Whelp, Morbid Curiosity, you win this round. I can’t ignore this game simply because the usual slobknockering of the established stars of the league will be noticeably absent. We’re entering unexplored waters here folks.
Newsy Notes:
-Truthfully, I wish that this tilt was Bucs/Pats so that we could finally be fucking Done With It! Give the sports media a Big Narrative that a 5 year-old could understand and of course it’ll be done to death.
-Welcome Back Josh Gordon! This is a story about persistence and drugs, more drugs and a damning indictment of the existing Chiefs wr’s. Well, Mecole Hardman and Demarcus Robinson, either one of you could have been the 4th(?) fiddle on a potent offense and you weren’t up to the task. Gotta think they’ll be flushed at the end of the year.
-The Giants Golladay has brought his injury bug-ness to his new team as both Shepard and Slayton are expected to miss time. LamerKenny is banged up a bit as well. I look forward to OC Garrett not having a clue as to how to use Kadarius Toney. I’m thinking maybe a slow-developing end-around? Perhaps a flea-flicker that ends up being an armpunt? The possibilities are endless.
To The Game!
Jags/Bengalis:
-Did you hear the False Narrative about this being a revenge game for Burrow, in that he had to transfer from OSU because Meyer didn’t go with him as the starting qb? Fack off, media.
-It says quite a bit about both teams that the home squadoo is one of the favorites in Survivor. “Not something I’d ever considered or expected”, a certain Redshirt was overheard saying to no one in particulate.
-What to make of the Jags trading ninth overall pick CJ Henderson for blocking tight end Dan Arnold? Sure, the former has struggled and perhaps needed to start over somewhere else but the biggest beneficiary of this swap has got to be Ja’Marr Chase.
Do your thingy.
Lawrence stumbling over the yard lines like Danny Dimes.
Mike Brown was too cheep to buy white paint. Those are speed bumps.
Urban making the halftime adjustments to his pacemaker
God when he realizes I’m going against Mixon
Did…did this game just get interesting?
A close game is not necessarily an interesting game.
Counterpoint: It’s Thursday.
Persuasive. And now that I think about it, I am watching.
Balls, I got a question did ya
Is it just me, but with the advent of better weight programs, decent plastic surgery, and greater diversity of models,
There are a LOT more shots of women showing off their asses than 20 years ago?
Like, I’ve always been more of a Boob guy than an ass guy, but it feels like the ratio of SFW ass pictures to SFW is like 3 to 1 anymore
Boobs?
Why yes, they are boobs.
I think the Latino market has finally taught the rest of the world where its priorities should lie.
Worth noting that the “cheeky” bikini and straight-up thongs are in style with the ladies these days.
Combined that with the dopamine hit that social media success gives you, and you’ve got a whole lot more girls happy to show off everything but their actual buttholes on the internet.
That’s what Reddit is for
The app Boost for Reddit has a handy “Random NSFW” search function.
Do with that information what you will.
Huh?
Aikman kind enough to tell us multiple times that the Cincy TD was tough to throw and tough to catch. Tough.
Football’s a tough game for tough people who are tough. Surprised that doesn’t get mentioned more. Kind of tough to understand why.
Troy’s gonna show his gimp, Joe Buck, just what tough means.
Nick Mangold Bud Light Seltzer ads: stupid.
How the fuck is Michael Irvin still getting employed as an analyst? He has been terrible for the side he started and has not improved at all. Dose JerraH just pay networks to keep hiring his boys?
THEY’RE GOTTDAMNED STARS YAH HEAR ME!!!!! YYYYYYEEEEEHHHHHHAAAAAWWWW I AM FUCKING CRAZY!
Well, he sets such a great example for today’s kids.
Michael Irvin always keeps scissors in his hand.
Don T around this evening?
Switch the red to blue and the blue to red and you’ve got the Cuban flag.
I always confuse the two and it drives me nuts
I can’t imagine why.
This 1st half I call it $10 000 because it was such an abortion it’d be hunted in Texas.
It’s about time for a new banner.
The Bengals call this series of plays ‘The Chicago Bears’
I think this might be the first comment to garner a DOWNVOTE
Yeah, tonight.
I downvoted outta spite, then I took it back.
We had some political opinions get the old negative red last year
Oh I had no problem with Bears fans not liking it. I imagine if I commented “Matt Nagy is the best Coach in the history of ever and should be given a lifetime contract so he can lead the Bears to glory” that would also acquire some downvotes.
In honor of rocking dog, I got a joke:
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds.
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait
Prison Girlfriend Gets Stuffed!
Me? Oh, I’m just scrolling through PPV porn options. What’s all this about a football game?
Lord, when I’m a decrepit old man, please don’t let me complain about the cost of floor seats for the Bare Naked Ladies concert.
I paid for Rage against the Machine 2 years ago. They offered a refund, I figured eh, I have waited 20 years, what’s a few more?
Mrs. In TX and I were going to see War on Drugs a few years ago. With taxes and bullshit Ticketmaster fees, we would have paid nearly $100 for $65 worth of tickets.
I love WoD, but no fucking thank you.
Well, that’s about it for my suicide pool this year. Time to crank up the INXS.
RIP Horatio.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azfG5H-pCVg
I think teh Hippo did it too.
leave it to the Bengals to leave you hanging
Bengals fans aren’t even mad because we knew this would happen. All TLaw needed to build his confidence was to get some reps again a minor league team
Party in jacksonville
These Bengals, I call them any random DFO commenter in the morning, because they are tired, hungover and embarrassing themselves in front of everybody.
Thats why I work from home. Nobody can see me sweat out last nights booze
BANNER!
I hope she’s looking for the cheeseburger she ordered
Double-thick shake wouldn’t kill her either.
Based on what I’m seeing, some saltines and peanut butter would go a long way
Last funny;
Instead of “sorry for the delay,” write “thank you for your patience.” In lieu of “apologies for the oversight,” write “if you’re so perfect why don’t you fucken do it.”
Tomorrow’s my last day at the old job.
There’s a non-zero chance “if you’re so perfect why don’t you fuckin’ do it” comes out of my mouth
We’re sending the Jets to London? Doesn’t that violate some kind of agreement to not harm NATO countries?
Thanks to Brexit, we don’t need to worry about repercussions from the EU.
The Bungles!
Yup. This is typical Cincinnati.
Absolutely cannot handle success.
I know I just woke up from that 30 year nap, but are people actually surprised that the Bungles are losing a game in prime time?
So my ff opponent is starting two Bengals players. I didn’t think I could less disinterested in Trevor Lawrence, but here we are
You know the Apocalypse is nigh when the Bengals have multiple players actually worth starting in FF.
Dirt Giants doing their best to bail Gerrit Cole’s performance from yesterday out in the Cy Young race. Homer, homer (2 for Judge), walk, homer in the top of the 6th.
Race to the bottom by both managers.
I’d rather not date a 10 foot woman right now, thanks.
“I need a woman 6’10″/She’s gotta be that big so I can get it all in.”
-Mojo Nixon ‘Tie My Pecker To My Leg’
Well, I got a sweet baby who’s six foot tall
Well, she’s a full grown woman who’s got it all
Big little baby, big little baby
Her heart is as big as her feet are long
But she’s not afraid to fight someone who does me wrong
Big little baby, big little baby
She sure a female who runs up the scale
She’s a fillin’ in as pretty as a girl can be
But when she’s wearin’ high heels she is six foot three
Big little baby, big little baby
She’s as cute as she can be But she’s tall as a tree
Big little baby
-Reverend Horton Heat “Big Little Baby”
Wowwwwwwwwww I don’t hate that
Get Beatie the damn ball
Let me correct those Rolling Stones ticket prices.
Some floor seats are selling at $3800 each.
Good Lord.
Those seats will sell out, just like the Stones did a few decades ago.
/BOOM! POW! WAZZA!
Gonna have trouble hearing BOOM! POW! WAZZA! at the concert, given the current state of their drummer.
Gonna have trouble hearing
–85% of attendees
For $3800 you should get a night in Charlie Watts’s casket
Now I’ve discovered the ticket price range (at the new SoFi stadium monstrosity in Inglewood) is from $97 (your seat is in a bathroom stall) to $15000 (God knows where that is but you better get a blow job and unlimited cocaine)
That’s insane.
Mick and the boys need more money.
You misspelled heroin
Found a funny;
youth pastor: [throwing xbox controller in frustration] YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HAD TO CARRY YOU?
Terrible show pitch: “Youth Pastor.” The pastor is a 10-year old. Hilarity must ensue, right?
I’d say “Give me money, CBS,” but they won’t take it on account of I’m not Chuck Lorre.
I’m hoping strongly that my new coworkers are Letterkenny fans
Anyone who picked Cincy in Survivor is CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZYYYYYYYYYY
Also, no one, under any circumstances, ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever bet on the Bengals.
Cincy and the under seemed right
So did that hooker in the dark as fuck bar at 2 AM…
I MEANT TO CHANGE IT TO THE SAINTS, OK, I JUST FORGOT!!!
/Saints lose by 30
Ah, yes, well, nevertheless.
Koo-koo kachoo, Mr. Robinson!
“Gets beat in the hole” “Able to find the open hole”
The announcers are mind kind of pervs.
So I’m on the family text change making fun of CT Sen. Blumenthal, who made an ass out of himself asking a Facebook rep if Facebook would commit to ending their Finsta product.
My wife says “What’s Instagram” and my son instantly replies “You have one” while my daughter pulls up her account and shows it to her.
I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.
Wait until she discovers her Only Fans site…
I just hope Ted Cruz’s media intern doesn’t find it first.
Give Redshirt ONE WEEKEND OFF, and he don’t even show up for his team’s Spotlight Dance!
Mixon never saw that hit coming.
That’s called karma.
Just realized the Bengals are this week’s pick for yours truly in the Eliminator tournament. I meant to change that, but now I have to watch this fucking game.
If only I didn’t so badly need a gently used fleshlight.
Gently used goes to addiction in a hurry.
Speaking of addiction, anyone watch the ZZ Top documentary on Netflix?
Frank Beard: “If you haven’t done heroin, it’s fucking great!”
That was a highlight of the beginning of the pandemic. Well done doco.
Frank Beard has seen some shit.
I just looked up ticket prices for the 2021 Rolling Stones tour (featuring a dead drummer) and floor seats are selling for over $800. That’s crazy. I saw Led Zeppelin for $10, with a good seat, and more pot smoke in the air than I thought was possible. Ah, the Capital Centre, home of the heavy metal parking lot.
Well sure, but those were probably 10 Dan Quayle Dollars.
I think it’s spelled “Dollares.”
“I hear ya. Inflation sucks, doesn’t it?”
-T. Brady, Florida
That is a 1st down play call that rocks.
Did anyone pick Cincy in Survivor?
yup
Seems that 2 did in our pool
See above.
Somehow, before my 20th or so viewing of his Corona commercial…I had NEVAR noticed that Snoop Dogg was going bald.
You and Snoop have at least one thing in common.
“big dicks” and “187 skills” is TWO THINGS smgdh
You sippin’ on gin and juice again?
I wonder how long it’s been since Da U and FSU have been this level of combined shite?
Gotta be late ’70’s, right?
That seems about right
The space-time continuum slows to a crawl during NFL pregame shows-I’m more sure of this than anything else.
Virginia wearing throwback unis and letting black players play the game. Mixed message there for sure.
jus’ so long as they doesn’t go eyeballin’ no white wimmen smgdh
Are Bengals doing ColoUr Rush?
There is an abomination happening right now in the sports world. It goes by the name of “Sabres/Red Wings Preseason Hockey”. Put your children to bed lest they accidentally glimpse it and lose all hope for the future.
The talent of Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen is so great, they can’t even show it on tv.
Sabres should have done their homework-the kid is obviously a member of the KK-KK-KK.
Twice as bad.
It was humid and *deep* into the 80s today in Houston. I ain’t ready for hockey yet.
This game is literally the beta version of “Ow! My Balls!”
What the sweet tittyfuck is Baby Puncher wearing??
Good Evenin’
Bengals -6.5 and the under.
“Looking Good!”
-GAMBLOR, sitting in his champagne-filled jacuzzi
There’s also some college ball on quite soon with Virginny/Miami, btw.
Virginia – better than anyone thought they would be
Miami – WTF they’re terrible this year
yep, I have ML bet on Wahoowa here (too bad just $40)
I think that’s a smart bet
(worth noting that they have the same record, thus proving that records don’t mean shit in football)
Well, I am glad this ain’t MRSA/P*ts, because I will be glad to go to sleep early Sunday night.
As for TONIGHT, work has driven me up the wall and I need a FITBAW BRAKE.
That shack outside LaGrange
https://youtu.be/-RzU9egK6oQ
“You’re my favorite band ZZ Top. Don’t tell the others.”
-Gumbygirl, backstage
30 years ago I logged some oil wells in the LaGrange area. It’s actually quite pretty.
I’m gonna go ahead and assume “logged some oil wells” is a euphemism.
I don’t care if you’re being sincere.
Amazing, get down Chuck