It’s seems like just 48 hours ago we were doing this very thing! It’s as though days just blur into one another, amirite? I’m right. Let’s get at it.
Newsy Notes:
-LSU is pre-emptively kicking themselves out of the Bowl Game carousel because officials have come to realize that OBJ handing out cash to players after last year’s National Champeenship Game is not a good look. There’s far more to it than that of course but that’s a good start. OBJ is truly a full-of-himself, grandstanding idiot isn’t he?
-IU/Purdue, (oh no, we don’t get to find out which is the best team in a lousy football state) Okie/WVU and Texas/Kansas have been canceled among the nine (and counting?) other college games that have suffered the same fate. Parking lot drinking stats are definitely showing a steep decline.
-Paolo Rossi, the fella that led the Dirty Italians to a World Cup title way back in 1982 has passed away. I have some vague memories of watching him and there being some controversy regarding a match-fixing scandal (I had no clue what that was) and his fitness to play. He seemed like an underdog so I cheered for him. I’ve got nuthin else.
-Them Cowboys are getting flexed out of the week 15 Sunday Nighter so that the two-games-under-.500 Giants (as of this writing) can be featured. Oh, did you think that 9-3 Cleveland was the eye-catcher? No, you see, the Browns will be playing their third ever game on Sunday night. The Cowboys have played a mere 47 times.
-Is it too early to do a mock draft? Hell, yes but that’s never stopped anyone, including Walter Football. (I guess he’s obligated, what with that last name) So it’s Jets/QB Lawrence, Jags/QB Fields, Bengals/OT Sewell, Cowboys/DE Rousseau, Chargers/DE Barmore, Eagles/WR Chase, Panthers/TE Pitts, Falcons/DE Hutchinson, Fins/LB Parsons and Broncos/CB Horn.
TO THE GAME!
Pats/Rams:
-Hey it’s a replay of the most boring Super Bowl in recent memory!
-The Pats have been held to under 100 yards passing in two straight games but both were wins. In their last 5 they have all of 545 yards in the air.
-I must say, that’s an awfully cheeky way of nullifying Jalen Ramsey’s impact on a game. Oh, you think he’s going to shut down our wr’s? Nah, we’ll shut them down ourselves!
-You may see the Pats blitz more often than usual given that Goff is 1-4 when facing that tactic more than 20 times a game. The Fins blitzed him 39 times and he rewarded them with a 53% completion rate and a W.
-It’ll be interesting to see if New England can reign in Aaron Donald’s impact as they did two years ago. They did it using the old double team and some outside zone runs.
-I forgot to look at player props but I wonder how many catches te Izzo might get. He gets the vast majority of the snaps at that position and has been targeted all of 5 times in the last five games.
-Earlier in the year I recall reading/typing that the Pats could be had by attacking the secondary but things might be fixed there. They’ve allowed only 4.4 yards per pass attempt and have not allowed a passing TD in their last two games.
Gimme that good stuff down below.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
To be fair, Kenny Young was wide open.
“Correction. He was Forever Young open.”
-Alphaville
/cries single high-pitched tear
RAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTDDDDDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
BOW WOW!
Sudden change, part deux.
Whoops!
This looks to be an early evening.
lol Camception
How was that an interception? Shouldn’t it be a fumble on the WR?
I think no completed catch by WR, therefore no possession, therefore no fumble
MLS Cup? Is that a charity tournament for Lou Gehrig’s disease?
Looks like Game Time Decision started Akers like a jerk.
DFO PLAYOFFS ARE LIVE.
Haha. He’s my only spare RB
You definitely need multiple spare ribs.
– A. Reid
Sudden Change
LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Da fuq does Jonnie Derp there know about the fitbaw?
Oh hai, Mark!
1 more beer, 3 more scotches, 4 more cocaines, 10 more chicken wings, and then I’m definitely going to bed!
How about some dessert? I hear there’s always room for jello.
Yeah, there is.
I always found that phrase disconcerting, it causes me to imagine a deranged lunch room lady shoving jello int the mouths of students with huge distended bellies strapped to lunch tables, while she screams the phrase nonstop with a voice hoarse from a 30 year 3 pack a day habit of unfiltered Lucky Strikes.
Happy Chanukah to very few of you!
Stop making up words. You’re a grownup for Christ-Definitely-Our-Lord-And-Savior’s sakes.
Yeah, what the hell is “happy”?
Not Jewish, but my dad was the personnel director for a supermarket chain in Pittsburgh and all of upper management was. I fucking loved Hanukah, those chocolate coins and eight days of presents. Oy vey!
Howz yer dreidel?
I made it out of clay.
Another name for the gray in teh Rams’ color scheme: Fozz’s College Sheets Gray
Yeah, but these seem to be flexible.
Yes, my sheets did have a crackle to them.
Look, this isn’t my type of music at all. I’m just posting the video for Balls.
I thinking my reasoning should be obvious.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WegpRQ4-gzQ
Bless you
Told myself today, “Make sure to get Akers off the bench and into the FF lineup.”
Narrator: “He did not put Akers in the FF lineup.”
Shit fire and save matches.
whats good
Obi-wan!
Bow wow
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67OtoET_JR8
P*ts back to sucking?
It feels like 1990 again. Wish I was 30 years younger to go along with that feeling.
found a funny:
if you drink 4lokos you don’t need to worry about what’s in the vaccine
Best fucking cover of an xmas carol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Icy_lcKebD4
ONCE
THERE WAS AN ELF WHO
NEVER MADE A TOY BECAUSE HE HADN’T BEEN TO ELF SCHOOL
AND THEN
2nd and 20 and the Rams go run. What?
Cam Cameron’s guest play call.
All hail, the Playcall Script!
Buster playing well or playing shit seems to have almost NO BEARING on whether RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! wins or loses. It’s freaky.
It’s not The Little Drummer Boy, but I found a tune to play in the DFO clubhouse over the next couple of weeks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xE7vDUHLKSU
Newton throws weird.
It’s like he’s trying to chuck a dart into the lawn.
Its the drawback of college. His legs were so much a gamebreaker that he didn’t need to learn how to throw great, just good.
$23 ML P*ts bet looking Not Great, Bob!
No sir it isn’t.
New phone, which is nice because I had about a 10 minute battery life by the end of the old phone.
I hold on to my phones for so long, when I upgrade, its like I’m going from a Nokia flipphone from 2000 to the Ziggy handlink from Quantum Leap.
I hope McCarthy took some notes on how to score a TD from inside the 3.
Coach for a team that’s not the Cowboys?
That would require him to put the iced cream spoon down.
Goff staring the hell out of his first read
realtalk
this gonna be a jared goff
ROAR REVENGE GAME??
Lookit Buster GO!!
Like people watchin at a bus station.
YES YES YES!
Akers with the big run early
thats ROCKING!
BOW WOW
who else startin Cam Akers?
RAMMMIT!!!!!
GAH! Drafted him and held onto him for so long and then dumped his ass.
/he just ran for 45 yards as I was typing this. FUCKSTICKS!
You have one stick of dynamite. Whose ass do you shove it up and light it?
Collinsworth and I don’t think it’s particularly close.
This is correct answer.
I turned off the volume when he was calling the ravens stillers game. Good god. Why not tattoo a bullseye above your mouth so the Steelers know exactly where to stick their dicks?
Do I get to choose which priest?
Of course
Me: “Hey Siri, give me directions to Westboro Baptist Church. … That’s directions to the Ohio River. … That’s directions off a cliff. … That’s directions into a brick wall.”
Siri: “You deserve all those destinations, you intolerant shit.”
Those yokels are amateurs.
Trump, but I may be able to pick up a combo.
What is the explosive yield of the dynamite? Can I shove shrapnel up the ass first?
Nope, just dynamite. Use your imagination.
A quarter or half stick would probably be adequate, so spread the love around…
I’m thinking all of that undigested KFC and hamberders, combined with all the vitriol and bad humours in his ginormous gut will make up for the lack of shrapnel. It will be the biggest, hugest, most luxurious explosion ever!
Can it just duct tape the 5 of them together and then have them hold the stick with their ass cheeks
P*ts ML, Akers, and Meyers to get TDs. Didn’t feel the least bit dirty making the P*ts wager.
Dear Bold Clues Quarterly Forum:
“It’s such a cliche but here goes. I never thought it would happen to me but just last Sunday I was raking my lawn, stuffing all the leaves into bags when a scruffy 50-something gentleman with a stick/bindle over his shoulder appeared out of nowhere. He asked me if I wanted a helping hand. I giggled to myself, not believing my incredible luck and said, “Sure, I would love a hand, as well as a foot and maybe an ear.” He cocked his head to the side and started on his way but I said, “Could you use fifty bucks?”. He turned around and said, “Sure can”. Long story short-I’m positive the perennials in the flower bed in the backyard are going to be awesome next year and for many years to come.”
I’m pitching The Masked Penis to Fox. So far, things are looking good.
Are you going for a soft pitch or are you going balls out?
Shaft, head, balls, pubes, the whole deal
The GMC commercial with the two dickshits buying each other cars is an ultimate fuck you to every American. I want to eat their souls.
Joke’s on you, they don’t have souls.
Fine, I’ll eat their livers.
Terry Bradshaw drinks a gallon of virgin’s blood every night. Gawd I hate that fuck.
/ found a funny
yay-im-a-llama-again-wait-the-emperors-new-groove-36229468.png (500×608) (onsizzle.com)
Top: “Yay, its December! 2020 is almost over!”
Bottom: “Why do I hear Boss Music?”
It’s the 20th anniversary today!
Manish Mehta got fired from the Jets’ beat by NYDN. Apparently he was stalking the GM’s kid… and he hasn’t had an actual press credential for months. Insane shit.
Oh, God. It’s fucking Thursday? I should’ve just taken the days off. These half days have gotten me more fucked up.
I’m halfway through my COVID-sabbatical from work. There is nothing to do and nowhere to go. The only way I know if its a weekend or a weekday is by turning on BBC America and seeing if Star Trek is on.
I’m legitimately starting to missing work.
Don’t forget to file for UI if you’re not getting paid for the time off.
They offer two weeks for COVID, plus I got over three weeks of Vacation time. Best case: I’m back next Wednesday. Worst: I’m back Monday after next.
Cool.
I feel very out of touch with you guys. My fault as I’ve been flooded with shit. Not a good excuse. I’ll do better. I promise.
Starting to get stuffed up nose. Family, who walks around maskless in house, say I probably caught COVID-19. Getting test tomorrow and then shovel and lye on the way home in case they gave it to me.
A 55 gallon barrel of hydrofluoric acid might be of some use.
—Walter White
I was reading the latest issue of “Bold Clues Quarterly” (sue me, I love magazines) and according to the ‘Style’ section, shallow graves are going to be ‘in’ next year.
Hearts: sweetbreads, jewelry made out of vertebrae
Darts: hearts
That test will clear those sinuses right up.
Christmas time must be hell for epileptics. All those flashing lights. Gotta suck.
oh an dont think I didn’t see that dig against the Red Wings the other day scotchy
“What do teenage couples and the Red Wings have in common?”
“They love being left all alone in the basement.”
And inscrutable patterns of red on their clothing.
God, that was a hideous Owl weren’t it?
For the last SB of a long-term dynasty, it was shite.
Bandage off, knee looks good, bourbon flowing, interview via video is over. HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING BOYS?
Great news!
I have one of them video interviews on Monday. Kill me.
They’re not bad, but not fun. I have a vintage Farrah Fawcett poster on my wall, I start off every interview with, “Check that out. Seventies tits are the best. Am I right?”
Great! It’s my birthday tomorrow!
Shoutout to all the wax figures at Madame Tussaud’s that had to be melted down in order to supply the candles for your birthday cake!
Good to see ya in an upbeat mood!
Does having fitbawl on 4 of the 7 nights of the week make it less special? To me having fitbawl on just Sunday and Monday for so long helped to make it moar of and event so with it on all over the week it just feels like another game.
I like it. I would like it Thurs, Sun, doubleheader Monday, Tuesday. More of an excuse to avoid everything.
Concur. I really need watchable distractions these days and the NFL is doing its part as far as I’m concerned.
Concur Redux!
Probably. I get super jazzed for robot fighting and that’s only on once a week. Football…eh. It’s like James Gandolfini in True Romance. “I do it just to watch their expressions change.”
Every time I watch the Grubhub gymnastics commercial, I get an sudden urge to punch the bearded guy in the face very hard. Is that normal, or is my dormant Republican tendencies picking something up?
“Punch the hippie douche” is maybe the last thing that all across the political spectrum can agree on.