spot and shock the world.
You haven’t heard the last of BLOODY WRECKED HIM
I wanted to name my team Booger McFarland’s Bookcase, but Yahoo can’t handle more than 20 characters.
Like the Texans, that’s a thing that doesn’t exist.
I thought of the name after he did some video appearance in front of a bookcase utterly devoid of books.
Don’t sleep on Gus Williams-he’ll dunk on your ass-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5Sr1Y9ekVw&ab_channel=RyanVanDusen
Fully expecting a career day for ol’ Gus tonight.
In the tWBS Memorial League, Litre needs a miracle to get to 50.
Hoping against hope that Luke Willson gets the Mark Andrews treatment tonight.
I’m hoping Elliot earns negative 15 points somehow, and I can go 3-0 this week for my fantasy teams.
With his fumbling habit it can’t be ruled out.
I honestly picked up Frank Gore and intended to bench Zeke, but forgot to make the change before Gore played Sunday. Gore got 2 points, which is pretty much what Zeke had last week.
Elliot’s gonna change his name to Ellen at halftime, fulfilling the prophecy.
found a funny:
Just give people the COVID vaccine in a hotdog and I promise you no one will ask what it contains.
Dez gets the Nineteen.
…. guys I’m starting dez is bad luck
Fo’ shezzle, no Dezzle. Sucks for him!
Fox News still running their Dez returns against Dallas video package. This news just completely destroyed their whole narrative for tonight’s game.
Oh Christ, that means Joe and Troy are gonna improvise. Not good. Very bad.
so the comebacks is on HBO zone.
I’ve always loved the sports parodies
also the chick playing the kicker is hot
make no mistake it is a stupid ass movie, and not made to be terrible on purpose, but still i love it
Apparently HBO got a deal on it, because it was playing on at least two of their channels last night.
Way I see it, Meeeeechigan cancelling on tOSU is a good thing for JV NFL. In the wake of that, surely tOSU can schedule a makeup with JV WKRP, which becomes a de facto play-in. PROBLEM SOLVED!
Big 10 didn’t allow Nebraska to schedule a non-conference game earlier, don’t think they will now either. They might however, bend the rules to let osu into the conference championship game.
Rather see ’em play Bearcats. The upside of this Plague Year is WE SHOULD GIVE THE COUCH POTATO WHAT WE WANTS.
Also…what can the B1G really do if tOSU just looks out for its own interest here? They can’t pick a fight with their most valUable property.
*2nd most valuable behind Maryland.
College of Charleston Chanticleers or GTFO
The Fightin’ Brett Gardners!
I can win FF this week if Lamar scores -17 points. Let’s fucking go!
-17? Does he need to eat the football or something?
I need him at 6 or less. I give up.
Almost feels like the Big 10 is doing all this to teach a lesson to the fans clamoring for a season, Gene Parmesan style. But what that lesson is, I can’t say for sure yet…
People don’t learn shit.
The Virus > The Game
This is officially the worst year that didn’t involve a world war or a Trump being born.
I need 9.97 points from Dobbins to sneak into the playoffs in one league. In this clip I’m Ted Knight and Dobbins is Billy Baroo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4Ipv2L3iwg&ab_channel=GeoffreyClement
J.K. Dobbins sounds like a Harry Potter fan screen name