Your Next NFL Football Open Thread

Did anything get sorted out? Well, surely this round of tilts will settle everything.

TO THE GAMES!

Packers/Bears:

Chicago would have much preferred that Green Bay had nothing to play for but they want to solidify that #1 seed so this one should be intense, to the point where some players may end up in tents.

Raiders/Broncs:

Neither of these teams have anything to lose. Or win. Or tie. Blah.

Jags/Colts:

Say goodbye to Hollywood and Doug Marrone, he did his best but his best just wasn’t good enough and now Urban Meyer is on everyone’s lips. Eww. Apply some balm, would you? The Colts blew it vs the Steelers last week so they should be out for blood, drinking every last bit of the Jags milkshake out there on the field.

Chargers/Chiefs:

And now he’s back! For one last incredible performance, ladies and gentlemen… Chad Henne! His counterpart, who actually shows promise, needs 341 yards today against a bunch of not-starters to become the throwingest rookie qb there ever was. He’ll set the record for a.) passing yards by a noobie and b.) Clearasil endorsements.

Cards/Rams:

Rb Akers is a game-timer for the Jekyll and Hyde Rammmits. Me: “Hey you, you must think you’re a real hotshot-you ever even played in a pro football league before?” John Wolford: “Uh, yeah. I played for the Arizona Hotshots, as a matter of fact.” Me: “Uh huh. Well, okay then.”

Seahawks/Niners:

With everyone yakking about the Packers and Saints being the creme of the NFC, I’d be wary of Wilson going on a little tear, of which he’s completely capable of doing. Now will the Seattle D step up though?

Saints/Panthers:

Ty Montgomery is the gentleman that will replace the honorable fantasy league winner Kamara today. Tis about the only interesting storyline I could find for this one.

Titans/Texans:

Henry needs 223 to reach 2,000 for the year so he’s done like dinner. Except for the fact that the last two times he went for a stroll vs the Texans he ended up with 211 and 212. No matter the outcome he’ll be the first back-to-back rushing champ since LT in ’06-’07.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s My Raiders!

Even manage to spoil a 19 yard punt somehow.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sometimes I don’t know why I even bother trying to help them.” Shan’Khor, shaking her head.

King Hippo

What say yeeeeewww, VAR?

Horatio Cornblower

Have you tried being extremely rich?

Petronel

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Recovery Whiskey

Sorry man

King Hippo

WOman, and soUrry, eh? 😀

Petronel

At least we made it look competitive, which was a nice surprise.

Redshirt

Yeah, that would’ve felt nice.

King Hippo

Very likely, the NFC will have a 6-10 and an 8-8 participant. Either the Humps or LOLfins will be OUT, at 10-6.

Recovery Whiskey

2020 delivers

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

AGAIN? Oh my God, Raiders, just go home already.

King Hippo

Might need that timeout if you don’t score here, Petey.

Recovery Whiskey

Seattle do or die

Redshirt

I didn’t know the Houston Texans were an NBA team, but there they go, actually trying at the end.

Last edited 3 years ago by Redshirt
King Hippo

Send us to Extra Time, Emo Carr!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No.” – Emo Carr

Viva La Tabula Raza

Same lineup in South Texas. Not sure why we didn’t get TEN/HOU. We always get HOU games here in San Antonio.

King Hippo

nah, there’s no way Qards come back

Recovery Whiskey

Wilson taking over late. Will it be enough

King Hippo

Week 17, each network gets two windows of games.

litre_cola
King Hippo

Cooks and Antonio Brown going the fuck off. I should check what my FF score would have been. Godddamnit.

Recovery Whiskey

And Seattle loses another RB

litre_cola

Ah yes, the moment of Sunday where the bets crumble.

King Hippo

This is the Last RedZone for a long, long time. I went from bliss to depression like I drove into a concrete abutment.

litre_cola

The ole Pelle Lindbergh

Don T

TEN either hosts BAL(if 11-5), or goes to BUF (if 10-6). I just hope it’s a Saturday game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s My Raiders!

King Hippo

Remember, we need 8 on this Donks drive. I want us delaying 60 Minutes!!

ballsofsteelandfury
Recovery Whiskey

I would never recommend hooking up with an 18 year old off the internet and feeding her drugs in return for a place to sleep. But it worked for me

litre_cola

That was blatant PI on Hopkins

King Hippo

watch out, the 500s have become randomly sentient again!

Col. Duke LaCross

I hope I’m wrong, but that was probably the game right there. Shoulda ran it.

Petronel

That’s some stretchy Under Armour

Recovery Whiskey

The 70s Oklahoma breakaway jersey should make a comeback

Doktor Zymm

Why isn’t the song “Push It” played more often when a team just needs to get a few inches?

King Hippo

Week 17 has gone PLAID y’all

Horatio Cornblower

Was it 2 or 3 years ago that half of major league baseball got into or knocked out of the play-offs because of about 3 games on the last night of the season?

That was full-on plaid.

King Hippo

I wish I could remember that far back!!

Recovery Whiskey

It was baseball. In the words of Kasey Casem, nobody cares!

Senor Weaselo

You mean the game where the Yanks lost to the Rays which was fine because it knocked Boston out? I think that was like 9 years ago.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes.

Also my mind is apparently shot.

Doktor Zymm

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Trippy

ThePirateSloth

Haha “this penalty has been reclined”

Doktor Zymm

Brought to you by Laz-E-Boy!

Horatio Cornblower

/Jay Cutler looks up, yawns, stretches, and goes back to sleep.

Doktor Zymm

comment image

King Hippo

KIIIIITTTTTTYYYYYY!!!!

King Hippo

Here we go, they put enough elephant tranquilizer into Murray!

litre_cola

GOOD!

Horatio Cornblower

I do like the Dr. Rick Progressive commercials about not becoming your parents.

“You woke up early. No one cares.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

I like those ads. I am not familiar with the Dr. Rick name though.

Recovery Whiskey

Shanklor

Myers looking like Blair Walsh

Last edited 3 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
King Hippo

Donks/Raiders OT is what AMERICA NEEDS

Recovery Whiskey

Touchdown Seahawks

Mr. Ayo

Nice catch Lockett!

Horatio Cornblower

Oh no, Green Bay, did the Bears O-line get away with something?
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Brocky

this is fucking perfect

Horatio Cornblower

You were my target audience for that one.

And unlike Trubisky, I hit the target.

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
Brocky

BREAKING NEWS: team that frequently gets away with false starts is mad another team was able to do so!

King Hippo

18-18 would also be Scorigami, surely?

Dunstan

It would indeed.

Dunstan

Tie scorigamis are 2, 4, 5, 8, 9, 11, 15, 18, 22, 24, 32, 36, and everything 39+ except 43

I’m a little surprised there’s never been a 9-9.

King Hippo

#MeToo – Herman C., Hades

King Hippo

Wakezilla is gonna think we are fucking with him in the morning, when we tell him LOLfins made playoffs after all.

litre_cola

Raiders -2.5 is going to fuck me in a 4 game parlay and I blame betting against your Donks Wooo.

King Hippo

u shud NOE BETTER smgdh

ThePirateSloth

Not to worry, the Seahawks offense will get fired up with 2:42 remaining.

Doktor Zymm

The only imaginary bird you should be setting on fire is the majestic phoenix

Doktor Zymm

After the Jaguras move to London and the Texans move to Mexico City, the 49rs should move to Paris and change their name to the 48rs

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And the Browns can move to Winnipeg and change their names to the Broons.

Recovery Whiskey

Brown Bombers

litre_cola

Movin to the Peg! – OBJ

King Hippo

All of a sudden? Neither the Packers NOR the Bearistocrats! need to win.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How’s that?

King Hippo

AZ loss put Chi**** in even if they lose
SEA loss puts GB on the 1 line

Don T

Calling the Titans D “porous” would be an insult to orifices.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What would you rate them on a scale of 1 to Raiders?

Doktor Zymm

What if we call them Superpermeable Atomic-Thin Graphene Membranes?

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, have the Thin Mint Wars gone nuclear?

My fall-out shelter isn’t done yet!

Petronel

WOOP WOOP

Recovery Whiskey

Hawks proving they can look like crap to anyone

litre_cola

AI NEEDS A MORMONDOWN!

litre_cola

HAIL GAMBLOR!

King Hippo

trumpets sound in distance

King Hippo

Not to make too many assumptions, but when the Yinzers have to travel to BUF for the divisional round…I wonder if they’ll regret resting starters.

Fuck, that will be good teevee, though.

Horatio Cornblower

I hope Ben gets tossed through so many folding tables.

Doktor Zymm

At least it’s a short drive

ThePirateSloth

I dunno why, but Lynch rollin up in a giant truck wheel makes me chuckle every gotdamn time.

But Geico’s Tag Team commercial is the best.

ballsofsteelandfury

It really is

WCS

Derrick Henry is from another dimension. Prove me wrong.

Doktor Zymm

This is his car:comment image

Brocky

he has alien eyes
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King Hippo

WOW. Jaguras alive and kicking!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It didn’t count, but that was a magnificent play by Nuk.