There are times when I wish October would last forever. Driving with the car windows down. Watching leaves change coloUr. FITBAW getting more and more interesting. No elections or fucking holidays to stress over.
Shit, I don’t even have an NC State or Everton fixture to trouble me this weekend. I mean, sure, the Donks – but win two Superb Owls in one’s adult life, and the fan pressure is greatly reduced. I’ve had my special moments, thanks. Anything further would just be a bonus, and I’d feel greedy expecting/agitating for it.
Anyway, the night slate contains more channel-flippy options, but I wouldn’t call the slate affirmatively good. Maybe next week?
TCU (-2) at Texas Tech (7:00, ESPN)
I assure you, Bloodeyes have done absolutely nothing to merit road-favoUrite status. Guns Up!! may not be good, but they’re at least sentient.
Michigan (-3) at Nebraska (7:30, ABC)
Michigan, on the other hand, HAS done some work to date – but this spread would be waaaaayyyyyy higher except that everyone believes Harbs the Lesser will eventually stub his toe. Cornfuckers might not be as bad as they looked in the Week Zero trip to Champaign-Urbana (hey, there’s a new nichkname idea for the former Illini – Rootless Cosmopiles), but I also wouldn’t call them good. They have the look of that 6-6/7-5 team that litters the mid-week December exhibition schedule.
LSU (+2.5) at Kenfucky (7:30, SECN)
This line’s already a movin’ – it was at +3 when I moneyline bet the Tiggers – because (i) LSU is a desperate, cornered animal after flopping late against Auburn last week; and (ii) Blue Moons have zero experience with, not aptitude for, playing with affirmative expectations. They’ll spit the bit, just you watch.
Alabama (-18) at Texas A&M (8:00, CBS)
Hey y’all, remember when Jimbo was gonna see all that assembled talent gel into a real contender to the Saban throne? When the media types (who LOVE used car salesman-types who “win the offseason” – see Brown, Mack) insisted he was a real coach, not just some halfwit trying the “Rick Perry wearing glasses to look SMRT” trick? Even Pepperidge Farm chuckles at that one. ROLL DAMN TIDE!
Utah (+2.5) at Southern Cal (8:00, Fox)
Something tells me the teevee folk didn’t expect these to each have two losses, when setting this for national coverage. Oh well, I still have “will be interesting” vibes. You never know what you’ll get with either squadron.
UCLA (-16) at Arizona (10:30, ESPN)
When I mentioned “depth” earlier, that was the exclusive provenance of the 7-8 kickoff window. The Tweaker slate is pathetic, much like the state of JV Bear Down FOAR Midterms’ athletics. Westwood Klavern struggles when they have to do any MOAR than “rush 30 times for 250+ yards” – but the Mildcats will accommodate. GET YOUR REST FOR MANDATORY WATCH MORNING.
Here’s another submarine story. I hope these don’t bore you.
This is the “XOs door” story.
I was on a missile submarine, also known as a “boomer” and we had very set schedules, unlike most other warships. It was hard duty, but we would have a celebration on “halfway night” which I could write volumes about.
The skipper (who was off limits for any pranks) and the Executive Officer (XO, second in command) both had their own tiny yet individual staterooms.
On halfway night, it was a tradition among the forward crewmen to lure the XO to some minor crisis and then remove and hide the door to his stateroom.
I have no idea how they did this. Everything on a submarine is exposed; there are nooks and crannies to hide hooch but a door is another thing altogether.
And the XO would search for his door. There was never any disciplinary threat, just a cat and mouse game.
After 24 hours the door would mysteriously be reinstalled at the XOs stateroom.
This process might be the greatest secret in the very secret submarine service.
See, I like pranks like this. Creative, no one gets hurt, etc.
And were the missile submarines called “boomers” because the missiles go boom or because they can’t change course and only go to the right?
Called a “boomer” because we carried more firepower than all the weapons used in World War II, with a firing range of a hemisphere of this planet.
”Boom”
For the dimwitted: for context: Sam Neil plays the XO in The Hunt for Red October
Better than “if the XO room’s a rockin’ don’t come-a-knockin” – and now I am really thinking about how the fuck you’d hide an entire door.
Wouldn’t they just stash it under a bed?
That’s one theory. I honestly don’t know.
My theory is they swapped the door with another one.
Also you’d have to carry it there, very exposed.
Evening, everyone. Quick story (it has a moral):
My kid (she is 21 because dammit I am old) is currently seeing the double bill of Rancid and Dropkick Murphys. which respectively elicit a “cool” and “meh” from me. The tickets were free, donated by my wife’s co-worker/friend who suddenly realized yesterday she wouldn’t be able to go. Why, you ask? Because she hadn’t bothered to read the fine print, and the venue (I’m in Commiefornia) requires either proof of vaxx or proof of very recent expensive COVID test. My wife’s friend (and her sig other) have neither, as they are in the rightwing news bubble. (The rapid tests that are done at clinics with official paper results are at least $100 unless a Dr refers you)
So instead, my daughter and boyfriend get to see this show for free on a lovely cool Southern California evening.
A funny postscript: Friend of boyfriend said “hey that sounds fun, I’ll get a couple tix and go too” and he bought the tix and OOPS he’s also an uivaxxed MAGAt and was looking to offload them last I heard.
I saw a great TikTok featuring a physician that discussed how vaccine mandates don’t take away your rights, they take away your access to privileges. It was a really well-explained, well-reasoned argument that will only satisfy vaccine proponents and won’t mean a single thing to anti-vaxxers.
Yeah, that’s a great way to put it. You are free to go unvaxxed, but doing cool stuff ain’t your unalienable right.
The fact that we honor when a stupid person says, “I just don’t believe…” says everything to me.
God bless you.
I like her because she has great big tits.
It was her smile that did it for me.
Her what
This is why I fully support the mixing of the ethnicities. That was one hell of a genetic ingredient mixture that created that!
I would like to be reincarnated as that dress (pictured owner only)
Harbs the Lesser, meet Price Is Right losing horn. I apologize to this game of FITBAW. It got better.
Lesser Harbaugh Sudden Change!
Bama giving up a kickoff return, in this economy!?
Bama got to the punter before the ball did on that one
Team Secular Big Love giving the pimp hand to Troi Boiz
The halftime sacrifices have begun to pay off.
Satan owed Saban a favor.
Satan gives, and satan takes.
quite the feisty little minx
SUDDEN ROLL DAMN TIDE CHANGE WOO!!!!!!!!
NEVERMIND!
1997 SNL?! Holy shit, I’m old.
Oh Jesus Christ. Angel fucking Hernandez is behind the plate in SF. HOW?
Announcer: “Here’s the windup and here’s the pitch! OH, MY GOD! The pitcher threw the ball into the stands and it hit a little girl in the face! Training staff from both teams are rushing into the stands to see to her!”
Angel Hernandez: “Called Strike Three. Batter out!”
As much as I have been nonplussed by today’s FITBAW, I have NEVAR ONCE even considered flipping to baseball.
As I get older, more cynical, and wider, the more I yearn to just give up and become Carl:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVcwKDzg5tU&ab_channel=allstar04222
Carl was the unsung hero of ATHF. They gave him a wealth of incredible lines.
it don’t mattuh, none uh dis mattuhs
Well, looks like I’ll be watchng this B1G abortion after all
Perhaps one of our creative types could chronicle the journeys of Coach Orgeron, riding the rails with Old FavoUrite Tomsula?
Wow! Urias with a second inning RBI with a SOLID single to right. 1-0 Doyers.
https://twitter.com/Stewdabaker2013/status/1447013794610307072
It’s 10 PM, do you know what targeting is?
NOPE
Somehow targeting is more difficult to define than a catch.
Better than NFL’s one-year attempt to make Pass Interference a reviewable play.
but there’s the key – they fucked it off after that one year
LSU might have the coolest field art, but their helmets look like they were designed by a 6 year old with access to only a stencil kit.
How is this suddenly the largest sponsor of MLB?
The Good Sam Club is an international organization of recreational vehicle owners and the largest organization of RV owners in the world. It is focused upon making RVing safer and more enjoyable, and saving members money through club-endorsed benefits and services. It states that it has over 2.185 million members. Wikipedia
Oldest fanbase demographic, outside of golf?
Have I mentioned my lack of smartitude?
Why NFL rules the ad game is its demographic broadness.
Older than the Republican Party base.
Have they shown Nick Saban yet or are they afraid of showing a murder on live TV?
That locker room is going to be painted red during this halftime.
He may have to move on from puppy sacrifice, to grandmas.
Kentucky bout to be ranked higher than Alabama in something other than literacy rate.
I wonder if Coach Orgeron gets fired tomorrow, or if they don’t even let him on the team plane home?
They could let him off the plane in mid-flight.
I’m sure they are checking to see if that would help with his buyout.
Apparently Watts’ finest ain’t never seen a shallow cross before…
I mean, at least there’s co-ed watching in Troi Boiz/Secular Big Love
I’m deeply entrenched in the “FUCK OFF!!” period of my evening with regards to my family. I’m not allowed to play ANY music out loud. Sticking me out on an island to try to get the pain in the ass 2 year old to bed. No one who’s supposed to go to bed will go to fucking bed. Picking at me, when you KNOW I’m drinking. Who walked the dog? Who cooked dinner? Who mowed the lawn? Who did the laundry? Who cleaned the kitchen? Now I’m all turtlebacked and glowering. Well done, everyone. I’ll make it up to everyone tomorrow with bacon and pancakes, but for tonight, they can all get fucked.
I wish I could send you my dog for the evening. She will make you feel appreciated, especially if you give her a dirty plate to lick clean.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXEde89WC44
Well, I at least pegged (PHRASING) the aesthetic quality of the MI/NE fixture. Even by B1G standards, is a dirge.
In the South they’d call it a “Defensive Masterpiece”
it wud mean MOAR no doubt
Alright! Alright! I’m turning off the Alabama game! Quit yelling at me!
This has been highly effective.
Great hustle redshirt.
Third Base doesn’t just apply to Blackjack, Baseball and Happy Fun Time.
Hard Rock Casino Cincinnati grand opening has Pete Rose making 1st bet
Logically that makes sense.
No Bama game. Thanks Sling.
Notre Dame still started Jack Coan after last week’s debacle.
Brian Kelly does know he can quit, right? He doesn’t have to try to get fired.
But he’d be actually prosecuted for killing students if he quit.
…ah the Donald Trump re-election argument.
Tonight’s ABC game involved someone who is only popular based on past successes and in retrospect might not really belong in the Big 10.
Michigan is also involved in the game.
A big-titted white woman cheerleader at UCLA?
They’re bringing out the heavy ammunition against USC.
Took a music tip (successful) from none other than Walter Shaub today. Not sure how I feel about this:
https://youtu.be/A3ckIovZRwk
In good news for Coach O and Hippo, the steer fuckers were up 14 early too.
So far this Kentucky game has had two commercials for grills, and one for the creationist museum that is also a recreation of “Noah’s Ark.” Or maybe I’ve just been sniffing too much glue today.
And next a commercial for inflatable wrestler blow up dolls, fun for the whole family! No wonder this is the state that’s brought us Fuckface McConnel for so long.
John Parker Romo, namesake of two quarteredbacks, aaaaand he’s a punter.
On 4th and 1, LSU throws a pass short of the first down marker.
Guns Up! seems quite less then sentient
oopsie doodle
Hail Satan!
I will breathe much easier (about them playoffs) once ND gets a 2nd loss.
All right, who are y’all’s picks for the JV playoffs?
I’m gonna say:
Alabama (duh)
Georgia
Iowa
Not Cincinnati
I like the way you think-my 4th team is Not Syracuse.
I would say you are right x4. They’ll make room for Oklahoma or tOSU, if there’s any way possible.
A 1/2-loss tOSU or 1-loss OU would absolutely get in over undefeated Cincinnati.
‘Bama
Georgia
(insert Big 10 Champion here)
Cincinnati*
*The committee will want to avoid putting in Cincy and if there is an available option, they will jump on it like Andy Reid on a slap of ribs. However, I see it falling UC’s way.
LSU might never win another game in the history of the universe.
Ah college football. Another thing I hate.
Other things I hate these days: youth football, the fucking dog that won’t stop digging, the asshole pro lifer i had the misfortune to hear on fox; men who use straws in restaurants
I get the digging dog, the asshole, and straws, but college football? It’s chaotic and fun as hell.
I’m sure some of you folks are watching/ have watched Squid Game.
Episode 6 fucking destroyed me. Going in for #8 now.
Holy shit.
Jon Gruden calls Squid Game “Yellow Mirror”.
Do well to see an open-field tackle better than Cornpone’s just now.
This UCLA cheerleader could be considered our JV Matron Saint. Many banner photos, no?
My absolutely fanfuckingtastic Puerto Rican neighbors dropped their teenage daughter off somewhere earlier and now have the house to themselves. I’m currently listening to PULSATING drumbeats coming through the sound wall. Goddamn I love this family.
¿Esta?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TmKh7lAwnBI
Son of a BITCH! The drumbeat is matching PRECISELY.
¡Me gusta!