Your “Gruden Gets Ground Into Dust” Monday Night Football Open Thread

It’s been four years now, is anyone happy with the direction of Rikki’s Raiders? Seems to me the success of the season relies on a tremendous number of ‘ifs’. Oops, I’ve gotten ahead of myself. On Mondays I usually do a follow up on Sunday’s action. Here it comes…

Fall Out:

-Who the hell is Elijah Mitchell? This week’s trendiest pickup, that’s who!

-The Fantasy Gods have spoken-they don’t want Jeudy and Sutton playing together. So do you grab Patrick or Hamler?

-Them Gods are picking on Scary Terry as well. Imagine how happy he was to have Harvard on board-finally, semi-competent qb’ing! Alas, he’ll have to wait for a few fortnights. Btw, “Subluxation” sounds like an expensive accessory on a new Tesla vehicle.

-Jax proved that having a coach that is a control freak with anger issues isn’t the way forward. Will Meyer change in any way? Nope.

-Was Cincy’s coaching concerned at all about Chase’s ‘catching’ issues? Not one bit-what a non-story. Ja’Marr had a 90% snap share and a 27% target share. If Burrow can remain upright that Bengals O should be deadly and entertaining.

To The Game!

Ravens/Raiders:

-A crowd in Vegas for the first time. Look for plenty of shots of displaced roid abusers with spikes on their shoulder pads and silver paint on their (acne-scarred) faces.

-Did ye know that the Ravens have won five straight openers and have not surrendered more than 10 points during that streak? I don’t think it ends here. Of course, I thought the Titans were going to blow out the Cards, so what do I know?

-I have some bad news for Jacobs owners that need him to come through ce soir. He is trending towards playing but-this is nuts-of his 19 TD’s scored, 17 have come in victories. Sounds like we got ourselves a frontrunner here.

-All eyez are on Ty’Son although Lat might get some work-though that should be very straightforward run plays given that he’s had only the smallest of peeks at the playbook.

Do you need someone to come through tonight? Let us know below.

 

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
368 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Mr. Ayo

SHORT!

/not ray rice fan fiction

WCS

Is the game over, ref?

Gatoraids

Coach I don’t think we survived

Viva La Tabula Raza

Holy mackerel.

Brocky

Sorry Ayo, Sorry redshirt

Mr. Ayo

I’m not dead yet!!!

Brocky

comment image?ops=scalefit_630_noupscale

The Maestro

And somehow, I’m still awake.

Don T

I’m liking this Derek Carr with the speed holes helmet.

Don T

Or, hopefully, the holes are Gruden audio get-outers.

Gatoraids

Fear and loathing in overtime from points for Andrews up by 4 against him

Brocky

Serena williams as wonder woman would be better than WW 1984

clint greasewood

A throwback to the 1977 AFC division playoffs between the Oakland Los Angeles Oakland Las Vegas Raiders and the Baltimore Colts Cleveland Browns Baltimore Ravens.

Brocky

or alternatively, the 2000 afc championship game

clint greasewood

That works too.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I thought Colts moved directly to Indy, and the Browns directly to Baltimore…?

Redshirt

Well, I did ask what happened if my Suicide Pick ties. I only have myself to blame.

Mr. Ayo

Suicide is pick a winner. Any team tying is not a winner.

They’re a loser, just like your pick would be.

Redshirt

That was explained to me.

I’m a Blackjack player at heart: Win if you can, tie if you must.

Gatoraids

Acid wash jeans Davis probably cornered the world supply of Jordache

Fronkenshteen

well shit.

SonOfSpam

So… MOAR VEGAS FOOTBALL

Dunstan

I can haz moar football?

TheRevanchist

Can I get an Owen Wilson “wow” and an “amen”?

Dunstan

No, DFO can only afford a Joey Lawrence “Whoa”

Mr. Ayo

Let’s get some free football!

I can win with one more Tucker FG!

Viva La Tabula Raza

As many as 10 extra minutes added to week one!

Redshirt

Welp, that smiling shirtless fat guy would be an interesting Quotable.

Fronkenshteen

Well this sure would be nice. However, I am Mush!

clint greasewood

That will do Lamar, that will do.

Brocky

U pull ahead?

TheRevanchist

I pulled a head, but then I got paid for it.

clint greasewood

Up by 2.38

Brocky

i’m up by 4.02

yay fantasy

Fronkenshteen

Why does Scott VanPelt look like a fire-roasted Corn Nut?

TheRevanchist

He looks like Fire Marshall Bill Burns from In Living Color.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If nothing else, My Raiders made this worth watching, which is a pleasant surprise.

Dunstan

(insert Photoshop of Mark Davis’s head onto Russell Crowe’s body)

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

Gatoraids

Beating the spread greatest of Vegas wins

Redshirt

Oh, please, I hope Lamar took one hell of a shit before this drive.

Gumbygirl

Now you’re just talking dirty!

Redshirt

No, I could talk dirty but the DFO Overlords frown upon NFL Coprophilia.

hippofant

Maybe Gruden should stop rushing an injured Josh Jacobs for… uhhh… I think it’s been 2x holding penalties in a row.

Redshirt

Anyone else just get a Eye of Sauron vibe when they showed that shot with the fake flame in the background.

Gatoraids

From Bowlcut Dur

Recovery Whiskey

Look at the Raiders thinking they’re good

Gatoraids

They’re waiting to go to the raider themed Cirque Du Soleil show Puntique

montythisseemsstrangetome

Las Vegas seems like a nice, disease-free place to enjoy a game.

Anthony In TX

What happens in Vegas stays in your penis.

clint greasewood

Please Raiders ,just score.

Screen Shot 2021-09-13 at 10.09.46 PM.png
Mr. Ayo

1 RB league? Sickos.

clint greasewood

14 person League, so there wasn’t going to be enough RB to go around.

Brocky

You win if they do?

clint greasewood

Just giving Lamar a chance with the ball.

clint greasewood

Fuck, all I need is 3 points from Lamar and a course Watkins gets tackled short of the TD and asshole Raiders let Maury walk into the end zone.

Brocky

Monday night fantasy football anxiety the worst

Fronkenshteen

When this is all over, I’m gonna end up loving Tom Brady, aren’t I?

Redshirt

I already am. I’m ashamed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gross

montythisseemsstrangetome

I like Giselle.

Anthony In TX

Just keep pulling this picture up:
comment image

Gumbygirl

Not me. I can hold a grudge.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, is this when the Raiders completely collapse, or they gonna make this a game?

Fronkenshteen

Need 10 more out of BAL and 7 more out of the Grudens. Could happen. Whoops! Bombski to Watkins. Chunk not dead.

Gumbygirl

Oh christ, they gave Eli the remote. He keeps rewinding and replaying, now I’m fucking seasick.

Redshirt

In his defense, its probably the first time the family gave him the ‘mote.

Gatoraids

Overstimulated with too much screentime today

hippofant

Some of this, “Good for Carl Nassib, making a TFL while gay,” and “Look at how free Carl Nassib is playing now that he’s out” stuff is striking me as a little tokenistic.

Just a little.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Took me way too long to figure out what TFL was

Dunstan

“Well, the T is for Total and the L is for Life, and the F is for that word they won’t let me say anymore.” — Richie Incognito

Anthony In TX

Representation and recognition matters.

At the same time, I imagine Carl Nassib wouldn’t mind just being a football player instead of being THE GAY FOOTBALL PLAYER.

hippofant

I’m just not sure you can tell a player is out by the way they pass rush.

Anthony In TX

Imagine talking to someone from 1981 and telling them the Baltimore Ravens were playing the Las Vegas Raiders. They’d wonder what sport you’re talking about.

In other news, the storm’s really starting to pick up down here in the Houston suburbs. I’m not particularly worried–we didn’t flood or lose power with Harvey (knock on wood) and we’re stocked with groceries, so we should be okay. Biggest issue will be dealing with a bored 6 year old if the internet goes out…

montythisseemsstrangetome

You’re 6 years old?

Anthony In TX

Yep.

7 times over.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening

Redshirt

Wrasslin’ Update:

Big E won the WWE Championship off of Bobby Lashley. I’m expecting breaking news about Vince’s disappearance and Triple H being a person of interest at any moment.

Gatoraids

Vince just trying to stick him with the NFL raw ratings crash

Redshirt

Hunter: “The ratings went up one point for the last 15 minutes to see if Big E would win the belt.”

Vince: “That means they want Lashley to be championship, dammit! We gotta put the title on him.”

Hunter: “Steph, either you put him in a home or I’m leaving. I mean it this time!”

clint greasewood

Big E is the new WWE champion

Gumbygirl

Charm being slung with Peyton and Eli.

Recovery Whiskey

There can be only one

Recovery Whiskey

Is everyone quiet or is the site crapping out

litre_cola

Refreshes every 3 mins now unless you do it yourself like we did when we tied onions to our belt.

The Maestro

Site’s fine; we’re just all intoxicated at this point.

Gumbygirl

Speak for you…all of us!

Don T

This FOOTBALL IS BACK is starting to grate.

The Maestro

THIS RAIDERS QB I CALL HIM GENERAL MOTORS BECAUSE I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I’D EVER TRUST AN AMERICAN CARR

Redshirt

Oh, I forgot. God hates me, or at the very least the teams I root for.

clint greasewood

Just get me 4 points Lamar

Recovery Whiskey

Wanted to see play action bomb there

Recovery Whiskey

SUDDEN POSSIBLE CHANGE

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sudden Change!

clint greasewood

Dear Sonic —
You’re not selling a Grilled Cheese Burger. It’s called a patty melt.
Thanks,
Everyone.

Mr. Ayo

In their defense, Sonic has never served real food.

Anthony In TX

Maaaaannnnn, that’s been driving me crazy.