Welcome to Week 3 Quotables. What a time to be alive, huh? Dallas has taken it’s place as the rightful leader of the cream of the ratings crop NFC East while blaxabbath’s somewhere comment about Ron Rivera sure knowing how to build a defense makes me look ignorant as hell and, thus, totally suited to be on any opinion show opposite any other host on any sports network. Carson Wentz is already in midseason form while Jacoby Brissett is doing everything he can to earn another contract given with his chance in Miami.
One housekeeping note, I am looking at pairing down the weekly submission from eight to six or seven. Some of it is my time savings but, generally, it’s a matter of quality control. Or assurance. I’ve never quite understood the difference between the two.
Anyways, please see below for your Week 3 Quotables submissions.
For Jerry Jones clip
“With this ring, you are committed to service in the name of Satan.”
Kirk was dismayed to discover that the only piece of cloth that could fly that far is the Sacred Vikings Sex Boat Cumrag.
(Yes, there was only one.)
HERE YA GO JIMMY, GOTTA RUN BACK TO MY SUITE WHERE I GOT ANOTHER BUST WAITIN FOR ME YEEHAW
“Hey Nassib…I’ll bet that wasn’t the only sack you got last weekend”
-R. Incognito
I haven’t seen this many men wearing black piling onto a 14 since Jerry Sandusky brought along a couple of his friends from church.
Are we ready to call Fatt Sackford elite?
Well, I guess my girlfriend here will be playing “Peg the tail on the division rival” tonight. A bet is a bet after all.
Alternate: That look you have when your girl wants to play Border Patrol after a big win.
“Sure, this will be a safety, but everyone who owns me in a fantasy PPR league will appreciate it.”
The only person with less of a chance to get away from Nassib is Buddy Cole, and he ain’t trying.
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Hardly the first time Ol’ Double J’s out a ring on it with absolutely no intention of keeping his word.
Sirhan Sirhan thinks this shot to the head was a little much.
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Wow. Take your +1 and think about what you did.
“Back and to the left” – L.H. Oswald
“Like you could hit anything from that Book Depository” – CIA sniper on a grassy knoll.
“I’ll just put this over there with my credibility.”
And I say England’s greatest prime minister was Lord Palmerston!
PITT! THE! ELDER!
Pitt. The. Elder.
LORD. PALMERSTON!
A nervous brown guy surrounded by yelling Texans? There’s something you don’t see every day.
The remaining 72 Dolphins look better than I would have guessed.
Receiver should have caught it. Nothing wrong with that throw.
-Collinsworth
“Shit, looks like someone spilled some vaccine on this shoe.” – K. Cousins
THESE CLEATS, I CALL AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY’RE TRYING TO FUCK COUSINS
/Andy Reid exits hospital
Anyone else smell smoked Brisset?
SHOES CONTROL THE MEDIA
Kirk also thinks they control the banks
You will RESPECT this promise ring, you dirty dirty whore!
Goddamnit, can’t you just fade back another 3 or 4 steps? – Dan Orlovsky
“Alright, other JJ…don’t pawn this for hookers and blow. Also, you’re responsible for the hookers and blow at the post-game shindig. YEEEeeeeHHAAwwww! I AM FUCKIN CRAZY!!!”
THAT’S how you stay cool at a glory hole
–DeShaun Watson and Bob Kraft
I’m a little teapot, short and stout! – Trent Green, pissing self
There are Japanese fishermen that think this is cruel to dolphins.
Those same Japanese fishermen find this treatment of dolphins to be atrocious.
THAT TENT MUST HAVE SOME GOOD SHIT IN IT
–Jim Irsay
“You have no idea.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8opDMUtJ58
https://clip.cafe/blazing-saddles-1974/think-of-secretary/
Ramtacular? Don’t they mean…..RAMIT!
https://youtu.be/YZO8Zeye5K0
The Make-a-Wish people never know what to do when someone requests a young ho.
I was going to go with “I didn’t realise that it was bring your kid to work day in the NFL”
“I broke my shoe!” -Fantasia Barrino
“That’s all on me. I can’t drop that pass.” — Trent Green
“Amateur.” — Jay Cutler
