Well here we are again. The Shield has dropped a not-enticing matchup in our laps again. But let’s try to be a Lasso about it, huh? Grab a coffee and let’s go through this.
To The Game!
Fins/Jags:
-I’m not sure who is the home team but this is somewhat familiar territory for Jacksonville so that’s my guess.
-If there are any orchards in your area you could do some apple picking-Courtlands, Golden Delicious, Honeycrisp, Ambrosia and many other varieties are ripe right now!
-The Jags have yet to kick a field goal after five games, the only team in the Super Bowl era to have sunk so low. Coach Meyer’s comment was, “Wow, we haven’t kicked a field goal? Huh, that’s something”.
-Corn mazes are fun. Bring the whole family along and regale them with a recounting of “Children of the Corn” by Stephen King and then set them free. Hire some toothless country folk to hang out nearby in order to get the full effect.
-The Fins starting corners are out but Tua’s back baby and he’s gonna shine. He’ll have to do it without wr’s Williams, Parker and Fuller but that kid loves a challenge.
-“The fall colors are absolutely gorgeous” is a thing that is said that often gets on the nerves of one half of a domestic pairing. But you’re bigger than that-hop into your hybrid vehicle and putter on over to a ski hill or a mountain or, if you’re feeling murderous, an outcrop with a steep descent. They won’t find the body for days!
-There’s some talk that Fins coach Flores is losing the room. Numerous injuries aside, where is that 10 win team from last year that was in ascending mode?
Have at it.
WE WANT A DRAW! DRAW DRAW DRAW!!
That can’t happen
-D. McNabb
That’s true, in London they go to penalty kicks, and the English team loses.
THIS GUY BRIAN FLORES I CALL HIM LOVIE SMITH BECAUSE HE MAKES BAD CHALLENGES
(Gruden just doesn’t have his heart in these any more.)
Has Urban been fired yet?
39 is really lucky that ball took a crazy vertical bounce – a regular bounce and it *would* have hit him, and there’s no way in hell he’d have been able to control it.
I am impressed that this game has been as derpy as advertised.
Meanwhile, the Newcastle / Tottenham game has been paused because apparently a fan had a cardiac event in the stands. Hopefully, the fan will be OK – we don’t know yet.
Players back out, game about to restart. (Fan taken out on a stretcher by medics.)
–
“The Babysitter’s Club” – Mark Chmura
The Grey – Ben R
Sorry little guy, you’re now know as Early London NFL Game
Went to the grocery store, (those doughnuts weren’t buying themselves), and heard Peter King on the radio saying that the NFL likely had deliberately released the Gruden emails because a) he called Goodell mean names, b) it would distract people from everything else that they’d likely learned about Snyder and the other owners, and c) that it was, (paraphrasing here), typical NFL bullshit.
Peter King, actual journalist? I’m not prepared for this.
Can only conclude that PK really likes Gruden and is pissed about it?
I would not rule that out.
Also wouldn’t rule out that PK has reached and age and income level where he doesn’t need to be “Access Peter” anymore and has decided to say whatever he wants. And I do think, based on things he’s said and written in the past, that PK has never liked Goodell.
Which is likely true of most people who have met Roger.
Those are all..Surprisingly coherent and probable points
wichita in shambles
Tune in to see game of “Hot Potato ” instead of , like, actual football
Hey, you want actual football…just stay out of Houston
Jags look great in Londin! Maybe the U.S. is their kryptonite.
Maybe also bring Fulham to the MLS, for karmic bala—
/buried under beer empties, chairs, crayons,
“Hey, I need that Indian Brown crayon back!”
-D. Snyder, Washington D.C.
I would think a better place for the Jaguars to settle would be Liverpool, in honor of their former stadium’s most notable feature and also in tribute to the body part of their fans that they have caused the most damage to.
For anyone using my article:
F1 is active I’m using him everywhere
Adding the Browns as a DST since Kyler is hurt and doesn’t have HC Klingsberry to help him today.
Mandatory, shmandatory. If the Dolphins couldn’t be bothered to show up, then why should I?
“You look at the Browns picks, it is almost statistically impossible to get it wrong so many times”
Gruden was putting that theory to the test.
“Challenge accepted!”-Dave Gettleman
Why must I be field crew for the Dolts‽ They’re going way out of their way to impress the Texas Texans. Which is like trying to impress your slow cousin.
A more frank discussion of the Newcastle United ownership situation by UK commentary than would EVER happen on US coverage. I do love UK sports broadcasting for that type of approach.
Rule, Jaguras! Jaguras rule the waves!
These men never never never shall be slaves!
Insurmountable lead, dear chaps!
Have Robinson and Jones on fantasy teams. It’s working out today but in the larger picture, relying on Jags is a fool’s wager.
That was a soft call. Can’t believe I am watching this intently.
Jags look good. And the Dolphs are a hate watch.
There’s a non-zero chance you were planning on writing that today, but with the teams switched.
Moved over to “Dark Side of Football” on Vice. This episode: “Why can’t Cleveland win?”
We’re just at Belichick releasing Kosar
Oh so he’s at fault for making him an alcoholic mess
Speaking of making someone an alcoholic mess, just ordered a shitload of beer and am on my way to pick it up. Some of it is headed your way. Now, for the trickiest part: hitting the moving target that is BFC with the delivery!
https://twitter.com/BuckyIsotope/status/1449750898989625347
Well I doubt even she wants to sleep with Goodell.
WIFE? I thought he was some kind of f- – Jon G., Parts Unknown
Urban ready for the London nightlife now
Needs more scepter
This Trevor Lawrence fellow looks like he should be working in an East London brothel rather than leading Britain’s greatest hope in American football. Who on Earth thought he would be an inspiring leader of men?
YES! A spanktacular Jones TD!
/needed that
SUDDEN JAGURAS CHANGE
Indian summer is over in CT, (naturally today, since I took Monday off), and it’s an absolutely gorgeous crisp fall day. I will therefore spend it in my sweats, hopefully watching my Non-Gendered Cowpersons treat the P*ts as though they were a poorly compensated worker in a strip mall “massage parlor.”
Oh, and ordering beer and then going to a brewery to pick it up.
A man has to get out a celebrate nature somehow.
The fans at the London games are amazing. It is full cosplay action.
Well, at least there’s one aspect of this game that involves quality play.
Interviewing Newcastle players about how they feel now that they’re owned by Saudi Arabia is pretty funny, considering that pretty much all of them are going to be replaced by wildly over-priced talent at the first opportunity.
/Horatio races into the clubhouse, coffee in one hands, doughnuts in the other.
“Okay, okay, I made it for the mandatory early game, which is…
Miami-Jacksonville? What the fuck? I’m going back to bed.”
Well it will lull you back to sleep.
I’m already over to Everton-West Ham.
sheeeeit, even Hippo ain’t watching that vile shite
Ditto, and I don’t even follow the PL
Leave the football, take the donuts/cannoli
Silly to start Teddy B over Tanny Fanny this week?
’Tis not a trifle silly, my gastroenterological colleague. Teddy should find great success exploiting a band of pirates without their leader, whereas Ryan will look like less than a private against an angry (and aggressive) herd of bison.
I would 100% do that. YOU GOOD.
I’d do it, so it’s probably very silly.
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2hwqki
Get the first down, dumbass!
It gives me a bit of peace that I am slated to lose every single FF matchup already.
Good afternoon from the veld, dear fellows! Because I long for old blighty every single day, I feel obligated to cheer for the home team (our Jaguras) in this less-than-scintillating contest. That said, should this game get out of hand, I shall return to my daily tasks, which include attempting to build a railroad straight through a local Xhosa village (they are always getting in the way!).
One time when I was walking around in the Transkei (I have no memory of why I would have been on foot) I encountered a Xhosa teen wearing a UConn Huskies t-shirt. I presume he obtained it by looking at Horatio Cornblower in a threatening manner.
I find distributing articles of clothing to be a more expeditious manner of getting directions out of a Xhosa village rather than building a railroad through their homes, but who am I to judge?
Sir your work is very appreciated, they even made an informative moving picture about it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceGPBqlDW-4
Complete Mess Sgt. Donal Yandel T reporting for mandatory duty. I have a feeling Jags pull this off
/“💬 “ -Bob Kraft
In honor of this momentous occasion, and to shake off the bed head, we’re having this
https://youtube.com/watch?v=N1oLQ55IfPA
G’day. All showered up and taking the fam to the pub in a couple hours then off to the footy for me. Gamblor and FF mistress will not be paid attention to.
Semi present and accounted for!
[looks at own crotch]
Yeah, a semi is the most I could muster for this game, too.
just can hope the semi is enjoyable if not good.
[music of AC/DC intensifies…]
My favourite scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3IDMYVLLSs
Nope
BFC’s attic (artist’s conception):
You’re my favorite, BFC. Don’t tell the others!
Speaking of toothless country folk, Vegas has no agriculture (not a surprise but still kind of an odd thing to discover after moving here — like discovering your home doesn’t have any linen storage built in) so we drove an hour or of town yesterday to go to the corn maze/ pumpkin patch/ etc with blaxito. As the heat has broken, I’ve had him out every chance I get including this paddlewheel boat that goes to Hoover Dam, various neighborhood to-dos, and now all the halloween season events.
It being 9 months since the insurrection and, generally, enough return to normal that I don’t even really think much about the traitors other than to know they’re out there planning for whatever round two like their Nazi brethren in the 30’s but my Veterans Against Trump tank remains shelved. That said, in my excursions back into society, I’ve seen a number of people in various Women for Trump, Trump 2020, Trump Republican, etc shirts. Without exception, every single person I’ve seen in said gear would be instantly recognizable as absolute undeniable white trash even before putting on their Chinese-manufactured patriot garb. Big guts, sloppy hair, poor posture, shameless in their inconsiderate behavior, terrible hygiene (specific to the W4T lady on my SWA fight — why yes she did try to board with the letter group ahead of hers and, when stopped and corrected at the gate, proceeded to just hover right there at the agent so in-order passengers had to maneuver around her to get on the walkway, why do you ask?), style that works only work on a 19-year old ultra-snowflake millennial because they’d be wearing that get up BECAUSE it looks like dog shit.
Anyways, it’s always nice to be reminded that you’re right — even when you stand alone
You’re not alone. I’ll stand by ye.
Standing alone was the only sign I was right! But enough about my last stint as a salaried professional.
So…uh…how was the pumpkin patch?
And how often do they have to call out search and rescue to get the Magats out of the corn maze, (the maize maze).
Here for my football methodone
We’re all out of methadone.
You’re gonna have to stick to the usual football heroin.
You spelled mediocre incorrectly and the adjective should appear before the noun, football. Best friend was an English teacher and wife has a degree in English and is also a contracts lawyer. Even after 15 years of marriage she still points and laughs at my mountain heritage Engluzh.
Anyone want to make a bet as to whether the voiceover guy who’s doing to quick ad reads is actually British or not?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly, reporting for booty!
/pats self on back, tells self “you’ve still got it, old boy!”
Raises hand “Here” and just like being in school, I will promptly go back to sleep.
TD Lolphins! He waddled right in.
https://youtu.be/MtN1YnoL46Q
Is all tuna dolphin-safe nowadays? (except in Japan of course). What about dolphin-safe Tua?
Don’t tell Mr. Assistant Dean Hippo, but I’ll be watching some professional Video Game tournament for the nonce. Which team of 17 year olds will win millions of dollars?
Which tournament? Starcraft? DOTA? League of Legends?
Dota
Also have the DOTA finals on as well. 18 mil split by 5 and their manager/sponsors.
Ugh. Here I am. Are you a happy Hippo?
U NOE IT!!!!
you get a pitch invader for your troubles!
Greetings fellow degenerates!
Dok gets MANDATORY goodness!
Good news on the wire so far this morning. McLaurin, Gibson, Toney, Edmonds, Tyreek, Mike Williams will all play today.
Have you (or anyone) heard anything about Mike Thomas return in NO? I am going to hav to make at least one irritating cut in Yahoo-ball, if he isn’t imminently returning.
Happy derby, good sir hippo! May the least infuriating squad win.
We are like watching paint dry today.
That early yellow against Antonio hurts us. Maybe Yarmalenko comes on earlier than usual.
Good morning y’all.
It’s 54° in Houston, which means we probably only have, like, 70 more days left in the year where it’ll get into the mid-80s or higher.
I don’t like being hot.
Going to be in the 60s here today, going to spend the latter part of the day in a hammock, watching football on the tablet, and being so stoned that Medusa’s gaze would be ineffective.
I need to find a place to hang a hammock, they make for fine lounging
I bought a metal hammock stand as we have no trees suitable for a hammock.
When I was doing prop bets before the season (hey, I get bored), the two choices I agonized over for Coach of the Year (remember, I like medium-long shot bets that I feel are underpriced)?
Ron Rivera and Brain Flores.
Lesson being HIPPO IS VERY STOOPID.