Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope your well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t.  

So in some good news here, both GTD kidlets have their first vaccine doses scheduled.  Makes me happy that they’ll be have some protection from the Rona shortly.  Not sure when the second doses will be with the fucked up Canadian vaccine roll out, but hoping that they can get their second shots before school starts again in September.  The second doses are currently being done 16 weeks after the first one, but have also seen a few things online that the kids can get there second dose in August, so who the fuck knows.  And if someone does, they are certainly not telling the general public (or private sector) what the plan is.  

Not sure about any of yous, but I’ve been loving the lessor footy previews.  The write ups have been great and it will be sad when they are all done.  Tho, cause of these, I’ll be trying to tune into a few games as it will be on my mind that there are games to watch.

And not sure how, but there was a fun thread or three on Saturday morning about casseroles.  Never sure how these things start, but a fun read if you’re looking to waste some more time.  You’re here already, why not waste some more time.

As a reminder, this post will cover comments made up to and through the Saturday Night Open Thread. Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post. Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Apparently whitehouse.com is no longer a porn site. This makes me unexpectedly sad
Doktor Zymm

Middle school me is devastated.
Sharkbait

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It’s amazing how much more work I do when it’s actually interesting. Of course that can’t possibly last, but we JUST had a reorg so I should at least have a couple of months before anything mucks it up
Doktor Zymm

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Fantasy sports Scenario for you guys (what should be done?):

End of March/Early April, Commish and players gets email and a notification on the main page from Yahoo hockey stating that the league ends May 8th. Commish doesn’t say anything because Commish assumes all the other players are grown ass men who can read. (All but one person reads it).

A month later, Yahoo changes their mind and says they’ll provide an option to extend the league. Since there’s a Games played max and a roster moves max, the Commish says he won’t extend the league because it wouldn’t be fair to those playing for the 8th deadline. One player loses their shit because all this is news to them, but the rest are indifferent because the league is a formality anyway, as the first place leader, also the commish, has an insurmountable lead.

So after a discussion with everyone, who were mostly indifferent to all of this, it’s decided to end the league on May 8th because it wouldn’t be fair to everyone if the people who played for May 8th, got more games and moves.

So now that the season is over, most of the players are now being dicks about this again and refusing to acknowledge this season and saying they aren’t going to pay the winner.

Am I missing something, or are these guys complaining being little cunts?
Wakezilla

The fact that money wasn’t collected from everyone at the start of the year (and held by the Commish or some other designated person) tells me this league is garbage right off the hop. I’ve never played in any money league where I didn’t pay up front. The Commish should have last say and disperse money as he sees fit.*

*problem solved going forward
scotchnaut

Similar situation in a way. We had one of our bros die in the middle of fantasy season. An email was sent to everyone saying, hey, we are going to donate the pot to his family, as they didn’t have a ton of money. That dude was our dude. A hardcore Bucs fan with a great attitude towards life, survived cancer for years before it took his life in his 30’s. I shed a tear or two for him when the Bucs won this last year, and I think most of you can understand why.

So, season ends like 6 weeks later and it was a close season for many. The person who won started in with ‘I didn’t get that email. That’s my money. I’m poor, too.’ Holy shit, that guy was being an ass.

We decided to kick the guy who won out of the league. We gave him his buy-in back and told him to fuck off. And then we took the pot anyway, added more cash, and made sure his family knew someone cared about our friend who died.

It’s hard to even write this. I’m still pissed at the guy we kicked out, and I’m still sad we lost our friend.

So, yes, they are being cunts. It’s a fucking game. The Commish made the ruling mid season and stayed within the guidelines set forth. It’s done.
TheRevanchist

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I can’t remember if I’ve ever told my “Moneyball” story on the site.

Long story very short:

In 2005 I was calling the ball games for the Short Season Single-A affiliate for the A’s. I guess I accidentally started calling some kid’s curve ball a slider one night. The game ended at 10:00. At midnight, I got a phone call in my Eugene, OR motel room from one of the A’s scouts, asking me if this kid had indeed developed this new pitch. I said no & that I must have misspoke. He asked me to be clear with every call & to not misspeak like that again, because that affects a players value to the organization.

The next morning I got a phone call from the team office, asking me not to make that type of mistake again, because they had been yelled at by the A’s front office, and that they didn’t appreciate being woken up to try & find my phone number so the scout could call me to confirm. When the road trip ended & we returned home, I was told I needed to speak to the local SABR authority so the concept of SABRmetrics could be explained to me.

Instead, we talked about his career with the Kansas City A’s & how he was traded to the Yankees in 1970 for Al Dowling.
Beerguyrob

This is the sort of bizarre anecdote that makes this site worth checking out.
scotchnaut

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CELLY?

WTF?
Brick Meathook

It’s trying to make hockey hip for the Tikkity Tokkers.

Beerguyrob

The only thing even remotely as moronic as the word “celly” is the fact that they’re trying to convince me that the perfect food for watching a hockey game is a bowl of fucking Frosted Flakes.

Jesus, NHL.

Marketing is hard!
yeah right

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I’m all for a little slap-and-tickle, but should the person wielding the crop also be the one wearing the blindfold? That seems a little too Russian roulette for me.
Horatio Cornblower

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Incidentally, I did try the Macadamia Nut Banana Daiquiri as discussed. It showed some promise, though it will require tinkering. It wasn’t overly sweet, but the nose of the macadamia liqueur still dominates, so I’m thinking I’ll need to use less of that and more of the banana next time.
Dunstan

“More banana, less nut. My sex life’s motto. sigh”

-D. Favre, Hattiesburg MS
LemonJello

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Not fully vaccinated

Gumbygirl

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Dunstan

Gaetz gets dunked on like a white NBA center.
SonOfSpam

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Question 73: When you think “Kids In The Hall”, you think of:

a. Terriers
b. Buddy Cole
c. Cabbage Head
d. Chicken Lady
Beerguyrob

May 11, 2021 7:59 pm
e. “The Daves I Know”

-David Davidson, Squamish, BC
scotchnaut

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Question 70: Gary Bettman is

a. A rat
b. A rat bastard
c. Both of the above
d. Yes
Horatio Cornblower

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Oo! I have one.

Question 69: Do you have a shrine to Bob & Doug McKenzie in your home?

Yes, that is the right thing to do.
No, I think I am French
TheRevanchist

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Bob Baffert yesterday: “It is a vile lie that my horse was on drugs! This is CANCEL CULTURE!”

Bob Baffert today: “Oopsie!”
Dunstan

What ever happened to ethics in horse racing?
Brick Meathook

“Ethics” ran fifth in the 2015 Belmont and was the main ingredient in a late June formulation of Gorilla Glue.
scotchnaut

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“it averages 171 days of the wet stuff a year both liquid and solid.”

Sounds like Rikki after eating kale.
Horatio Cornblower

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The Google image search results for “sexy lego cosplay” were a huge disappointment.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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The Toronto Maple Leafs are not gonna win jack shit yet again this year, and I am here for it.
The Maestro

Sharkbait

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Everyone that isn’t watching wrestling should be watching Liga MX tonight.

Playoffs baby!
ballsofsteelandfury

“What are you watching?”
“Mexican Footy.”
“With sound in Spanish?”
“Si”
“You know you don’t speak Spanish.”
“Si, buenos noches.”
“Good night, ass.”
“I think you mean el burro”
litre_cola

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Here’s a warning tag on some venetian blinds I just installed.

I think you (or even a child) have to really go out of your way to have this happen as illustrated. You have to want it.

Brick Meathook

I fixed it:

Brick Meathook

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Knock at door. I got my case of wine a week early.
Also, Today I got more hash and weed in the mail!
Not too much bullshit at work,
Cue Ice cube.

litre_cola

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Brick Meathook

Totally on porpoise.
Beerguyrob

Didn’t target the hit or hit from behind. Clean hit, no penalty
Dunstan

Hi Mr. Parros!
Sharkbait

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Next year I will pay my taxes in cattle.
Doktor Zymm

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Had a lovely distanced time in the park with wine and distanced friends because my province is run by fucktards who never really locked down and fuck them because we are the worst in North America right now. Anywhoo, sitting outside (illegally) drinking in a park(attached to a school, so illegally) was nice.
litre_cola

Is the illegal part that you’re not allowed within 100 yards of a school?
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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At This time in 8 days I will be enjoying an adult beverage somewhere over western Canada on the first leg of my first international trip since Feb 2020. I am already incredibly overeager and will do my best not to be super annoying in my anticipation during the next week. I have already packed.
Doktor Zymm

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Me, getting home from the gym, looking forward to lunch, walking the dog, then commencing the drinky-drinky motions.

My Wife: /Has two yards of mulch delivered.
Horatio Cornblower

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I see there’s a big ass wildfire going on in the LA area. Hope all you SoCal DFO denizens are unscathed.
Viva La Tabula Raza

There’s gonna be a lot this year most likely, and yet I’m still hearing idiots setting off fireworks just because it’s Saturday
Doktor Zymm

Don’t forget gender reveals.
Decilitre’s;

Looking at sonogram. “And there’s the penis.”

“So it’s a boy.”
“Yeah”
litre_cola

Oh sure, but when I do a gender reveal outside of the local library branch it’s “indecent exposure” this and “assault 3rd” that.
Horatio Cornblower

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Goddamnit, I just realized I’ve got to do my taxes tomorrow or Monday at the latest.
Dunstan

Dear IRS: Please excuse Dunstan from his taxes this year. He is an esteemed contributor at Door Flies Open, for which he is not compensated, and also, (I am assuming stems from Item A The First that I just cited), is far too drunk to file his tax thing on time.

Thank you.

Horatio Cornblower, Esq.
Horatio Cornblower

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I have never been to Nashville, but for the next seven games I will root for the Panthers as though my children’s lives depend on it.

Fun story, a few years ago I was drinking in a bar mere steps from my house, (now an Indian restaurant, because the owner of the bar was more interested in banging coeds at a different bar than he was in running his own, but that’s another story), during the Stanley Cup play-offs. We’re in CT, mind you. An attractive girl comes in, hair in a pony tail, (my equivalent of Hippo’s shoulder thing), wearing a Nashville Predators game jersey, and asks if we would mind terribly putting the hockey game on.

Ma’am, I am 47 years old, married with 2 kids, and discussing Little League strategy while drinking as fast as I can before the bartender throws us all out so that he can go hit on drunk Delta Zetas up the street. You can put on any channel you want.

The Nashville game goes on, and she proceeds to whip out, wait for it, an advanced calculus book and start studying for what had to be a final exam, given the timing, while watching a fucking play-off hockey game.

If I hadn’t already vastly out-kicked my coverage on my own wedding I would have proposed immediately, and don’t think for a second that I didn’t consider converting to Mormonism.
Horatio Cornblower

Advanced Calc is generally multivariable calculus, also frequently taught as Calc 3 (Calc 1 is basic concepts – limits, derivatives, definition of an integral. Calc 2 is integration techniques)
Doktor Zymm

Yeah. What Zymm said.

Meanwhile, Horatio goes back to school:

Horatio Cornblower

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Off topic but my wife and I are getting solar quotes for our home. First off, I had no idea the credit for putting solar on your home is like $10K. Either these companies have crazy good lobbying or this energy problem we have is real AF. You don’t get $10K for having a kid (though the solar is a one-time thing so I realize this comment is tongue in cheek). Anyways, my point is that like the for $31K (before the tax credit) seemed quite reasonable for a system (our bill runs around $200 in the winter, $300+ in the summer, depending on how much the kid wants to leave open the outside door with the AC on). I mean, it’s the price of a car.

I gotta get some more quotes still but I just wanted to share it because I figured it would be a lot more. That’s all.
blaxabbath

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Smoked a brisket.

Beerguyrob

What’s the inside look like?
Mr. Ayo

Like this. A 36 hour sous vide & seven hours in the smoker.

Beerguyrob

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FUCK
THE
LEAFS
Game Time Decision

“Calm down, we usually manage to fuck ourselves.” — Leafs
Dunstan

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Gary Bettman is the fucking worst.

I’m shocked that Vegas and Minnesota are scoreless and starting OT.
ballsofsteelandfury

42 shots. 0 scores. Go home a loser.

Knights reliving my college days like a champ!
Mr. Ayo

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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