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We’re on the verge of the greatest international sports summer ever! We have:
- Copa América
- Euro 2020
- CONCACAF Gold Cup
- Tokyo Olympic Games
And it all starts on June 11, 2021 with the European Soccer (Football) championships aka Euro 2020!
Yes, it is 2021 but they decided to keep the name, ok?
From now until the tourney starts, we’ll be giving you previews for every country in Euro 2020, DFO-style, of course. We will also provide previews of all the Copa América countries as the Copa América starts on June 13, 2021 right after Euro 2020 starts.
Euro 2020 will be broadcast in English on ESPN in the United States and on TSN in Canada. Univisión has the Spanish language rights in the US and TVA has the French language rights in Canada. Here is a handy calendar for you to use to schedule your vacation days:
Today’s team is:
Croatia!
That photo pretty much exhausts my knowledge of Croatia.
Why the fuck am I writing about the Croatian Soccer team then?
Because I live in San Pedro, dammit and we do indeed have a shitload of Croats that live here.
I actually know a little bit about Croatia through osmosis.
Nestled on the Adriatic Sea, Croatia is surrounded by a bunch of former USSR republics that all more than likely eat skewered meats with copious amounts of onions while drinking beers, firing weapons at each other and following that up with shots of some ungodly local grain alcohol.
Sounds like fun!
Croatia was part of Yugoslavia for most of the 20th century before finally being recognized and becoming an independent country in 1992 and member of the EU in 2013. Croatia is a member of the Schengen Region as well.
Croatia has some very cool looking ports and seaside villages. It’s also – well until the goddamn pandemic – become a top ten tourist destination. Mostly due to it’s friendly climate, beautiful coastlines and friendly locals.
They also filmed a lot of episodes of Game of Thrones there, since The Church of St. Ignatius in Dubrovnik doubled for the “Sept of Baelor.” The filming location of Kings Landing is in Croatia as well.
You can’t learn this shit in school folks!
Have you ever visited, yeah right?
I have not. My youngest daughter did and she said “It’s a cool place, Dad. It looks a lot like San Pedro.”
Thanks, kid.
Have you ever cooked Croatian food?
Damn skippy I have.
That’s Chevapi and here’s the link.
Let’s steal a few words verbatim from that post to pad my wordcount and cover up my distinct lack of Croatian knowledge.
“Cevapi was originally of Asian origin and it is basically a skinless sausage made from a variety of meats that can vary depending on which country is making them.
The version I first tried was the Croatian version and I’m going to stick with that profile for today’s meal.
I first tried cevapi in my old town [editor: and current new town again] of San Pedro which has a very large Croatian expat presence due to it having a port, a fishing fleet and a similar climate to Croatia. You can find Croatian food all over San Pedro.
Delicious! The cevapi I tried had a mixture of pork, beef and lamb and it was similar in profile to a gyro but the charcoal really carried through.”
Hey! It’s not plagiarism if I stole my own shit!
Team Schedule
Croatia is in Group “D” with England, Scotland and the Czech Republic.
Here is the Group Stage schedule. All times local start time.
England vs Croatia – 13 June 2021 15:00
Wembley Stadium, London*
Croatia vs Czech Republic – 18 June 2021 -18:00
Hampden Park, Glasgow
Croatia vs Scotland -22 June 2021 -21:00
Hampden Park, Glasgow
Yes that * is the lone Croatia “Home” game of the round played against England at Wembley.
Why do the teams I preview have to face their opponents in their own fucking countries? Fuck is that?
Team Preview / Top Players
Team Croatia is know as “Hrvatska nogometna reprezentacija” and “Vatreni” (The Blazers) and
“Kockasti” (The Chequered Ones). That would be due to the fact that their primary kits look like they were fashioned from a tablecloth taken from an Italian/American restaurant.
Top Player: Luka Modric, the 2018 Balon d’Or winner, even at the creaky old age of 35. Croatia has ridden him to various levels of success over the past decade. “The Real Madrid quarterback is a diminutive creative playmaker who is quick with his feet and possesses great vision.” According to Foottheball.com
Future star: Nikola Vlasic. Currently playing for CSKA Moscow and sure to be a key player for this team for years to come.
Why you should root for this country:
- You have a predilection for restaurant based sports fashion
- You like chevapi – and that’s a solid goddamn reason
- You have a strong dislike of Brexit and wish ill luck on the Brits and Scots
Why you should not root for this country:
- My eyes! Those kits done killed ’em!
- You hated the ending of Game of Thrones
- Your preferred condiments aren’t simply “fistfuls of chopped onion.”
Predviđanje!
Croatia is consistently playing above their pay grades, especially in the bigger tournaments. See the most recent World Cup. Playing against England at Wembley is going to be a fucking challenge but I can see Croatia forcing a tie or possibly even beating them. Playing a fixture in Glasgow against Scotland is also a goddamn pain in the ass.
This team has proven and will prove again that they are a tough out. They should make the quarter finals but I can’t picture them winning the whole thing.
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