Place and time: Walking up into the sixth terrace of Purgatory, right after Mozart ditched them.
tWBS: You know, I’ve been wondering. I’ve gone through Hell and Purgatory, and dealt with a whole ton of people on the way. And I could understand them all. Why?
Senor: Okay, first off, out of *motions to the entire mountain* all of this you’re wondering about that? Second, I don’t know, when you’re in the land of the dead there’s some kind of dead translator? Like a Babelfish? Or, a… Tower of Babelfish?
tWBS: Seriously?
Senor: That was a layup, you kidding me? But yes, I understand that if I wasn’t your guide you’d push me off this mountain.
tWBS: Hey, it would kill you, you’re the still alive one, as you like to remind me.
Senor: No, that’s everyone else. I remind you that you’re dead!
tWBS: Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. Jerk.
Senor: Hey, that’s my job, buddy!
They see a tree in the road.
tWBS: Is that tree supposed to be there? It looks out of place.
Senor: I’m sure there’s not an accidental tree in Purgatory. Plus, if we’re above the tree line otherwise, then it’s definitely a deliberate tree. And, besides… you smell that?
tWBS: That smells like… fruit. I can’t really describe it. You think we can climb it?
Senor: Look at that trunk and those branches. It’s almost like, the opposite of normal trees.
tWBS: You’re the guide. What’s up with this tree then?
Voice: Of this food ye shall have scarcity!
tWBS: Dafuq?
Senor: Was that… the tree?
tWBS: And great, more chanting.
tWBS: Oh shit! Are these people?
Senor: Souls? I mean, obviously.
tWBS: I don’t think they even look this bad on those “donate to the Human Fund” commercials.
Senor: Whoa!
tWBS: What? I’m just saying, these people look more gaunt than…
Senor: I get your point! We’re still trying to get you to Heaven, and you go and drop one of those! Dude!
tWBS: Hey, it’s not like I compared them to pictures from—
Senor: Dude!
tWBS: What?
Senor: Maybe not that one? Again, Purgatory.
tWBS: Oh fine. But it looks like they’re zombies approaching that tree.
Senor: …Better? I think?
tWBS: Why are they so… entranced? It’s just a tree, right? Even if those fruits smell really good, can’t quite put my finger on it.
Random Soul: Good on ya. Hey, wait a minute.
tWBS: Yeah, wait. I remember that voice. Forrest, right?
Forrest: Yeah, from the NC State board.
tWBS: And I remember your doctor said you were eating yourself into an early grave.
Forrest: Yeah, and… I guess he was right. Whoops. But yeah, good on ya for not being too swayed by the fruit tree, or the crystal-clear waters, or the giant freezer fulla liquor.
Senor: Dude!
tWBS: Giant… freezer?
Senor: Bruh.
tWBS: Does it have vodka?
Senor: Bruh.
Forrest: Well, yes, of course it does. And not your plastic bottle crap, we’re talking about the good stuff.
tWBS: Well, why didn’t you say s—
Senor: Bruuuh! Are you kidding me right now?
tWBS: I gotta say, that’s the most New York thing you’ve ever done.
Senor: That’s nowhere near the point! The point is you’ve come this far, and you’re going to fall back? Now? In that case what the fuck were Balls and I doing here this whole time, just going on a fun romp through the divine world?
tWBS: Nooo?
Senor: That’s right, how many times did Balls almost die, and you almost get… I don’t know, super-dead? Damned for eternity? Probably the latter, but either way my point remains! And now, there’s two terraces to go, and you’re going to get caught up by your gluttony of all things? I mean, betting man would say lust, but—
tWBS: Okay, I get it! And, betting man? You mean Hippo’s betting on this?
Senor: If he knew about it, probably.
tWBS: Can I take a shot?
Senor: No!
tWBS: Sorry, buddy. As much as it pains me to say it, I think my friend is right on the freezer vodka.
Forrest: He absolutely is. I’d keep walking further if I were you. The freezer’s like the tree anyway, the door’s just out of all of our reaches, even if you were to try and climb on each other. Not like our physical forms here can do that though. Plus the freezer keeps shouting examples of gluttonous people, so that’s pretty annoying.
tWBS: That would do it. Okay, I think my mind is made up, Senor. Let’s get out of here.
Senor: Sure thing, buddy.
The Angel of Abstinence (no, not that kind) removes the sixth P from tWBS’s forehead.
tWBS: I do not want to hear about how I still have P on my forehead.
Senor: Aww man, you suck. Which is probably the wrong thing because there’s one terrace left to go and it’s probably most of our big ones.
tWBS: How hard can it be?
Senor: We’ll see, Mr. Sexy Friday.
Today we saw who we’re living next to. It isn’t pretty.
https://youtu.be/eEep67akIn4
And now Donald’s Twitter account has been locked, and Facebook deleted his video. That, as much as Mitch refusing to go along with the coup, is a true sign of the times.
Elizabeth can’t believe she got maced for trying to start a revolution:
https://twitter.com/KevOnStage/status/1346937897060945920?s=20
I can’t stop laughing. This is so good!
I know some people get irritated by the phrase “white privilege,” but it’s hard to describe this attitude in any other way. Imagine thinking that you can shove your way into the legislature as part of a revolution and not encounter any physical resistance.
Nourishment for my soul.
Trump trying to figure out how to preemptively pardon the rioters in the next 14 days.
And a quick palate cleanser from me in lieu of a “Good night and may Blergh! have mercy on you all”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3cqLlciQc0
PENCE gave the order to mobilize the DC National Guard. https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/1346951431195144200
And we’ve got our first death
THIS WOMAN WHO GOT SHOT IN D.C. TODAY, I CALL HER CARSON WENTZ’S CAREER BECAUSE THAT IS ONE DEAD BITCH.
I feel so bad laughing at this
Banner this
So good.
I’m not saying we should defund the police but….exactly what was the point of those dipshits at the Capitol even being at work today?
Can we get a “Dunstan calmly explains what’s going on in plain language” post. I’ve learned more from them in the thread below than my entire life and it’s easy to understand.
A “Dunstan’s Complete Guide To Life, Liberty and US Law” series? I fully support you lads forcing him to do those once a week 😀
I feel like doing actual posts on those subjects would distract from DFO’s core mission of football-related dick jokes, but I’m always willing to rant in the comments.
On the other hand it’ll fill the void left by the Reverend not doing CrimeBEAT!s for ages
That is what the offseason is for.
You’re more than welcome to post whatever. None of my posts are funny, so they don’t all need to be dick joke posts
I wonder if Susan Collins is “concerned.”
One of my favorites from Borowitz:
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/susan-collins-takes-hours-to-decide-on-lunch-before-ordering-exactly-what-mitch-mcconnell-is-having
I’ve left a message for my congresswoman and one senator, spoke to the office with my other. Explained to them all that I am a rich white male, educated, a veteran, a business-owner — and even I couldn’t get away with that stunt today. That I blame the Democrats for not speaking out against this cult and perpetually extending an olive branch to the Republicans, who act in bad faith. And that I expect support to charge every single traitor who was involved today, including any co-conspirators, and that the only acceptable verdict for many of them is hanging. These terrorists have drawn the line at “over my dead body” and if out leaders are not ready to meet them at the line, then you might as just give up.
We’ve just about automated out every job these uneducated anchors on our communities perform. You can execute them and the economy will be fine.
Hey all! Just getting back from Reno! What did I miss?
You have to speak up, we can’t hear you from inside our bunkers!
The Bastille has been stormed.
Reno: The land of a million pawn shops.
25th Amendment. Tonight
Yes. And expulsion for any Senator or Congresscritter who continues with this charade. Censure for any of the ones who were for it yesterday but come to their senses today. PRISON for Trump. Loss of broadcasting licence for Fox, OANN, and Newsmax. Twitter and other social media need to shut down any and all seditious accounts, or they get shut down. Sick of this bullshit!
These radical right wing extremist propaganda outfits must be pulled off the air on Day 1 of the Biden Presidency.
And now we just wait for Dunstan to explain why that isn’t going to happen and thus slowly chipping away at your faith at the current setup of the US democracy
Sort of just did, downthread.
The 25th just isn’t a good vehicle for this kind of thing. It was intended for situations like President Wilson’s stroke, or if JFK had been in a coma instead of dying from the bullet.
Among other things, a president who catches wind of a 25th Amendment attempt can just immediately fire any Cabinet members whose loyalty he doubts. And then keep firing the acting cabinet members down the line of succession until there’s either nobody left to serve or somebody loyal. So then the only way to avoid that is for the VP to surreptitiously round up cabinet members and hope nobody leaks it to the President. Either way it’s chaos.
And honestly, the problem is not that Trump is suffering from some disease or disability. He’s pretty much the same asshole people knew — or should have known — he was when he was elected in 2016.
The remedy here was impeachment and removal from office, and the GOP Senators (except Romney) blew it. Maybe they’ll try to take a quick shot at it now, though I doubt it could move that quickly.
I think I posted my prediction of the future at the exact same time as you posted that 😀
By the way, if I were the GOP I’d jettison Trump immediately, because (unlike the US constitution and democratic system in general), I’m acutely aware on how easy that nutjob can do something blindingly (as in megaton-range blinding) stupid and by the rule of the law, his order (when properly authenticated) would be valid and actionable. Just a single nightmare scenario from the top of my head – quick show of force against select targets in Iran (to benefit we all know who) or China (ditto). Hell, it’ll only take a couple of Peter Navarro-grade toadies on the military/natsec side of things(anyone who’s studied economics knows how much of a nutter that cunt is) to convince him that “they won’t retaliate”, “after COVID, the world’s with us” or even the worst of all “it’ll be quick, clean and without collateral damage” and …
WE
ARE
ALL
FUCKERIZED
So funny:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1fR09boarM&feature=youtu.be
Yes, let’s all stick to SPORTS DAMN IT, because reality’s getting too fucking much atm. Also, I wonder how badly UTree will lose his mind if somehow ThePauls beat the Steelers
If the Browns win, I expect insurrection like today’s from the MAGAchuds. Only instead we storm NFL headquarters armed with sandwiches from Primanti Bros.
New England will join with some boilin’ hawt clahm chowdah, because the stupider of my fellow Pats fans (aka the ones that can’t grasp how extraordinarily good we’ve had it the past 20 years) will want someone/anyone to pin our losing season on, because “just not our year” doesn’t cut it for them 😀
Remember, though, that if the Democratic Party fails to enact 100% of your preferred policy agenda, the progressive thing to do is to say fuck them and turn the country back over to these thugs.
Or so I read somewhere.
That really pissed me off last night. I stayed out of it because I was afraid I would go off, but the good Doktor deserves an immediate apology.
I’m good, I’ve gotten to a spot where I don’t let that stuff have emotional power over me. Although it is sad that’s even needed
You are much nicer than I am.
Oh, it’s not niceness at all, just a mental health cost-benefit analysis
Plus lots of em get off on upsetting you, it’s frequently way nastier to be calm about it 😉
Fuck these terrorists
https://twitter.com/jim_newell/status/1346899789347233796?s=19
https://twitter.com/MEPFuller/status/1346905489561579532?s=19
4 Puerto Ricans got 30+ years in prison for less
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
I thought 2021 was supposed to be a goddamn improvement on 2020??!
seems like it’s going to get worse before it gets better. as usual. Just never expected this kinda crap
Bullets in MAGAts is a good thing.
What the freaking fuck is going in in the Capitol?
This is all very bizarre to me from next door.
These treasonous fucks need to be lined up and shot.
If these were BLM protesters, the police wouldn’t bother to line them up first.
Peaceful BLM protestors got tear gassed because Trump wanted a photo op in front of a church. These armed MAGA assholes are physically shoving past the police into the Capitol, and the cops are still playing nice.
Continues to be horrifyingly accurate
Agree on the latter, but… on the former… Is that actually treason, ’cause (in theory) they’re still defending the (unfortunately still) sitting president. Now, call them terrorists and I’m all aboard (especially given the … “fun stuff” you lads did with people even just suspected of being terrorist-ish)
Edit: To quote the Beeb
A few Confederate flags have been spotted as well.
So… you can struck my question off the record, they be treasonweasels!
Well then line them up and shoot them for sedition . . . along with those lickspittles Hawley and Cruz.
No idea who the former is(I iz Irish-ish, tho currently in Sweden), but if he’s in the same sentence as Cruz… GO FOR IT
Btw, you can always use those guys as de-mining equipment in like Afghanistan and such.. that way there’ll be some benefit of their existence
Hawley is a senator from MO who was the first senator to say he’d vote against the election results — Cruz was just along for the ride as always
Firstly… HOW IS VOTING AGAINST THE ELECTION A THING?!
Secondly… Read the above, but with a voice tinged with a mixture of psychotic laughter and existential dread
Thirdly… Yeah, Cruz’s always been a spineless bastard (it’s glaringly obvious even to us on this side of the pond)
Fourthly… SERIOUSLY?! HOW IS THIS A THING ?! And to think that I used to find our single transferrable vote system “too complicated and tiresome”
It’s not a thing. Not really.
The Constitution just directs Pence to open the Electoral College votes and Congress to count them. Because, well, someone’s got to do it. Since there was a controversy in 1876 over competing slates of electors, which got resolved in a shameful way, Congress passed the Electoral Count Act to establish a mechanism to deal with future legitimate disputes.
Trump die-hards have seized upon these provisions as meaning that Pence and/or Congress can just do whatever they like for any reason, and lickspittles like Hawley and Cruz have encouraged it so they can curry favor for their future presidential runs. Unfortunately, the mob actually takes this shit seriously.
But the problem is not really in the Constitution. Every system of government has failure points. I don’t know who counts and announces election results in Ireland or Sweden, but imagine a political faction deciding that the person(s) charged with that duty can just announce whatever results they want.
It’s standard coup shit. Nobody ever announces “this is a coup, I’m taking over in defiance of all legal principles, just because I can.” There’s always some pretext, rationale, bogus legal interpretation. Ireland and Sweden probably are less prone to the nonsense you’re seeing today in the U.S., but it’s not because their laws or constitutions are perfect.
And as usual, your explanations are easier to comprehend than Wikipedia, so thanks for that. While I’m at it – do you reckon that this whole presidency will somehow yield an Ammendment that somehow keeps watch on the president’s mental faculties in a non-partisan way (I know, fat chance at that, but it’s glaringly obvious the 25th doesn’t cover all bases)
I know people are hot on using the 25th here, but I don’t think this is the purpose that it was intended for, or that it should be modified to serve.
Trump may be a sociopath who is “unfit for office” in the sense that he should never have been elected, but he’s not actually mentally incapacitated or insane. He’s just a selfish evil fuck. And the remedy for that is impeachment.
I’m honestly not convinced that he’s not at least senile (and not just the last 4 years), but I was thinking more along the lines of a hypothethical sort of “outside” testing as the yearly “physicals” he got were obviously lying for the obvious stuff (physical condition), so how can one trust the testing for psychological and mental issues.
Unfortunately, I also see the obvious downsides and outright dangers of such a form of external medical checkups, so … yay for existential dread yet again
Hey, leave the weasels outta this!
They are treasonweasels, they went full Quisling on yer species just so they could get better terms from their new pals and overlords – the Owls (…is it weird that I know offhand that owls are higher up the food chain than weasels?)
At the least it’s sedition. Which is 20 years.
Not in a time of war, right? And the US is always at war wink-wink, nudge nudge…
It’s a coup attempt. I know it’s not cool to say it, we’re supposed to all chuckle knowingly about how this is just all for show, and Biden’s going to be inaugurated in the end, but the armed idiots storming the Capitol don’t think that at all.
Don’t get me wrong — Biden will get inaugurated in two weeks. But people are probably going to be hurt in the meantime.
I’m actually (mostly) agreeing with a Mitch McConnell speech. 2021 is off to a weird start.
Mitch: “I love power as much as Trump, but he is going too far even for me. I am also way to fucking old to put this up for debate for each contested state. There is a riot outside, and I am scared. I want to go back to my lake, and breath air through my butt.”
Yeah, that plus a strong dose of “we got our tax cuts, judges, and gutted environmental and other regulations. Time to take our wins and spend the next 4 years blocking everything in sight. Actual coups and civil wars are bad for business, so this asshole Trump is of no further use to us.”
“I thought I got out of Purgatory?”
-L Fitzgerald, retiring
Sexy Friday Purgatory cross over post.
CAN’T WAIT
Love this. DFO Mythology should be a thing