You know what 2020 was good for? Almost nothing. But a) it made (some of) us grateful for time with friends and family and b) it taught many of us that even when we can’t go anywhere and are suddenly gifted extra time, we still don’t do anything with that. In other words, the whole world can change via pestilence, fire, plague, but it may not change us. Which is my way of saying holy shit I procrastinated the hell out of this post.

Earlier this year, prior to the celebration of Jesus’s respawning (not my holiday, so maybe that’s not how you describe it), ArmedandHammered was kind enough to ship beer to SonOfSpam, HoratioCornblower, Sharkbait, and me. And I don’t mean “here’s three cans of beer you don’t want”, I mean the man sent a dozen beers from 4 different breweries in NC and VA to internet strangers…and he doesn’t even drink beer. Oh, and they were good beers! (Somehow Horatio received two beers none of the rest of us did, so we assume at least one of those was poisoned in a failed sabotage attempt).

The degenerate recipients took their sweet time sampling the wares, finishing the run toward the end of April, at which point I volunteered to write this post….and swiftly forgot.

/Stephen A Smith voice but not racist HOWEVA

We did want to quickly do something to send good juju into the world, so we made donations in ArmedandHammered’s name to the Wake County Habitat for Humanity and Rise Against Hunger. Thank you, AAH, for being a better commentist than the rest of us.

Without further ado, here are our collective reviews of the beers ArmedandHammered was generous enough to send to multiple corners of the US, or two corners and the nutmeg state.  Order of review  by what was consumed first, which was almost always driven by Spam and his liver. Pictures courtesy of me, except for Ray Ray’s SIPA and Dark. Complaints can be filed with your mother.

BEER NUMBER 1

BREWERY: Center of the Universe (VA)

BEER: El Duderino

TYPE: Milk Stout

ABV: 6.5%

SonofSpam Comments:

Coffee scent hits first, chocolate, vanilla finish. Smooth and easy.

BFC Comments:

I’m not getting as much coffee/kahlua as I expected, but it’s tasty. A little sweet but not cloyingly so. I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

_{Very nice. Unexpectedly smooth and light. Sort of like a Guinness in that respect, but the taste is much different. Very nice chocolate taste, I get some coffee, not a lot. I could drink a few of these.}

Sharkbait Comments: 

Very smooth stout. I get a lot of coffee up front with a hint of vanilla at the end. Not as heavy as normal stouts but I like that fact. It would be a bit too much if it was any heavier. A good beer for a cool, overcast day.

BEER NUMBER 2

BREWERY: Center of the Universe (VA)

BEER: Pocahoptas

TYPE: IPA

ABV: 6.8%

SonofSpam Comments:

Standard IPA, hoppy but not too hoppy, makes me wanna do an underage native

BFC Comments:

Yeah, that’s an IPA. It’s good, the right amount of bitterness, not unlike the attitude of indigenous peoples to the rest of us invaders. I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

_{Liked this one. it reminded me of a slightly sweeter Sierra Nevada.}

Sharkbait Comments: 

Light, refreshing IPA. Not too intense. A good IPA for someone who is on the fence about liking them and wants to keep trying them.

BEER NUMBER 3

BREWERY: Raleigh Brewing (NC)

BEER: Hell Yes, Ma’am

TYPE: Belgian Strong Ale

ABV: 9.2%

SonofSpam Comments:

Pale but strong like a guy from Iceland. A little spicy like a guy from Ecuador.

BFC Comments:

Ooooh, I like that. A little funky, maybe some of that banana/clove profile you usually get from a hef but stronger. Very deceptive 9.2%, doesn’t taste boozy at all. I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

_{I generally don’t like Belgian ales, (OK, so apparently I’m goiing to write this in Horatio from HRTN font), and this wasn’t an exception. Damned Flemish. Anyway, I could definitely taste the booze, maybe because I went to this one right off of a Session.If you like Belgian Ales it’s probably could, but they’re just not my thing. I did like the can art.}

Sharkbait Comments: 

I get a little yeast aroma off the top of this one. I agree with BFC, definitely get some banana in there. Not as strong tasting as I would expect a 9% beer to be

Beer Number 4

BREWERY: Center of the Universe (VA)

BEER: Donny

TYPE: Brown Ale

ABV: 6.5%

SonofSpam Comments:

Another coffee beer, and another winner. Very mellow and drinkable. Darker than diarrhea.

BFC Comments:

Let’s start by talking about the can art–it’s amazeballs. As for the beer itself, I took a sip and thought “this is really thin and funky for a stout.” Well turns out, it’s not a stout, it’s a coffee brown ale, which is apparently unrelated to Andre 3000’s character in the cinematic masterpiece that is Semi-Pro. Anyhoodles, regarding the beer, the coffee isn’t overpowering but there isn’t as much depth as i expected/is on the nose. Possibly out of its fucking element but tasty. I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

_{Apparently my review of this disappeared. Anyway, GREAT CAN, (phrasing! Boom!)The beer was tasty too, nice lager. Malty and sweet for sure, maybe a little too sweet. Lighter than I expected. Coffee taste there but not overwhelming the lager.}

Sharkbait Comments: 

This is way more mellow than I expected out of a brown ale. The coffee and malt notes really come through here. It’s got the brown ale flavor, but not as heavy. A spring/summer brown ale for sure.

Beer Number 5

BREWERY: Burial Beer (NC)

BEER: Shadowclock

TYPE: Pilsner

ABV: 5.5%

SonofSpam Comments:

Clean and refreshing, with a better flavor than most pilsners. Brewery is more goth than Derek Carr.

BFC Comments:

Agree with Sharky, it is shocking how much flavor is in this pilsner. Teddy from Brooklyn 99 would jizz in his pants. This is REAL easy drinking. I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

_{I lost this one at a party that I brought several of these beers to, so as to expand the breweries to yet more CT beer snobs. Anyway, we wound up getting drunk and I wandered away after opening this one. I think I was breaking down table,s just not like the Bills fans do it. Anyway, the next day I tracked down one of my friends who did remember having it, and he said “not too bad.” So there you go.}

Sharkbait Comments: 

Light, but full tasting pilsner. Pleasantly surprised at how much flavor is here. It is very refreshing and very drinkable. I could easily kill a sixer of these at a spring or fall cookout. it might be a little too rich for peak summer

Beer Number 6

BREWERY: Center of the Universe (VA)

BEER: Chameleon IPA

TYPE: IPA

ABV: 6.8%

SonofSpam Comments:

Nicely done IPA, balanced between fruit and something like other fruit. Easy drinking which is good because I don’t like difficult things. 3rd grade, for example.

BFC Comments:

Floral nose, but not so much on the taste. A little fruity and pretty damn interesting. I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

_{Gorgeous (goddammit BFC) color. Nice sharp bite to it without being sour. Very nice example of an IPA, maybe more West Coast but not overly so. I did get a really nice tropical flavor as well. Liked this one a lot. Shared it with 3 other beer friends, got high marks from all. I would rank this as Center’s best overall beer.}

Sharkbait Comments: 

More of a traditional IPA flavor. Again, I like this. I used to not like IPAs but I think Center of the Universe may have convinced me otherwise.

BEER NUMBER 7

BREWERY: Lonerider Brewing (NC)

BEER: Shotgun Betty

TYPE: Hefeweizen

ABV: 5.5%

SonofSpam Comments:

Good example of the form, nice little kick, like a kidnapped midget in a burlap sack.

BFC Comments:

Very heffy, I don’t find it light but rather quite flavorful. Definitely get the banana, and I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

Made me wonder why I don’t drink more Hefeweizen. Nice, very refreshing, but I’m not really getting a midget in a burlap sack vibe from it. (Editor’s note: Ironic that this is when Horatio put an end to my reindeer games making his comments be in a tiny font /pours one out for BeastMode)

Sharkbait Comments: 

Ohhh this is nice. I realy like Hefeweizens, and this great. Light and refreshing. If I can find it up here in Boston, I will be drinking copious amounts of these over the summer.

BEER NUMBER 8

BREWERY: Burial Beer (NC)

BEER: Hellstar

TYPE: Munich Dunkel

ABV: 4.8%

SonofSpam Comments:

Dark, toasty lager; would be at home in Bavaria, which I think is a ship from Polynesia.

BFC Comments:

That’s a tasty dunkel. A little thin, but good maltiness and highly quaffable. I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

Also found this a little thin. Liked the taste but felt like it didn’t last long enough. Get the maltiness, not as much of the roast feel that the profile talks about. But it’s good.

Sharkbait Comments: 

Nice smooth dark lager. Wish hit had a little more punch in the flavor department. Still really good and I want more of them.

BEER NUMBER 9

BREWERY: Center of the Universe (VA)

BEER: Ray Ray’s Front Porch S’IPA

TYPE: Session IPA

ABV: 4.5%

SonofSpam Comments:

Session IPAs are for all-day drinking, and this one fits the bill. Light and still flavorful, this beer is easier than Franklin Graham’s wife.

BFC Comments:

I do not like this Sam I Am. It tastes a little more like Ray Ray peed in it than I would like. The finish is better than the front end, but not in like an ugly woman with a great ass way. I could drink several of these but would prefer not to.

Horatio Comments:

I liked this better than BFC did, so there’s that. It was a little flat, maybe because it came a long way, and like most Sessions was thin on taste and texture. As Sessions go it’s fine.

Sharkbait Comments: 

I’m now 2/2 on liking IPAs from this brewery. I can easily see this being a good post hockey parking lot beer. It’s not very strong in ABV or hop flavor, which makes it a good entry level IPA, which is probably why I like it.

BEER NUMBER 10

BREWERY: Center of the Universe (VA)

BEER: The Jesus

TYPE: Imperial/Double Stout

ABV: 11.5%

SonofSpam Comments:

[IN-COM-PLETE!]

BFC Comments:

This is fucking delicious. Smoother than Bunny Lebowski’s anything. Chocolatey with just a hint of spice on the back end. I could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

What BFC said. This was really good.I was sad to read that it’s no longer in production. Took a few sips for the flavors to accumulate, but once they did it was fantastic. Great aftertaste. Unlike BFC, however, for me this is a beer for nights when you’re having one, because about 20 minutes in I realized I was hammered.

Sharkbait Comments: 

oh this is delicious. chocolatey and malty up front, and not as intense of a stout flavor as other imperials I’ve had. definitely doesn’t taste like it is 11.5%. a good dessert beer, or in my case, late morning day drinking starter

BEER NUMBER 11

BREWERY: Burial Beer (NC)

BEER: Dark

TYPE: Dark Lager

ABV: 4.2%

SonofSpam Comments:

Really nice malt and roasted flavor; surprising that it’s so low-alcohol because the flavor’s so good. Really the opposite of a beer you’d serve kids in order to relax them.

BFC Comments:

404 beer not found/was a casualty of shipping

Horatio Comments:

Thin texture but a nice roasted taste. We were drinking a lot of IPAs tonight, and this was a very nice reminder that there are other beers that shouldn’t be overlooked.

Sharkbait Comments: 

Nice toasted flavor here. Great balance of flavor and ABV. Not a heavy mouth feel, but not necessarily a bad thing in a dark lager. A good spring/early summer dark beer

BEER NUMBER 12

BREWERY: Center of the Universe (VA)

BEER: STFU

TYPE: Belgo Triple Stout

ABV: 16%

SonofSpam Comments:

So this is strong. Chocolate is in there, and some fruit, and there’s a bit of a hard alcohol taske too. Finishing one of these requires a lot of effort, but no pain, no gain (of drunkenness and possibly spousal abuse charges). Wife-beating is a great way to get ready for St. Patrick’s Day!

BFC Comments:

WOOOOOO that is some boozy shit. Chocolate and booze, the go to dessert for the person that could drink several of these.

Horatio Comments:

Nice early tastes of chocolate and vanilla, but the 16% takes over from there and sort of overwhelms everything. Just a lot stronger than I look for in a beer. The one beer to have when you’re having only one, but still want to get absolutely wrecked.

Sharkbait Comments:

Sweet dessert like flavor to start, then you get hit with the high ABV after about 3-5 seconds. It surprisingly isn’t as heavy as other stouts, but what it lacks in heaviness, it makese up for with that booze punch. It reminds me a bit of sherry or barley wine with the after taste.Not sure how anyone could have more than one of these in a day