Your Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Whelp, Morbid Curiosity, you win this round. I can’t ignore this game simply because the usual slobknockering of the established stars of the league will be noticeably absent. We’re entering unexplored waters here folks.

Newsy Notes:

-Truthfully, I wish that this tilt was Bucs/Pats so that we could finally be fucking Done With It! Give the sports media a Big Narrative that a 5 year-old could understand and of course it’ll be done to death.

-Welcome Back Josh Gordon! This is a story about persistence and drugs, more drugs and a damning indictment of the existing Chiefs wr’s. Well, Mecole Hardman and Demarcus Robinson, either one of you could have been the 4th(?) fiddle on a potent offense and you weren’t up to the task. Gotta think they’ll be flushed at the end of the year.

-The Giants Golladay has brought his injury bug-ness to his new team as both Shepard and Slayton are expected to miss time. LamerKenny is banged up a bit as well. I look forward to OC Garrett not having a clue as to how to use Kadarius Toney. I’m thinking maybe a slow-developing end-around? Perhaps a flea-flicker that ends up being an armpunt? The possibilities are endless.

To The Game!

Jags/Bengalis:

-Did you hear the False Narrative about this being a revenge game for Burrow, in that he had to transfer from OSU because Meyer didn’t go with him as the starting qb? Fack off, media.

-It says quite a bit about both teams that the home squadoo is one of the favorites in Survivor. “Not something I’d ever considered or expected”, a certain Redshirt was overheard saying to no one in particulate.

-What to make of the Jags trading ninth overall pick CJ Henderson for blocking tight end Dan Arnold? Sure, the former has struggled and perhaps needed to start over somewhere else but the biggest beneficiary of this swap has got to be Ja’Marr Chase.

Do your thingy.

 

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Redshirt

Mike Brown was too cheep to buy white paint. Those are speed bumps.

Gatoraids

Urban making the halftime adjustments to his pacemaker

Brocky

God when he realizes I’m going against Mixon
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Sharkbait

Did…did this game just get interesting?

Mr. Ayo

A close game is not necessarily an interesting game.

Mr. Ayo

Persuasive. And now that I think about it, I am watching.

Brocky

Balls, I got a question did ya

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Is it just me, but with the advent of better weight programs, decent plastic surgery, and greater diversity of models,

There are a LOT more shots of women showing off their asses than 20 years ago?

Brocky

Like, I’ve always been more of a Boob guy than an ass guy, but it feels like the ratio of SFW ass pictures to SFW is like 3 to 1 anymore

clint greasewood

Boobs?

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ballsofsteelandfury

I think the Latino market has finally taught the rest of the world where its priorities should lie.

Anthony In TX

Worth noting that the “cheeky” bikini and straight-up thongs are in style with the ladies these days.

Combined that with the dopamine hit that social media success gives you, and you’ve got a whole lot more girls happy to show off everything but their actual buttholes on the internet.

Sharkbait

That’s what Reddit is for

Anthony In TX

The app Boost for Reddit has a handy “Random NSFW” search function.

Do with that information what you will.

Brocky

Huh?

Anthony In TX

Football’s a tough game for tough people who are tough. Surprised that doesn’t get mentioned more. Kind of tough to understand why.

Gumbygirl

Troy’s gonna show his gimp, Joe Buck, just what tough means.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Nick Mangold Bud Light Seltzer ads: stupid.

clint greasewood

How the fuck is Michael Irvin still getting employed as an analyst? He has been terrible for the side he started and has not improved at all. Dose JerraH just pay networks to keep hiring his boys?

WCS

THEY’RE GOTTDAMNED STARS YAH HEAR ME!!!!! YYYYYYEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAWWWW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!

Horatio Cornblower

Well, he sets such a great example for today’s kids.

Brick Meathook

Michael Irvin always keeps scissors in his hand.

Sharkbait

Don T around this evening?
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Viva La Tabula Raza

Switch the red to blue and the blue to red and you’ve got the Cuban flag.

Brocky

I always confuse the two and it drives me nuts

Horatio Cornblower

I can’t imagine why.
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litre_cola

This 1st half I call it $10 000 because it was such an abortion it’d be hunted in Texas.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s about time for a new banner.

Horatio Cornblower

The Bengals call this series of plays ‘The Chicago Bears’

Brocky

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Sharkbait

I think this might be the first comment to garner a DOWNVOTE

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, tonight.

Brocky

I downvoted outta spite, then I took it back.

We had some political opinions get the old negative red last year

Horatio Cornblower

Oh I had no problem with Bears fans not liking it. I imagine if I commented “Matt Nagy is the best Coach in the history of ever and should be given a lifetime contract so he can lead the Bears to glory” that would also acquire some downvotes.

Brocky

In honor of rocking dog, I got a joke:

My therapist told me that time heals all wounds.

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait

Horatio Cornblower

Prison Girlfriend Gets Stuffed!

Me? Oh, I’m just scrolling through PPV porn options. What’s all this about a football game?

litre_cola

I paid for Rage against the Machine 2 years ago. They offered a refund, I figured eh, I have waited 20 years, what’s a few more?

Anthony In TX

Mrs. In TX and I were going to see War on Drugs a few years ago. With taxes and bullshit Ticketmaster fees, we would have paid nearly $100 for $65 worth of tickets.

I love WoD, but no fucking thank you.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, that’s about it for my suicide pool this year. Time to crank up the INXS.

Sharkbait
litre_cola

I think teh Hippo did it too.

Gatoraids

leave it to the Bengals to leave you hanging

Mother Puncher

Bengals fans aren’t even mad because we knew this would happen. All TLaw needed to build his confidence was to get some reps again a minor league team

Gatoraids

Party in jacksonville

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Redshirt

These Bengals, I call them any random DFO commenter in the morning, because they are tired, hungover and embarrassing themselves in front of everybody.

Sharkbait

Thats why I work from home. Nobody can see me sweat out last nights booze

Brocky

BANNER!

Brocky

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Last edited 3 years ago by Brocky
Anthony In TX

I hope she’s looking for the cheeseburger she ordered

Horatio Cornblower

Double-thick shake wouldn’t kill her either.

Anthony In TX

Based on what I’m seeing, some saltines and peanut butter would go a long way

rockingdog

Last funny;

Instead of “sorry for the delay,” write “thank you for your patience.” In lieu of “apologies for the oversight,” write “if you’re so perfect why don’t you fucken do it.”

Anthony In TX

Tomorrow’s my last day at the old job.

There’s a non-zero chance “if you’re so perfect why don’t you fuckin’ do it” comes out of my mouth

Sharkbait

We’re sending the Jets to London? Doesn’t that violate some kind of agreement to not harm NATO countries?

ballsofsteelandfury

Thanks to Brexit, we don’t need to worry about repercussions from the EU.

Mr. Ayo

The Bungles!

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup. This is typical Cincinnati.

Absolutely cannot handle success.

herodotus450

I know I just woke up from that 30 year nap, but are people actually surprised that the Bungles are losing a game in prime time?

Brocky

So my ff opponent is starting two Bengals players. I didn’t think I could less disinterested in Trevor Lawrence, but here we are

Horatio Cornblower

You know the Apocalypse is nigh when the Bengals have multiple players actually worth starting in FF.

Senor Weaselo

Dirt Giants doing their best to bail Gerrit Cole’s performance from yesterday out in the Cy Young race. Homer, homer (2 for Judge), walk, homer in the top of the 6th.

Horatio Cornblower

Race to the bottom by both managers.

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

“I need a woman 6’10″/She’s gotta be that big so I can get it all in.”

-Mojo Nixon ‘Tie My Pecker To My Leg’

Brick Meathook

Well, I got a sweet baby who’s six foot tall
Well, she’s a full grown woman who’s got it all
Big little baby, big little baby

Her heart is as big as her feet are long
But she’s not afraid to fight someone who does me wrong
Big little baby, big little baby

She sure a female who runs up the scale
She’s a fillin’ in as pretty as a girl can be
But when she’s wearin’ high heels she is six foot three
Big little baby, big little baby

She’s as cute as she can be But she’s tall as a tree
Big little baby

-Reverend Horton Heat “Big Little Baby”

Brocky

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Anthony In TX

Wowwwwwwwwww I don’t hate that

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Get Beatie the damn ball

Brick Meathook

Let me correct those Rolling Stones ticket prices.

Some floor seats are selling at $3800 each.

Good Lord.

Horatio Cornblower

Gonna have trouble hearing BOOM! POW! WAZZA! at the concert, given the current state of their drummer.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

For $3800 you should get a night in Charlie Watts’s casket

Brick Meathook

Now I’ve discovered the ticket price range (at the new SoFi stadium monstrosity in Inglewood) is from $97 (your seat is in a bathroom stall) to $15000 (God knows where that is but you better get a blow job and unlimited cocaine)

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s insane.

Brick Meathook

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Mick and the boys need more money.

ballsofsteelandfury

You misspelled heroin

rockingdog

Found a funny;

youth pastor: [throwing xbox controller in frustration] YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD TO CARRY YOU?

Senor Weaselo

Terrible show pitch: “Youth Pastor.” The pastor is a 10-year old. Hilarity must ensue, right?

I’d say “Give me money, CBS,” but they won’t take it on account of I’m not Chuck Lorre.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Anthony In TX

I’m hoping strongly that my new coworkers are Letterkenny fans

ballsofsteelandfury

Anyone who picked Cincy in Survivor is CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZYYYYYYYYYY

ballsofsteelandfury

Also, no one, under any circumstances, ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever bet on the Bengals.

litre_cola

Cincy and the under seemed right

ballsofsteelandfury

So did that hooker in the dark as fuck bar at 2 AM…

Horatio Cornblower

I MEANT TO CHANGE IT TO THE SAINTS, OK, I JUST FORGOT!!!

/Saints lose by 30

Ah, yes, well, nevertheless.

TheRevanchist

“Gets beat in the hole” “Able to find the open hole”

The announcers are mind kind of pervs.

Horatio Cornblower

So I’m on the family text change making fun of CT Sen. Blumenthal, who made an ass out of himself asking a Facebook rep if Facebook would commit to ending their Finsta product.

My wife says “What’s Instagram” and my son instantly replies “You have one” while my daughter pulls up her account and shows it to her.

I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait until she discovers her Only Fans site…

Last edited 3 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Horatio Cornblower

I just hope Ted Cruz’s media intern doesn’t find it first.

King Hippo

Give Redshirt ONE WEEKEND OFF, and he don’t even show up for his team’s Spotlight Dance!

Horatio Cornblower

Mixon never saw that hit coming.

That’s called karma.

Horatio Cornblower

Just realized the Bengals are this week’s pick for yours truly in the Eliminator tournament. I meant to change that, but now I have to watch this fucking game.

If only I didn’t so badly need a gently used fleshlight.

litre_cola

Gently used goes to addiction in a hurry.

Horatio Cornblower

Speaking of addiction, anyone watch the ZZ Top documentary on Netflix?

Frank Beard: “If you haven’t done heroin, it’s fucking great!”

litre_cola

That was a highlight of the beginning of the pandemic. Well done doco.

Horatio Cornblower

Frank Beard has seen some shit.

Brick Meathook

I just looked up ticket prices for the 2021 Rolling Stones tour (featuring a dead drummer) and floor seats are selling for over $800. That’s crazy. I saw Led Zeppelin for $10, with a good seat, and more pot smoke in the air than I thought was possible. Ah, the Capital Centre, home of the heavy metal parking lot.

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
herodotus450

Well sure, but those were probably 10 Dan Quayle Dollars.

Anthony In TX

I think it’s spelled “Dollares.”

King Hippo

yup

litre_cola

Seems that 2 did in our pool

Horatio Cornblower

See above.

King Hippo

Somehow, before my 20th or so viewing of his Corona commercial…I had NEVAR noticed that Snoop Dogg was going bald.

King Hippo

“big dicks” and “187 skills” is TWO THINGS smgdh

Gumbygirl

You sippin’ on gin and juice again?

King Hippo

I wonder how long it’s been since Da U and FSU have been this level of combined shite?

King Hippo

That seems about right

King Hippo

jus’ so long as they doesn’t go eyeballin’ no white wimmen smgdh

King Hippo

Are Bengals doing ColoUr Rush?

herodotus450

The talent of Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen is so great, they can’t even show it on tv.

Gumbygirl

Twice as bad.

Anthony In TX

It was humid and *deep* into the 80s today in Houston. I ain’t ready for hockey yet.

WCS

This game is literally the beta version of “Ow! My Balls!”

King Hippo

What the sweet tittyfuck is Baby Puncher wearing??

litre_cola

Good Evenin’

Bengals -6.5 and the under.

Anthony In TX

Virginia – better than anyone thought they would be
Miami – WTF they’re terrible this year

King Hippo

yep, I have ML bet on Wahoowa here (too bad just $40)

Anthony In TX

I think that’s a smart bet

Last edited 3 years ago by Anthony In TX
Anthony In TX

(worth noting that they have the same record, thus proving that records don’t mean shit in football)

King Hippo

Well, I am glad this ain’t MRSA/P*ts, because I will be glad to go to sleep early Sunday night.

As for TONIGHT, work has driven me up the wall and I need a FITBAW BRAKE.

Gumbygirl

That shack outside LaGrange
https://youtu.be/-RzU9egK6oQ

Viva La Tabula Raza

30 years ago I logged some oil wells in the LaGrange area. It’s actually quite pretty.

Anthony In TX

I’m gonna go ahead and assume “logged some oil wells” is a euphemism.

I don’t care if you’re being sincere.

DJ TAJ

Amazing, get down Chuck