If this game is to be compared to a starter I’m going with Pigs in a Blanket. Matt Staffordy-brand doughy goodness encompassing the fetid after-remnants of various cut-rate animals-“pigeon throat never tasted this good!” is on tap today. Anyhoo, if you have any other comparisons, assault me in the comments.
TO THE GAME!
Bucs/Lions:
-Tampa is at 9-5 and with a win the AFC South gets another playoff team. Detroit is 5-9 and, um. [checks notes] How did they get 5 wins?
-Well, let’s just say that the 6th of the season won’t likely happen here. Second head coach Bevell has a Covid on his scoresheet so the Director in Charge of Embarrassment Avoidance is Robert Prince. It gets worse-the DC is also out so this means that two guys that have never called plays at the pro level will be in charge of the Lions today. Guh. Jeebers. The HOO-MAN-TEE!
-The Lions should be able to put some points on the board in the second half after the game is out of reach because Tampa’s cb’s Davis and Murphy-Bunting have allowed passer ratings of 137 and 138 respectively.
-What’s that? Brady leading a deeply flawed team into the playoffs? Sounds familiar. [searches memory] Oh yeah, that happened just last year.
-Clean pockets? Brady’s gonna have lots of them because the Lions pass rush is a whisper of a reality. Clean conscience? No, Brady ain’t got one of those.
-Should you have to decide between Godwin and Brown today, good luck to you. Though the former has been running more routes the latter has been getting a higher target share (18% to 12%) and a higher target rate (30% to 13%).
Hit them keyboards strong, folks.
Eli Roth thinks this game is torture porn.
Looks like Arians took the under.
America, being a nation of non-spellers…one wonders if NBC also had to acquire the rights to “peecock.com”
Probly ‘pcock’ too.
It has nothing to do with boxers, turns out
THIS DAVID BLOUGH, I CALL HIM SIMBA BECAUSE THE RIGHTFUL KING AND THE OTHERWISE USELESS SPARE BOTH GOT SLAUGHTERED IN THIS ONE
Due to a mistranslation of a transatlantic telegram a hundred or so years ago, we spell it Bauxing Day in America and celebrate it appropriately.
By refining the ore and forging aluminium?
I gave up on this shitfest and I have educational, uplifting television on now. That’s right, Wipeout!
I was watching that this morning/afternoon!
I love watching people hurt themselves, not gonna lie!
“We know.” — Roger Goodell
/those with moneys on “over” scream into void (I have no action here)
Still a chance!
Did Tim Brody get hurt!?
Put the mask over your nose, Gronk. Wearing it like that is like putting a condom on your nutsack when you screw.
OTOH, do you even know what a condom is?
You are so close:G-Ronk exposing his nose is a shoutout for all the bros out there doing Snow White.
In the FF league that I’m the commissioner, in the championship game, one manager has Kamara, the other has Evans, so almost a wash in points. Lol
The dude that has Evans absolutely was praying for one of his guys to go insane just so that he could get to even ground. I’ll bet he slays a goat tomorrow morning, as was promised earlier this morning.
Yes, sacrifices must be made, to the FF gods. Not sure if we have a name for that or not
Spam doesn’t have Evans, right? Nope, he has Succop. Who thanks to going 5/7 on XP is at -1 point!
(Edit: After missed FG, -2 pts.)
Goal is a negative total.
I went and got the pet food and then to the grocery store. I come back to see the score and then I see it’s ONLY THE 3RD!
Leaving the house on Boxing Day? You a brave muthafucka.
Went to the grocery store as well, think there were more staff in the store than customers. We’re also now under lock down so not suppose to be outs and abouts
If it was Brady, the flags would have been flying, hats cutting the air, and Collinsworth somehow transporting himself into the game booth to give an ass kiss.
Schlereth is announcing this one, surely he’s sucking and jerking MOAR than adequately in Cris’ stead.
Say what you want about Tampa Bay, but they are NOT letting their players’ fantasy owners down today.
DUE BETTER!!!!1111, Everton smgdh
One thing I think Brady has taken from Belichick is the hammering at a weakness and not letting up until the opposing D proves that they can stop you. Brady can’t throw the deep ball well but he identified what he needed to do to win and got after it.
It’s really cool to see The Flow can still come in and mop things up during a blowout.
[is suddenly concerned about his status as top mop-up man among NFL quarterbacks] – Todd Marinovich
I bet if her doctor told her she had an extra chromosome she would initially think that was a good thing.
Can Tampa cover the over at 55.5 by themselves?
We can’t even blame this on Matt Patricia (directly).
Sure you can-you just have to try harder, unlike his team under his leadership.
“Try harder? There is no ‘try’.” – Lions players under Matt Patricia
Only a few more hours til the Cure Bowl.
But I don’t care if you don’t.
I guess there are worse bands to have bowl games. My money is on the Yeezy Bowl, because… I’m gonna shut up before that actually becomes a thing.
I regret benching the TB D today.
How come hibernation isn’t an option?
Not shocked Arse are winning, but the clean sheet is pretty amazeballs.
/sheet now has a brown streak on it
/streaking intensifies
The Lions pic wins, some consolation to the action on the pitch??
Dear phones with world clock apps,
There should be no limit to the number of time zones I can hold. I am not a crackpot.
but then y wud u buy iPhone 13???
For all the extra ports Apple’s definitely going to put back, right?
/They’re all going to be gone
just LOVE that my two Team MRSA starters have 2 catches. COMBINED.
Godwin is sitting on my bench doing all sorts of lovely things.
Godwin’s Law ,, amirite???
I blame Hitler.
Is TE TJ Hockenson gonna
do anything today?
you’d think garbage time production is coming
Time to start putting brown paper bags over the cardboard cutout fans.
Detroit isn’t good enough to make up ground. I have time to go grocery shopping, pick up some dog food, and get a tattoo of Patrick Mahomes on my left butt cheek.
Who’s on the right cheek?
Priest Holmes?
Looks like today Chelsea is…
(dons sunglasses)
Outgunned.
This game looks to play out even more shittily than earlier predictions.
Silver lining – we can all now give Toffees/Team Knifey our full attention! RIGHT???
Lookit Sak-a-murder!
where is our Imaginary Tank Friend??
/we noe the tank is real, just the person is imaginary obvs
afternoon funny:
A good bit is telling my dog “don’t spend it all in one place” when I give her a piece of ham.
Even VAR favoUrs Handsome Mikel
*nawt the most handsome manager in London.
FAIR DO. Though it’s CLOSE.
“Get to midfield, shit pants” strategy looking GREAT
I’m so stoned I just spent five minutes wondering which player has the nickname “shit pants”.
Been there. Not the pants shitting, but stoned confused Hippo translate.
you made 40 without a pants shitting? Just yew wait
Also am a big binge drinker, you would think something would have slipped through the crack.
that’s GOOD MARY-JOO-WANNA HUSTLE!
2021 Fantasy Advice – Get Swifty!
Are you ready for the Chase Daniel experience?????
that bet feels better and better, innit?
Fucking hell. I need to put the gamblor machine away until tomorrow.
I think Stafford pulled an Al Czervik there.
MY ARM! IT’S BROKEN!
I always thought his name was Chase Daniels but I think everyone is better off if there’s just one of him.
Wat
I have quit trying to understand teh evangelicals smgdh
Those are Catholics, you can tell by the Jesus Suffering Christ on the cross.
Saw Wonder Woman 1984 yesterday. LOVED IT, perhaps even more than the first one (which is saying something).
Really? I thought it was fucking awful.
Perhaps I’m engaged in a bit of hyperbole there. But I’m very firmly in the camp of “lousy”.
Agree, the movie was absolutely awful. Set in 1984 and absolutely no 80s music at all. Plot turned into Bruce Almighty(a better film) towards the middle.
Yes! Godwin making my fantasy dreams come true.
yikes
Chelski r down 2-0
not rockin
For years, Detroit was just as bad as the Jets. For Jets fans, this should be a sign they can win more than 1 game!
I would like to arrange a wager with a bookmaker whereby I bet $5,000 that the Jets go 100 seasons (1969-2069) without winning a Super Bowl. We’d establish the odds and rules regarding catastrophic events which would render the bet null & void. Then I’d somehow will the bet to my sons without their knowledge of its existence unless it wins. What a lovely windfall that would be for them.
This is a fantastic idea.
Maybe get a framed autographed picture of Joe Namath and hide the bet paperwork behind the photo in the frame.
You’re already halfway there!
Beautiful free kick by Xhaka.
GAMBLOR stake over $1,100!
/cover bet a 2nd goal in first half
Noice
I really have to stop betting on Detroit. At least I have 11.5 pts.
Waaaaayyyyyy ahead of you there! – America
That’s a delicious snack plate too.
I have Gronk in my Terlet Bowl lineup (also Brown), so…WOO?
/Scotchy somehow won last week, so he ain’t playing me
Woo Footbal!