Are we going to call him “Alpaca”? Of course “Giraffe” is already taken.
Newsy Notes:
-It’s Not You, It’s Them: The most flags thrown by refs in any week was 198 until this season came along. The first week 214 penalties were called and last week 221 flags were tossed. Cleaning up the game by slowing it to a crawl is such a typical NFL Braintrust boner that I needn’t say anything more.
-Slow Down Bears Fans: A rookie Chicago qb has never won his first start on the road.
-There’s talk that if Wentz’s ankles aren’t game-ready (and it seems that’s the case) that the Colts will play both Jacob Eason and practice squadder and general layabout Brett Hundley. If you saw the former play last week you might not think this strategy was that nutty. Ramifications-wise, look for rb Taylor to get a million carries and yes, feel free to stream the Titans D.
To The Game!
-So what do we have here in one Davis Mills? A blissfully short dig into his particulars reveal that by being ranked as the Number One Recruit, (over Tua) he likely peaked in high school. He started all of 11 games at Stanford so he’s as raw as they come. (take your bets as to whether he finishes the game. I say no) A scouting report called him ‘athletic’ at 6’4″, 217 but his rushing average was 1.4 yards in college. I believe we have a ‘stand in the pocket’ type here.
-The Panthers D has gotten off to a fantastic start but it’s a bit too early to say whether they are really actually good or not. Though in this game circumstance I can’t help but feel that they’re going to improve on their 10 sacks and 21 qb hits.
-That, combined with Teddy B’s competent— “What!? [puts finger to earpiece] Darnold? Him?” Okay, the leap-to-conclusion folks are saying that Sam is a completely new qb. Why, his passer rating is 14th in the league! We’ll see how things go but I’m just glad he got out of New York with his mental health intact.
-Look for, as always, tons of McCaffrey and lots of play action. Darnold completes 75% of those passes and he averages 10 yards per. The Texans D has not defended variations on that play very well.
-Times running out! Take Carolina in Survivor this week.
Do me a solid a make a dick joke down below
Oh this game is SO close to going derp condition red
-Mr. Mills!
–
#SkippedLegDay
“Mr. Mills is my father. You can just call me Daddy (flexes).”
TRUE HIPPO STORY – I live bet the 500s ($20 at +475) when McCaffrey died
Thats good hustle
I wish I could make my own addictions as lucrative as Hippo makes his.
Pictured, the world’s tiniest invisible alpaca
I think most people just call it a “landing strip.”
Aww, so much nicer when they actually let them use the green screen.
?auto=webp&s=608856e92bc10c3f126eda612e25a17314539c02
Forbidden? It’s the same goddamn picture superimposed in front of a brook!
Whatever, nerds.
At least he has other talents
I CALL THIS GAME A KNIFE THAT HAS BEEN SITTING IN A BUCKET OF SEA WATER FOR TWO MONTHS BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO BE A VERY DULL AFFAIR.
Also, spending time with it makes you feel like you need a tetanus booster
It would be kind of funny if refusing a tetanus booster became a thing and Rod and Todd could start getting into the lockjaw game.
Don’t ever assume anything is impossible
https://news.yahoo.com/florida-republican-calls-review-vaccine-204317741.html
I saw that today. What a goblin.
Our next door neighbors moved to Florida this summer. Their daughter is the same age as ours and we really love their family.
I’ve got half a mind to go out there and kidnap them to bring them back to Texas.
Back to Texas!!!
Outside of the zoological factoUr, this fixture is approachng war crime status.
The Texans and Panthers are aware of the illustrious history of Thursday night NFL games are wanted to ensure that they kept the tradition alive and shining.
Hold Our BEER! – participants of the pending Jest/Jaguras TNF’er
Alpaca DOWN
Special! Fumble
Good Christ, must we have a tongue up MRSA Dreamboat’s arse even when the motherfuckers aren’t playing?
Alpaca? 😆 Mills wishes. He’s been like a vicuña this far.
It’s very rare that a 7-0 game feels like a blowout but here we are.
Flag, flag
Everywhere a flag
Blocking out the scenery
Breakin’ my mind
Do this, don’t do that
Can’t you read the flag?
I drafted McCaffrey 1st overall last year and led the league in points despite his injury.
Didnt make that mistake this year
Alpaca back on the field!
well, that’s the end of my DFO-ball franchise.
I just made a Texans aren’t real joke in a group chat and got nothing in response. I need to stick with you fine people.
WHORE!
Stop cheating on us, you ho!
If this group chat is with Texans fans there is a very good reason for the lack of response
My fellow Texan fan and I agree with you.
I have one!
The Alpaca Bowl went the way of The Bluebonnet Bowl when corporate sponsorship took over.
Wouldn’t it be great if a legal weed company sponsored a bowl game? I’d go to that!
That absolutely needs to happen, preferably in a state where it’s not legal yet.
For a while when Washington State and Colorado were the only open weed states, games between them were known as the Weed Bowl.
And The Alpaca Bowl was just like The Puppy Bowl except there was a lot more spitting.
Quick thank you to everyone for being so supportive in my first-ever DFO post today. That was a lot of fun and I wanna do it again!
It was great! And we had a DJ Taj sighting! And Scotchy got out of jail! What a day! Time to dance!
Muchas gracias!
You and Taj both earned them plaudits, chuh chuh.
Thank you!
The most important takeaway of watching the Panthers’ offense in action tonight is that Adam Gase is a fucking idiot.
Even in the first Patriots down year in what seems like forever, Gase made sure the Jets were still worse.
Fine, I went back in my photo log to find the picture of the one alpaca I’ve seen in my life
His parents are watching, and they don’t look pleased with his performance so far
The one on the left played Samuel L. Jackson’s role in the all-alpaca reboot of The Hateful Eight.
The one on the right, meanwhile, has a real cocaine problem.
I dont hate sam darnold because he played for the jets, I hate him because he went to USC
She is, um, “pleasantly shaped” in pretty much every place that matters.
I’d forgotten about Darnold’s amazing throwing arm.
Its amazing watching Sam Darnald playing for the Panthers after playing for the Jets.
He takes the snap, drops back, panics, reflexively braces to be hit, momentarily acts confused that the offensive line hasn’t allowed him to be sacked, throws ball.
Post-Jets Stress Disorder
“I’ll take, ‘What malady did the Twin Towers eventually succumb to?’ for $600, person replacing Alex.”
And he’s still better than he was in New York.
McCaffrey better get the ball now, goddamnit
DJ Moore being guarded by a linebacker? That ain’t smart.
Damnit, Sam, you aren’t going to set a record for punts in a game making plays like that. Get it together!
it’s all like Bro, do you even Thursday Night FITBAW?
Screw you, TNF! I just got over the 2000-2002 Bengals!
we demand ALL TEH ALPACA PICS!
ask and you shall receive! SO FLUFFY
Sexy Ones!
Hey, save it for Sexy Alpaca Friday!
I Got Carried Away!
How about a really happy pig?
This penguin needs to learn not to throw off his back leg
At this rate, this guy/gal will be Houston Texans’ QB before Deshawn Watson.
FUCK YEAH SCOTCH AIN’T LOCKED OUT NO MORE!
Ahem. Gentlepersons. Good morrow to you.
Nice play, Black Mister Burns!
Artist’s Conception of Cincinnati Sports Fans leaving the Reds’ “Playoffs or Bust” Bandwagon and going to the Bengals’ Bandwagon:
Did The Reds Win? (77-72) on Twitter: “https://t.co/eHo8W8MzRm” / Twitter
Let’s not overlook the bigger news of today, that Jack Eichel is no longer captain of the Sabres.
Just like the composer Kardashian intended:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dhy-ZgSP0Js&ab_channel=SamSamMusic
I’ve got a good feeling about Matt and Tim Hasselbeck’s live telecast of this Thursday Night football game.
Prolly not a vaxx between them.
“Hey Tim…what’s that grating high-pitched screech in the background.”
“Oh, that’s just Liz saying hello.”
Woot, great minds! That would be a real life Blair Witch situation.
That gave me an all over body cringe. The only thing that would be worse would be if the moron Elizabeth was with them.
Darnold just missed a pass to D.Arnold.
“There’s so much happening in the offseason for this houston team”
Yeah dont go into detail like a coward troy
I used to work one of those department stores that allowed dogs.
This led to all manner of animals coming in. One was a baby alpaca about the size if a golden retriever. It was adorable
“This is my emotional support alpaca.”
“Uhhh… How does he help you?”
“By defending me from my questioners! Alpaca! Sic ’em!”
(alpaca murdering noises)
I hope you didn’t have…cleanup duty.
Nope. Would have quit faster than belichick at jets headquarters
I hope he does well so I can pretend that posting tons of alpaca pictures during future games is even slightly relevant
I think this one captures his throwing expression perfectly
It’s Sexy Friday somewhere.
https://images.app.goo.gl/XErVouzKj2Js5x7RA
Well, that didn’t work out, did it?
Hey, that’s my line!
(h/t: Brocky)
This fucker is getting ready to spit. Don’t be fooled by that cute face, he’s about to hockaloogie all over your dumb ass!
Not you Zymm!
I never really realized that skinny white on nfl networks panel was joe Thomas before, now I’m once again questioning my life choices
I took Denver as this week’s Eliminator team, (Never start a land war in Russia during the winter, and always bet against the J-E-T-S Jets), (apologies in advance to Hippo), but I am starting the Carolina D against the Alpaca tonight in FF.
I picked donks this week too
I likely would have doubled down (Donks in Survivor, Jest in Loser), but I used my boys last minute in Week 1 (which was good, since I was gonna go with ATL over PHI)
Me too, so bet the shanty on the Jetz.
How many discarded needles are in one of them Detroit Style Pizzas the Hut be hawking?
He he! The Habs only had 5 players fail their physicals.
Look, Imaginary Spirit Animal Buddy-Guy – we done paid attention to your strange election. Don’t be bringing no exhibition hockey into THURSDAY NITE FITBAW
Oh, so it’s like that, is it?
/starts putting on the foil
The lady on the NFLN panel called this Imaginary team “the Houstons” and I bet she almost said “500s.”
Also, The Alpaca is ded-on perfect for that ugly motherfucker.
Get ready for the Bulls On Parade!!!
I’m of course talking about something other than this game. Tonight’s gonna be a disaster.
Holy shit, I know how insane it is to take the Panthers ON THE ROAD ACROSS TWO TIME ZONES in SurvivoUr. But I did anyway.
Sticking with the Jest in Loser, they ain’t beating Don Fangio’s mob in a raucous Mile High.
Isn’t it just one time zone?
oh yeah, u rite. Duh doy, don’t mind my addled mind.