Labor Day is tomorrow so I think it’s the proper time to recognize the unheralded titans: bosses. Bosses give so much, especially to your incompetent coworker who always gets help from you. So little is asked of bosses: pay on time, provide equipment or cover expenses, and be gullible about excuses for tardiness.
If the wages are subpar, do even better and ask for a raise. When it gets rejected, be stoic and professional, and then schedule every meeting for 1:00 PM Fridays and do not return to work until after the weekend. And seethe; for variety, some brooding as well.
Turning to important matters,
NFL NEWS
Have ya heard? The season starts this Thursday
-And the Non-Gendered Cow Persons G Zack Martin is out after a positive Covid test. Espen reports that Martin is fully vaccinated; adjust your scorn accordingly.
-Also positive, WR Jamison Crowder. His vaccination status is unknown, while his affiliation with the Jest is both known and humor fodder.
-Know who else got the Covids? Tom Brady. He contracted it after the Superb Owl win boat party. I remember that party for the massive media slobberin’ over Brady after publication of a vid of him walking tipsily. Hey, sheeporters, it was Covid! Case closed, TB remains “inconclusive” for personable traits.
Off the Covid list, QB Ryan Tannehill
-And, after today, the next Sunday in which there will be no NFL will be February 20, 2022. I have already gone ahead and programmed “Please excuse […]” texts for the rest of 2021 Sundays, but may have to do normie shit the odd Sunday morning or late PM (looking at you, Bears game that wasn’t flexed out). That will save some goodwill for January Reclusin’.
In Lesser News: Today in FIFA World Cup Qualifiers, Brazil hosted a sting operation that netted four Argentinians, three of them starters for La Albiceleste. Brazilian authorities stopped the match at the 6th minute and intervened with four Argentinians who play in the English Premier League: two with Aston Villa (Emiliano Martínez and Emiliano Buendía), and two with Spurs (Cristian Romero and Giovani Lo Celso). The Brazilian fuzz accuse the foursome of lying in their pre-flight health declarations, as all travelers to Brazil who have been in the UK 14 days prior must quarantine for 14 days in Brazil.
Now, Argentina played last Thursday in Venezuela and then traveled to Brazil for their second international date. You can almost see the moustache-twirling Argentinians writing down “We arrive from Venezuela”. Why oh why did the Brazil Sanitary Authorities delay the intervention until after the game started. Not that the game was a big deal or nothing… Only the repeat of the Copa América final two months ago—also in Brazil, won by Argentina. Are Argentina fans reacting reasonably?
@pablozapata305
So, the South American qualifiers have turned into a full-fledged shitshow. What a great day for stereotypes.
TONITE ON SPROTS
All times Central:
JV Fitbaw!
#9 Notre Dame (-7) @ Florida State – 6:30 PM (ABC)
Major League Stats
Doyers (Buehler, 13-2) @ Gigantes (Leone, 3-3) – 6:00 PM
Tennis – U.S. Open
Men’s Singles
Tiafoe (USA) vs. #12 F. Auger-Aliassime (CAN) – 6:00 PM
Women’s Singles
#15 E. Mertens (Belgium) vs. #2 A. Sabalenka (Belarus) – 5:30 PM
#8 B. Krejcikova (CZE) vs. #9 G. Muguruza (ESP) – 8:30 PM
Doubles
Get a grip, OK? Singles above.
World Cup Qualifiers
CONCACAF
El Salvador vs. Honduras – 6:00 PM
Costa Rica vs. México – 6:00 PM
And, oh, nothing. Just THE DFO DERBY!!!11!1
USA vs. Canada – 7:00 PM
/Gets up
And finally, a classic: Life In Hell’s “The 9 Types of Bosses”. I can say that I’ve had as bosses everyone on the first two rows.
That last row looks more like my recent dating history. What can I say: I’m blessed.
🚧🚨UPDATE: DFO Suicide Pool is Activated. If your entry name is offensive, we’ll monogram it on the gently-used fleshlight if you win. Join in or whatever you know🚨🚧
Link here.
It’s a good thing newspapers are dead or else we’d be be buried beneath the onslaught of “Paradise Lost, Found” stories tomorrow if FSU wins.
NCAA Overtime rules went from great to stupid with the alternating 2pt conversions. They should add in extra point attempts with the 2pt attempts to keep the kicker in play.
Suggestion:
Starting with 3rd OT (Football Shootouts):
Extra Point Attempt from the usual spot. THEN
Team can attempt a 2nd Point Conversion from the usual spot (I think its the 3 yard line) OR they may attempt a conversion from the 10 yard line for three points, in case the kicker misses it, or they want to go for the win.
Overtime
man after using dfo exclusively on my phone for a year I forgot how big some images show up on web pages.
yes and yes
ABC: “The Conners live!”
Me: “Oh hey, that Roseanne-without-Roseanne show is still on the air! Good for them, I guess.”
“On second thought, I hate the Irish more. (Game-fixing lever goes ka-chunk)”
-a WASP, somewhere
Bad call with the Timeout. I would’ve tried a quick curl route for 8-10 yards.
Best case: Long field goal attempt with :01 left.
Worst case: Overtime.
This game looked like it was fucking over when Milton threw that INT where the safety came all the way across the field. Now we’re 5 seconds away from OT.
I hope ND pulls a michigan punt level screw up here
or maybe an auburn alabama iron bowl?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAFHHHHHHHHDSJFASKFDAS
Ah great. Now I need a change my shorts.
If Milton’s knee can survive a whole season, this guy will be playing on Sunday next year.
“Uhhhh, khakis?”
Good Canada day.
Good for Milton. Its nice he’s back on the field.
I’ve got an idea: words that don’t make sense together.
“Hand me that piano. I’m walking to Barstow tomorrow.”
Look, what’s that smell?
I demand more musk in my food!
I’m taking horse dewormer to cure the Covid that I could have been vaccinated against.
C’mon Florida state
Well, you talked me into rooting for them.
He makes a persuasive argument.
Someone posted on facebook that Notre Dame was back baby.
I was gonna remind them of clemson kicking their shit in, then i rembered that was year before last. they fought Iowa state last year. yeah I agree they don’t count either
I swear I forget how much I hate notre dame sometimes
As it is now September, the Cincinnati Reds have official transitioned into Playoff Mode.
USMNT is still shit, and it really brings me joy to keep that tradition alive.
I agree with the women’s argument for equal pay. Those men are definitely overpaid.
Heh.
I wouldn’t fuck over confidant Verizon chick with our dear departed Seamus dick.
She’s a poster child for a prenup.
We are loyal to our queen
Any time notre dame is leading a power five school I automatically assume its a combination of shitty refs or the other team psyching themselves out
Let’s not give Florida St. too much credit. They may be riding on name alone.
And thus concludes the competitive portion of tonight’s JV festivities.
As usual, the white settlers displace the indigenous people.
RE: DFO Suicide Pool? Is a tie treated like baseball and Blackjack where a tie goes to the runner/player or is a tie counts as a loss.
It’s treated like a push on Fremont Street. Dealer wins.
I am now in my dining room finished a draft and pretty loose. Waiting for BC Dick, but I am at that level of highédrunk that either i get loose or go sit down with deci and wife, as I am close to my hooch i will stay here. issue is the weed and nicotine are across them.
Ever gotten so high that you think you are telekinetic? I mean stuff you wanted just appears in front of you, but it is only because you don’t realize your wife is placing the stuff in front of you because you forget you asked her to bring you stuff.
that’s good hustle. you got a winner there
I got Gumby a stash box for his birthday. It’s one of those puzzle box things. We have both taken it apart and reassembled it several times. We both spent the last 40 minutes or so trying to figure it out. Because we were high, because we were high, because we were high!
That’s a very valuable point, Canada!!
Well done!
I am very happy with that.
FSU’s QB is trying single-handedly give ND’s safety the Heisman with tonight’s game alone.
So I am going to DFO hell. I drafted Adams and A-A ron . Fuck. I am not even on mushrooms
so…you have a Top 3 WR and Top 3 QB, in a year when all the RBs have serious question marks? FOAR SHAME
YOU ARE MY COUNSEL!!!
Hippo is the consigliere for the DFO gambling operation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATd_76nVeCE
Man, it would be SO KEWL to be a mob lawyer. Stupid WASP heritage.
Tom was a WASP, or was he Catholic?
https://youtu.be/_XoFmJp2C4k
…..i drafted dreamboat just to piss off my uncle and so i can start him Thursday night
So let us see if John McEnroe still has an announcing gig tomorrow as he just called the two black players in the match young bucks.
Knowing today’s culture, he may be fired just for the ageist comment alone.
I still do a double take every time a British announcer refers to a Black footballer as “boy”
That throws me as well.
Well, it is British so anything they say sounds classy.
NSFW – Language
the crown limerick – YouTube
British right here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN2J9i5B6Ac
I mean, I typically don’t think of black folks when I hear young bucks, but thats the wrestling nerd in me\
It was the term used by slave traders for young black men.
so the wrestlers are cultural appropriating? man they’re really playing up the heelsmanship
I have no idea, it may have passed the old meaning, but if you called a black man a buck when I was a kid, you had a fight on your hands.
And racist assholes like my dad used the term in a very derogatory manner.
Would it be fair to describe this game as Florida State repeatedly shoots itself in the dick, but manages to miss most of the time?
Canada Silences The Crowd!
Woohoo!
LETS FUCKING GOOOOO!!!
I hated The Wonder Years the first go, but I’m still all in favoUr of an all-Black Gilligan’s Island re-make.
I would want to see a remake “All in the Family” for today, but that wouldn’t work because compared to what a Trump-icans is, Archie Bunker may as well be one of those a Red, Pinko, Card-Carrying Cosmopolitans.
But instead of the White Working Class, Archie could be all Nation of Islam. With a bubbleheaded daughter who dates an Uncle Tom!
I would love a remake of WKRP, but no one listens to the radio anymore.
Is it too early to redo NewsRadio?
Until Joe Rogan dies of COVID, it is.
Or horse de-wormer poisoning.
hey, just so long as he fucking dies
I’m afraid we’ll have another Jerry Lawler situation where he dies, but the Grim Reaper can’t stand the car ride to the afterlife with him so he sends him back.
This Black Gilligan’s Island idea has wheels. We should get the Sleazy DFO Producers on this.
Preliminary casting:
Gilligan – Kevin Hart
The Skipper – Cedric The Entertainer
Mrs. Howell – Anna Marie Hosford
Mr. Howell – Don DC Curry
The Professor – Wayne Brady
Maryann – Zendaya
The Movie Star – Meagan Good
I’m in. I don’t even like Kevin Hart, but I will watch that religiously!
This is GOLD. We need Hollywoo brainiacs like Balls to make my pill-addled fever dreams into pitchable ideas.
Instead of movie star maybe she should be a rapper. The professor should be Neil DeGrasse Tyson just for the lols.
Maybe keep the Howells as old white people for the awkward jokes.
Trump and Melania as the Howells, holy shit the comedy writes itself – “I thought you people were good with boats, I mean you all arrived on them.”
They’d have their own cave and never leave!
We need to copywrite this. We can retire off the syndication rights alone.
At least their own side of the island so they can harass everyone else for being where they don’t belong. And Lovie should actually be named Karen.
This year’s WEBN Riverfest Firework’s music selection is pretty much songs that say “welcome back”. Its supposed to be for people being able to watch the fireworks on the river (last year they did it in an undisclosed location), but based on current reports from the hospital I think they’re welcoming COVID back.
Oh Poopsticks!
Today’s Pedantic Pet Peeve: announcers who tell us the DB tipped the ball away from the WR “at the very last second”.
Yeah, he’s a DB, he’s covering the WR, if he gets a hand on the ball it’s gonna be just as it’s getting to the receiver. This shit is not that hard.
Just wait until he sees a draw play. His head may explode.
Member that time when Brian Kelley forced that videographer to record a Notre Dame practice in a high wind and that videographer died?
I remember.
I never heard of that, but knowing Brian Kelly I completely believe that story.
Wait, you NEVER heard that? You’re kidding, right?
We talk about it literally every Saturday during college football season.
https://deadspin.com/how-a-notre-dame-student-died-and-why-he-shouldnt-have-5675694
In my defense, normally every time I see Brian Kelly, my brain interprets it as fart noises and poop. I’m only distracted due to the Riverfest fireworks playing on TV.
This is a solid defense. It’s the same reflective defense when Marjorie Taylor Green speaks, it’s just armpit farts.
I mean, it was before texting was universal, so somewhere there had to be someone who blissfully napped all through 9/11.
Well, it was my day off and I woke up after the 2nd tower fell. For the first few minutes, I was standing in my parent’s family room watching the TV trying to figure out if I was still dreaming.
I literally woke up in a whole new world.
Imagine if you lived alone, woke up at noon and just played Nintendo all day.
You mean my ideal of a perfect life?
Parents are dealing with a Contractor that did not order the cabinets they wanted and didn’t bother to ask them if it was okay before ordering them. His response was “Didn’t you check the receipt?”
Isn’t that Rule 1 in being a Contractor?
The whole world seems terrible, and then Kate McKinnon shows up on a commercial and things are… just a little bit better.
I would happily go lesbian for her. I understand it may be a rather loose definition of the term and I try to be open minded, but in this case I don’t care who is offended by that comment.
I think all you need is Fronk-like prowess with your tongue and you’re good.
That’s pretty much the same for all orientation.
But she’s a starting shortstop on their team!
She went to the same school as me. Though a bit after my time there.
In a ff draft right now. 3 guys are wasted (confirmed) one is in a van in Banff with potty wifi (confirmed) 2 took mushrooms a half an hour ago (confirmed) I am very day higdrunk
can i join your league? everyone in mine is logged on and fully sober
We all worked in a place called Lake Louise. been a 12 year league of complete and utter trashbags. Great way to reconnect apparently while doing drugs
Canadia did a good!!
Ah, a team whose mascot is a racial stereotype and the Florida State Seminoles (which I’m allowed to say for reasons I don’t fully understand).
Specific tribe, and said tribe overwhelmingly supports it.
They should stop the tomahawk chopping, though.
Has Bono sanctioned ND’s mascot?
Somewhere Daniel Snyder comes up with a brilliant idea to get his team’s old nickname back.
But I bet it involves H1B visas for people from the Indian subcontinent, as they will be less expensive to get naming rights from.
Here’s what I was able to get in a 6 fellas auction league yesterday
Brady, Stafford
J. Taylor, G. Edwards, Gibson, J. Robinson, Sermon and Javonte Williams
McLaurin, Ridley and Allen Robinson
Hockenson
/I figure that when a wr or the te are on a bye I’ll just swap out a qb because there are only 12 taken and there will be tons of quality players on the waiver wire. We’ll see how that goes.
Scotchy, with all due respect and with deep felt empathy…
That team is fucked.
Godspeed.
where there’s a will there’s a way.
and that way is to the liquor store
See though, I’ve done the math and the worst I can finish in is sixth place!
For the record I’m a boss. I’ve been a boss since 1986. I truly believe a good boss helps his employees become the best they can possibly be.
I’ve tried diligently to never be an asshole and to always back my employees first.
I’m hoping karma will realize that shit when I retire.
I’ve had many employees say “You’re the best boss I’ve ever had” and I want that to be my legacy.
You’re definitely the best Sunday Gravy author I’ve ever had.
I initially read “I’m a boss” to be the slangy use of “boss” like the kids do these days.
Based on your post and comment history, I’d say your original intent and my reading are both accurate.
I try to be the same way as you. I could never be like one of those asshole bosses.
My working theory is that asshole bosses are like victims of abuse. They were abused as workers and when they became bosses, they decided to carry on the cycle of abuse.
That means your employees work extra hard.
I’ve worked with good bosses, and I’ve worked my ass off for them.
I’ve worked with bad bosses, and I’ve completed the bare minimum based on my job description that would warrant receiving a paycheck.
I can’t find a GIF, but this is the best reminder I have of me dealing with a bad boss.
Remmick: “You don’t like me very much, do you?“
Worf: “Is it required, sir?“
ND vs Florida State:
one has a name that an idiot would say is politically incorrect, the other relies to much on its past success.
fuck it, if the fighting Irish were forced to change their name I would laugh my ass off
I’d be delighted if they were forced thru public pressure to change their name to The Irish That No Longer Fight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCXs-Gpld_8
The Irish who fight for Truth!Justice!And the American Way!
The fucking Irish.
Notre Dame Rhythm Method
Which is which?
Got the over-the-air super antenna and a login for cable channels! Now I can watch TV like a regular person! Yay!
Oh, it’s Notre Dame vs. Florida St? Well, I’m only 11% through Cixin Liu’s “The Three Body Problem”…
That’s a wonderful read!
I may only be about a 10th of the way through, but it’s really interesting. Word is they’re making something out of it for Netflix, so I wanted to get a full read before that comes out.
I just yelled at the teevee don’t make me mad so early please. I actually said please.
They’re kinda playing back on the heels of their snowshoes at the moment.
I didn’t think I would be as aggressive. I have my oldest league ff draft in half an hour. I would happily take a draw here.
yoooo
USA vs Canada!!
Pulisic is starting.
thats ROCKING!!!
Who’s that?
Pulsilic, he plays for Chelsea.
Oh, you hate him.
So the new job came with a perk: a laptop I can take home if I can see fit! (they’d rather I use it than a work computer)
Pros: I can now access sites easier than ever!
Cons: I have like 8 things to do tonight including my money FF league draft, I’m “prepping” by doing mocks” Also, I caved and bought the all in PPV, but the fite app keeps crashing. Also I’ve used reddit desktop like three times in my life and its not the same as the mobile app. To quote my dad: I swear to god you’re the worst at “being a millennial” of anyone i’ve ever met.
Just got notified of my draft pick. #3. Obviously I like having a high pick
DO A THING, Canadia!
Let’s fucking go.
Walker Buehler is supposed to be talented but every single fucking time I watch him pitch he gets lit up like a breathalyzer being blown into by Britt Reid.
Lin Manuel Miranda also talented but I don’t think he could get major league hitters out.
Speaking of the Bears, don’t pick them for your suicide pool, which could be the DFO pool if you follow this link from yeahright: https://fantasy.espn.com/games/nfl-eliminator-challenge-2021/group?id=92e73e7b-f3a8-3b70-bbf5-908ac8d68372
Got it! Thanks.
Good call, BFC. Just joined.
I’ve just joined. My First SUicide Pool,
question: is this similar to other “pick em” leagues? I a little confused on the rules besides the obvious
Pick the winner each week. You can only use a team once. Adjust accordingly.
Ah. I see
Narrator Voice: He didn’t see and he knew he was screwed
In 2021 the Fla ST Seminoles schtick feels a little… no, a lot, out of touch.
If you mean the “Seminole” part, it’s my understanding that they have the full blessing of the Seminole tribe/group of tribes to use the name and branding. I also think the mascot they have is an actual Seminole.
The tomahawk chop and chant should be dumped in the dustbin of history, but as long as the actual tribe says “yes,” I think it’s okay.
Thanks, I hope that’s the case. Thanks for the info. TMYK.
ONE PLAY, and I have already concluded that the Semen Holes remain liquid ass.
Speaking of liquid ass, HOW BOUT THAT #BFIB BULLPEN
They are dong a GRATE job at keeping me from being sucked in.
Dear heavenly Jeebus, this drips with mas excelente. Perfect Don Draper gif, too.