So, good news and bad news. On the good news front, the AFL is starting up again with the AFLW season starting next week! That means that I will be using this timeslot for the AFL Beat!

We are also doing another Tipping Contest for AFLW! Click the link below and join us! You may just be the recipient of a gently-used Fleshlight!

https://mobile.footytips.com.au/competitions/?competitionId=454009&ff=ladders

On the not-so-good news front, that means this is the end of Eventual Balls Thoughts until the AFL season is over next October. I am trying to see if someone can take over the weekly recaps of the best comments of the week because y’all are super funny and your comments deserve to be reprinted for all who missed them to enjoy. I’ll keep you posted if I can get someone to take over those duties.

I really like the Bills and I’m hoping they can give the Chiefs a run for their money. I suppose it all depends in how healthy Mahomes is. It should be an amazing game.

The other game is very interesting. Tampa handled the Packers in Week 6, which should give Aaron and company added motivation. As much as we collectively dislike Brady, he has been here before and he knows what it takes. I give the edge to Green Bay, but it should also be a great game.

We’re actually pretty lucky this year. The last three games are going to be spectacular.

As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

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DFO Comments O’ The Week!

“Bye Eagles Bye”

-D. Pederson

SonOfSpam

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Doug Pederson fired into the sun. At least he got a chance to take a look at the 3rd string QB beforehand.

Sharkbait

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There’s a rumoUr that The Hallmark Channel is hosting this game. Looking forward to sideline reporter Lacey Chabert explaining to the audience what an illegal benefit is.

scotchnaut

Lori Laughlin can provide some insights on the college recruiting and admissions process.

Dunstan

Sometimes you gotta “stack the deck” to get that “full house”.

… I’m sorry.

Bloody Lethal

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Q: How do you get an Ohio State graduate off your porch?

A: Pay him for the pizza

Brick Meathook

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One time when I was playing the high school basketball, our very lousy team was in a tourney and it was very obvious to me and my teammates that we were first game fodder for the highest ranked team. Our coach insisted to us that we could win the game but didn’t explain to us how. I imagine OSU players are feeling the same thing I was feeling back then.

scotchnaut

I remember coaching in Little League once and watching a team walk onto the field with half of them shaving. I turned to our guys and said “Fellas, I’m gonna level with you. We are gonna die.”

We wound up winning, because of all of those monsters only one of them had grown enough into his body to have any sort of coordination. Anyway, that day I learned that appearance can be deceiving, and you should only judge people by their sexual orientation.

Horatio

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THIS OHIO STATE TEAM, I CALL THE PRETTIEST COUSIN BECAUSE EVERYONE IN AN ALABAMA JERSEY IS TAKING TURNS FUCKING THEM

LemonJello

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“Well, Joe Namath and forward passes do go together.” — S. Kolber

Dunstan

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What are those things?

Game Time Decision

“A promise ring after I eat out the center.”

-A. Reid

scotchnaut

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Just how bad are the Detroit Red Wings supposed to be this year?

Bloody Lethal

Pretty bad, but not as bad the historic laughingstock of the league 2019-20 Detroit Red Wings.

herodotus450

Any talent in the pipeline?

scotchnaut

They have all been laid off. THANK TRUDEAU!

Litre_cola

I’m not going to lie, I accidentally copied and pasted a comment I made on a Pornhub vid.

scotchnaut

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found a funny:

cant imagine how furious all clown fish are. everytime we see them we’re like look it’s Nemo and they just have to clench their little fins and swim away like “my name is fuckin Steven”

rockingdog

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found a funny:

> “So, you get Bob from Robert, Bill from William, Fred from Frederick and Harry from Harrison. How do you get Dick from Richard?”

> “Ask nicely.”

Redshirt

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Most of my photo selections look like “proof of life” photos. Send us the ransom or the next package includes her thumb.

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Penguins crying while they’re losing big? Good to see hockey is back to normal.

herodotus450

The zamboni simply has to re-distribute Sidney’s tears in order to re-do the ice during intermissions.

scotchnaut

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As a fan you know you’re fucked when your team has to announce that Coach Nagy and GM Pace have been retained for the following year.

scotchnaut

Chicago sports teams exist for one reason. Rampant alcoholism.

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A flutist and a professional flytier. He must have been a blast at parties.

Game Time Decision

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Asked to comment on his choice for starting goalie tonight, Detroit coach said, “the squeaky Greiss gets the wheel.”

herodotus450

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Jebus weeps. Urban Meyer in as Jaguras coach? How’s he going to adjust to the smaller budget?

LemonJello

And less bribing

Game Time Decision

And stricter behavior guidelines. I mean, you shoot a guy in the face in the NFL that’s at least a four game suspension.

Horatio

“A Celery Cap? What’s my Cheez Whiz budget then? I’m gonna have to take this back to my people. UNCLE BILLY, THEY DONE THREW A CURVEBALL INTO MY OUTHOUSE!”

-Rural Meyer

scotchnaut

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Obviously, the drink for a hockey team on Long Island is the Long Island Iced Tea. Also appropriate because the Isles keep adding new ingredients but the result always disappoints.

Dunstan

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I call this drink Pyrite for Pornos

BFC

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I honor of the dude who smacked that racist guy at the convenience store upside the forehead with a Twisted Tea, I picked up a Twisted Tea at the convenience store.

TheRevanchist

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My ass has been in my recliner since 5:30 am mst. It will be here until the last NFL game. Pray for me.

“Lord, grant me JJD’s resolve. Amén.”

Don T

Where’s the rest of you?

Horatio

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My word, what a barbaric challenge from the American. Then again, I should not be surprised — many of the colonies stopped receiving proper football education after they became independent. Their loss.

Cecil Rhodes

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Naming your kid John Johnson III signals to the rest of the world that nobody in your family has a creative bone in their body.

Petronel

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I have to clean up all the fluff my puppy rips out of his toys so that makes me a fluffer.

JimU

You could put that on your CV as skills related to the job?

Litre_cola

I think “dog fluffer” looks good on a resumé!

JimU

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I haven’t seen a hook and ladder run that well since I made your mom use the fire escape so my roommates didn’t see her

Mother Puncher

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What is the route where you just stand around with no defenders on exactly the first down line called?

Doktor Zymm

I believe it’s called “Playing Against the Jets”

Dunstan

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Hey folks, sorry I’m late. The wife wanted to have sex so I had to let the guy in.

Anyway, how’s the game?

Horatio

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Writes “game over” in notebook.

Starts tearfully masturbating.

At work.

Col. Duke LaCross

/works in gay porn

I see someone’s gunning for a promotion!

Horatio

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I always pictured the Andy Reid Tree as having sausages hanging from it.

Dunstan

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Call that interception CORVID-21 because it took all the breathe out of the Ravens

Gatoraids

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I just got to explain Wide Right, Machine Gun Kelly and Dave Hostetler to my spouse who was 9 when it happened. Its moments like these that make football family.

Recovery Whiskey

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Have a wonderful week, everyone! Thanks for the funny and stay safe!