[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Your “Who Will The Fans Throw At Now?” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

/

, ,

NFL Noise:

  • It’s official – Carson Wentz to the Colts for two draft picks. It becomes official once the new league year begins on March 17.
    • In exchange for a 2021 third-round pick and a conditional 2022 second-rounder.
      • The 2022 conditional second-round pick becomes a first-round selection if Wentz plays 75 percent of the snaps in 2021, or 70 percent and the Colts make the playoffs.
    • Also, the Bears never made an offer, despite plenty of rumours.
      • They looked at Mitchell Trubisky & Nick Foles, then looked at Carson Wentz, and went, “Nah; we’re good.”
        • A true vote of indifference!
  • Hilariously, the trade will still leave the Eagles with $33.82 million in dead money on their 2021 salary cap, the largest dead-cap hit in NFL history.
    • This means the rebuild will extend deep into 2022. That should make the callers to WIP very happy.

  • Helpfully for the Eagles, the NFL & NFLPA have agreed that the minimum salary cap for 2021 will be “at least” $180 million.
    • This is a rise of $5 million over the “temporary cap” they agreed to prior to the start of the 2020 season.
      • In theory, it could rise further, once all incorporated revenues are tabulated across the league.
    • For comparison, $5 million was the 2020 base salary for Leonard Floyd, Tyrod Taylor and all-around pleasant fellow Richie Incognito.
  • For the stats nerds among us, an analytics guy broke down the trade the Eagles made to draft Wentz in the first place.
    • The Eagles traded up with Cleveland to get their #2 pick in 2016.
      • They gave the Browns their 2016 & 2017 #1 picks, their #2 pick in 2018, and a 3rd & 4th in 2016 for the Browns #1 pick.
    • The mind-boggling part of the trade breaks down two ways:
      • He shows who the Browns could have had with those picks; and
      • He shows what the Browns did with those picks, and what they got in return.

Mindboggling. I know we all joke about certain teams missing in a draft, but this serial fuckuppery by the Browns should be taught in college business programs.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • New Jersey vs Boston – 7:00pm | Sportsnet
    • NY Islanders vs Pittsburgh – 7:00pm | NHLN
    • Minnesota vs Anaheim – 10:00pm | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Toronto vs Milwaukee – 7:30pm | TNT / TSN
    • Brooklyn vs LA Lakers – 10:00pm | TNT / TSN
    • Miami vs Sacramento – 10:00pm | Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Iowa at Wisconsin – 7:00pm | ESPN
    • Houston at Wichita State – 7:00pm | ESPN2
    • Saint Mary’s at Gonzaga – 9:00pm | ESPN
    • Arizona at UCLA – 9:00pm | ESPN2 / TSN2
    • Rutgers at Michigan – 9:00pm | FS1
    • Colorado at Oregon – 11:00pm | ESPN2 / TSN2
    • Stanford at Washington – 11:00pm | FS1

That’s it for me. Balls has got you tomorrow night for teh sexy, so I’ll catch up with you crazy cats on Saturday.

5 2 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
120 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Fuck this week

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Getting to be an evergreen comment

2
Mr. Ayo

lol

https://twitter.com/Ygrene/status/1005573810211475456

4
Beerguyrob

James Harrison approves.
comment image

3
Col. Duke LaCross

Who would’ve thought Ted Cruz retweeting incest porn videos on 9/11 a few years ago would be the most honorable thing he ever did while in office?

Me, I thought that. He’s always been a creep.

0
Dunstan

This long distance request and dedication goes out to a certain Senator from Texas:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e_huGmZJ3g

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m sure I have posted this at some point in the past, too bad. This guy is one of my favorite musicians.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=feanrrMD_ak

0
SonOfSpam

I’ve seen JT twice in concert (I AM OLD)

He is terrific and also old.

1
Doktor Zymm

Sweet and/or pleasantly bitter dreams y’all, I’m going to go read some sort of book in bed

4
Mr. Ayo

After 5 gin drinks? I can barely concentrate on a book after 1 drink.

So, good for you!

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I can never remember what I read when I am drunk. Kindle has helped out on this.

1
Beerguyrob

“Some sort of book”.

E8A1ADB8-BDE6-4F7A-9D51-44581D7E3D06.jpeg
5
Don T

comment image

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Weather radar has shown a huge snowstorm laying it on my location since about 7 PM supposed to last till midnight. I have looked out the window regularly and haven’t seen a flake. Fine with me.

4
Beerguyrob

Fake news from The Weather Channel? Is nothing fucking sacred anymore?!

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

The founder of the Weather Channel, John Coleman, was a climate change skeptic/denier.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/capital-weather-gang/wp/2018/01/21/john-coleman-weather-channel-founder-and-climate-change-doubter-dies-at-83/

0
Beerguyrob

You can still disbelieve in the thing making you money. Just ask Jerry Falwell.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Jerry Jr sez:comment image

1
Don T

Not enough to unmute
comment image

1
Don T

BUT, opens the floor to pairing sportscasters with drinks:
Spiro Dedes – Rum
Tony Romo – Arnold Palmers
Dan Fouts – John Dalys (half beer, half beef bouillon)
Adam Archuleta – Asphalt

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Suggest Spiro should be paired with ouzo, in tribute to his Greek heritage.

1
Dunstan

I thought a John Daly was an Arnold Palmer with lots of vodka

1
Dunstan

Pretty sure Al Michaels is going for cask strength scotch. Collinsworth probably a bourbon guy.

2
Brick Meathook

I see Collinsworth as a Zima drinker.

1
Doktor Zymm

a) used to?
b) shouldn’t he be more fun on a tequila drunk?
c) maybe it wasn’t enough tequila?
d) nah, some things/people even tequila can’t make better
e) yes, I am ashamed of my misuse of a lettered list

3
Dunstan

Well, I can confirm that Joe Buck likes tequila…

2
Don T

That was a great prank.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Shit Jose Cuervo, or some of that smooth smooth Don Julio 1942? Wish the 1942 was a bit less expensive, but there you go.

1
Dunstan

It was almost certainly decent-to-excellent tequila given the establishment I saw him at. It’s actually a pretty cool bar, I miss not having been there.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Dang, I forgot about your encounter. Maybe I was drinking tequila the night it was posted.

1
Dunstan

Oh, no reason you should remember it; I wasn’t sure anyone would catch the reference.

1
Sharkbait

comment image

0
Doktor Zymm

https://youtu.be/Uw0FZRTnPLc?list=PLpwRg-cqClWADnQdhiLdE4mY3R_3bGAST
Not sure about the giant trousers. Maybe it’s a music thing?

0
Dunstan

I prefer the Rob Schneider version

1
Don T

I never should’ve been in that relationship. In my defense, it wasn’t until today that stuff was clarified after receiving my first “I’m not the antichrist” text.

1
Doktor Zymm

I’m the pro-Christ!
*as in professional, not the prefix

Last edited 5 years ago by Doktor Zymm
3
Don T

comment image

3
Don T

Full article, published when Jordan returned to the Bulls.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theonion.com/christ-returns-to-nba-1819563859/amp

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I worked with a O-3 captain named Sarah Christ. She pronounced it krist. Whenever she had a question or something, I’d act all exasperated and exclaim “Sarah H. Christ!!!” in the traditional pronunciation. She was a good sport and thought it was funny. I think she’s a full colonel or a one-star these days. I probably wouldn’t say that to her now.

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
3
Doktor Zymm

The higher you get the more you gotta be self-deprecating cause can’t punch down, hope she makes it to 4-star like the promos that were just in the news 🙂

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

She was Civil Engineering career path, 4 star is a bridge too far. Highest a CE officer can achieve is Commander, USAF Installation Mission and Support Command, which is always a Major General (2 Star). 3 and 4 star slots in the Air Force are usually reserved for pilots and some medical types.

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
2
Doktor Zymm

2 star is nothing to scoff at, although interesting that it pans out that way. Considering the way armed conflict works out nowadays it may not matter, but seems inefficient to limit the top ranks based on where you start and area of expertise. I shouldn’t really talk since I don’t know what the expectations are for the bigwigs, but it’s probably subjective at that point?

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Some commands aren’t large enough to rate a high-ranking commander. Navy Special Forces commander (SEALs) is a one-star admiral, that’s as high as a special ops officer can aspire to. The AFIMSC which I labor under was only stood up in 2014; our commander for the first two years was MGen Carter, a female 2-star.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Air_Force_Installation_and_Mission_Support_Center

1
Doktor Zymm

So there’s nothing above that other than non-promoted spots? I guess I’m comparing to corporate, where if someone from any function were to go into management they could go past the highest management spot in that function, e.g. an engineer isn’t limited to engineering manager or CTO, but could be CEO

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I think some can choose staff leadership career paths if they want to rise to Joint Chief/Vice Joint Chiefs staff status, but to be honest, I don’t pay that much attention to it. Leadership changes every year or two and I just keep my head down and do my job. We change colonels like other people change their shoes.

2
Doktor Zymm

This was the clingy lady?

1
Don T

It’s been a recurring theme. Sigh.

It’s less distressing when one is the clingy one. Until dignity kicks in.

2
Doktor Zymm

I think it’s distressing from either side within certain bounds. If I can go a year with someone without ever feeling like I’m talking to them too much or not enough then that’s probably marriage material right there, assuming they have decent credit.

4
Don T

The last time I requested a credit score, Experian sent me newspapers, with dead fish inside.

6
Viva La Tabula Raza

My Name is Earl, Season 1, Episode 4, “Faked My Own Death”
Ultimate clingy gf tale. Worth tracking down and watching, even if you have to pay a buck or two.

2
SonOfSpam

Oh shit…defending Jeopardy champ lost tonight because he guessed William Jennings Bryant on the Final question. That must be an ancestor of Kobe.

2
Doktor Zymm

Was he crucified on a cross of pyrite?

3
SonOfSpam

I would prefer to watch THIS version of the show.

1
Don T

AFC South QBs:
-Wentz
-Some rookie
-The Shawn’s trade haul
-THE Ryan Fucking Tannehill
comment image

5
Doktor Zymm

https://youtu.be/12MkmNKRYu4

1
SonOfSpam

Young people’s music is frightening. Here’s a proper Celebration song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GsxngIzc3c

4
Doktor Zymm

If you aren’t wearing a rhinestone jumpsuit I don’t know why I should listen to you

1
SonOfSpam

It’s Thong Thursday. Jumpsuits are the Sundays.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

This one is pretty good too. The use of it in 3 Kings was awesome. Nice funky beat, from the first all-white band signed by Motown Records.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRVPLPFoJL0

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
2
Don T

¡Farru! Uf, eso es crema. Mi favorita, if you can get thru the 1:30 interminable intro
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6LXuL32_RMM

1
Doktor Zymm

Oh this is good. Don’t have this on my local radio!

1
Beerguyrob

How are you able to type with your Titans boner getting in the way of your keyboard?

1
Don T

Dictation plus hhcchcghv

1
SonOfSpam

Bill Walton is delightful as ever on ESPN2 (UCLA-Arizona).

Mostly, I enjoy that many people hate him and their sportsball-watching is a bad experience as a result. I like the guy, but he’s definitely not for everyone.

1
Dunstan

I don’t really watch basketball, so I don’t hear him much. I like him, but I suspect he’s a “limited doses” guy for me.

1
Beerguyrob

Bill Walton is also a fan of limited doses.

4
SonOfSpam

Not positive he limits anything ever.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

THAT WAS HORRRRRRRIBLE!!!

1
Doktor Zymm

Not an adequate Moose impression, but oh well.

comic.png
2
Brick Meathook

https://vimeo.com/514109692

2
Brick Meathook

Gene Hackman as the “hip” minister is groping Stella Stevens all the way (+1). Also, what’s the deal with the chairs?

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

When I lived in Turkey, the base chaplain was a handsome Irish Catholic priest who was at the Officer’s Club just about every night and was not shy about having a dram or two. Like I said, handsome and unmarried in the hothouse/aquarium of a remote US outpost in a foreign land. He must have plowed every school teacher aged 25 to 50 years of age that taught at the school I attended, and a few frustrated housewives as well.

1
Doktor Zymm

Last relative to what? Last of the day, last of the hour, last of the Mohicans?

-Zymm, before her fifth and almost certainly last gin cocktail of the night

IMG_20210218_1833124~2.jpg
3
SonOfSpam

Not totally wishing for a pic of ZymGinVom later, but I think we’re gonna see it anyway.

2
Doktor Zymm

Unlikely, but I’ll be sure to take a picture should it happen! More likely, I slack off during my workout tomorrow and follow up by eating a lot of beans and jackfruit with a sketchy tummy.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe DZ will pass out before the purple/technicolor yawn comes up the ol’ esophagus.

1
Doktor Zymm

With that facial expression, she looks like she’s asking me for revenue estimates

3
WCS

I’d say she’s wondering if that was a shart, or just a fart…

Last edited 5 years ago by WCS
2
Doktor Zymm

White g-string in a pool, you know immediately

1
rockingdog

LOL

what the?
comment image

5
Viva La Tabula Raza

That’s excellent.

A Thark would have worked, too, but maybe a bit too obscure since no one saw the movie (as a kid I read all the John Carter of Mars books and I loved the movie, myself).
comment image

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
1
Brick Meathook

I bought and installed a new dash-cam today, just like a Russian. Front and rear cameras, 4K/60fps, I can’t wait for something crazy to happen.

3
Doktor Zymm

Hopefully yes, but what’s probably most likely to happen is you realize just how risky turning your head to check your blind spot actually is at highway speeds

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

It would be really cool if you were driving a Lada.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0n4U3lNFyA

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
1
Doktor Zymm

Why yes, blurple is a lovely color!

-Zymm, before her fourth and probably last gin cocktail of the night

IMG_20210218_1749388~2.jpg
4
clint greasewood

https://imgur.com/a/ETstI3W

Last edited 5 years ago by clint greasewood
12
litre_cola

They are overplaying commercials for the New Punky Brewster up here. Every time I see that fucking thing marijuana stocks go up due to my rage. We are almost at Fulham loss rage with the amount of times I see that fucking thing.

0
ArmedandHammered

New Punky Brewster? Really? Let’s go full on idiotic remake and bring back “Small Wonder”.

1
Doktor Zymm

I would 100% watch a Small Wonder/Futurama crossover

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Is it better or worse than the autistic dr show?
/ won’t watch either

1
Doktor Zymm

Why are you watching commercials anyway? Shouldn’t you be using that time to refill your drink/go pee/make a snack/form an opinion about socks?

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m not even familiar with the Old Punky Brewster; not my generation I guess. Fred Sanford and Archie Bunker and Maude, sure.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Let’s get that guy who tweeted about Fartson Wentz a tv show, i would imagine he’s a genius

2
Brick Meathook

Here’s a fun drinking game you can play if you find yourself driving around Los Angeles.

Set an alarm for 30 minutes and start driving on the L.A. freeways. Tune the radio to 101.1 FM. This is “K-Earth 101” which is the oldies station. It used to play Elvis and The Beatles but now the 90s is oldies.

Keep a big bottle of 80+ proof booze between your legs, and take a big gulp from it anytime one of the following songs plays within the 30 minute period:

“Girls Just Want to Have Fun” – Cyndi Lauper
“Come on Eileen” – Dexy’s Midnight Runners
“The Promise” – When in Rome
“Africa” – Toto
“Tainted Love” – Soft Cell

This drinking contest is rigged however and you will be hammered and put in jail with Mel Gibson after you crash into the ocean because these are the only five songs that K-Earth 101 ever plays.

2
Doktor Zymm

Aren’t those all 80s?

1
Brick Meathook

Yeah I meant 80s. Drink.

1
Doktor Zymm

On it.

1
Brick Meathook

Make sure you’re driving.

1
Doktor Zymm

I’m driving an imaginary civilization to the brink of greatness

1
Dunstan

“Yeah, that’s a fun game, but I like to spice it up by taking a pill every time they play ‘Jesse’s Girl’ or ‘Who Can It Be Now?’.” — Britt Reid

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Double shot if they play Turning Japanese?

1
herodotus450

I say it so often that you’re all probably sick of it but, the sport with the highest occurrence of nicknames is almost certainly women’s billiards.

1
Doktor Zymm

It’s probably the only place where women can regularly get nicknames other than “the girl”

1
herodotus450

Qualifications for joining the Columbus hockey-talking guy broadcast team appear to include complete ignorance of the rules of hockey, and several recent concussions.

2
Doktor Zymm

And this is the purplest cocktail of them all!

-Zymm, before her third gin cocktail of the day

IMG_20210218_1705526~2.jpg
4
herodotus450

Balls Magazine, eh? And yet that’s clearly a buckeyball on the cover smh.

3
Doktor Zymm

Balls is the issue title/theme, the magazine is Public Illumination

1
scotchnaut

Found this guy recently-the bit is that he’s an unemployed sommelier that tastes nasty stuff like Mad Dog, Everclear, Four Loko and on and on. In this one Miller High Life pairs well with “a Jean Claude Van Damme 8 hour movie marathon”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9CXtwmZ3C8&ab_channel=unemployedwineguy

2
herodotus450

ICYMI some guy who makes youtube video from his bedroom about stocks testified before those clowns in Congress today and, this is how you know he doesn’t know what he’s doing, actually answered their questions! With what appears to be the truth!

2
Doktor Zymm

Pfft, amateur. He should have taken the opportunity to tell Congress about his awesome new health care plan and campaign for sheriff!

2
Senor Weaselo

He’ll never make it in politics!

1
Beerguyrob

He’ll steal enough votes as the Green Party VP to ensure a President Rubio in 2024!

2
Doktor Zymm

Teams have hired economists to do draft analysis before. I know this because one of them was my Behavioral Econ Prof at U of C Booth. He was initially hired by the Redacteds, but they didn’t feel like listening to the stuff they paid $$$ for and the Cowboys scooped it up afterwards

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, looks like we aren’t quite done yet. Snowed for about 7 hours today, and another wave will be here soon and is supposed to last for about another 5 hours; hard freeze tonight in the teens, but we should start marginally warming up tomorrow afternoon and through the weekend. High next Wednesday should be in the low 70s. The electric co-op seems have their shit together, currently only 4,500 homes/businesses without power out of 351,000 homes/businesses over 8,100 sq mile service area. I dodged a bullet and never had an outage, but I bet my light bill is going to be horrendous. Now the state has to get to repairing shit. Fortunately Ted Cruz is back from Cancun to help with that effort.

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
3
Doktor Zymm

You have water too? I’ve got a friend in Denton who’s had in and out power with a boil advisory. She was Peace Corps in Guinea though, so she can handle it, but still blows that she has to do bucket baths with bleach in freaking Texas

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

I have my own well, it’s powered by an electric downhole pump, and the pipes are very well insulated. So, the only way I’d lose water is if I lose electricity.

2
Gumbygirl

It wasn’t him!

Eui-o23VEAEQpL2(1).jpeg
4
Horatio Cornblower

Man, I can’t believe the Browns missed an opportunity to have Connor Cook be their QB.

Seriously, I can’t believe it; that seems like something they would have done. Twice, if allowed.

4
herodotus450

Well they had already taken Cody Kessler 7 spots earlier so, why bother drafting another qb ever after that.

1
120
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x