Your “Line ‘Em Up!” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Hit it!

TO THE GAMES!

Broncos/Chargers:

The te spot has been death to most fantasy owners this year but there’s hope on the horizon for next year. Noah Fant , as long as he’s targeted a fair bit, responds with catches, first downs and TD’s. Contract situations aside, the Chargers are very well set up skill position-wise. Now it’s time to address some missing parts on D and the o-line.

Panthers/Team:

Who does Team start at qb? Haskins can make plays with his wheels but can’t do the same downfield because of accuracy issues and Smith can’t either because of noodle issues. CMC is “dying to play” but that doesn’t make him any different than any other player that’s been in the league for a period of time. See: Kevin Greene.

Eagles/Cowboys:

Thanks to improved qb play neither of these squadoos is the pushover they were earlier in the season. Hurts and his threat of running have made the Eagles competent on third and fourth down and has (obviously) led to more plays from scrimmage. In just a few weeks he’s created 17 new sets of downs. The winner here increases their slim playoff hopes to “could use a few pounds”.

Rams/Seahawks:

The Los Angeles “Wide Range of Outcomes” Rams come to Seattle after getting shell-shocked emotionally by the Jets. T’ would seem that as goes the Rams o-line, so goes one Jared Goff. L.A. won the first time around but the rb’s they played against were Collins and DeeJay Dallas. (gawd, isn’t that the perfect name for a cokehead villain on a Miami Vice episode?) This round Seattle has the full complement of Carson, Hyde and Penny. Also, Akers is a no-show due to an anklet strain.

Be stylish yet constrained in the comment section, please.

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Doktor Zymm

I wouldn’t make a very good commentator due to my inability to suspend my disbelief that a team down 14 points at the 2-minute warning isn’t totally boned

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Never in a million years would he have dropped that if it had been against the Raiders defense.

King Hippo

oh, you’ll be proven wrong next Sunday!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I may have to watch next weekend just for the lol’s.

Brocky

why does the espn fantasy app keep crashing?

there’s less people playing!

herodotus450

Looking more and more unlikely that Dwayne Haskins’ “Strip Club Game” is going to be as legendary as Brett Favre’s “Dead Dad Game” smh

clint greasewood

James harden had a 44-point game after his COVID strip club escapades this week.

Unsurprised
Mother Puncher

My wife leaves for 3 days, she can’t be mad when she gets home and I’ve forgotten that I need to close the door when I use the bathroom.

ballsofsteelandfury

People close the door???

Doktor Zymm

I thought the door was just there for a convenient extra towel rack

The Maestro

Hell, she should STILL be thanking you every time you close the door!

Gumbygirl

It took years for me to get Gumby to put the seat down, I will never win the door battle.

King Hippo

Team with bad kicker TAKES A SACK on 3rd and 5. Anthony Lynn, everyone!

King Hippo

Donks still lose, of course.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wow, more Eagles self-inflicted dick shots.

Viva La Tabula Raza

These ambulance chasers advertise that they’ll come out 24/7. Who the fuck wants a lawyer to visit their house at, say, 2 fucking AM?

Redshirt

Donald Trump?

Brocky

someone who’s been paralyzed at 1:55 Am?

Dunstan

According to my Tinder history, nobody.

ballsofsteelandfury

This deserves a banner if only we could fit the context in.

Horatio Cornblower

I was thinking the same thing: how do we banner replies?

ballsofsteelandfury

I created Eventual Balls Thoughts exactly for that purpose. There are too many funny responses going unappreciated.

Unsurprised

With a line break. I’m pretty sure it’s been done before.

King Hippo

OKC Bomber is gonna give Baby Buster the Old Yeller treatment

Brocky

logan Thomas td gets called back?
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The Maestro

<blockquote class=”twitter-tweet” data-partner=”tweetdeck”><p lang=”en” dir=”ltr”>When I was growing up, my very immigrant father had a ton of bootleg movies that he would hand write the titles on and I desperately wish I had more of them to share because, wow. <a href=”https://t.co/crVRTU4Ou2″>pic.twitter.com/crVRTU4Ou2</a></p>&mdash; Diego Lopez (@thisdiegolopez) <a href=”https://twitter.com/thisdiegolopez/status/1343294682357526528?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw”>December 27, 2020</a></blockquote>
<script async src=”https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js” charset=”utf-8″></script>

King Hippo

Wait, no shit! Donks are LEVEL WOO!!!!!!!!!

JimU

Anthony Lynn strikes again!

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Doktor Zymm

Stache!

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s 2020, right?

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
King Hippo

Wait, was Haskins out there trying to take the ball from Heinecke and kick the penno hisself? We’ve come full Lesser Footy circle here!

Redshirt

We’re getting Glorious Snow Game for SNF!

King Hippo

I am now deliriously happy to be so over-caffeinated.

Doktor Zymm

Hooray! I miss proper snow, we only get hot snow (aka rain) here

Gumbygirl

We’re supposed to get some tonight and tomorrow, yay!

Don T

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King Hippo

Meme game is STRONG this weekend!

Brocky

this is the best fucking use of this meme I’ve ever seen

Redshirt

This need to be bannered. I don’t care if it will throw the website design off; this needs to be memorialized.

hippofant

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Game Time Decision

The updated version of Oregon Trail?

Doktor Zymm

(not so) Fun Fact about the Donner Party, they didn’t just eat the bodies of people who died of natural causes, they deliberately murdered two Native Americans to consume them, but that wasn’t against the law at the time so no one cared about that part in the post-rescue press coverage

Viva La Tabula Raza

Mmmm, Red Man Chew.comment image

Horatio Cornblower

“Do they need an investor to boost brand awareness?”

D. Snyder, Washington DC

Gumbygirl

I laughed!

Horatio Cornblower

The Native Americans were murdered by two members of the party who had hiked out, with the NAs, to try to get help. All four got lost and the NAs got ahead. The Donner crew caught up with them, found them half-dead and literally crawling in the snow, and decided to shoot them and eat them. Those were the only proven murders during the whole debacle, although there was strong suspicion that a member of the party who no one liked, (a German with a habit of beating his wife), probably killed a couple of people.

These and other fun facts about the Donners, (like that one of the two main families was actually a band of deadbeats fleeing bankruptcy with the equivalent of $300,000 hidden in their belongings), can be found in Michael Wallis ‘The Best Land Under Heaven’, a nice, light read about traveling in the winter.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Too bad they hadn’t invented futbol at that time.comment image

hippofant

Disco Elysium: You play a self-destructive drunk detective who’s forgotten everything in an epic drinking binge and now has to solve a murder, while learning about how utterly and totally fucked up both you and the world are while you do so.

Doktor Zymm

oooh, and it’s 40% off in the Steam winter sale!

hippofant

It is probably the best game I’ve played in a decade.

Dunstan

So it’s like my life except for the detective solving a murder bit.

hippofant

I don’t drink, but there have been legitimately a lot of alcoholics and addicts posting on Reddit about how this game hit REALLY close to home for them.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DiscoElysium/comments/hsw19s/any_other_alcoholics_play_this/

Dunstan

I prefer to escape into the bright happy world of Stardew Valley, which just released a free update.

hippofant

Also great. Another one of my favourites, along with Child of Light, Witcher 3, Cities Skylines, XCom2 and Civ 5.

Dunstan

About a year ago I bought a cheap package of all three Witcher games. I loved the first one, and then didn’t really love the combat interface on Witcher 2, so I bailed on it early. I’ve been thinking about going back and trying it again, or just skipping ahead to 3, which I hear is great and doesn’t really require knowing all the backstory anyway.

hippofant

I never played 1. I did play 2 and then 3, and could never go back to 2. 2 feels like it’s literally from another era of gaming.

3 is among the best in terms of open-world gameplay and the main story is pretty expertly and cleverly woven, except for a little bump at the end. The DLCs continue with exceptional plotting and B&W in particular has a fantastic setting change.

My biggest criticism would be that game is too big, and can get tedious at times, especially with how pessimistic and dark it can be. But with so much optional content, you can just skip a lot of that nonsense and have the experience you want to have.

herodotus450

Undrafted quarteredback out of Old Dominion now throwing incomplete passes for Washington instead of Haskins.

Redshirt

What took them? Was he stuck in traffic?

Redshirt

CBS Sports has him playing for Carolina. Is this an error, or does Carolina feel that sorry for Washington that they’re loaning them a QB?

King Hippo

I think he was last on the CAR practice squad. He probably knows as many as FIVE of the Dacteds’ plays!

Horatio Cornblower

“Ok, we’re running ‘N-Words Go Long’ here”

“We’re doing WHAT!?”

“I don’t know, I read ‘Semi-Tough’ on the bus ride up here, not the playbook”

hippofant

He’s been there for a month apparently. Spent last year in the XFL.

Doktor Zymm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qugH7w2MsJU
(Heineke, but close enough)

Redshirt

“We have to go forward a distance of one foot? Let’s run ten yards sideways.”

Doktor Zymm

Trigonometry for Jocks

Horatio Cornblower

Stop going off on a tangent, Zymm.

Thankfully for all of us, that is literally all I know about trigonometry.

Gumbygirl

I cosine this.

Viva La Tabula Raza

SOH-CAH-TOA was so easy to remember. But then I was a science major.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s interesting how much less I hate the Chargers now that a) they are local and b) they don’t have Marmalard anymore.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It appears as if the same effect is taking place now that Brady has left New England.

Dunstan

My hatred remains very strong.

Gumbygirl

Nope, they still have Coach Grump.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I certainly understand a PIT fan’s enduring hatred, given the Patriot’s ownership of the Steelers for just about the entire 21st century through last season.

Gumbygirl

We were good long before them, we will still be good long after!

King Hippo

Coach Carroll, challenging the 9/11 commission report

Gumbygirl

I thought Goff fumbled it,but recovered it himself for the touchdown.

herodotus450

Building 7 was down, but out of bounds, and therefore does not count.

Doktor Zymm

French Onion soup is even better a couple days later. If I ever start to react poorly to FODMAPS I don’t know how I’ll cope.

Gumbygirl

Cheese would have to kill me ded before I ever give it up.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We got duck for Christmas dinner, which included soup. Duck soup is the most filling soup I’ve ever had.

Horatio Cornblower

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Redshirt

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Gumbygirl

I’m going to smoke some weed and stare at this until I have a seizure.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just watch the Chargers game; they’ve got a similar effect at the stadium.

Dunstan

Duck is a wonderful animal. Only slightly more expensive than chicken, and you can make medium-rare duck breasts, braised duck legs, delicious duck soup, and save the fat for roasting potatoes.

Doktor Zymm

And whatever you can’t eat you can preserve with its own fat via confit!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Lately I’ve been saving fat from just about everything for potatoe-cooking.

Horatio Cornblower

“Me too!”-Scotchy

“Ewwwwwwwwwwww” -DFO Clubhouse

Doktor Zymm

Duck everything is super tasty, if I’m ever accidentally sent back in time and have to survive on my wits I will make an effort to kill me some ducks.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Redshirt

Based off of the referees in CAR-WSH, the NFL has gone to two-hand touch football.

Spur

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I prefer the bathing suit.

Dunstan

There actually was no emergency, she just wanted to get her hair dried quickly.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s the 70s, so probably her bush, too.

Recovery Whiskey

Charmdown to open the 2nd half

Spur

CeeDee wee!

Horatio Cornblower

Man, if the Cowboys had Dak all season they could have finished 8-8.

Unsurprised

We must secure a future for our canned ham children.

hippofant

I said this to Zymm further down, but it bears repeating:

Y’all should play Disco Elysium, fuckers.

Doktor Zymm

Which regional dialect is it that pronounces it Harris-ment?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I always wondered if it was harassment if you pronounced it har-ASS-ment.

Mother Puncher

New Zealand

Viva La Tabula Raza

At least the PHI-DAL game is not being called by Troy Joebuckman.

King Hippo

Goddamnit, NO FLEXING down TEN TO THE CLIPPERS DU MERDE

Gumbygirl

I think that Herbert is going to be good, but right now he’s…spotty.

Horatio Cornblower

I have a Clearsil view of what you did there.

Gumbygirl

I try to be Proactiv about these things.

ThePirateSloth

Oh damn, half time already?! Time to go make iron skillet pizza!

TheRevanchist

I’m electing for nap. See you in half an hour or so.

Redshirt

Tried watching “Soul” with family. Only lasted 30 minutes.

Game Time Decision

Damn. Is it that bad? Saw it today in the listing and suggested it to the kidlets

Redshirt

The stuff is over the head of kids and some parts are depressing.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
King Hippo

By the time I am old enough (in the sad event that I’m not already ded) to have human grandchildren, I am comforted to know I will be too senile to mind how bad kids’ TV and cinema are.

Horatio Cornblower

27+ more than I would have gotten.

Gumbygirl

Was it bad? Shit, I was hoping it would be good.

Redshirt

It probably is. Its probably just a movie not for me.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I find that making this distinction makes me into a less cynical person, which is generally a good thing.

Redshirt

I’m mature enough to admit that if I don’t like something that most people like, that makes me wrong instead of most people wrong. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Unsurprised

Just because something is popular doesn’t mean you are wrong to dislike it. Most things suck and most of what people like sucks. This who superhero genre is entirely dog food made for children. Adults shouldn’t like these movies because they are garbage by every metric of quality, from writing to direction to effects to acting.

Unsurprised

The same thing goes for Pixar. They’re still just stupid movies for babies.

King Hippo

I am not sufficiently high to suffer through this Donks effort.

Dunstan

Fox here in L.A. just aired a commercial for Fox News, which I don’t recall seeing before. I wonder if that’s a sign that Team Murdoch is really worried about losing market share to OANN and Newsmax…

Viva La Tabula Raza

You may be right, I’ve been seeing that on FOX NFL broadcasts for several weeks now even down here in the Red chancre that is Texas. I’m ready to throw my highball glass through the TV when that fucking Hannity’s phiz and voice are displayed. Also just had halftime local FOX news update. Fuck those people.

Last edited 3 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Unsurprised

Murdoch only owning Fox News and Fox Sports suggests that this synergy is going to get much worse

Horatio Cornblower

Just got that here in CT as well. I suspect it went national, and that your theory as to why is correct.

Redshirt

Either that or they are conceding the Far Right and are going Centre-Right. … Wow, I finally found a wish the Monkey’s Paw is unable to grant.

Dunstan

Well, the main feature of this ad was bragging about their coverage of the Hunter Biden “scandal.” But yes, I suppose that qualifies as center-right these days.

clint greasewood

I’m surprised old Rupert just didn’t say fuck it and just buy them out and fold them into the Fox Nation paid subscription service.

Unsurprised

They could’ve said no. OANN is clearly owned by another psychopathic billionaire who doesn’t need the money so much as wants the power of having a directly 24/7 line to the President.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They have been running them for a good month now, I think. And yes, I think it’s a genuine concern.

TheRevanchist

I fee like the show 9-1-1 has gone so far it can never top itself. The next story lines will be about them saving everyone from a volcano, stop an asteroid from hitting earth, and then preventing the sun from going supernova. This is all just based on what I see on the commercials, because the show looks completely unwatchable.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think they’ve already mined all those veins, except maybe the supernova.
Show should now just be the operators sending ambulances to transport COVID victims to the hospital.

Horatio Cornblower

They should do a few episodes based on reality, where the ambulances keep getting sent out for old people feeling dizzy, then spending an hour filling out paperwork while waiting for their next call.

Recovery Whiskey

Tonight on a very special 9-1-1 the team is knocked out by a terrorist bomb

Viva La Tabula Raza

But no one knows because the AT&T station that handles the 911 calls was blown up!!!

Senor Weaselo

Have we mocked the Hoop Boltmen/Original Clippers for being down to the Hoop N-GCP by 50? At the half?

King Hippo

Sir, are you discussing The Association whilst FITBAW is in progress? This sort of insolence we might expect from Spur, but U NOE better smh.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ever been to Gallup NM? Home of Cannon AFB, and dozens of feed lots. Stinkiest AFB in the USAF.

Gumbygirl

The one in Tacoma was prettay smelly when the paper mills were going full blast.

Recovery Whiskey

The Aroma of Tacoma is mostly gone; the paper / celluose mills are closed for the most part.

Unsurprised

Gallup is the other side of the state, on the Arizona border. Cannon is outside Clovis.

Unsurprised

Both towns suck.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve spent quite a bit of time in NM; the NASA rocket lab east of Las Cruces, Holloman AFB, the missile range at White Sands, Cannon, Hobbs, the oil patch in the SE corner of the state. For some reason I get sent to all the shitholes (though Cloudcroft uphill of Alamogordo is pretty neat).

Unsurprised

The entire state is a shithole.

Viva La Tabula Raza

You are correct, sorry; I am doing drunk geography without googling. I stand by my statement that the fucking place stinks to high heaven.

Brocky

it’d be viewed better if the first one hadn’t been such a pleasant surprise when most people were done with DC.

I still contend that the only good DCU films are man of steel and the first WW.

but the fact of the matter is that it faces stiff competition and fails in most ways

TheRevanchist

The first WW was good, for sure.

King Hippo

oh, Buster. That was SO VERY YOU.

Gumbygirl

Goff goffed.

TheRevanchist

Turned his head and goffed.

Brocky

and now mike Davis is hurt.

and now I’m gonna have my lowest score of the season after leading the league in points.

i don’t even have enough sarcasm in me to properly explain how much planetary alignments has to occur for this to happen to me right now.

Horatio Cornblower

I told you to start Christian McCaffrey, dumbass.

(I told him to start Davis)

Spur

Sweet back to back catches for Gallup.

Horatio Cornblower

Jim Schwartz’s defensive strategy of “not covering Michael Gallup for any reason whatsoever” seems debatable.

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, was the Nashville Bomber just trying to get the Titans revved up for the playoffs?

ThePirateSloth

It’s an awful movie, start to finish.

ThePirateSloth

I watched a bit of the first season, it’s clever and funny. Not over the top funny, but being of the age of growing up with the movies, I can appreciate the premise of the show.

Now that it’s blown up, I don’t know if it’s lost something. I keep meaning to watch it again

TheRevanchist

Yeah. For a DC movie, it’s about what I expect: questionable writing, bad CGI, and scenes where they are trying too hard to fit the narrative.

Dunstan

I finished season one recently. It’s good. Some contrived plot devices, but since it’s revisiting a cheesy 80s film you have to grant them some indulgences.

I like the way that it invites you to reconsider the film but doesn’t completely try to sell you on “Daniel was the villain and Johnny was a good guy.” It’s more like “it’s complicated, and both these guys really ought to get over their stupid high school rivalry because life shouldn’t be an 80s sports film.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You should – it’s fun!