Your “Another Odd Game? I’ll Take It!” Tuesday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Before we check out the game let’s see what else be going on out there.

Newsy Notes:

-Jalen Hurts gets the start for the Eagles next week. He didn’t exactly set the world on fire with his 5-12, 109 outing so you might want to call him “The Extinguisher” because he’ll likely blow any slim chance that the Eagles win the division. Dem poor Eagles can’t do anything with Wentz until 2022 because he has “Elephantiasis of the Contract”. That’s gonna hurts. (look how I made it come all the way back round!)

-One of the recipients of The Lou Marsh Award (Canuck Athlete of the Year) was Laurent Duvernay-Tardif, the K.C. lineman that is studying to be a doctor and is helping out on the front lines. The co-winner is Alphonso Davies-the Saturday morning crowd might know him.

-For the first time since 1917 a Michigan/OSU game won’t be played-a suicide watch is being held for the dude that was supposed to dot the ‘i’ this year.

-“HACKEY!” might start as early as January 13th. The Red Wings called dibs on last place overall.

-College basketball programs in temporary shut-down mode include Zaga, UConn, Houston, Wake Forest, Louisville and many, many others.

TO THE GAME!

Cowboys/Ravens:

-This sure looks like a Dallas beatdown but Lamar hasn’t played in 16 days and Baltimore are 1-4 in their last five. Still, they are slowly filling out their roster with starters that were sidelined to Covid and/or injury.

-Dallas will have to come out aggressive and they have been throughout the season. They’ve gone for it the most times of any team but their conversion rate is 24th in the league. Well, you tried.

-The question is-are we going to get the team that trashed the Vikes or the one that rolled over for Team on Thanksgiving Day?

-What was once Dallas’ Pride and Joy (the O-line) is now a unit made up of recycled plastic bags, butcher’s twine, spider webs, dumpster juice and shadows.

-The Ravens will need to prevent ‘splash’ plays by the likes of Cooper, Gallup and Lamb and run the ball hard against the Cowboys second-worst run D.

What say you? Are you liking this rending of the usual sked? Use your words below.

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tundrajim

In response to the NFL, the SEC is showcasing “My Cause My Cleatus” this week.

Horatio Cornblower

I doubt any SEC fan can even find the cleatus.

Horatio Cornblower

At this point I’m just watching to see if Fozz shows up naked and painted purple and sprints across the field.

Unsurprised

Cutting to the finale …
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Redshirt

Special Teams Coordinator: “Maybe you should try aiming to the left.”
Greg Zeurlein: “‘Aiming’?”

Brocky

missed field goal bootie

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clint greasewood

Cowboys vs Bengals next week. Red Rocket returns to Cinci

Horatio Cornblower

Feel the apathy!

Spur

Cowboys vs Bengals: Shitty Chili

Redshirt

Fuck 2020. Andy Dalton should’ve gotten to hero’s welcome by a full crowd at Paul Brown Stadium.

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

– B. Walsh

ArmedandHammered

Do you have that in a document and just cut and paste as needed?

Mr. Ayo

The sharp eyed of you will notice there are very subtle differences.

Otherwise WordPress gives me a duplicate message error.

I am a dedicated, experienced, and professional commenter.

Mr. Ayo

I do have this bookmarked though.

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litre_cola

Oooh some Anteater v Trojan hoops to gamble on. Isn’t there a Cal Irvine DFOer?

Don T

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Spur

then explain Kid Rock and Ted Nugent?!

Don T

Both moisturize with cod liver oil

Unsurprised

They’ve never actually been within the city limits of Detroit.

Spur

It’s dead at work. My people got the talk today, anyone asks “you’re very busy” but “can fit in some time” to help anyone. Told them that and dont use the company laptop to web browse the next 6 weeks. bring in a tablet or own laptop.

Horatio Cornblower

Good man

ArmedandHammered

Mike McCarthy cosplaying as his fav Fats Domino song “Blueberry Hill”

Spur

And he’s the Dallas coach for the foreseeable future, ain’t that a shame.

Unsurprised

Not if you hate Dallas.

Fronkenshteen

And that was Widespread Panic. So I guess there’s just a big burner in the production van.

The Maestro

This is also the reaction that Andy Reid has when he accidentally slops too much mayo on his twelve-foot hoagie and it dirties up the freshly-washed countertop.

LemonJello

Andy is confused by the term “too much mayo.”

Horatio Cornblower

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Senor Weaselo

“Too much mayo? I love too much mayo!”comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Someone said they were playing Townes Van Zandt earlier, so, yeah, burner in the van, man.

Brocky

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Spur

Told you not to let Caitlyn Jenner drive.

The Maestro

Post-surgery, Caitlyn’s driving CVT now, if you think about it.

Fronkenshteen

Hey, that’s a nice score for Litre, right?

litre_cola

Good for a bet, bad for FF.

Horatio Cornblower

My office Xmas party is over Zoom on Friday. We can spend $70 on food and apparently one drink, and get comped.

Gonna buy two hot dogs and a $65 bottle of bourbon.

Dunstan

That’s just common sense.

LemonJello

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Game Time Decision

Mine was last Friday and we had $50 for foods and alcohols

Unsurprised

[Government employee]

I get a rock.

LemonJello

LAMAR! just has an extra gear out there.

Horatio Cornblower

He’s playing the Cowboys: a Yugo would have an extra gear.

Redshirt

I’ll be sure to remember this comment when the Dalton Gang is beating the stripes off of the Bengals next Sunday.

Horatio Cornblower

Two teams racing to the bottom, only to land on the corpse of the Jets.

LemonJello

“What’s that now?”
-Jaguras, looking up from taking the radio apart for the fourth time

Spur

Dallas all run on CVTs.

Spur

Youtube linking is working again?

litre_cola

Oh, yes, banner is fixed, and you can hover over the +’s and see who did it.

Horatio Cornblower

We should pause for a moment of silence for all the hamsters who died so that the wheel might turn again.

LemonJello

Internet Dad may still be out for smokes, but the child support check must have cleared.

It’s a Christmas Miracle!

Redshirt

Head’s up, you can also see the minuses. So please have your fake accounts active before you drunken minus someone.

The Maestro

Shit, I haven’t even checked out the minuses. Hang on, I’m gonna test. Redshirt, I don’t hate ya, buddy. But need to see for myself.

The Maestro

Well shit! Look at that!

Horatio Cornblower

They work; I picked up three of them asking that very question.

Redshirt

I’m not you’re buddy, friend!

Mr. Ayo

Yes, sir. Internet dad has fixed everything!

Spur

Is internet dad going to home for Christmas?

Horatio Cornblower

Depends if his cigarettes are in stock, or if he has to keep traveling to find them.

Fronkenshteen

Anyone know why they used the Grateful Dead’s “Saint of Circumstance” as bumper music? Because that’s a really obscure tune.

LemonJello

Does COVID affect a kicker’s sense of direction?

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

Sharkbait

Stop targeting Gallup near the end zone Andrew!

Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t say that pass was “targeted” at anything in particular.

Spur

I heard you’re not allowed to target Andrew through the keyhole anymore.

Horatio Cornblower

The Cowboys last possession ended on Downs, which is usually why all of Sam Darnold’s possessions end.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
King Hippo

(Hellbound) BANNER!!!

The Maestro

Ah, the old 3rd-on-21 situation.

Horatio Cornblower

This is brilliant.

Spur

Dallas kicker does kick Corky style

clint greasewood

Only Car ad they should play for this game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBs455jwb8w

Don T

bello
/beso

Spur

Zeke looks fat. Covid-20

King Hippo

Lead paint chips might not be quite as nutritious as they are delicious.

Redshirt

The Strength and Conditioning Coach told him he needed to put on some pounds. He didn’t specify pounds of what.

The Maestro

“I said 20 pounds, not 20 Quarter Pounders with cheese. Fuck!”

King Hippo

Jeebus, nvm

Last edited 3 years ago by King Hippo
Redshirt

I knew it! I knew we were in the Matrix!

LemonJello

I thought it was the chemical “recipe” for Hippo’s favorite pills.

Redshirt

You can edit out your extremely, very long string of data, Hippo, but you can’t edit out the truth!

Spur

I see the Carson Wentz lost his job to the rookie (who happens to be black!) for failing to fulfill any of his job duties adequately. Good, couldn’t have happened to a more deserving Trump supporting asshole.

King Hippo

Affirmative Action smh just cant handle such a STRONG CHRISTIAN

Redshirt

/ found a funny

Me: “2020 can’t get any worse.”
Lifetime: “You’re right, but it can get really fucking weird.”

Mario-Lopez-Stirs-Up-‘A-Recipe-For-Seduction-As-KFCs.jpeg (1000×563) (elmoudjaweb.com)

Fronkenshteen

Brilliant marketing.

Sharkbait

Isn’t it though

Redshirt

I don’t know about Sanders but that lady in red sure looks finger lickin’ good.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
The Maestro

Just tuning in to the game now. Is COVID winning yet?

LemonJello

It sent Dez to the showers before the game even started.

The Maestro

Strange. I thought Dez was washed years ago.

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently into retirement, too, if his Twitter is to be believed.

clint greasewood

Took out Dez before the game. Dez was also giving hugs to Cowboys players and staff before the game during. So COVID does Dallas next week.

Redshirt

COVID killed the Michigan-Ohio State game and the slim chance that JV Cincy had to sneak their minor league asses into the CFPlayoffs. Dez was just a victory lap.

Fronkenshteen

Run it!

Spur

Dallas hasnt shit the bed yet? Am sure me tuning in to watch wont jinx it.

Horatio Cornblower

They’ve been a disaster; all Baltimore should be doing is running it up their asses, but they keep trying to pass it for reasons that are entirely unclear.

Spur

Because they play “HarBALL”

Spur

Evening Folks. A assume the Cowboy haters were jonesing for there weekly fix. It come so late this week.

Horatio Cornblower

They should be tied, despite playing like ass so far.

/edited because I wasn’t paying attention

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

That’s the second week in a row Lamb has dropped a TD.

Sharkbait

I could use a Lambdown

LemonJello

Need a kicker named Lamb – any miss is a Lamb Shank.

Sharkbait

“Quit it with the Lamb stuff you guys!”

–A. Reid, Kansas

Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t say no.

clint greasewood

Jerrah paying these refs to help the tank.

LemonJello

Straight cash? Or in hookers and blow?

clint greasewood

Hookers and Blow is the name of his yacht.

Horatio Cornblower

Yacht my ass, he called his kids Hookers and Blow.

LemonJello

Is the yacht named Gottdammed Star?

The Maestro

The lifeboats are named “FUCKIN'”, “CRAZY”, and “YEEHAW!”.

Dunstan

Is that a trick question? Definitely Belinda.

Now, Helen Hunt makes that a closer call, but still.

Game Time Decision

Canadian commercials suuuuck. The Source ones feel like they are a middle school media project

litre_cola

I honestly have no idea where The Source store is around me. They remind me of a Radio Shack.

Game Time Decision

I think they are one and the same. Something to do with who owns the “Radioshack” name

Fronkenshteen

What channel? I liked that show.

Horatio Cornblower

Spectrum cable has brought it back as an On-Demand show.

Helen Hunt looks to have had a lot of work done.

Gumbygirl

Yeah, I’m hoping that will relax over time. She looks a little…stretched.

Fronkenshteen

Wait, they’re making new episodes?

Horatio Cornblower

Yep. I haven’t seen one, just the commercials.

Fronkenshteen

The supporting cast around the core characters on that show is like a tour of the American Television and Radio Museum.

Horatio Cornblower

NFL officiating is such garbage.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Back in the day of the dfo insanity league, did you lose points when a player on your team committed a penalty? Because that should be a thing.

Horatio Cornblower

No, but you lost like 5 points for a missed PAT.

Sharkbait

I kinda always wanted to do a “worst team” league, where TDs are -6, ints are +6 or something like that

LemonJello

I’d be in for that.

Horatio Cornblower

Can we bring back Rex Grossman?

Game Time Decision

There’s a football outsider’s league like that. Have always wanted to try it

Game Time Decision

The twist is that they have to have played. Cant just draft practice squad guys, otherwise you get penalised

Mr. Ayo

Let’s do it! I’m in.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Dibs on not being commissioner

Horatio Cornblower

This is probably not the year to emphasize that Saturday is an “extra” day of football, particularly as we sit here watching on a goddamn Tuesday.

litre_cola

I for one have no issue with the extra days of football. I mean I can only handle so much of CBS’ primetime lineup.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s cutting into my rewatch of ‘Justified’ and various Netfilx BBQ themed shows.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ditto my re-perusal of Top Gear, Grand Tour, and the various and sundry May/Clarkson/Hammond solo efforts. I’ve watched Justified 3 times already. Classic.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Horatio Cornblower

I’m only on my second. I’m on Season 2, which might be the best one.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I liked them all pretty well; however, they would get points off on my scorecard for stupid sub-plots, like Winona stealing the money from the basement or Ava Crowder’s season in jail.

Horatio Cornblower

The Ava subplot I agree on, but I liked the ‘Winona breaks bad’ story.

Sharkbait

I just started Oh Cook last night. It’s entertaining

Game Time Decision

Just noticed that the “who plus 1” the commet works again.

litre_cola

Oh an wee fancy.

Mr. Ayo

Sweet! I can see who my friends are!

And fill out the enemy list.

Game Time Decision

Plus 1’s all comments

Viva La Tabula Raza

That you, Mr. Trump?

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, does that mean we can see who unlikes a comment?

Mr. Ayo

That’s one way to find out. lol

LemonJello

Yep.

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Horatio Cornblower

Well look at that!

Horatio Cornblower

You sons of bitches

clint greasewood

I’m familiar with Shank’alor and Gamblor. Are there more DFO deities that I should be aware of? and is Lord Lazerface considered a fertility god?

LemonJello

There’s DOINK, god of hit goalposts.

litre_cola

Bleergh, the god of flags.

Game Time Decision

Bleergh, God of penalties

Mr. Ayo

Orlovskor, God of safeties.

Game Time Decision

Suzy Kolber, matron Saint

Game Time Decision

Think Rex Ryan is the patron saint

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, Bleergh is probably the equivalent of Zeus around here.

litre_cola

Sex Cannon is a God IMO.

Horatio Cornblower

Has to be the God of Fertility

LemonJello

Both teams in a hurry to get this game over. Like they’ve got somewhere better to be…

Horatio Cornblower

Probably the ER

Brocky

Not the first time Xavier Woods has been involved in a rough double team!

King Hippo

Gee, off-tackle play works

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas looks like they put a lot of money on the Ravens and the points.

Sharkbait

Mrs Sharkbait has informed me that if a liquor bottle is less than halfway full, it isn’t getting moved. So, you’re up last two fingers of Crown Maple

Game Time Decision

Shank’alor working OT tonight

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

Horatio Cornblower

Ol’ Blair’s having a hell of a game tonight.

Fronkenshteen

If this doesn’t end in a Cooper TD, I can pretty much go beddy-bye.

Game Time Decision

Sleep well…lol

litre_cola

I put 20 on him scoring, so it will not happen.

Game Time Decision

What happened to Dalton’s nose?

Mother Puncher

It played for the Bengals for a decade

Mother Puncher

You guys are full of shit 1980 did not happen 40 years ago

Brocky

wait…. you mean I’ll be “middle aged” in less than a decade?

…..

Horatio Cornblower

Jerry Jones is going to hire Gregg Williams before the 3rd quarter ends

LemonJello

“AS LONG AS IT AIN’T THAT LOSER, TUBBY WADE! YEEEEEEHAAAWWWWW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!!!”

Game Time Decision

Again?

Brocky

Kill John Lennon! Kill John Lennon!

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Horatio Cornblower

Easy there, McCartney

litre_cola

I am going to pull off what I like to call the 2020, lose my all bets, lose my FF matchups. Nice for the year to continue as is.

Brocky

Dad: that was 40 years ago? damn im old

Me: Don’t you turn 60 next year?

dad throws remote at me

Gumbygirl

Viva and I are throwing the remote at you too, whippersnapper!

Brocky

don’t hurt yourself!

SonOfSpam

I guess we old people can take comfort in the fact that one or more of us may have plowed your mother.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Probably not Gumbygirl, but I don’t know if she hasn’t played for the other team at some point, so cannot say so with certainty.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Gumbygirl

I am firmly Team D.

Gumbygirl

We do! I’ve been thinking of killing rando’s myself.

litre_cola

Remember to hunt them 1st, that way you won’t get caught.

Brocky

I mean, she has been divorced four times……..

can’t be worse than my last stepdad