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Dan & Mark’s European (Euros) Adventure!

King Hippo

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,

Will the two quasi-Nordic lovers continue traipsing across the European battlefield?  Or will the dirty English pigs (and Ian Darke’s really bad-smelling tongue) have their wicked way?  Tune in, 3p EST on ESPN.  I may watch on mute, but God as me witness, there will be no match commentary unless England go two behind.  And maybe not then, since all blame will belong to Jordan Pickford, since he doesn’t play for one of the Big Six/Sky Five.

In short, fuck everything and find some 2nd-world action.  HAIL GAMBLOR!

Litre: Well I just lost the words I wrote (thanks wordpress) so I see how this day is going to go.

It has come to this, for the ABE’s (Anyone but England) camp our eggs are in the Danish basket. They do play a sexsi brand of football but losing Eriksen early really hurts in matches like this. It would be more delicious for England to lose in the final to the Italians but let’s just get it done now Danes shall we?

My inlaws have Danish ancestry and their love of Akavit runs deep. I decided to dress Decilitre appropriately for daycare today.

Kasper Schmeichel showed some pretty good with in a press conference this week.

Kasper Schmeichel was asked what it would mean for Denmark to stop football ‘coming home’ with victory over England in their Euro 2020 semi-final at Wembley on Wednesday; Schmeichel: “Has it ever been home? I don’t know, have you ever won it?”

That is a phenomenal answer. I hope the Danes pull this off or the pub on Sunday will be chaos in a bad, annoying way. I’ll be surrounded by ex-pats, pale sunburnt folk  and my friends who will be chanting It’s coming home the whole time. Their media and their fans are so annoying that we can’t allow this to happen.
Come on South Scandinavians do this wo we don’t have to sit through Italy defending for 120 minutes to go to kicks
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King Hippo

Thank fuck I had a 4:30 client call. I am done with footy for a bit.

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Beerguyrob

Over/under on the Tube out of Wembley getting shut down for vomit/fighting?

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SonOfSpam

Never tried vomit-fighting. How do you win?

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Beerguyrob

My guess is by saying you love England MOAR!

And definitely not the Phillies fan way, by puking on the father who told you to knock that shit off.

https://www.espn.com/mlb/news/story?id=5098407

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SonOfSpam

That guy seems like he’d be good at it.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Beerguyrob

https://imgur.com/2oiWHJe

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Don T

Oh brother
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DsJ5aYK-S6Y

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litre_cola

There it is.

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scotchnaut

Maybe the Danes could play with the ball a little bit?

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Mr. Ayo

You’ve got two hands, dammit!

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Dunstan

Whenever they mention the Danish keeper’s name, I hear it as Smeagol.

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SonOfSpam

ARRY KANE IS TRICKSY HE IS

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Dunstan

I HADS THE PRECIOUS, HE TOOKS IT FROM ME

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litre_cola

England going to bring on 4 guys, Danes are gassed.

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Don T

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Mr. Ayo

It’s all to play for now!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That pass on the free kick (to the unmarked guy on the right) was how my high school soccer team scored the goal that won us the state championship.

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scotchnaut

I have something in common with Christian Eriksen in that I think I’ll be needing a defibrillator at some point.

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litre_cola

I have errands to run with a four year old, this is totally going to penalties.

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Dunstan

Losing on penalties would be a typically England thing to do…

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scotchnaut

If you could drop my wife off at the garage (40 min. round trip because boonies) while you’re out there, that’d be great.

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Don T

Danish defense is tougher than Joan Collins’s diaphragm.

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Don T

Ay, this game isrockin

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Don T

No fuckin way penalty

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rockingdog

yea dog that looked like a penalty

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Don T

I said no comment!

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scotchnaut

Finally figured out which breed you are-British Bulldog, no doubt about it.

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scotchnaut

Commenting has come to a stop-is everyone nervous? Masturbating? Or maybe nervously masturbating?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m watching my dog, who is in REM sleep.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

She lets out muffled barks from time to time.

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Gumbygirl

Are you sure she doesn’t have Tourette’s? There was a woman who lived near my Uncle Mike’s beach house in New Jersey that used to yip and growl all day on her front porch. She also yelled lovely stuff at the kids, like Shit up your ass! And my personal fave, Smell your holes, you hogs!
Good times down the shore!

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Dunstan

Don’t be silly. Like we stop commenting when we masturbate?

1
rockingdog

dude
Harry kane needs to do somethin here…

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litre_cola

Blow a hamstring?

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King Hippo

have a heart…TOO SOON, ABED!!

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scotchnaut

Get red carded?

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scotchnaut

Danish keeper is a keeper.

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Mr. Ayo

Such strong hands…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen this stupid Heineken ad I’d be able to buy lunch for myself and Todd Marinovich.

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SonOfSpam

“Yes, I’d like the pork banh mi and some crack.”

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WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Todd really would feel right at home in the Fullerton/Garden Grove area.

2
Gumbygirl

I had a pork banh mi yesterday,it was really good. Little hole in the wall Vietnamese place in Yucaipa.

1
Dunstan

What does “all to play for” mean? Is it only when the game is tied, or simply any time the game is still up for grabs?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Of all the fruits, watermelon is the least “fruitlike”, right? It’s basically diluted soda water.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m about to have some watermelon.

1
Dunstan

One down, 99 to go.

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King Hippo

Did I turn the teevee box off at 1-1? SURE DID, OTHER HIPPO!

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Dunstan

Lesser footy really has a harsh definition of “own goal,” doesn’t it? Just seems to me like that ought to be reserved for true blunders, not every ball that deflects off a defender

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Senor Weaselo

I agree with this. Also makes the own goals more humiliating!

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Beerguyrob

Oh good – the banana cakes I ordered
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rockingdog

BOW WOW!
Sterling!!!!!

This game is ROCKING!

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Don T

‘tis

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Don T

Mm. Another OG.

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litre_cola

We need a deity for own goals.

Last edited 4 years ago by litre_cola
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Horatio Cornblower

Has to be that Colombian fella that got killed.

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litre_cola

Absolutely.

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King Hippo

Ice Muthafuckin’ T!

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Dunstan

Jason Pierre-Paul?

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Mr. Ayo

We could always repurpose our god of safeties, Orlovsk’hor, for this.

0
scotchnaut

Mr. Blair Witch.

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SonOfSpam

CruzTweet

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litre_cola

Fuck.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damnit, Denmark, wrong goal.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Very very fine work by the keeper there.

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Horatio Cornblower

Too bad he couldn’t overcome that shot from his own defender.

0
Dunstan

Am I the only one here cheering for Jolly Old England?

0
scotchnaut

I’ll let Celine break the news to you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGrLb6W5YOM&ab_channel=CelineDionVEVO

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Dunstan

Enough about my sex life.

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Horatio Cornblower

Probably just you and that imperialist devil Cecil Rhodes, although apparently his train hasn’t arrived yet. Probably tied up with the Prussian ambassador again, arguing about access to the ports of German West Africa.

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Horatio Cornblower

Time to put more Danish in the box than Entemann’s has ever dared dream.

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Dunstan

“Danish in the box” sounds like one of the less popular Balls Search Terms

2
rockingdog

WOOOOFFFF

thats a ROCKIN free kick beauty of a goal!

Last edited 4 years ago by rockingdog
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Horatio Cornblower

I am not gonna lie: I’d have been even happier if that ball had hit Harry Kane square in the face and never even gotten to goal.

2
scotchnaut

There’s plenty of game left.

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litre_cola

GET INNNNNNNNNN

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Don T

HAHAHAHAHAhhH

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Agreed, that is rather amusing.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Droll, even.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“D-Roll? But enough about the footage of Rikki-Tikki-Deadly that we shot for that investor relations video…” – BFC

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Horatio Cornblower

COPENHAGEN 1807 IS AVENGED, YA LIMEY BASTARDS!

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scotchnaut

A FUCKING SCREAMER! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1
Don T

No yellow for punch in the face? Is that the Argie ref?

0
Horatio Cornblower

For someone who criticizes Bill Simmons for writing the same thing over and over again, Drew sure does seem to write the same thing over and over again.

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scotchnaut

He was quite original 10 years ago.

2
Gumbygirl

Before his brain exploded.

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King Hippo

I wondered if my apathy would abate once the match kicked off. It did nae.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Pickford taking a page from the Joe Hart school of goal keeping.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, which one of these is that?
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Dunstan

“She’s GORGEOUS” — Max

1
Horatio Cornblower

Robert Wagner is just happy to have a woman who floats.

6
Horatio Cornblower

No, this one:
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Eh, he’s no Calamity James.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=teyN32EblIs

0
Horatio Cornblower

“Nailed it”

-You know who

0
litre_cola

The first England goal is going to be a dick punch.

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scotchnaut

Strange, I thought Dick Punch didn’t make the final roster.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dick Punch is what would be served at one of Mike Pompeo’s parties if I happened to be left alone with the punchbowl for thirty seconds.

2
rockingdog

England vs Denmark is ROCKING!!!!

So cool to see the stadium packed and Rocking!!!
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King Hippo

God help us, if Dan & Mark don’t bring the maximum sexy tonight,

0
SonOfSpam

Reminder: You may be cool, but you are not Rick Wakeman In A Wizard Coat Dominating All The Keyboards While Geddy Lee Sits In On Bass cool.

There may be better Rock and Roll Hall of Fame performances (Prince shredding on guitar), but this was the one I enjoyed the most.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWqMX854V8o&ab_channel=SonicAxiom

1
Dunstan

ESPN paid good money for the rights to use that Queen song on their Wimbledon coverage, and they’re going to make sure they get their money’s worth…

1
SonOfSpam

I don’t watch much tennis…which Queen song?

And why the fuck isn’t NBCSN playing the fuck out of Bicycle Race during every Tour De France broadcast?

2
Dunstan

I actually don’t know. I’m sure it’s a famous one, but I can probably only name a handful.

0
Dunstan

Ah, found it — Don’t Stop Me Now.

0
Dunstan

Shocking that the supposed XFL-CFL collaboration isn’t coming about.

CFL, XFL end talks for potential partnership – TSN.ca

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

shocked
well kinda shocked
okay, not shocked at all

1
Dunstan

It’s weird to me that the XFL is considered to have any real brand value. XFL v.1 was a gimmicky failure. XFL v.2 was less gimmicky, but also a failure.

If you want to start a spring football league, why would you want a brand name associated with failure? It’s like naming your cruise ship Titanic.

Hell, at least the USFL (and I seem to recall hearing that someone is trying to revive that) had a good run and is fondly remembered by some people.

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

It’s not like the CFL has a great history when expanding into the USA, so neither really has the branding of a winner.

Should just call it the RFL ( Rock Football League) and market the shit out of it.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Can you smelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll what. The Rock. is.
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backing away from?

4
Senor Weaselo

Does this mean he won’t change his name to The Rouck?

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