You know, in this pandemic…
NEWSÂ
By which I mean, NFL News dammit—it’s August already wooo!! O, unrelenting march of time: blessed be your proportional dispensation of both the terrible and tolerable.
Indianapolis QB Carson Wentz will have foot surgery, will be out 5 to 12 weeks per head coach Frank Reich.
Let’s turn to the Nick Foles cam:
But seriously, Wentz’s surgery does not really decrease the AFC South’s QB talent pool. Indy has on the bench: Brett Hundley, Jalen Morton, Sam *snickers* Ehlin—
Regarding negotiations for a new contract for QB Josh Allen, Bills GM Brandon Beane blah blah blah mutual deadline of Week 1. Allen’s rookie contract runs until 2022, but last year was his best season by a mile. Allen can justify not negotiating when the season starts by being better—betting on himself, if you will, which is also sometimes an euphemism for “Bye windfall”.
/mulls it over
Allen may be a bonehead, but he’s an intense competitor. He’ll get paid.
Iggle Ignominy, Chapter Preseason: Rookie WR DeVonta Smith injured his knee on last Saturday’s practice and sprained his MCL. ESPN says he will miss 2-3 weeks; however, the Eagles are listing Smith as week to week. Meanwhile, Philadelphia pharmacies ran out of pins after Iggle fans put the inventory on Jalen Hurts voodoo dolls upon finding out that Smith was injured fielding a low pass from the QB.
Related: CBS Sports projects 7 wins for the 2021 Eagles, which is odd because they only have 6 division games. Oh, the extra game.
17 games… It sounds unnatural #ObservationNotComplaint
Today in Quarantines: All Vikings QBs are on the Covid-19 list. Kellen Mond was positive, while Nate Stanley and Kirk Cousins are pariahs by association. The piece does not call them out directly as unvaccinated, but it’s hard to conclude otherwise in light of coach Zimmer’s heat:
Zimmer: “Some of them just won’t do it… some of the things they read are out there. It’s their belief, so whatever they’ve heard or read or been told… maybe they don’t believe what Dr Sills told them either”
— Matthew Coller (@MatthewColler) August 2, 2021
I have no problem with the NFL vaccination policy. BUT
🚧🚨🍅 UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT 🍅🚨🚧
If folks don’t get vaccinated, that’s on them: leave them be and take care of yo’self. IMHO, delving into someone else’s credo or health conditions is waaaay judgmental for my taste. And if you just had a conniption because I may have characterized DURRR MICROCHIPS as a “credo”, well…
The flip side is vaccination by assault–which I think should be repugnant to any self-respecting believer in “democracy” or “rights”. Me? Pfft. Enlightened despotism does not make me too uncomfortable, especially if there are no pretensions of benevolence. Plus actual enlightenment, not that dialectical materialism crap.
So yeah, I guess you got me. In different circumstances, I could’ve been a Belichick fan.
SPROTS TONITE:
All times Central. Oh! I get to delight you with my outlinin’ skillz. I envy you.
A.Tokyo 2020 Olympics (full listing here)
- Beach Volleyball
- Women’s Quarterfinal – 7:00
- April / Alix (USA) v. Ludwig / Wickler (GER)
- Gymnastics
- Women’s Floor Final – 8:30
- Track & Field
TAPTAPTAPTAPTAPTAP jump FOUL MY ASS
/throws chair
Sorry. Old videogame PTSD is a thing.
- Women’s 400 metRes Round 1 – 8:30
- Women’s Long Jump Final – 8:30
- Men’s 200 metRes Round 1 – 9:00
- Men’s 400 metRes Hurcles Final – 10:20
- Boxing
The judging is arcane and arbitrary, degrading the action into a Sweet Scientology.
Counterpoint: violence
- Men’s Flyweight Quarterfinals 1 – 8:00
MartĂnez (COL) v. Tanaka (J*P)
Â
   b. Men’s Flyweight Quarterfinals 2 – 8:15
Zoirov (UZB) v. Palaam (PHI)
Â
   c. Men’s Featherweight Semis 1– 8:30
Ragan (USA) v. Takyi (GHA)
   d. Men’s Lightweight Quarterfinals 1 – 8:48
Davis (USA! USA!) v. Mamedov (CCCP)
   e. Men’s Lightweight Quarterfinals 2 – 9:03
Bachkov (ARM) v. Abduraimov (UZB)
   f. Men’s Heavyweight Semis 1 – 9:18
Gadzhimagomedov ([Redacted]) v. Nyika (NZL)
Â
   g. Women’s Lightweight Quarterfinals 1 – 9:35
Harrington (IRL) v. Khelif (ALG)
   h. Women’s Lightweight Quarterfinals 2 – 9:50
Dubois (GBR) v. Seesondee (THA)
5. Rasslin’
  a. Men’s Greco-Roman 77 kg / 169 lbs. – 9:00
 Maafi (TUN) v. Huseynov (AZE)
Â
  b. Men’s Greco-Roman 67 kg / 147 lbs. – 10:00
Merabet (ALG) v. Ryu (KOR)
   c. Men’s Greco-Roman 67 kg / 147 lbs. – 10:07
Borero (Small Bear) v. Zoidze (GEO)
   d. Men’s Greco-Roman 67 kg / 147 lbs. – 10:14
Nasr (TUN) v. Al Obaidi (Refugee Olympic Team, 4Reel)
  e. Plus a lot more! Uf, I may have overpromised with these listings. Â
  6. Basketball
   a. Slovenia v. Germany – 8:00
   b. USA! USA! v. España – 11:40
B. Based Balls
  1. Piratas (Wilson, 0-0) v. Cerveceros (Lauer, 3-4) – 7:10
  2. Gigantes (DeSclafani, 10-5) v. D’Bax (Widener, 1-1) – 8:40
C. Other
- Enough already, K?
Finally, THE HALL OF FAME GAME IS THURSDAY! Those first ten minutes of placebo ball, followed by uninterrupted kvetching about FF until Week 1, cannot come soon enough.
I can already smell the Toradol.
All gifs via giphy.com.
I’m satisfied with the results of the beam final. It wasn’t something out of the movies, but the scores were appropriately awarded.
Again with the bears!
If you say that three times in a row out loud, Buddy will appear in your bathroom.
Probably not mine!
I love that the bears also have knives.
What was listed in the header here? Was it some sort of gay porn
Speaking of gay porn the last episode of Elite had a full-on MMM threesome. It was pretty explicit even for them.
Evening. I’m a few beers in and have to say, i really don’t want to work tomorrow.
Do we ever want to?
In my 20s?
What’s happening at work these days?
All right, off to sleep. If anybody else happens to be up for the balance beam, I’ll see you in a bit.
Canadian family in the Bachelorette.
They seem like nice people.
Canoeing really shouldn’t be an Olympic event. Unless it is combined with archery, in which case that would be kind of cool.
Cuz we got the Cherokees.
Took Brewers -1.5 / Under 8.5. Top 9 in Milwaukee and it’s 6-0 Brooers, but Pittsburgh has the bases loaded with one out. This one is gonna hurt…
Gamel walks. 6-1.
Crew win 6-2. Hooray. Other leg of parlay (Giants-1.5 @ AZ / Under 9.5) goes right down the shitter. Goddammit.
I feel like these track guys ought to at least buy me dinner first. I know more about them than I should!
Christ, now they’re showing me their tits!
Chicka pow.
Admit it, you’re enjoying the sight of that 6’2″ slab of pickled herring.
I never said I wasn’t!
Kind of an improvement from dick pics, no?
PROGRESS!
About time there is equality on TV. Enjoy the show!
Watching a thing on ESPN2 about foosball players. They’re nuts, but it does go to show just how obsessive you have to be to be truly great at anything, even a bar game like foosball. I like a good game of foosball, but am I going to play it 15 hours a day? Watch videos of other people playing foosball? Stop drinking for a couple of days so as to stay sharp for foosball? No, no, and absolutely not.
And that’s why I’ll never be truly great.
My dad spent his last three years or so in the Air Force stationed in Alaska, where he said the only things to do were smoke cigarettes, watch the Northern Lights, and play foosball.
He took particular glee in decimating my brother and me at it when we were kids. Asshole.
My father in law has the exact same story, except it was ping-pong.
I’m conflating him with my uncle, who was in Alaska. Gumby’s dad was stationed in Sidi Slimane, Morocco.
Best wishes for a speedy recovery to Bob Odenkirk.
If Uncle Ricco was a statue
Just read it again. Fantastic. Like “Jeter In Butt Land” by Universal Enveloping Algebra:
Jeter in Butt Land
the dumbest story about Derek Jeter
One day, Derek Jeter was walking around and farting in butt land. He farted so loud that like twenty people barfed, and it was super gross. Jeter laughed and said “OMG LOL noobs.” Then he got his skateboard and ollied off this hot bitch’s tits, and everyone clapped so hard they died.
THE END
This is poetry. I’m weeping.
Still a better Wicker Man remake than the one with Nick Cage.
Oh god, not the bees.
So I’m going to test your guy’s memory
There was potential of “something” happening in my life. It’s now looking like a certainty.
Who wants to wildly speculate on what it is?
Except balls. He knows already
If it is your Balls, then vasectomy.
However, I am going to go with moving to California.
Tempting, but no
Is it good or need?
I don’t want to say Anything that may get me judged….
Both!
She moved in a way that attracted you like no other lover?
No it wasn’t a video call
New job?
Yep. Correct. Start job shadowing this week!
Yay for you! Hope it’s a perfect fit.
Prison job, right?
https://twitter.com/bigestaban/status/1421979937985253381?s=20

Who moved Hawaii?
Could reeeeally use the Brewers plating Escobar from third here.
Never a bad time to revisit this old gem.
What was that?
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9YMd_3Vgdv0/TbF6HE-U_8I/AAAAAAAAAPk/m0RpIMwCkio/s1600/1974+letter+2.png
Fascinating.
These owners are all just the worst fans in the stands.
Before I retire I am absolutely sending someone that letter.
Microsoft Teams displaying just how hard it sucks with one of America’s still-protected semi- public figures — the white gymnastics gold medalist in a pandemic.
Their stock will soar tomorrow.
That whole teams thing was painful
That girl’s not seen her family in 15 months while she’s been training. She’s like, “oh you’re doing this on Teams in front of the world so I can’t let you have it right now like you deserve. “
I don’t want to think about that I don’t want to think about how I don’t want to look up the age of this Brazilian gymnast.
Mexico has a pandemic mascot. Pandemio.
It’s a vaccine mascot.
Given that America is where we are, I’d say is time for D.C. to hand the reigns over to the new Health Care Czar, the San Diego Chicken.
Their 2nd in command can be Gritty.
Gritty would fuck up unvaccinated idiots. I’m all for it.
Is it weird that I find that slightly attractive?
Let your freak flag fly, Taj!
Oh Sorry, Hail Satan!!
So you’re yeah rights brother?
Hey remember that Saturday morning cartoon Pandamonium?
Damn it I am sick of volleyball! I mean what the hell? 3 hours of volleyball and 30 seconds of weightlifting, high jump, pole ( you said pole) vault. Maybe it’s just me.
You guys watch whole ( 3 God Damn hours of pulling undies out of butt cracks) volleyball games, either dirt or that other silly foul business?
I played in high school so I always watch when I can.
I prefer indoor to beach. (both playing and watching)
Women’s, yes, I can I watch. Men’s? No.
https://twitter.com/PeterNHess/status/1422165784785260547?s=19
The fact that someone recognized this fact and posted it on the internet both thrills me and throws me into the depths of despair.
This is the turning point of 2021.
From my buddy who just came back to Alberta for the week where ALL restrictions including if you have the Rona to isolate will be lifted.
“I wear my mask everywhere as well. Fuck these fucking fuckers. I want privatization of health care for unvaccinated people except kids obv. You get Covid without being vaxxed and end up in the hospital? You get the bill, fuck you. Why the fuck should we foot the fucking bill for these selfish mostly rural fuckheads. It is utter bullshit and I hate what my province has become.”
He just got his PhD at McGill Uni. I told him that was better than his dissertation.
My gym, in deep blue CT, just went back to masks today.
Our Premier is taking a lead from DiSantis… we are doomed.
(do not care if that is misspelled)
It’s De Satan.
I’m just curious to know in what discipline he obtained his PhD.
Department of Natural Resource Science, in Renewable Resources.
I’m down with your boy. My new job title, as reflected in my work email signature block, is
“Hydrogeologic Conceptual Site Model Project Manager”
Fancy, huh? I am done with construction, back to environmental work…
HE would be useful in this province, you know, with its dependence on dirty oil with a hope of transforming to more wind and solar.
Mrs. Sharkbait is livid at people willfully not getting vaccinated. I’m of the opinion that they should be at the bottom of the list when it comes to treatment resources.
You are correct sir.
Let the free market do it’s work. THIS IS WHY I BELIEVE IN THE INVISIBLE HAND!
Is that banner photo one of the Forgotten Giants in Denmark?
It’s a sculpture in Culebra, PR
https://thomasdambo.com/works/hector-protector/
I hope that is not a Gadsden Flag culebra.
So no then.
“Hey, the bible only says that thou shalt not bear false witness. It’s fine to bear regular witness.”
Of course this dude is based in Huntington Beach.
Might as well say “Church of Klan” on his shirt, then.
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a snitch to get into the Kingdom of Heaven.
In this case, I am team snitch (which is essentially just a replay from my previous post statement of me being Team Jacob).
Oh absolutely, I just get a kick out of the guy’s Bible study group turning his ass in.
He probably tried to fuck one of the younger members, and that member’s partner held a grudge.
I knew you would agree to Team Jacob. That’s why I have a matching shirt that should be coming in your mail box with his picture on it. We can be twins!
His business is called “Brooks Works”. More like “Crook Works”, amirite?
Sleazy contractor. Bet he has some quality reviews on Yelp.
To paraphrase The Who
Coup….are you?
Coup coup
Coup coup
Oh I really wanna know…
I really like the PMURT ski hat.
Beach volleyball has started. I repeat: beach volleyball has started!
2 teams from Canadia are in the quarters!
Currently watching the men folk play indoor and JayZ’s ROC team apparently.
Doesn’t the beach in Canada have to be closed when more than one team tries to practice there?
We import sand and play indoors.
I thought there was plenty of domestic sand available up yonder in Athabasca.
ICYMI
The headline on FoxNews had a typo: “Simone Biles is BLACK.”
so uppity!!111
Yeah. “Typo”
Wasn’t the Edmund Fitzgerald sailing for Toledo on its final voyage? That’s gotta be good fodder for some coastal elitism too.
I noodled around the internet a bit and apparently they were headed for Detroit.
Classic mistake
But Gordon Lightfoot taught me that the ship was concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms when they left fully loaded for Cleveland!
It fills me with joy that PFT Commenter isn’t so big time that he can’t still find the time to occasionally like one of the DFO account’s tweets.
I know Under Armour is based out of Maryland, but Nike can’t be too pleased to see that many UA logos next to NFL team logos.
Them and the Suzy Homemaker ovens are highly collectible these days.
Speaking of Toledo, apparently the 30th tallest building in the city is something called the Pythian Castle
Built in 1890 for the Knights of Pythias Secret Society. In 2013 the interior was found to be “dilapidated”
What a Pythia
If that bldg belonged to me, I’d be really Pythed off.
So would Mike Tyson.
‘the interior was found to be “dilapidated”‘
That’s a pretty good assessment of Toledo on the whole.
Pretty fair summary of my doctor’s comments during my last physical.
We all have our cross to bear
Hold up; the building was sold in 2017 for $300. The broker of the deal was the county treasurer, Wade Kapzulongpolishlastname. Somehow, definitely not through the machinations of a supposedly long defunct secret society, he is now the mayor.
Mayor-related: as we were up there for my wife’s great-aunt’s 100th birthday, we actually got the mayor to issue a city proclamation in honor of her big day. It was pretty cool!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxCUHjx7U7Y
I saw this when it was first broadcast when I was a teen, and have lived my life accordingly. I did outlive Belushi, but only because he could afford better cocaine than me.
At the risk of over-posting:
Thanks to all my friends here, I dumped The Once and Future King as it was just not connecting for me. Based (I believe) on a rec from one of you wonderful DFOers, I picked up Europe In Autumn by Dave Hutchinson and am LOVING it. It’s a really fun read! So thank you to whomever rec’d it (and my apologies for forgetting who it was!).
No such thing as “over posting”
I’ll give it a few minutes and post all my findings w/r/t cutting the cord. I’m getting rid of cable! Yay!
I did that last season. Got Red Zone + TNF thru Fubo, Tits games thru broadcasts andotherstreams means—other means! Didn’t miss anything s/o to dispensable laptop.
I’ve held off because Xfinity’s internet-only options have sucked and doing the whole piecemeal package hasn’t been worth the money. Getting NFL on Fox and CBS was the final piece to the puzzle and I found out about locast, so that’s football sorted. It’s a brave new world.
Good job! We did that too! Have never looked back.
I picked it up too! I haven’t started it yet but I’m looking forward to it! Maybe this weekend…
It’s going really quickly. Quite funny and Hutchinson manages to sprinkle a little bit of history in with his fiction.
Back from family trip to Ohio. A few observations on the Florida of the Midwest from this, my 11th or 12th (?) visit:
1) Toledo may be a big-ish city (pop. 600K or so), but it really feels like a small town. Probably because it’s surrounded by copious amounts of farm land.
2) Please, Ohioans, I beg you: season your food (salt and pepper do not count).
3) Everyone is very nice there. Good representatives for the Midwest, except…
4) Waaaaayyyy too much Trump stuff on full display. He lost, y’all. Get over it. You look like Texas with all that crap.
5) The weather was awesome. Sunny and highs in the upper 70s/low 80s, lows in the 60s. Well done, Ohio.
That’s 71st-biggest-city-in-the-country-Toledo to you, bud.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toledo%2C_Ohio
I was genuinely shocked when I found out how populous the city is. If you had told me there are only 200K people there I absolutely would have believed you.
The city proper has 275k according to old wikipoodia up there
Yeah, within-city-limits population is usually much smaller than the surrounding suburbs and exurbs.
I guess with the metro area (by “metro” they of course mean all the fuckin’ farms), they’re able to claim another 330K. Seems high, but what do I know?
I was Environmental Restoration Project Manager at Wright Patterson for a few years, Almost every time I went there it seemed the weather was shitty, and I would joke with the natives that the Wright Brothers invented the airplane to get the fuck out of Ohio. USAF Museum is worth spending several days at, though. If you haven’t been there and get the opportunity, take it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvAYGz6Iwmc
To be fair, I’ve only ever been there in the summer, and Toledo’s built right on a swamp, so it usually feels more like Houston than any city in the Midwest should. Never been in the winter and I’m not sure I’d want to go. This time around it was gorgeous, though.
Yeah, I had a few decent trips during clement weather. But even on a beautiful summer’s eve, the concert I went to see at the amphitheater in Columbus (Bela Fleck and Bruce Hornsby) got rained out after half a dozen songs.
We went to a Mud Hens game a few years back and had another nice night. Minor league baseball is great–stupid-cheap tickets for awesome seats and a mix of young guys gunning for the majors and washed-up has-beens.
I know that the amphitheater was across the square from the arena where the Blue Jackets play. That’s all I know about Hockey.
I did have a nice bison burger at Ted Turner’s restaurant right off the piazza there. I could eat the whole thing, since it was pre-gastric bypass. Nowadays I might get down two or three bites and be done…
It’s insane that a rural city like Toledo still has more people than the entire state of Wyoming.
Those words, I dont think they mean what you think they mean
Hey! We build Jeeps here, too!
—UAW
https://www.jetpunk.com/user-quizzes/268658/us-cities-bigger-than-wyoming
Looks like they’re only counting city limits
Population numbers lied about for gerrymandering purposes.
Am I supposed to go buy a Subway sandwich because Tom Brady is part of the ad campaign? They should limit those ad buys to central Florida and the parts of New England that are not Connecticut.
He is fond of kissing young boys on the mouth, so he’s a perfect spokesman for Subway.
Subway smell:
-33% yeast
-33% onion
-34% that freakin’ Subway smell
I haven’t eaten at a Subway in over a quarter century.
I went last week to see the menu changes. So, it was fresh mozzarella. That was the menu change. And it was bland mozzarella, so I guess they missed that part of the step where they soak the cheese in brine.
Fellow Masshole texted me today a link to something that said that Bills ownership is trolling for a taxpayer funded-stadium in Austin to land their team.
Fuck that.
But at least they could keep the team name “Bills,” since Austin is the seat of state government and they pass shitty bills all time. “Oh, black or brown? Sorry, you can’t vote. And what’s up with that shit about Mister Potato Head genitals? That’s important!!”
Plus, they already have a new mascot waiting in the wings.
🤣
Alternately it could be a reference to the massive utility bills that residents of the state were confronted with as a cost of freedom from the tyranny of sharing a power grid with neighboring states.
Fortunately, the TX state government is laser-focused on shit that doesn’t matter. Governor Abbottoir is running neck and neck with DeathSantis to slime his way into being Trump’s replacement.
I got lucky during the storm this winter; never lost power, and my light bill was the same as ever. Lost a half-dozen full grown non-native trees, and had a couple of pipes burst that I didn’t think about since they had never frozen in past freezes. Sub-20 degree temps for four days running was just too much for the pipes and the tress.
DeSantis gets all the headlines because of COVID, but Abbott is right up there for pure, unadulterated Trumpublican shittiness. He does things for 3 reasons: to score points with Trump, to own the libs, and out of pure spite. He’s not interested in the end result, as long as he can cite one of those three reasons for doing what he does. I hate that four-wheeled motherfucker with the passion of a thousand flaming suns.
Mr. Potato Head signal?