Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

For me yesterday was an entertaining mix of interesting games-upsets, disappointments, shootouts, a bizarre finish-even some of the chalk results were worthy of a looky-loo. Let’s do that Monday Thing.

Fall Out:

-It was 4th and 3 on the opponents 39 yard line with 6:29 left in the 4th quarter and your team is losing 7-6. If you’re coach Judge what do you do? You punt it. YOU PUNT IT! I just don’t know where to start with this. First off, the folks that are saying that ‘he’s playing not to lose’ don’t seem to get it. His thinking isn’t that far advanced imo. He’s a dumbass, old school guy that thinks that his D is going to hold the Falcons down and he’s going to win the the field position battle in the end game. Which he was winning when he decided to punt. He was already in the position that he wanted to be in, given his antiquated thinking. Fuckballs! And he preaches discipline and execution constantly to his players and the media and this team saw more flags than the editor of “Triumph Of The Will”.

-The above take forces me to acknowledge that I have to eat some crow. I’ve called a certain guy Coach Booyah! because he’s a wee bit over the top as far as his exuberance goes. Yeah, the Ravens were looking past the Lions and let them back in the game but I’d argue that a typical Detroit team would just roll over and allow the inevitable to happen. There’s no doubt that Dan Campbell is getting his players psyched and motivated to play. And this team is even less talented than last year. (departures of Stafford and Golladay, among others)

-It’s all well and good to go out and draft an rb in order to cure your running game woes. It’s another thing altogether to think that that is all that needs to be done. Najee Harris was out there but The Ben threw 58(!) times yesterday. That’s actually what opponents want Pitt to do these days, right?

-The real story of that tilt is that Burrow and Chase and Co. get a mind-cleansing W. (kudos to those that grabbed Chase in fantasy-a real bargain because the overthinkers caused his ADP to drop so much) Steelers fans (and Redshirt) take for granted that Cincy will get curbstomped on the road and now, maybe, not so much. There be pieces falling into place near the Ohio River.

-Feel sorry for the Bears fans that got exactly what they asked for and now have to wallow in Matt Nagy being correct in that Fields needed more time getting up to speed. Oh, Nagy still sucks balls but he made the right call by holding him out. That’s gotta wound the ego a whole lot.

To The Game!

Eagles/Cowboys:

-Last week Dallas ran to victory but that might be a bit more difficult because so far Philly’s run D seems legit.

-This might be a test of Hurts’ passing skills because it’s fairly easy to air it out against that secondary. He’ll still put those footsies to good use though.

-Shoutout to rook Micah Parsons: In week 1 he played the lb spot and acquitted himself quite nicely. Then last week he switched to defensive end due to Lawrence and Gregory being out and did well there, including an instrumental sack late in the game.

-It’s a bit of older news but La’el Collins is suspended because he offered to bribe The Pee Inspector. For some reason this reminds me of the Dallas press discovering The White House (women and cocaine aplenty there) back in the ’90’s. When Nate Newton was asked for comment he said something along the lines of, “Why are we in trouble for this? We are acting responsibly, bringing our bitches over there instead of back home!” I’m a huge fan of tone-deaf responses to the media.

Do your best or worse down below.

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Horatio Cornblower

Hurts just tried to murder Smith.

Horatio Cornblower

And now Goedert tries to murder his own drinks intern.

A true Philadelphia Story going on here.

SonOfSpam

Still pissed about the Heisman vote.

WCS

Elisha’s not getting his juice box tonight for being a bad boy!

Spur

Thursday Night Football comment image

Spur

Eagle head coach needs more pens hanging from his visor

Sharkbait

Eli just gave America the finger on ESPN

Gatoraids

His mom made him apologize

Viva La Tabula Raza

Peyton dared him to do it. It’s one of those older brother/younger brother things.

Gatoraids

Eli with the great insight in Philly 9 yr olds

Spur

and now for the INT off the hands of the Eagle receiver

Viva La Tabula Raza

This just keeps getting shittier and shittier.

Gumbygirl

I want some of whatever was in that small bottle. Instantly cured what ails him!

Spur

That Cox is faking it. Get off the field

Horatio Cornblower

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King Hippo

How bad are the Iggles? The TE screen WORKED.

Spur

Smith had both hands on that ball. the should have had that.

Horatio Cornblower

They are going to blow this.

Redshirt

Football or American Crime Story: Impeachment?

Horatio Cornblower

Yes

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think your guys have gone from surmountable to insurmountable.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, that was a very unMcCarthylike call on 4th and goal. I’m impressed.

Of course, the Eagles then didn’t cover anyone and it still took a scramble to get the TD.

Sharkbait

We NEED to get a DFO tweet on the Manning broadcast.

Redshirt

All I can think of is Peyton Manning and Papa John quotes.

Maybe reference Peyton’s SNL commercial skit.

Horatio Cornblower

“Remember that time you bounced your balls on that physical therapist’s head? Or the time you made your wife take the fall for your HGH?”
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Sharkbait

Saying one’s hosting performance was better than the other might be the ticket to screentime

Redshirt

Why does Nick Saban look like he’s streaming from an dark and evil lair?

The Maestro

Are you trying to claim he’s not?

Horatio Cornblower

Spoken like someone who’s never been to Alabama.

Redshirt

I just got off work. What did I miss in the MNF game?

Horatio Cornblower

The Cowboys have gotten out to a surmountable lead.

Gatoraids

Saban is Droopy the Dog commentary

Horatio Cornblower

Again, Dallas’s tackling is just wretched.

Horatio Cornblower

No defensive coordinator I’d rather see with a 20 point lead into the 3rd quarter than Dan Qui….ah, fuck.

blaxabbath

So I’m reading about how Josh Gordon last played in the fan controls football league. It made me think, if a guy like Gordon but on the line — let’s just say Von Miller gets kicked out of the league tomorrow for beating a cop with a flag and this being antifa on 1/6 — he could absolutely wreck the league the way an offensive individual cannot. Sure Gordon is fast but he still isn’t going to play every down with risk of injury. But a D lineman who is just at another level would absolutely bring such a venture to relevance.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, this has certainly degenerated into a shit show.

SonOfSpam

-America

Viva La Tabula Raza

I was talking about the game, but you are absolutely correct.

Redshirt

I prefer to call it Scheißezeigen. Since the GOP is going Nazi, I figure its safe to steer into the curve. Also, it makes it sounds fancy.

Gumbygirl

I turned it to Jeopardy.

Horatio Cornblower

If you and 2 of your friends have killed all the bourbon in the house in the course of an afternoon it’s probably time to call AA, not Drizzly.

Mr. Ayo

Sounds more like an inventory management issue to me.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh it’s definitely poor planning.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This season of Love Island includes a *lot* more homoeroticism.

SonOfSpam

Is it…girls? Because that would inspire a markedly different interest level.

Horatio Cornblower

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Horatio Cornblower

They’re giving Hurts a lot of shit for an interception that happened because his WR fell over.

Spur

Well, at least Eagle players got a new shirt this week.

SonOfSpam

“Trayvon took it to the house!” and somewhere in Florida, Robert Zimmerman’s trigger finger got all twitchy.

Horatio Cornblower

That guy can’t get hit in the head by a comically large anvil soon enough.

Horatio Cornblower

The Last Duel looks good.

Mr. Ayo

The book was better.

Sharkbait

We’ve definitely hit insurmountable lead territory

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

blaxabbath

I’m waiting at the vet because my dogs dick got stuck out and I guess that’s a bad thing. They have him in the back right now.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sorry, what?

SonOfSpam

Lemme translate; Blax is stuck in a lab.

blaxabbath

I guess it’s a thing. It gets caught outside the foreskin or a long hair gets in there and keeps it from retracting. Now his is so swollen they can’t just lube him and side it back so they’re gonna soak it in sugar water for a couple hours then try again.

Else im off to the specialist!

Viva La Tabula Raza

“If your dog gets an erection that lasts longer than four hours, please try soaking his pecker in sugar water.”
Hope all goes well…

Last edited 2 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
litre_cola

So did Def Leppard have 4 hour erections?

Don T

Emmitt says “I feel ya”
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Gumbygirl

Red Rocket. They have some poor vet tech giving him a handy.

Spur

Ever wrestle your dog ’til you cum? – Attell

King Hippo

Goeddert owners have been Waiting For that.

Mr. Ayo

Goeddert opponents are quite displeased.

Gumbygirl

Jerrah and Jimmie just got married. Crazy kids, I hope it works out!

King Hippo

What a way to show commitment 2 emancipating urself from gender slavery!

Viva La Tabula Raza

It didn’t work the first time because they each wanted to be the power top. Same thing is probably going to happen again, if either of them can even still get wood.

trollsoharduniversity

I haven’t watched the fastest three minutes for a while but Boomer sounds like he just ate thanksgiving dinner and is about to have a heart attack while talking about black lives matter

Gatoraids

How Berman survived COVID so far is beyond me

Don T

He puts Valvoline on pancakes, a cure dating back to the Black Plague.

SonOfSpam

I do too. For different reasons. Usually on Friday nights.

King Hippo

Nobody is willing to get within six feet of him.

blaxabbath

99% survival rate.

Which is why China must be punished.

Gumbygirl

Berman has sounded relatively sober these past few weeks. I give him a couple more before he falls off the wagon in spectacular fashion.

Last edited 2 years ago by Gumbygirl
clint greasewood

Had to look it up on how the wrote off Roseanne on The Connors. Accidental opiate overdose.

blaxabbath

Yeah they’re poor midwesterners.

SonOfSpam

With Josh Gordon signing with the Chiefs, is it ok to make “peace pipe” jokes or nah?

Britt Reid already took care of the firewater.

Gatoraids

Bears arent NSync right now they are not even Colour Me Badd

Horatio Cornblower

There it is.

Dunstan

Which of you is the shoulder fetishist? Must be enjoying Suzy’s outfit tonight. (As am I.)

litre_cola

Tis the Hippo

Horatio Cornblower

That’s Hippo territory.

King Hippo

She is a fashion and shoulder elegance standard bearer.

Gatoraids

Matt Nagy says all fans in attendance are under consideration to be Bears QB

Spur

what the fuck is McCarthy doing? He’s fucking dumb.

Horatio Cornblower

Mike McCarthy is as useful as tits on a bull.

Horatio Cornblower

Mike McCarthy has a variety of plays for 2nd and 31. Every one of them is a punt, but he has a variety of them

Mr. Ayo

3rd and 24? NFL BLITZ!

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas is truly terrible at tackling.

Spur

Parsons is FAST. how can something so large move that fast. unreal

Horatio Cornblower

Kids at Penn State are uniformly good at running really fast.

No one knows why.

Spur

Towels add unnecessary weight

Spur

Rager runs backwards

Horatio Cornblower

That was a textbook run back, in that all he did was run backwards.

SonOfSpam

And the Dallas-born sideline judge has been outed.

Horatio Cornblower

That would explain it.

Spur

Big12 born and blind