Labor Day is tomorrow so I think it’s the proper time to recognize the unheralded titans: bosses. Bosses give so much, especially to your incompetent coworker who always gets help from you. So little is asked of bosses: pay on time, provide equipment or cover expenses, and be gullible about excuses for tardiness.

If the wages are subpar, do even better and ask for a raise. When it gets rejected, be stoic and professional, and then schedule every meeting for 1:00 PM Fridays and do not return to work until after the weekend. And seethe; for variety, some brooding as well.

Turning to important matters,

NFL NEWS

 Have ya heard? The season starts this Thursday

-And the Non-Gendered Cow Persons G Zack Martin is out after a positive Covid test. Espen reports that Martin is fully vaccinated; adjust your scorn accordingly.

-Also positive, WR Jamison Crowder. His vaccination status is unknown, while his affiliation with the Jest is both known and humor fodder.

-Know who else got the Covids? Tom Brady. He contracted it after the Superb Owl win boat party. I remember that party for the massive media slobberin’ over Brady after publication of a vid of him walking tipsily. Hey, sheeporters, it was Covid! Case closed, TB remains “inconclusive” for personable traits.

Off the Covid list, QB Ryan Tannehill

-And, after today, the next Sunday in which there will be no NFL will be February 20, 2022. I have already gone ahead and programmed “Please excuse […]” texts for the rest of 2021 Sundays, but may have to do normie shit the odd Sunday morning or late PM (looking at you, Bears game that wasn’t flexed out). That will save some goodwill for January Reclusin’.

In Lesser News: Today in FIFA World Cup Qualifiers, Brazil hosted a sting operation that netted four Argentinians, three of them starters for La Albiceleste. Brazilian authorities stopped the match at the 6^th minute and intervened with four Argentinians who play in the English Premier League: two with Aston Villa (Emiliano Martínez and Emiliano Buendía), and two with Spurs (Cristian Romero and Giovani Lo Celso). The Brazilian fuzz accuse the foursome of lying in their pre-flight health declarations, as all travelers to Brazil who have been in the UK 14 days prior must quarantine for 14 days in Brazil.

Now, Argentina played last Thursday in Venezuela and then traveled to Brazil for their second international date. You can almost see the moustache-twirling Argentinians writing down “We arrive from Venezuela”. Why oh why did the Brazil Sanitary Authorities delay the intervention until after the game started. Not that the game was a big deal or nothing… Only the repeat of the Copa América final two months ago—also in Brazil, won by Argentina.  Are Argentina fans reacting reasonably?

@pablozapata305

So, the South American qualifiers have turned into a full-fledged shitshow. What a great day for stereotypes.

TONITE ON SPROTS

All times Central:

JV Fitbaw!

#9 Notre Dame (-7) @ Florida State – 6:30 PM (ABC)

Major League Stats

Doyers (Buehler, 13-2) @ Gigantes (Leone, 3-3) – 6:00 PM

Tennis – U.S. Open

Men’s Singles

Tiafoe (USA) vs. #12 F. Auger-Aliassime (CAN) – 6:00 PM

Women’s Singles

#15 E. Mertens (Belgium) vs. #2 A. Sabalenka (Belarus) – 5:30 PM

#8 B. Krejcikova (CZE) vs. #9 G. Muguruza (ESP) – 8:30 PM

Doubles

Get a grip, OK? Singles above.

World Cup Qualifiers

CONCACAF

El Salvador vs. Honduras – 6:00 PM

Costa Rica vs. México – 6:00 PM

And, oh, nothing. Just THE DFO DERBY!!!11!1

USA vs. Canada – 7:00 PM

/Gets up

And finally, a classic: Life In Hell’s “The 9 Types of Bosses”. I can say that I’ve had as bosses everyone on the first two rows.

That last row looks more like my recent dating history. What can I say: I’m blessed.

🚧🚨UPDATE: DFO Suicide Pool is Activated. If your entry name is offensive, we’ll monogram it on the gently-used fleshlight if you win. Join in or whatever you know🚨🚧

Link here.