Oh God. Oh Christ. It’s the day before the draft, and I’m back in this stupid thing again. This isn’t V2.0 anymore; if I’m being honest it’s about V5.0. This year’s draft is shaping up to be bananacakes. I suspect all the trades before the draft are just an appetizer for the trades that are going to be made during the draft. Everyone’s been locked up due to Covid and has more pent up energy than a young Horatio Cornblower headed off to his first high school dance. Let’s hope that the GMs can direct that energy in a more productive fashion than I did. Yeesh.
That said, both the GMS and young Horatio do seem fans of doing things prematurely, as yet another trade, this one Denver grabbing Teddy Bridgewater from Carolina for a 6th-round pick, has me back in here editing again. And no one knows that the 49ers are going to do at 3, which in turn has the potential to screw about 8 different things up beyond it. I am looking forward to this draft very much, especially because it means I can stop writing about it, but I have virtually no faith in any pick beyond the first two.
(AUTHOR’S NOTE: Just to add to the fun, the Bears and especially the Saints are now rumored to be pushing a lot of chips forward in an effort to get into the Top 10, no doubt to get a QB for the Saints, and the third-ranked punter for the Bears)
As is tradition, I’ll be comparing my picks to Peter King’s. Remember, he gets 7 figures for this; I get…nothing.
1. Jacksonville Jaguars
Record: 2-14
Top Needs: QB, TE, DL, S, OL
The pick: Clemson QB Trevor Lawrence. No change.
PK: Trevor Lawrence
2. New York Jets
Record: 2-14
Top Needs: QB, CB, OL, Edge, TE
The pick: Zach Wilson, QB, BYU. A bit of a change from the first version, in that I was sure Wilson would go here, just not sure that it would be the Jets who drafted him. Since then, however, the Jets shipped Darnold and his crayons to Carolina for three draft picks and some magic beans. They didn’t do that to draft a TE or OL, so Wilson goes to the Jets and his career, like most jets in NYC, goes up in flames.
PK: Zach Wilson.
Watch the Jets take Kyle Pitts just to fuck with everyone.
3. San Francisco 49ers (from Miami, via Houston)
Record: 6-10
Top Needs: QB, CB, DL, OL, TE
The Pick: A couple of years ago I started to hear a lot of talk that the Jets were going to take Sam Darnold instead of the original favorite, Baker Mayfield. I had Mayfield as my pick, but thought about changing it because there was just so much about Darnold being the new favorite. I didn’t, the Jets took Darnold, I was wrong, and the Jets went on to…well, to pretty much suck, just like always. So far I’ve had Trey Lance going here and Justin Fields going here. But, one again, there is just so much information about the 49ers wanting Alabama QB Mac Jones here, and this year I am not going to ignore it. Even though I, personally, (who is an idiot), would take either Lance or Fields over Jones, I think the 49ers are going to take Jones here. If they don’t, hat tip to them for a truly masterful class in disinformation.
PK Pick: Mac Jones
4. Atlanta Falcons
Record: 4-12
Top Needs: EDGE, CB, OL, S, QB
The Pick: I’ve gone back and forth between Penei Sewell and Kyle Pitts here. I had Sewell here in the original Version 2.0, but now I’m back to Florida TE Kyle Pitts. Believe it or not, I’m persuaded by the dynamic duo of Dan Orlovsky, (who literally ran out of the wrong end of the end zone), and Mina Kimes, (who is freaking adorable and devastatingly intelligent), who combined to point out that the Atlanta offense would be a friggin’ juggernaut with Pitts, (Kimes), and that Atlanta, while likely to be besieged with offers for this pick by teams looking to move up and grab Lance or Fields, Atlanta is going to have to demand so much to justify passing up a chance at Pitts, a generational talent at TE, (Orlovsky), that it’s hard to see anyone being able to meet those demands.
PK Pick: Kyle Pitts
5. Cincinnati Bengals
Record: 4-11-1
Top Needs: OL, EDGE, WR, TE, DT
The pick: With Pitts back in Atlanta, Oregon OL Penei Sewell is back in Cincinatti, and Redshirt’s TV is safe from bricks.
PK Pick: Ja’Marr Chase, WR, LSU. A good pick, especially with his connection with Burrows, but I think the Bengals would be better served keeping Burrows upright.
6. Miami Dolphins, from Eagles
Record: 10-6
Top Needs: WR, EDGE, OL, RB, LB
The pick: LSU WR Ja’Marr Chase . No change from V1.0
PK Pick: Jaylen Waddle, WR Alabama. If I didn’t have Sewell going to the Bengals I would agree with this, because Cincy will take either Chase or Sewell, and the Dolphins are absolutely taking a WR here.
7. Detroit Lions
Record:5-11
Top Needs: WR, LB, S, CB, OL
The Pick: An anonymous guy I chat with on Twitter, (@tholzerman: do you like socialism with your professional wrestling? Give him a follow), has convinced me that my concerns about Alabama WR Devonta Smith weighing less than my legs are overblown. After all Tyreek Hill weighed about 170-175 coming out of college, and he’s managed to make a pretty decent career for himself in the NFL, with absolutely no concerns outside of the lines for Mr. Hill. None at all. Let’s all just move on and try to forget what horrible people we are for continuing to support this league. Anyway, Smith won the Heisman, and it’s not like the NFL doesn’t know how to pack a few extra pounds of “all-natural” muscle on a guy. Change from V1.0
PK Pick: Penei Sewell. I don’t get this pick at all. OL is their 5th need, and they are plenty of good players at all of the other need positions available at 7. But this is Detroit, so who knows.
8. Carolina Panthers
Record: 5-11
Top Needs: QB, OL, CB, WR, S
The pick: I had Northwestern OL Rashawn Slater going here in the V2.0 originally, but with the expectation that they’d actually look to move this pick, having gotten their QB of the future in the Sam Darnold trade, (spends next 5 minutes telling class to stop laughing), but then Carolina went and unloaded Teddy Bridgewater to Denver for a 6th round pick and cash. So Darnold is the starter, with 1-2 years left on his deal),and Carolina, to me, is back in the market for a QB of the future. Because that is not going to be Darnold. I think this is probably the most likely pick to be moved to one of the teams looking to move up for a QB. Regardless of the team making the pick, I put North Dakota State QB Trey Lance going here.
PK Pick: Ohio State QB Justin Fields. It’s going to be him or Lance here, that seems certain.
9. Denver Broncos
Record: 5-11
Top Needs: QB, OL, LB, DL, RB
The pick: I was semi-convinced that they’d take Mac Jones, and also wanted to annoy Hippo by insisting that they would. But they didn’t just trade for Bridgewater to draft a QB at 9, so either they move this pick to someone, (the Bears are getting some press as a team looking to make a big move up and get a QB, and we all know they have no problem trading away an entire draft to do it), or they do what they likely should do and take Pedo State LB Micah Parsons here.
PK Pick: Trey Lance. To be fair, Peter put his draft out there before the trade with Carolina broke.
10. Dallas Cowboys
Record: 6-10
Top Needs: CB, OL, S, DL, LB
The pick: Alabama CB Patrick Surtain. Change from V1.0. I’m seeing far too many mocks having the Cowboys taking Surtain here, and almost none that have them doing anything else. The kid from South Carolina may be the better prospect, but he did have back surgery, and Surtain has the pedigree of not only being from Alabama, but also being the son of a former NFL player. I’m persuaded that such a combination will be too much for Ol’ Double J to resist. And it’s not like Surtain is exactly a reach here; he’s very good and has not had back surgery.
PK Pick: Surtain.
11. New York Football Giants
Record: 6-10
Top Needs: EDGE, OL, WR, RB, DT
The pick: I had Parsons going here in the original V2.0, but he’s gone now. Instead, let me borrow something from Peter King, of all people. The coach wants a receive, the GM wants Parsons, and the front office wants a cornerback. Parsons is gone, so it’s down to WR or CB. As much as I’d like to screw over the Eagles here, I’m going to try to out-Gettleman Gettleman, (you never go full Gettleman, though), and anticipate his inevitable reach. The pick here is Michigan Edge Kwity Paye. Never change, Dave, never change.
PK Pick: Parsons. Sure, if he’s there.
12. Philadelphia Eagles, from Miami via San Francisco
Record: 4-11-1
Top Needs: WR, CB, OL, LB, DL
The pick: I can see the Giants screwing the Eagles by taking him one pick in front of them, but if not the Eagles would be ecstatic to find Alabama WR DeVonta Smith here. Change from V1.0
South Carolina CB Jaycee Horn
13. San Diego Chargers
Record: 7-9
Top Needs: OL, CB, TE, S, DL
The pick: Northwestern OL Rashawn Slater. No change from V1.0, but definitely changed from the original V2.0.
PK Pick: Slater
[INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL FLIES OPEN]
WITH THE THIRTEENTH PICK, BOLTMAN SELECTS, DEATH BY IRON MAIDEN FOR THE HERETICS! TAKE THAT HOWEVER YOU PITIFUL MORTALS WISH! JUST KNOW BOLTMAN WILL BE ROCKING REGARDLESS!
[DOES AN UNNECESSARY AMOUNT OF PUSHUPS, SPRINGBOARDS INTO A SERIES OF CARTWHEELS AND LANDS ON A RANDOM PASSERBY WITH A SICKENING, CRIMSON THUD]
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
14. Minnesota Vikings
Record: 7-9
Top needs: OL, EDGE, S, LB, QB
The pick: USC OL Alijah Vera-Tucker. No change.
PK Pick: Vera-Tucker
15. New England Patriots
Record: 7-9
Top needs: QB, WR, CB, LB, DL
The pick: The pick: Ohio State QB Justin Fields. Good lord, how many virgins has Darth Hoodie tossed into various volcanoes to have Fields fall into his lap at 15? The answer of course, is “mumblegrumbleasmanyasittookgrumblemumble”.
PK Pick: Devonta Smith. I don’t see Smith being available at 15 in almost any circumstance.
16. Arizona Cardinals
Record: 8-8
Top needs: CB, WR, OL, S, RB
The pick: With all the shifting around due to the trade I have South Carolina CB Jaycee Horn still somehow around, (mostly because the Eagles were able to grab Smith in this version), and he’s too perfect a fit for Arizona to pass up here.
PK Pick: Greg Newsome, CB, Northwestern. Maybe if Horn isn’t available, but they could trade down from 16 and get him, too.
17. Las Vegas Raiders
Record: 8-8
Top needs: OL, S, LB, DT, CB
The pick: THIS GUY, I CALL HIM THE RAIDERS FIRST ROUND PICK, BECAUSE HE’S BEEN SHOOTING UP BOARDS AND THE RAIDERS ARE THE FIRST TEAM I FOUND THAT HAD A HIGH NEED FOR A SAFETY. “This guy” being TCU S Trevor Moehrig.
PK Pick: Caleb Farley, CB, Va. Tech. Again, being fair to PK, I think the Covid news broke after he published his mock draft. Even so, Farley is this spot seems a reach even for Gruden.
18. Miami Dolphins
Record: 10-6
Top needs: WR, EDGE, OL, RB, LB
The pick: I originally had Michigan DE Kwity Paye going here, but I decided to cave in to the temptation to think like Dave Gettleman and have now assigned him to the Giants about 7 picks too early. Miami still needs an edge rusher, however, so I’ll just move on down one spot to Pedo State Edge Jayson Oweh.
PK Pick: Miami Edge Jaelan Phillips. Distinctly possible.
19. Washington Watchmacallits
Record: 7-9
Top needs: OL, LB, TE, DB, QB
The pick: Va. Tech OT Christian Darrisaw Changing this to agree with PK, (I need a shower), because the shuffle of players resulting from the recent trades and illnesses has dropped Darrisaw to 19, whereas before I had him going higher.
PK Pick: Darrisaw. Like I said, I stole it off of him after seeing it and thinking “oh right, he’s now available!”
20. Chicago Bears
Record: 8-8
Top needs: QB, OL, WR, DB, EDGE
The pick: Assuming that the Bears don’t blow up this year’s, (and next year’s) (and probably the year after that’s), draft in an effort to move up and draft the next Mitch Trubisky, they’re looking at secondary, but still good, talent at their primary areas of need. I had them taking Caleb Farley here, and there’s still a high-risk, high reward appeal to that, but I think Farley’s latest health issues, (while not his fault), are going to drop him even more than his back surgery already had. Because the NFL is run by dicks, you see. That said, it seems to my nearly completed uneducated and even worse informed self that the best option available to the Bears at this point is Oklahoma State OL Teven Jenkins.
PK Pick: Minnesota WR Rashod Bateman. I don’t think any of the remaining WRs are worth a pick this high.
21. Indianapolis Colts
Record: 11-5
Top needs: OL, EDGE, TE, CB, DL
The pick: Georgia Edge Azeez Ojulari. I’ve been seeing Ojulari’s name more and more as we get closer to the draft and I’ve been trying to find a sport for him. I just did. Unfortunately for him, it’s Indianapolis. Gravy up, Azeez!
PK Pick: /Trades pick to Browns, Browns take Notre Dame LB Owusu-Koramoah. PK always gets himself in trouble with trades. I don’t, because I don’t even try.
22. Tennessee Titans
Record: 11-5
Top needs: OL, WR, CB, TE, S
The pick: Minnesota WR Rashod Bateman. No change from V1.0. Wait, what? Something this far down held? I’ll be damned. of course, that means that there is not chance of that happening.
I am not going 8-32 this year.
PK Pick: /Trades pick to Baltimore, Baltimore takes Kwity Paye. Now he’s just being obnoxious.
23. New York Jets, from Seattle
Record: 2-14
Top needs: QB, CB, OL, Edge, TE
The pick: Va Tech CB Caleb Farley. They got their QB with Blair Wilson, (at least until Week 2, when they find out he’s not that good), so why not take a risk that the previously highest-ranked CB can stay healthy and give you one hell of a draft. Do it, Jets, I dare you. Change from V1.0.
PK Pick: Gregory Rosseau, Edge, Miami. Probably a better chance than mine. Someone will take a risk on Farley before this.
24. Pittsburgh Steelers
Record: 12-4
Top needs: OL, RB, EDGE, CB, LB
The pick: Alabama RB Najee Harris. I’m not big on using first-round picks on RBs, (ask me about Ezekiel Elliott’s declining production!), but the Steelers do need a running back, the 24th pick isn’t exactly high, and Harris is good. Makes as much sense as continuing to let Big Ben play QB anyway. Change from V1.0
PK Pick: Harris. Harris is an amazingly popular pick here, which means we’re probably all wrong.
25. Jacksonville Jaguars, from Los Angeles Rams
Record: 2-14
Top needs: QB, TE, DL, S, OL
The pick: Alabama DT Christian Barmore. No change from V1.0. I could look it up to see if there’s any need to change it, but that would take time, and I’ve got things to do.
PK Pick: Oweh.
26. Cleveland Browns
Record: 11-5
Top needs: EDGE, CB, LB, DT, OL
The pick: The Browns signed Jadeveon Clowney, and if they can reanimate his corpse and pair him with Myles Garret, while persuading the latter to keep other peoples helmets out of his hands, they should be good enough on the edges to not use this pick to address that position. The top CBs are all gone now, so we’re looking at linebacker here. That’s the position I had them drafting originally, but I’m changing it to Tulsa LB Zaven Collins, who seems to be this year’s “guy who came out of nowhere”, (American Athletic Conference, so same thing), to land in the first round. Change from V1.0.
PK Pick: Traded this to Baltimore, who use it to draft Samuel Cosmi, T, Texas
27. Baltimore Ravens
Record: 11-5
Top needs: EDGE, OL, DL, S, WR
The pick: The Ravens recently picked up a bunch of picks by sending Orlando Brown to Kansas City. They need an O-lineman to replace him, but they’re not going to get first round talent here. The last few O-lineman I’ve had drafted already had questions about them. The Ravens would be better off waiting and using some of their later picks to try to fill that hole. Instead, they take Miami Edge Gregory Rousseau here, addressing their biggest need. Apparently Rosseau has a connection to Calais Campbell, which won’t hurt. Change from Version 1.0
PK Pick: Traded it to Tennessee, who use it to take Ole Miss WR Elijah Moore. As much as I hate to give PK credit, I can see Tennessee taking Moore at 22, so if they can get an additional later round pick and still get their guy, good for them.
28. New Orleans Saints
Record: 12-4
Top needs: CB, WR, DL, LB, TE
The pick: Eric Stokes, CB, Georgia. Change from Version 1.0. I had the Saints taking a QB here, or more likely trading down to get one, but honestly I was just being lazy. I still am, but noticed that CB was their first need, and I had Eric Stokes one team below with Green Bay, so I simply moved him up. You like that kind of logic? This entire mock draft is built on it!
PK Pick: Tyson Campbell, CB, Georgia. Same church, different pews. PK also admits that this is his annual ‘who?’ guy, so don’t put much stock in this.
29. Green Bay Packers
Record: 13-3
Top needs: CB, DL, OL, LB, WR
The pick: FSU CB Asante Samuel, Jr. Change from V1.0, but they still need a CB and they still hate Aaron Rodgers, so it’s not like they’re going to get him any help in the first round. I mean, why would you want to do that when you’ve already gotten one whole Super Bowl out of him?
PK Pick: Kentucky LB Lamin Davis. I’ve never seen his name before this, but wish him well.
30. Buffalo Bills
Record: 13-3
Top needs: EDGE, CB, TE, RB, OL
The pick: I have to change this pick, because I saw too many people saying that the Steelers were going to draft Harris at 24, and frankly I’m just a lemming. I like Travis Etienne, Clemson’s RB, but no one else seems to like him in the first. Instead, let’s have the Bills focus on their top need and draft Miami Edge Jaelan Phillips. Change from V1.0.
PK Pick: Travis Etienne, RB, Clemson. King is the first person I noticed, (not that I looked all that hard), who liked Etienne as much as I did here.
31. Baltimore Ravens
Record: 11-5
Top needs: EDGE, OL, DL, S, WR
The pick: Liam Eichenberg OT, Notre Dame. Change from V1.0, in that the Ravens are making this pick to make up for having sent Orlando Brown to the Chiefs, instead of the Chiefs doing it for themselves. I love it when things work out so that I don’t have to do any work.
PK Pick: Alabama C-G Landon Dickerson. I’ve seen Dickerson’s name more and more lately, and also, (as King points out), that his legs seem to be shot to Hell. I don’t think Baltimore traded away Orlando Brown just to get access to handicapped parking. If Dickerson was somehow healthy, however, he’d apparently be a steal here.
32. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Record: 11-5
Top needs: EDGE, OL, RB, WR, QB
The pick: Washington DL Levi Onwuzurike. I can’t think of a reason to change it. There’s an edge kid out of Georgia who makes sense here as well, (and I have now moved him to Indianapolis anyway), but I’ve done enough of this for one day.
PK Pick: Barmore. Sure, but I already sent him to Jacksonville at 24.
Later, gators. I’m getting Jab 2 tomorrow, early (10 am.) But I do have to drive to Redlands for it, so that’s kind of early?
If you get out by the University, one block east at 1333 E. Colton Ave, you will see where I lived in 9th, 10th, and 11th grade, back in the mid 1970s.
Over 700 comments, well done!
Server proved its worth.
It’s a tribute to Internet Dad. Yay pops!
I thought for sure that the Bucs were going WR. Brady must have other plans for the team.
5-32 it is. Good night all.
See you for the next 3 days of draft shenanigans!
Goodnight Draft King!
Stugotz?
I had to look it up. I never watched the Soprano’s. But Horatio works hard on his draft stuff, he is le tits!
Five’s pretty fuckin’ good! This isn’t the Oscars.
https://twitter.com/UltraWeedHater/status/1387890827519737858?s=19
Shitting in Rapoport will never not amuse me.
In? That’s an accomplishment.
I meant to say ‘on’, but frankly he’s such an awful person I’d take ‘in’ as well.
His wife must like boy bands
Mrs. Rapaport files for divorce.
TMI of the year
God that’s embarrassing.
Wait, that ain’t real, right?
No, it’s a parody account.
Still barely sober enough to get that.
One more beer and I fall for it.
Packer faithful does not sound pleased
Buffalo fans should be shitting themselves after the Bills just shit themselves.
No other choice. They don’t need to kick that field goal if they could stop the deep ball.
Green Bay to draft a QB just in case?
That would be a delicious F U to Rodgers.
Draft a WR and then trade Rogers to the Jets
Nathan Fillion as a cop is a betrayal of every Firefly fan, and most of them deserve it.
“Recognize the signs of buzzed driving…”
Hey, is that Britt Reid!?
He doesn’t even recognize the guy in the mirror.
Or the 5 year old in the parked car
“I saw… but it was a girl. Sad.”
— Jerry S., PA Dept. of Corrections
Wildcats are GOOOOOOOOO
Let the record show my spouse got her app miles goal today by walking up for ice cream
What kind?
Phish Food and Cookie Dough.
Sprinkles!
Oh hey! I own ice cream! I could eat ice cream right now!
See above.
I’ve got some Cherry Vanilla and some Earl Grey. I used to have some Tres Leches with Rum Swirl, but it’s all gone
Cherry Vanilla goes well with vodka and a coffee liqueur! See snaxx post!
Me too! I have Tillamook waffle cone swirl, and Mrs. Richardson’s dark chocolate sauce.
Oh my Vishnu that sounds good. Not even high. (Kinda drunk)
I’m high enough for both of us, believe me!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTAud5O7Qqk
Guys .. She has another box
Two ads with Justin Fields. So far. Bears ad game is on point at least
Superspreader event in that parking lot.
What would the Houston 500 be nowadays?
Look, I’m a Cowboys fan, but if you’re comparing anyone to Walter Payton the phrase “not as good as” had better be heavily involved.
I think its the football equivalent of infinity: You can approach it, but its a mathematical fact you cannot equal it.
Steelers have me at 5-32. Last year’s record is in reach, but a stretch even for Gruden.
Was thinking that the Giants would go Ballallama receiver at 11 but ended up with “Discount Waddle” and extra picks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOkdccLCmJk&ab_channel=Kings
Not a fan of that WR there, but Gettleman can do whatever he wants after fleecing the Bears like that.
“I’ll Teach You To Be Happy, I’ll Teach Your Grandmother To Suck Eggs!”
/it’s the funniest non-sequitur I’ve ever come across
John K got cancelled
So do the Stillers take Najee?
Does anyone care?
I do!
My train stopped here:
Seems reasonable
Titans get Caleb Fairley, as in “back is Fairley crippled”
This guy might be a bit fragile
‘Sweet Caroline’ was inspired by an 8-year-old girl. Stop playing it.
Yeah….little creepy
Kwittin time.
(Good pick by the humps)
Great story. Hope that kids goes far (away from Indianapolis)
Showing Wentz’ stats from 2017. ” But that was a different country, and besides the Wentz is dead.”
I’m sure I fucked up the Shakespeare, but you know what I mean.
Ha, Marlowe not Shakespeare. I am high as fuckity fuck.
“Hey, Jake from State Farm…any openings at corporate?”
“Coast Starlite” observation car inside a tunnel. Currently hauling ass through Chatsworth.
Leaving or heading for Seattle
Returning to L.A.
Welp see ya!
Not sure about that pick but at the very least one of Toney’s relatives cupped her breasts on national tv.
Not a great pick by Gettleman there, but after the absolute thievery he committed against Chicago, he can pretty much do whatever he wants this year.
Wow, that is a…pink unitard…
I’d like a fraction of her self confidence!
Haven’t seen New Yorkers overvalue a Toney this bad since The Sopranos.
Thunderous indifference from the Jints fans on that pick.
I am chatting with a higher up in my company about the draft on Teams. He is a Cowboy fan. I am pretty high and drunk. Bonding?
BEWARE! Here be draggons!
No such thing as bonding with a Cowboys fan
Hey!
Not you. We are exchanging wife pics.
Wait for the Indecent Proposal.
Since Litre is high af I want to be clear that he sent me a picture of his lovely, and fully-dressed, wife for the purposes of showing me a baseball team cap with a bitchin’ logo.
Um
You’re one of the “good ones”
#notallcowboysfans
Bail bonding, maybe
Like bonding with a sex worker before your hour’s up
3rd beer of the evening, and we’re on pick 19 of 32.
?width=2560
I see no way my deposition tomorrow ends badly
As long as you aren’t deposing Toody Froody Roody Gooliani
I wish.
Oh my god Jamin left the big table of hats in frame.
“You want to talk about someone who’s twitched up…”
Todd Marinovich and Ryan Leaf race to be the first one to get to Roger Goodell.
+(hydrocod)1
Washington Team Needs: Nickname
Washington NDA’s.
Naggers
They don’t represent DC, so the Taxations would work
Scandals
Bitchin’ Camaros
Alvin got traded!?
Just because I love me some Uncle Joe.
I think Gruden likes to reach in the draft because he can’t do it in real life, his arms look pretty short and stubby for his height
Gruden was like ‘theres a run on Bama players. Gotta make a move now.’
I kind of don’t want Alabama to break the record, because this year’s Tide were absolutely not the 2003 ‘Canes, but it feels inevitable now.
You can’t blame them- it pays to hire the professionals.
Did I miss mockery of the Chicago Bears for trading up for a QB again
Oh, I’m sure we’ll be mocking them for quite some time.
Don’t worry- it’s gonna last for a couple of months
Fuck! I had this pick right before I changed it to the Moehrig kid, and it would’ve been great, because I made fun of Gruden for reaching for him at this spot.
Well that was about half a round early. Good job Al Davis’s ghost!
HI I’M MARK DAVIS!
That is a sexy sexy man.
He looks like he died in a fire.
The soulful eyes of a Decepticon.
How y’all doin. Took forever to get logged in. Not entirely sure this is the right site
Guerilla Radio? Bulls on Parade seems more appropriate.
My tix for last year got postponed to this year, then to next year. I have waited 20 years, I do not care if I have to hear these guys from an Old Folks home.
I just noticed the height’s inches sign symbol (“) is in the same font size as the superscript fractions instead of the whole numbers. Now I can’t unsee it.
oh no why did you tell me this
Good to be back?
Against all odds, yes.
We are a small community of snarky strange folk with a tractor beam.
https://imgur.com/a/P8g2fih
I have friends in Birmingham who need this, thanks!
Why doesn’t the NFL non stop this shit?
Sponsored by The Zetas!
His father is a conehead…
BB is also definitely gonna rail his mom.