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Your “Are You Back Full-Time Now, Prettyboy?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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Well, at least for February. Starting in March I’ll be angling for that promised Biden $15/hour & fewer work days.

NFL Nuggets:

In the Open Thread last night we talked about the upcoming QB carousel, so let’s see what’s what today:

  • Sounds like DangeRuss is tired of running for his life in Seattle. 
    • “I’ve definitely been hit — I’ve been sacked almost 400 times. We got to get better. I got to find ways to get better, too… I’m frustrated with getting hit too much.”
    • Apparently, Seahawks GM John Schneider has had a few calls asking about Wilson’s availability.
      • Given the Seahawks don’t have a first-rounder for two years, thanks to the Jamal Adams trade, it makes sense teams would make enquiries.
      • But according to ESPN, he has three years left on the four-year, $140 million extension he signed in April of 2019.
        • Trading Wilson before June 1 of this year would trigger $39 million in dead-money charges against Seattle’s 2021 salary cap.
    • But when asked by Dan Patrick whether he’s available in trade, Wilson said this: “I’m not sure if I’m available or not. That’s a Seahawks question.”
  • Meanwhile, on the Carson Wentz front, 
    • To the Bears, along with a first-round pick, for Nick Foles, Tarik Cohen & a first-rounder.
      • That would be the most hilarious option, given they had him just two years ago.
    • To the Colts, to be reunited with old coach Frank Reich.
    • Nowhere, because they aren’t getting a good enough offer.
  • Andrew Luck? 
    • Colts fans need to ‘digest’ the truth: Andrew Luck “definitely is retired”.
      • He further added, “Believe me, I wish it was true and I was hiding some big announcement… but that’s just not the case.”
      • If they had said “ingest” then I’d definitely believe it came from Jim Irsay. But “hiding” something? That seals the deal enough for me.

And RIP to Marty Schottenheimer, who died Monday aged 77, of complications associated with Alzheimer’s disease.

It’s hard to sum up the life of a guy who was around the game for as long as I’ve been alive.

Ouch. So, here’s the link to his episode of “A Football Life”. Give it a watch & remember some times and some guys.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8rGTl2cjB0

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Philadelphia vs Washington – 6:00pm | NBCSN
    • Tampa Bay vs Nashville – 8:30pm | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Brooklyn at Detroit – 7:00pm | Sportsnet1
    • Houston vs New Orleans – 7:30pm | TNT
    • Boston vs Utah – 10:00pm | TNT / TSN5
    • Philadelphia at Sacramento – 10:00pm | Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Arkansas at Kentucky – 7:00pm | ESPN
    • Penn State at Michigan State – 7:00pm | ESPN2
    • West Virginia at Texas Tech – 9:00pm | ESPN / TSN4
    • St. John’s at Butler – 9:00pm | FS1
    • New Mexico at Colorado State – 11:00pm | FS1

Of course, we’ll see what the overlords at [DFO] Corp. have to say about my upcoming demands. I’m sure they’ll be handled with all the decorum of a fair & balanced contract negotiation.

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clint greasewood

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clint greasewood

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Gumbygirl

I am barfing in your general direction!

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clint greasewood

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Gumbygirl

Did I miss something? Did you have a horrific head injury, or do you have the ‘Rona? Either way, hope you feel better soon Jake. You are a valuable member of the team!

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clint greasewood

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Gumbygirl

Jesus Christ that is terrifying up close!

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Sharkbait

That is terrifying

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The challenge on this episode of Project Runway is to reinvent the tuxedo. One contestant is doing one that is basically just backwards. My dream is for one of the judges to describe it as wiggeda-wiggeda-wiggeda-whack.

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blaxabbath

I watched one season of that show and the guy who won was a dick and may have cheated.

My post on why I quit on the Bachelor franchise is forthcoming…

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TheRevanchist

The first few seasons were awesome to watch. Once the original judges left, it wasn’t that entertaining for me. I’ve moved on to Love After Lockup for my reality TV choice. Quite fun watching the former inmates and their love interests all be shitty people with issues.

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Sharkbait

Still havent seen an episode of Project runway. But I’d let Tim Gunn do my wardrobe in a second

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blaxabbath

I appreciate that Quotables has been a part of the [DFO] culture long enough that old editions are still refreshingly funny when they pop up here and there.

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Beerguyrob

That one above was the fourth one that came up when I typed “Russell Wilson sacked gif” into the google machine.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

More like SPACernick, amirite https://twitter.com/axios/status/1359303248792879104?s=19

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herodotus450

Directors include Attica Jaques, Google’s head of global brand consumer marketing, and Katia Beauchamp, co-founder and CEO of Birchbox.

Attica Jacques? Oh, this is one of those automated article generator things, isn’t it?

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Dunstan

It’s an interesting question whether the NFL’s blackballing of him actually ended up making him more money in the long run. He went from being a good but not great QB who had maybe fallen off a cliff (though still totally deserving of an NFL job) to being a major cultural figure.

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SonOfSpam

The NFL didn’t blackmail him, he was born that way you ignorant racist.

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Dunstan

So I shouldn’t ask him “How long have you been a black quarterback”?

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Brick Meathook

Kaepernick was always looking to cash out and he did. He took a big payoff from Nike and you never heard him utter a word about how that money came from child slave labor in Asia being used to make $1 shoes that were sophisticatedly marketed and sold to poor kids in American urban ghettos where they sold for $99

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Viva La Tabula Raza

He’s trolling my racist relatives who nicknamed him Colin Nopaycheck.

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King Hippo

welp sew much FOAR shipping Uncle Ben and Aunt Jemima I gues THANKS OBAMA!!!111

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Brick Meathook

Despite my ball waxing and pedicures and cock sucking, I swear I’m completely straight. So, here’s a Hollywood musical number from MGM that’s fabulous.

Actually, I’ve never even heard of this movie before yesterday, even though it is most of the same people who made Singin’ in the Rain (1952) a year before. It’s from I Love Melvin (1953) and this football game sequence is pretty impressive (and I’m not much of a musical fan, because I’m straight). Debbie Reynolds plays a football:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=nMNHH4clmP0

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Senor Weaselo

Ball waxing, ya say?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1JnYpy3hYg

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Don T

His son Brian is the most famous of the Schottenheimer coaching bonsai. RIP, Marty.

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SonOfSpam

(stands directly on Horatio’s toes)

The Chiefs suspended Britt Reid today, sort of like how the five year old girl is suspended between life and death due to Britt Reid consuming Adderall and alcohol and getting behind the wheel of his vehicle and hitting a couple of stopped cars which had kids inside and now those kids are seriously hurt and may die and what’s also galling is that Reid has had multiple DUIs and even a case of road rage and yet he apparently learned nothing except how to continue to drive impaired and wound innocent children even though as Andy Reid’s son he surely has the resources to hire a driver full time but instead Britt Reid chose to risk the lives of innocent children which is why he’s now suspended from coaching but no doubt still receiving a paycheck which he spends on more drugs and alcohol.

(steps off Horatio’s toes which are now crushed because I am fat)

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blaxabbath

Does he have to hold your gut while you step all up on him?

Also, how much does a driver run?

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clint greasewood

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Sharkbait

Ive been mildly obsessed with the Goldeneye remake the Xbox 360 that got leaked last week. Total nostalgia gaming

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Senor Weaselo

Once again, no playing as Oddjob.

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SonOfSpam

Strangely, you can play as Bond’s kimono-wearing male assistant Handjob

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Dunstan

“Ah, too bad it’s male” — Robert Kraft

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SonOfSpam

“We meet again Mister Kraft…”

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t expect you to talk, I expect you to cum!

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scotchnaut

My fave cooking channel and I was in on the ground floor way back when. Shepherd’s Pie is “Irish Lasgana” and carrots are “ground daggers”? I give you the brilliance of “You Suck At Cooking, Yeah You Totally Suck”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abNXRAQSV-c&ab_channel=YouSuckAtCooking

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scotchnaut

If you’re not aware of the narrative arc of Pimblokto, I pity you.

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Brick Meathook

There are rival Tuesday Night Open Threads.

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Dunstan

We’ll kick the asses of those guys in the other thread.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is BGR a crip or a blood?

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Beerguyrob

Based on the shoulder, clearly a Crip.

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herodotus450

Boy I hope someone got fired for that bluder.

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Mr. Ayo

Just what this clubhouse needs, more sacks.

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Redshirt

Does DFO follow Unrestricted Free Agency or do we still follow the “Plan B” Free Agency because we have a weak ass union that won’t stand up for our rights?

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SonOfSpam

The other thread is specifically for nerdass plane pictures.

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Brick Meathook

This is the manly ball waxing thread. Welcome, brother.

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SonOfSpam

I pluck.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

“I post everything twice!!”
—Soldier who shared Yossarian’s hospital room,

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
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Redshirt

Aunt Jemima finally has a new name – CNN

That’s what they came up with? It sounds like a rival paper factory from The Office.

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Brick Meathook

Aunt Jemima got fired and Betty Crocker got promoted.

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Redshirt

Uncle Ben – SNL – YouTube

At least one good thing came from this nonsense. Not that I’m diminishing the reasons behind the change, but when compared to everything else, its in the upper 70,000s in the “Crap That Needs Fixed List”.

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SonOfSpam

I just feel like “Ladysmith Black Mambazo” is not catchy, syrup-wise.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s more of a rum name.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

With regards to the banner image, I was once standing behind someone in line Amoeba Records that I believed was Ron Livingston. He looked irritable as hell so I didn’t bother him.

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Sharkbait
  • Philadelphia vs Washington – 6:00pm | NBCSN

About that game…

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Beerguyrob

I’m here for you, my man. I can cover next week as well if necessary.

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Brick Meathook

I got my second haircut in a year today, and I have a thick head of fast growing weeds.

I now have a second DFO Eskimo Brother in the hair removal area, as yeahright recommended Tattiana in El Segundo to me. My El Segundo barber was backed up two weeks, and I could no longer tolerate my hair situation. I told her she should give him a 10% discount next time.

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Of course, BFC and I both get our sphincters and nut sacks waxed by Laney in West Hollywood, so we are also Eskimo Brothers. As I’ve stated before, we do not go there together.

And of course I get pedicures by the Vietnamese gals across the street on Manchester in Playa, in case anybody needs a recommendation and wants to form an Eskimo bond with me. I cannot recommend pedicures for men enough. It is good foot health, and once you try it you will wonder where this has been all your life.

I know this makes me sound like like a metrosexual or worse, but I’m dead-straight and a war hero too. Sure, I’ve sucked a few cocks here and there but it was only by accident and I sure as hell didn’t suck ’em in a faggy way. I’ve been very clear about this.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s been since the first of March since my last haircut. I look like the Geico Caveman.

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BugEyedBoo

Part of my wife’s connubial duties are fulfilled when she runs a clipper set to 2 over my head.

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TheRevanchist

 BFC and I both get our sphincters and nut sacks waxed by Laney in West Hollywood…

That sounds like normal West Hollywood activities, so I actually have great doubt that you could be joking.

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Brick Meathook

Oddly, in Montreal, which is easily the gayest town in North America after Dallas and Phoenix, and even has a neighborhood officially designated “Gay Town,” well Montreal is so prude that nowhere can you get a real man’s ball waxing because they are too timid to go all the way down there and get the job done. Seriously. That was even explained to me by a waxer.

Last edited 5 years ago by Brick Meathook
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Viva La Tabula Raza

My understanding was that Provincetown MA and Key West FL were also pretty strong contenders for the “gayest town in NA” crown.

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Sharkbait

The people watching in Provincetown is fantastic.

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Brick Meathook

They’re not even close to Dallas and Phoenix. San Francisco isn’t either.

Dallas and Phoenix: gayer than fuck (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I have to imagine as percentage of population, though, P-Town and Key West come out ahead.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Sure, I’ve sucked a few cocks here and there but it was only by accident and I sure as hell didn’t suck ’em in a faggy way. 

As we (well, I guess most, if not all, of us) in the surface fleet used to joke, “It’s not gay if you’re underway.” Maybe even more appropriate in the bubblehead service?

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
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Brick Meathook

We were too busy destroying the Soviet Union to suck each other’s cocks.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I was on a supply ship, we had plenty of time between con-reps.

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yeah right

She’s great. I’ve been going there for years. Even after moving back to Pedro I’ll still get my haircut there. Pretty cool to get them business considering how many times the shop got locked down over the last year.

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Gumbygirl

Accidental gay sex, it’s the Navy way!

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Brick Meathook

I was watching the impeachment hearings on CourtTV and the commercials are awesome. They were all aimed at very old people.

The highlight was a Medicare plan commercial pitched by Joe Namath, back-to-back with an AARP commercial starring Pete the disbarred lawyer from Silicon Valley.

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Redshirt

I only heard the Trump guy on the radio, and after listening to him for 20 minutes, I wanted to punch him in the throat. Per CNN’s sources, so does Trump.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m glad that the R defense is basically to normalize treasonous sedition. America really needs to build a tent that everyone can fit in, no matter their various ethos’s.

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
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Redshirt

I’m all for expanding your tent, but I wouldn’t go that far.

(Trigger Warning: I’m going Full Moderate Republican, you’ve been warned!)

Can you guarantee that if I go to the podium at the ’24 Democratic Convention and say that I’m against abortion (with reasonable exceptions) because if there is a chance that life does begin in the womb, we should error on the side of life, that I won’t be aborted on the stage painfully and slowly?

(Trigger Warning over)

My only hope is a Third Party gets started or Elizabeth II decides to avenge George III and takes back the Colonies Plus 37.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, there are anti-abortion Democrats currently serving in both houses of Congress who are still living and breathing, and not fearing for their lives, so my answer would probably be “you’re safe.” Also, I had my tongue planted firmly in cheek, or as they say in internet-speak, “/s.”
As a moderate Republican, would you currently feel safe attending an RNC event and saying that Trump is guilty of inciting insurrection? I think Cheney or Kinziger might be able to provide an answer to that.

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
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Redshirt

Would you feel safe attending an RNC event and saying that Trump is guilty of inciting insurrection?

If I’m dying of a Stage Four Cancer, I probably would just for fun. If I’m going out, I’m not going out peacefully surrounded by my loved ones.

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Senor Weaselo

Well, he admitted Trump lost, and they can’t have that!

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Redshirt

(artist’s conception of Trump’s reaction)
comment image/revision/latest?cb=20170329112512

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Apparently, not far off the reality…
https://www.rawstory.com/trump-screaming-during-impeachment/

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
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Redshirt

Meteorologists’ forecast of last night’s snow storm was the opposite of my dates when we go back to my place: they were expecting three to four inches, but I got nearly a foot.

Last edited 5 years ago by Redshirt
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Senor Weaselo

That sounds like improvement from where you were, so THAT’S STILL GREAT HUSTLE!

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