Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Another football week (the bulk of it, anyway) has come and gone. Swears were voiced, opinions advanced and many fantasy teams didn’t. So let’s wrap it all up in a nice oblong ball tonight. But first-

Fallout:

-CE-H apparently has a high ankle sprain and xrays show nothing else. He’ll likely have a nice little break to get healthy and rejoin the Chiefs as they march towards the AFC Championship Game-can’t see ’em losing before then.

-BUT STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. Like yesterday’s unlikely final that now puts the Jags in the catbird’s seat with respect to getting Mr. Lawrence. The mathifiers say they’ve got 75% dibs on The Wavy-Haired Wunderkind.

-Somebody won a power struggle. Matt Rhule has been angling to be in charge of most things football in the Panther universe and he got his wish. The scuttlebutt during talks with the Giants was that in addition to the monster salary he wanted control over the draft, trades, the whole shebang. A certain GM Gettleman naturally pushed back hard.

-Congrats to the Fins (and Tua) for their win over the Pats. The times are a changing in AFC East Land and now Miami, by virtue of that W, owns their own destiny as far as the playoffs are concerned.

TO THE GAME!

Steelers/Bengalis:

-All Signs Point To No: One can likely forget about that upset magic happening again here tonight. Pitt has won 11 in a row and Finley has been asked to take them down.

Finley has a 52.6% completion rate and a 0-2 TD/INT number. I can see a ton of dumpoffs to the rb’s in his near future if he doesn’t want to get crushed by the blitz-forward Steelers D. If things go completely south there’s something called Kevin Hogan waiting on the sideline.

-The Cracks Are Showing: Big Ben is getting a bit of flack for the way Pitt is playing but his rb’s and wr’s are playing oopsy with the ball. They’ve had 14(!) dropped passes in just 3 weeks.

-Part Two: That running game. Guh. They’re averaging 89 yards per tilt, the line can’t run block and Conner is always hurt. If it takes 45 passes from Ben to win this game, just pencil them in for a second-round loss.

-Hell, as of this afternoon Draft Kings didn’t have a rushing prop for either Connors or Snell. That’s brutal.

Enjoy what’s on offer this evening.

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WCS

Fuck this. I’m hitting the bourbon and watching Mothman Prophesies.

Senor Weaselo

IT’S NOT HAPPENING!
/What would the opposite of a Ron Paul gif be?

Redshirt

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Sorry, its the only one they had.

Redshirt

I can’t downvote myself? Oh, come on!

Horatio Cornblower

Gotcha covered

Redshirt

Did Roethlisberger pull a Tom Brady? I don’t think he shook Finley’s hand.

Horatio Cornblower

Time to trade Joe Burrows! Ryan Finley is the Bengals true savior.

Redshirt

Ryan Finley did it. Holy shit!

Mr. Ayo

Lifetime contract!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wow, Bengals somehow did not snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Good for them.

Redshirt

How does Cincy blow this one?

Mother Puncher

Go for it on fourth

Mr. Ayo

Remember #ThePauls blocked FG that was going to tie the game?

Redshirt

Actually that was very smart by Tomlin, not using the timeout until the 3rd down play.

Mother Puncher

Fuck it score a touchdown

Mr. Ayo

Will the Stillers lose out? People are asking.

Horatio Cornblower

I have faith in their ability to find a way to do so.

Redshirt

Now all the Bengals have to do is not mess up a kneel down.

Horatio Cornblower

Bengals win the Super Bowl! Bengals win the Super Bowl!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iqLhdInGrk

Mother Puncher

Sincerely happy to see Ryan Finley get a win. Now please disappear forever.

Brocky

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Mother Puncher

NOT and appropriate prom dress

Senor Weaselo

Ah yes, eternal Mets AA prospect Tim Tebow.

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh man, I want to blow this up into a poster and ask Tim to sign it.

Sharkbait

Is he still a thing for the Mets?

Horatio Cornblower

I can’t imagine they’re going to bring him back after no minor league ball at all last season.

clint greasewood

Nice play call.

-Sean Mcvay

Mother Puncher

Love Claypool looking for a flag after missing a pass in quintuple coverage

Brocky

man, i liked that kid. too bad he’s been corrupted by the steelersway

WCS

“Always works for me.”

Tom B., formerly of Foxborough, MA

Horatio Cornblower

I’d love to be wrong, but I don’t see any way this isn’t going to OT.

Redshirt

No. If Pittsburgh scores, they’re going for two.

Sharkbait

Boo

Redshirt

To illustrate how one sided the Bengals-Steelers Rivalry is: this is the most points the Bengals have scored against Pittsburgh since 2005.

24 points

Mother Puncher

Goddam. I planned on being in bed by 9 30 tonight. Instead the Bengals played well and I’m going to be hungover at school tomorrow.

Mother Puncher

With my luck I stayed awake for an overtime loss

Mother Puncher

One thing I like about Finley: he shouts “no, we’re good” when he doesn’t want to audible

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, am I supposed to assume that all the ads showing no one wearing masks and hugging and shaking hands were made before last March, or is the advertiser signaling that a mask-free world is what they support?

Horatio Cornblower

The ads for Vegas are the only ones I see that have some small type saying they were filmed before 3/20.

I guess the rest of them could argue that they’re just being aspirational.

Mother Puncher

Did you guys See UNT lose to App St earlier?

Redshirt

Andy Dalton never not more than 21 points against the Steelers? Huh.

Brocky

not surprising in the least

WCS

Didn’t UCONN actively try to leave the AAC?

Redshirt

Yup. The AAC is essential a slightly better Conference USA.

Horatio Cornblower

UConn left the AAC. They’re Big East in everything but football. In football they’re incompetent.

I mean independent.

Redshirt

That’s right. Impotent.

Horatio Cornblower

That too.

TheRevanchist

Ugh. This is the whole WAC debacle all over again. I get it, though. They will play more east coast teams and get better media coverage. Still, the conference changing is annoying.

Mr. Ayo

Did the conference make a deliberate typo when sending the request?

See no reason for Boise to move anywhere unless it’s to a P5.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Buffalo at NE Next Monday: The Final Humiliation

Game Time Decision

The bills usually win that game, does this mean that the P*ts win?

The Maestro

Mostly I just want to see Josh Allen’s spine ripped out and his loved ones turned into a stew.

WCS

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I’m sorry, did someone get addicted to going to Super Bowls every other year?

Sharkbait

It IS a hell of a drug

Senor Weaselo

I look forward to the ultra combo!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Dodgy zebra gift to graydick on that PI call.

Mr. Ayo

Oh Bungles. He missed that throw.

Senor Weaselo

Bailout flag? Hail BLEERGH and all that.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

JuJu in the slot is also the story of how I was conceived.

Unsurprised

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WCS

Nice hands, Feet.

Horatio Cornblower

Bengals secondary coach
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ben tried to jam it in there, i mean, come on

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen low-hanging fruit like that since I had to clean up Mike Hutchence’s hotel room.

Sharkbait

“Ben trying to slam it in there” Is he watching the game or reading a deposition?

Last edited 3 years ago by Sharkbait
Horatio Cornblower

Banner this

Mother Puncher

Good news: fuck the steelers
Better news: keep top 3 draft picks
Bad news: Taylor rehired

Redshirt

That’s why the Steelers are doing this!

Senor Weaselo

Holy crap, Burger King actually used “Ding fries are done” in their Carol of the Bells. We’re through the looking glass!

Unsurprised

Burn this fucking country to the ground.

Redshirt

I’m on it. D. Trump – Squatter – Washington, DC

Mother Puncher

Oh shit I never made that connection

TheRevanchist

Ding fries are done is what I sing to myself and would never sing out loud in case someone knew wtf song I’m singing.

The Maestro

The Pittsburgh Steelers are absolute clownfrauds. You hate* to see it.
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*You absolutely love to see it.

Sharkbait

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hippofant

Wow, I just read that Elle profile people are talking about and… wow. That was one of those… like holy shit, this is how incels think about women things….

Senor Weaselo

Dare I ask what you’re talking about?

Dunstan

Article at Elle Magazine about a Bloomberg reporter who left her husband and fell for convicted felon pharma bro Martin Shrkeli

hippofant

AND SHE TALKED ABOUT ALL OF IT. OPENLY! THE THOUGHTS WENT THROUGH HER BRAIN AND TURNED INTO WORDS THAT CAME OUT HER MOUTH!

Senor Weaselo

I regret that he’s also one of ours (HS I went to). Our bad. Will you accept more Lin-Manuel Miranda?

Unsurprised

FUCK NO

WCS

¿Que?

Dunstan

There’s a follow-up piece today too, where Smythe is all offended that people think she’s mentally ill.

hippofant

I mean, it’s either that or she’s stupid as fuck so….

hippofant

Oh NOW she’s worried about the sexism? She quits her job as a reporter because she “fell in love” with the criminal she was writing about? Then quits her job, divorces her husband, and blows up her life, sucking up the attention from her crush’s Internet friends while waiting for him to call her after ghosting her for the ten-millionth time??

Lady, when you meet the definition of a sexist stereotype….

Last edited 3 years ago by hippofant
Dunstan

Yeah, it’s pretty stunning lack of self-awareness. And professionalism. And judgment. ….

Horatio Cornblower

She should really take that out.

Senor Weaselo

Scrambledown? Scrambledown!

Mother Puncher

Bengals legend Ryan fucking Finley

Horatio Cornblower

That Bengals fan in the Santa suit is absolutely not making it into work tomorrow.

Mr. Ayo

Are they trying to kill Finley?

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
Horatio Cornblower

That aged well.

Mr. Ayo

I guess if it works, it works.

Brocky

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Sharkbait

Fuck you smart mirror. Sitting there on the wall judging me

Redshirt

What happens if a team can’t field 11 players? Is it a forfeit or a power play?

Doktor Zymm

If a team forfeits in the middle of a game, are the teams still required to pay the players, or do they get to stiff them like in a pre-kickoff forfeit?

Senor Weaselo

Is it a pro-rated amount?

WCS

Technical foul, two free throws and possession of the ball.

Mr. Ayo

So, a safety?

Game Time Decision

It goes old school ,they play both ways

Horatio Cornblower

Touchdown Seahawks, of course.

Senor Weaselo

I’m thinking power play, a la missing man formation

Bogdanski

Touchdown Seattle?

Mother Puncher

When did they change Offsides to NZI? PC culture gone wild

Game Time Decision

It hurt the linemen’s feelings that they are offside

Redshirt

Bobby Hart did a good?!

Senor Weaselo

This game I call it The Ugly Barnacle, because it’s been so ugly that everyone died. The end.

Redshirt

Oh, good. Finley is dead.

hippofant

Steelers continue committing seppuku.