Welcome to Everton, Arsenal

It ain’t get no better.

In case you missed it, the Gooners laid a wet fart on Thursday night – one shot on target AT HOME, and Villareal (with maybe what, 10% of Arsenal’s money?) makes their first European final.  They’ll get Ole’s rejuvenated United, who surely gave Mourinho nightmares re his future squadron (an 8-5 aggregate win over Roma).

I don’t really care much about the Shempions clash between City and Certified Maniac Thomas Tuchel’s Chelski.  But Tuchel could become Pep’s bogey manager, with another win there.

But man, Arsenal.  I read some of the aftermath on The Athletic…and the peoples are not happy.  2021-22 will be their first season totally outside of Europe in 25+ years.  Arsene Wenger ponders asking management how his ass tastes.

Being stuck in mid-Table limbo can be maddening.  With all the money they gave Thanks Aubamayang!!1111 – and the ridiculous signing of Willian – they are way too old, with way too much dead weight salary commitments.  As Everton have shown the past few seasons, it’s hard to overcoUme those handicaps, even with one of the best managers in the world.

To put it mildly, Gooner Nation is…unconvinced that Ruggedly Handsome Mikel Arteta is that man.  I would point to Ole’s odyssey from goat to hero of the Northwest – give the project time.  But it needs to be a project, and there needs to be a MUCH stronger DOF in place.  Expecting Arteta to be both “coach” and “GM” this early was always foolish.

We’ll see, though.  Tempers are short in the Lesser community.

In actual fixtures, I’d say it’s worth the alarm for Spurs/Leeds (7:30, NBCSN).  Talk about a contrast in styles.  Everton and Arsenal have pretty much ceded the final European slot (Lesser PHRASING!), so long as Spurs don’t completely shit their dick these last few weeks.  Watching Bielsa’s Leeds is usually a joy, and they should be focused after last week’s letdown/subpar effoUrt.

Team Knifey welcomes Dire Even FOAR Uncle Woy Standards Palace next (10:00, NBCSN).  Don’t you have any paint to watch dry, instead?

Thanks to Red Riots last Sunday, their “noisy neighboUrs” get the chance to clinch their inevitable title at home, in the Spotlight Dance (12:30, NBC).  But it’s Tuchel’s Chelski yet again.  Who knocked City out of the FA Cup, and loom (as mentioned) in the Shempions shempionship match.  Much like pimpin’, clinchin’ won’t be easy.  But Villa could back door the title tomorrow (9:05, Peacock), by beating or drawing United.  Like I said, it’s a matter of when, not if.

I am glad Redshite/Saints are behind the paywall (3:00, Peacock).  Fuck them all, I’mma go to immerse in Pretend 2098-99.  Fuck me, I hope the game doesn’t implode at the turn of the century.  Footy Manager is my last shred of sanity/enjoyment.

Everton will get angrily, lube-free pegged by David Moyes’ Hammers tomorrow (11:30, NBCSN), and it will still ruin my day despite (i) having given up on the season; and (ii) my burning desire for Fronk’s crew to finish ahead of the Shite.  It’s just how I roll.

Enjoy the action and random conversations below.

BALLS NOTE:

Since we’re getting close to the end of the season,  I thought I would revisit the prediction post that Litre, Hippo, and I put together in September.  The results are,  predictably,  hilarious!

The first thing you’ll notice is that the three of us cannot create a list without putting 2 teams in the same finishing position. Yes,  alcohol may have been involved,  but that’s no excuse.

We all picked Man City to win the Premiership and….. that’s about it.

Feel free to mock us in the comments.