Before we check out the game let’s see what else be going on out there.
Newsy Notes:
-Jalen Hurts gets the start for the Eagles next week. He didn’t exactly set the world on fire with his 5-12, 109 outing so you might want to call him “The Extinguisher” because he’ll likely blow any slim chance that the Eagles win the division. Dem poor Eagles can’t do anything with Wentz until 2022 because he has “Elephantiasis of the Contract”. That’s gonna hurts. (look how I made it come all the way back round!)
-One of the recipients of The Lou Marsh Award (Canuck Athlete of the Year) was Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, the K.C. lineman that is studying to be a doctor and is helping out on the front lines. The co-winner is Alphonso Davies-the Saturday morning crowd might know him.
-For the first time since 1917 a Michigan/OSU game won’t be played-a suicide watch is being held for the dude that was supposed to dot the ‘i’ this year.
-“HACKEY!” might start as early as January 13th. The Red Wings called dibs on last place overall.
-College basketball programs in temporary shut-down mode include Zaga, UConn, Houston, Wake Forest, Louisville and many, many others.
TO THE GAME!
Cowboys/Ravens:
-This sure looks like a Dallas beatdown but Lamar hasn’t played in 16 days and Baltimore are 1-4 in their last five. Still, they are slowly filling out their roster with starters that were sidelined to Covid and/or injury.
-Dallas will have to come out aggressive and they have been throughout the season. They’ve gone for it the most times of any team but their conversion rate is 24th in the league. Well, you tried.
-The question is-are we going to get the team that trashed the Vikes or the one that rolled over for Team on Thanksgiving Day?
-What was once Dallas’ Pride and Joy (the O-line) is now a unit made up of recycled plastic bags, butcher’s twine, spider webs, dumpster juice and shadows.
-The Ravens will need to prevent ‘splash’ plays by the likes of Cooper, Gallup and Lamb and run the ball hard against the Cowboys second-worst run D.
What say you? Are you liking this rending of the usual sked? Use your words below.
In response to the NFL, the SEC is showcasing “My Cause My Cleatus” this week.
I doubt any SEC fan can even find the cleatus.
At this point I’m just watching to see if Fozz shows up naked and painted purple and sprints across the field.
Cutting to the finale …
Special Teams Coordinator: “Maybe you should try aiming to the left.”
Greg Zeurlein: “‘Aiming’?”
missed field goal bootie
Cowboys vs Bengals next week. Red Rocket returns to Cinci
Feel the apathy!
Cowboys vs Bengals: Shitty Chili
Fuck 2020. Andy Dalton should’ve gotten to hero’s welcome by a full crowd at Paul Brown Stadium.
– B. Walsh
Do you have that in a document and just cut and paste as needed?
The sharp eyed of you will notice there are very subtle differences.
Otherwise WordPress gives me a duplicate message error.
I am a dedicated, experienced, and professional commenter.
I do have this bookmarked though.
Oooh some Anteater v Trojan hoops to gamble on. Isn’t there a Cal Irvine DFOer?
then explain Kid Rock and Ted Nugent?!
Both moisturize with cod liver oil
They’ve never actually been within the city limits of Detroit.
It’s dead at work. My people got the talk today, anyone asks “you’re very busy” but “can fit in some time” to help anyone. Told them that and dont use the company laptop to web browse the next 6 weeks. bring in a tablet or own laptop.
Good man
Mike McCarthy cosplaying as his fav Fats Domino song “Blueberry Hill”
And he’s the Dallas coach for the foreseeable future, ain’t that a shame.
Not if you hate Dallas.
And that was Widespread Panic. So I guess there’s just a big burner in the production van.
This is also the reaction that Andy Reid has when he accidentally slops too much mayo on his twelve-foot hoagie and it dirties up the freshly-washed countertop.
Andy is confused by the term “too much mayo.”
“Too much mayo? I love too much mayo!”
Someone said they were playing Townes Van Zandt earlier, so, yeah, burner in the van, man.
Told you not to let Caitlyn Jenner drive.
Post-surgery, Caitlyn’s driving CVT now, if you think about it.
Hey, that’s a nice score for Litre, right?
Good for a bet, bad for FF.
My office Xmas party is over Zoom on Friday. We can spend $70 on food and apparently one drink, and get comped.
Gonna buy two hot dogs and a $65 bottle of bourbon.
That’s just common sense.
Mine was last Friday and we had $50 for foods and alcohols
[Government employee]
I get a rock.
LAMAR! just has an extra gear out there.
He’s playing the Cowboys: a Yugo would have an extra gear.
I’ll be sure to remember this comment when the Dalton Gang is beating the stripes off of the Bengals next Sunday.
Two teams racing to the bottom, only to land on the corpse of the Jets.
“What’s that now?”
-Jaguras, looking up from taking the radio apart for the fourth time
Dallas all run on CVTs.
Youtube linking is working again?
Oh, yes, banner is fixed, and you can hover over the +’s and see who did it.
We should pause for a moment of silence for all the hamsters who died so that the wheel might turn again.
Internet Dad may still be out for smokes, but the child support check must have cleared.
It’s a Christmas Miracle!
Head’s up, you can also see the minuses. So please have your fake accounts active before you drunken minus someone.
Shit, I haven’t even checked out the minuses. Hang on, I’m gonna test. Redshirt, I don’t hate ya, buddy. But need to see for myself.
Well shit! Look at that!
They work; I picked up three of them asking that very question.
I’m not you’re buddy, friend!
Yes, sir. Internet dad has fixed everything!
Is internet dad going to home for Christmas?
Depends if his cigarettes are in stock, or if he has to keep traveling to find them.
Anyone know why they used the Grateful Dead’s “Saint of Circumstance” as bumper music? Because that’s a really obscure tune.
Does COVID affect a kicker’s sense of direction?
— B. Walsh
Stop targeting Gallup near the end zone Andrew!
I wouldn’t say that pass was “targeted” at anything in particular.
I heard you’re not allowed to target Andrew through the keyhole anymore.
The Cowboys last possession ended on Downs, which is usually why all of Sam Darnold’s possessions end.
(Hellbound) BANNER!!!
Ah, the old 3rd-on-21 situation.
This is brilliant.
Dallas kicker does kick Corky style
Only Car ad they should play for this game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBs455jwb8w
bello
/beso
Zeke looks fat. Covid-20
Lead paint chips might not be quite as nutritious as they are delicious.
The Strength and Conditioning Coach told him he needed to put on some pounds. He didn’t specify pounds of what.
“I said 20 pounds, not 20 Quarter Pounders with cheese. Fuck!”
Jeebus, nvm
I knew it! I knew we were in the Matrix!
I thought it was the chemical “recipe” for Hippo’s favorite pills.
You can edit out your extremely, very long string of data, Hippo, but you can’t edit out the truth!
I see the Carson Wentz lost his job to the rookie (who happens to be black!) for failing to fulfill any of his job duties adequately. Good, couldn’t have happened to a more deserving Trump supporting asshole.
Affirmative Action smh just cant handle such a STRONG CHRISTIAN
/ found a funny
Me: “2020 can’t get any worse.”
Lifetime: “You’re right, but it can get really fucking weird.”
Mario-Lopez-Stirs-Up-‘A-Recipe-For-Seduction-As-KFCs.jpeg (1000×563) (elmoudjaweb.com)
Brilliant marketing.
Isn’t it though
I don’t know about Sanders but that lady in red sure looks finger lickin’ good.
Just tuning in to the game now. Is COVID winning yet?
It sent Dez to the showers before the game even started.
Strange. I thought Dez was washed years ago.
Apparently into retirement, too, if his Twitter is to be believed.
Took out Dez before the game. Dez was also giving hugs to Cowboys players and staff before the game during. So COVID does Dallas next week.
COVID killed the Michigan-Ohio State game and the slim chance that JV Cincy had to sneak their minor league asses into the CFPlayoffs. Dez was just a victory lap.
Run it!
Dallas hasnt shit the bed yet? Am sure me tuning in to watch wont jinx it.
They’ve been a disaster; all Baltimore should be doing is running it up their asses, but they keep trying to pass it for reasons that are entirely unclear.
Because they play “HarBALL”
Evening Folks. A assume the Cowboy haters were jonesing for there weekly fix. It come so late this week.
They should be tied, despite playing like ass so far.
/edited because I wasn’t paying attention
That’s the second week in a row Lamb has dropped a TD.
I could use a Lambdown
Need a kicker named Lamb – any miss is a Lamb Shank.
“Quit it with the Lamb stuff you guys!”
–A. Reid, Kansas
I wouldn’t say no.
Jerrah paying these refs to help the tank.
Straight cash? Or in hookers and blow?
Hookers and Blow is the name of his yacht.
Yacht my ass, he called his kids Hookers and Blow.
Is the yacht named Gottdammed Star?
The lifeboats are named “FUCKIN'”, “CRAZY”, and “YEEHAW!”.
The channel I’m currently watching is telling me that I can get all the “Mad About You” I could ever want. The question now becomes-Paul Reiser or Belinda Carlisle?
Is that a trick question? Definitely Belinda.
Now, Helen Hunt makes that a closer call, but still.
Canadian commercials suuuuck. The Source ones feel like they are a middle school media project
I honestly have no idea where The Source store is around me. They remind me of a Radio Shack.
I think they are one and the same. Something to do with who owns the “Radioshack” name
What channel? I liked that show.
Spectrum cable has brought it back as an On-Demand show.
Helen Hunt looks to have had a lot of work done.
Yeah, I’m hoping that will relax over time. She looks a little…stretched.
Wait, they’re making new episodes?
Yep. I haven’t seen one, just the commercials.
The supporting cast around the core characters on that show is like a tour of the American Television and Radio Museum.
NFL officiating is such garbage.
Back in the day of the dfo insanity league, did you lose points when a player on your team committed a penalty? Because that should be a thing.
No, but you lost like 5 points for a missed PAT.
I kinda always wanted to do a “worst team” league, where TDs are -6, ints are +6 or something like that
I’d be in for that.
Can we bring back Rex Grossman?
There’s a football outsider’s league like that. Have always wanted to try it
The twist is that they have to have played. Cant just draft practice squad guys, otherwise you get penalised
Let’s do it! I’m in.
Dibs on not being commissioner
This is probably not the year to emphasize that Saturday is an “extra” day of football, particularly as we sit here watching on a goddamn Tuesday.
I for one have no issue with the extra days of football. I mean I can only handle so much of CBS’ primetime lineup.
It’s cutting into my rewatch of ‘Justified’ and various Netfilx BBQ themed shows.
Ditto my re-perusal of Top Gear, Grand Tour, and the various and sundry May/Clarkson/Hammond solo efforts. I’ve watched Justified 3 times already. Classic.
I’m only on my second. I’m on Season 2, which might be the best one.
I liked them all pretty well; however, they would get points off on my scorecard for stupid sub-plots, like Winona stealing the money from the basement or Ava Crowder’s season in jail.
The Ava subplot I agree on, but I liked the ‘Winona breaks bad’ story.
I just started Oh Cook last night. It’s entertaining
Just noticed that the “who plus 1” the commet works again.
Oh an wee fancy.
Sweet! I can see who my friends are!
And fill out the enemy list.
Plus 1’s all comments
That you, Mr. Trump?
Wait, does that mean we can see who unlikes a comment?
That’s one way to find out. lol
Yep.
Well look at that!
You sons of bitches
I’m familiar with Shank’alor and Gamblor. Are there more DFO deities that I should be aware of? and is Lord Lazerface considered a fertility god?
There’s DOINK, god of hit goalposts.
Bleergh, the god of flags.
Bleergh, God of penalties
Orlovskor, God of safeties.
Suzy Kolber, matron Saint
Think Rex Ryan is the patron saint
Yeah, Bleergh is probably the equivalent of Zeus around here.
Sex Cannon is a God IMO.
Has to be the God of Fertility
Both teams in a hurry to get this game over. Like they’ve got somewhere better to be…
Probably the ER
Not the first time Xavier Woods has been involved in a rough double team!
Gee, off-tackle play works
Dallas looks like they put a lot of money on the Ravens and the points.
Mrs Sharkbait has informed me that if a liquor bottle is less than halfway full, it isn’t getting moved. So, you’re up last two fingers of Crown Maple
Shank’alor working OT tonight
— B. Walsh
Ol’ Blair’s having a hell of a game tonight.
If this doesn’t end in a Cooper TD, I can pretty much go beddy-bye.
Sleep well…lol
I put 20 on him scoring, so it will not happen.
What happened to Dalton’s nose?
It played for the Bengals for a decade
You guys are full of shit 1980 did not happen 40 years ago
wait…. you mean I’ll be “middle aged” in less than a decade?
…..
Jerry Jones is going to hire Gregg Williams before the 3rd quarter ends
“AS LONG AS IT AIN’T THAT LOSER, TUBBY WADE! YEEEEEEHAAAWWWWW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!!!”
Again?
Kill John Lennon! Kill John Lennon!
Easy there, McCartney
I am going to pull off what I like to call the 2020, lose my all bets, lose my FF matchups. Nice for the year to continue as is.
Dad: that was 40 years ago? damn im old
Me: Don’t you turn 60 next year?
dad throws remote at me
Viva and I are throwing the remote at you too, whippersnapper!
don’t hurt yourself!
I guess we old people can take comfort in the fact that one or more of us may have plowed your mother.
Probably not Gumbygirl, but I don’t know if she hasn’t played for the other team at some point, so cannot say so with certainty.
I am firmly Team D.
I’m firmly on Team Squishy Double D. We have so much in common!
We do! I’ve been thinking of killing rando’s myself.
Remember to hunt them 1st, that way you won’t get caught.
I mean, she has been divorced four times……..
can’t be worse than my last stepdad
[remote falls on floor at Brocky’s Dad’s feet]
Brocky: [asserting Alpha status] “You always had a pitiful spaghetti arm.”