Hey! Put that down.
As you know, your regular instructor Mr. Scotchnaut won’t be able to…
No, he doesn’t have COVID. He’s got…
NO. He doesn’t have a case of gonorrhea that he caught from a groupie in Florida, and no he is not using a phony COVID diagnosis to hide the gonorrhea from his wife while he finishes a course of antibiotics…
What’s your name? Lemonjello? Put your hand down. No, not down your pants. No, not on your…stop. Just put it on your desk.
And you, what’s your name? Horatio Cornblower? Ha ha, that’s a stupid name. With your speech impediment it sounded like you were saying “whore ratio” and I was thinking “what does that [points] Hippo-looking kid’s mom have to do with any of this…”
Oh no! You’re going to tell the principal that a substitute teacher was being mean to you! Look out, everyone. Turns out little Whore Ratio here is a snitch! Huh. I wonder if there are any unsolved mysteries in this class about how Mr. Scotchnaut found out about something you kids…
Why yes, kid-who-looks-like-a-bunch-of-fish-guts, I was thinking of something exactly like the chinchilla incident. I guess everyone got in a lot of trouble after someone told Mr. Scotchnaut what had really happened with the class chinchilla. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, now would you, Whore Ratio?
Oh, are you crying? Really? Oh, for heaven’s sake, can’t you take a joke, you little freak?
All right, all right, enough pleasantries, let’s talk about today’s lesson assignment. We’ve got the 4-1 Bills versus the 3-2 Titans. When they were putting together the schedule this was probably viewed as a marquee matchup, but after the Titans got obliterated in Week 1 against the Cardinals and the Bills fell beneath the relentless onslaught of a rapidly aging Ben Roethlisberger (is that why they refer to him as “grey” now? Make sense) I bet a few folks in the scheduling office were tugging their collars nervously.
Fortunately, both teams have righted the ship and it’s looking like we’ll be getting some quality on-field product this evening.
-Josh Allen should be able to light up the Titans very iffy secondary, which is important to me because I need 12 points out of Stefon Diggs to win my fantasy matchup.
-Derrick Henry will be facing probably the toughest run defense he’s seen all season. They may actually be able to keep him bottled up.
-Julio Jones will be back!
-The line (Buffalo -6) is way too big. If you’re betting, you should take the points. And if you’re listening to my advice about betting, you should be polite to the nice men in white coats who come to pick you up and take you to someplace safe where you won’t be able to hurt yourself anymore.
-Also there’s baseball – Houston Asterisks versus the Boston Red Sox.
[takes flask out of jacket pocket, leans back and puts feet up on desk] Now get to work, you goddamned delinquents!
Submitted for your approval:
A short man named Cole wakes up in his house. He remembers that everyone in the world was turned into zombies by a so-called “vaccine,” he was the only smart one who resisted the cure. Mindless hordes wander about outside; he picks them off at ease with his Remington(R) 459 True-Sight(R) Rifle, but it’s hardly fun anymore. He checks his rice and beans stash: enough for a few months at least, but after that who knows. He pulls out his Remington(R) Hand-ee Grip pistol with hollow point rounds and opens his smug mouth–
Cut to a hospital where Mr. Beasley is flatlining, dead after weeks in a ventilator, it was all a dream, if only he’d taken the so-called vaccine.
Cut to a child, with a hospital playset, a dying plastic man surrounded by his plastic family, it was all an even larger scope dream, in the Twilight Zone, brought to you by Remington.
I’d watch the Eli Roth version.
Get Rikki and DTZM your spec script; one of them is currently blowing a Hulu exec.
The other is blowing blow.
SODDEN CHANCRE
Lol flipped on baseball to what looked like a religious slur. Probably just some guy’s name. But this is Boston so maybe not.
It’s been weird ever since they signed “Chuck Filthyjew”
2 run HR Sox!!!
And now it’s 9-0!
Yay baseball! ⚾️
That’s Rocking! 💯
Tractorcito’s arm ain’t all that’s stiff. – DonT, Republica de Puerto Rico
Julio with the Catchazo!
Evening. I see there’s more chucklefuckery afoot.
NFL encouraging that heads up football
Vrabel needs a caption contest.
50 shades of [grunt]
One season, I’d like to see broadcast cameras just ignore TD and sack celebrations and just focus on the dejected players instead.
Ah the sadness feed. Derek Carr approved.
bullshit call. I put all my testosterone on this hill.
So did Mike Vrabel.
Ha ha ha ha ha what idiot wrote this?
Need Tanny Fanny to put up 80 something points to win one of my Ff weeks.
Hahahahqhqhq
Hahahqhqhq
Hqhahahahaha
Does he get points for a quality handoff?
No Brady “TD throw” points
Red Sox are Rocking! 💪
6-0!
Hahaha and it’s only the 3rd inning!
MOAR!
Well that was startling.
Oh my, he is large and fast.
Bills D making the right call not to bother touching Henry
AHAHAVAHAVAVAVA
/coughs
Ha
Sox tonight:
https://media0.giphy.com/media/3ohzdGQxCByMlcsBK8/giphy.webp?cid=6c09b952b04c94fcba0e95ebd17121fd0e1a29d31255e504&rid=giphy.webp&ct=g
6-0. Hehehe
/🔥
SLAMALAMADINGDONG!!!!
That’s ROCKING!!! 🔥🔥
3 grand slams in the last 2 games. Asterisks forgot to bring their pitching.
I need Bills D/ST not to score 19 points less than Emannuel Sanders. That TannyFannyCEPTION was helpful to my blood pressure.
https://twitter.com/BuffaloBills/status/1450262086303600641
Yooo
Sox have the bases loaded!! 💪
And it’s only the 2nd inning!
That’s Rocking!
Update;
They got a couple runs in!
Sox up 2-0
Fenway is ROCKING!!!
Goooo Sox!
LoL
Stupid Joe buck just lost his monitor?
Hahaha Even the ball hates you idiot!!
I haven’t seen something so forward since the time Barbados Slim started chatting up Ryan Tannehill’s wife.
Somewhere, wade Phillips just broke the pencil he was gripping
they make pencils out of butter now?
LATERAL CABRONES 😂
ai
Vrabel definitely an alchoholic ryan reynolds
Evening.
Watch me fucking find a way to lose this matchup
Nashville bars look like a lot of fun, except I hate country music with the fire of 1000 suns. I wager I’d last about 15 minutes before snapping and setting the building on fire.
I heard parking a van outside of one works better.
The trick is to drink so much you can’t hear it. Those bars are fun. The last time we went to Nashville, we were in one of those honkytonks on the main drag- maybe Tootsie’s Orchid Lounge? Anyway, the band was up front, and the drummer fell backwards and crashed through a plate glass window. Stopped the crappy music in it’s tracks!
No Mannings tonight? Hope they’re OK.
For those MNF games, I thought their banter and special guests was ROCKING!!!!
I think this has something to do with it:
It was predetermined that they’d only do like 6-8 iterations, at least this season.
They need to do this full time.
Absolutely. So much better than the vanilla broadcast
Going to need to put Henry in on D as well
What the fuck is the deal with the 70’s porn staches? They were goofy then, still are.
And why isn’t my avatar showing up?
Never mind! Fuck!
weird that my icon changed…
oh well.
Goooooo Sox!
There was a glitch in the DFO matrix last night and some strange things occurred here.
From The Athletic:
The Washington State job is open after one of the strangest endings to a coaching saga we’ve ever seen.
Nick Rolovich, hired in 2020, is out after 11 games in two seasons with cause, along with his unvaccinated assistants, sources tell The Athletic, confirming multiple reports. Rolovich refused to get a COVID-19 vaccine. Rolovich had applied for a religious exemption. The state of Washington requires all state employees to be vaccinated or receive an exemption. For months, Rolovich dodged questions about the vaccine and wouldn’t explain why. It only became public because his mentor, June Jones, revealed it to USA Today.
Now athletic director Pat Chun must begin his second coaching search in less than two years. Rolovich was hired to replace Mike Leach, who had a successful run in Pullman before taking the Mississippi State job. The Cougars reached the top 20 in the AP poll each year from 2015 to ’19 and played in six bowl games under Leach. Before Leach, Washington State posted eight consecutive non-winning seasons, including a 9-40 record from 2008-11. This year’s team is 4-3 after beating Stanford on Saturday for its third consecutive win.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Actions consequences bitch.
$3M/yr
$3,196,500
http://fiscal.wa.gov/Salaries.aspx
Coug’d it. A $3.2 million dollar job flushed over a phony complaint about a vaccine.
The deadline is today; Governor Inslee’s dad dicking anyone that won’t comply and I am here for it.
There was a woman on the news tonight who said she’s going to homeschool her kids if there is a vaccine mandate. I’m like, good! If your kids are as stupid as you, the class gpa should go up dramatically once they’re gone. I’m willing to bet their teachers won’t miss them either.
Going to transfer to Alabama to run as Senator
Even Tuberville is vaccinated and has strongly been encouraging his constituents to get vaccinated, too.
No Telemundo. Meh. Goin’ mute.
First album: Franz Ferdinand, “You Could Have It So Much Better”
TEN’s best CB, Kristian Fulton, was placed in IR today. So starting in the secondary are:
-rookie CBs Caleb Farley and Elijah Molden
-Tits activated Amani Hooker from the practice squad
I’m confident.
In being impaired enough to see only MOTHERFUCKING CHJAMPIONS WOOOOOOO
I need Knox to beat Tractorcito today. Not gunna happen.
Still looking for the ESPN Deportes telecast ’cause if you can hear Tractorcito in the vernacular HAY QUE HACERLO MEN¡
Hall and Oates’ You Make My Dreams Come True has to be the dumbest goal song.
Alright, gangsters and gangstettes. Let’s get to SPAHHTSIN’.
Found a funny;
why do dryers have a ‘less dry option?’ which one of you is ordering your socks medium rare
Baseball.
I love the whole “unwritten rules.”
It’s stupid as shit, and kind of bitchy.
WRITE THE FUCKING RULES DOWN THEN EVERYONE WILL KNOW THEM
WAIT! DON’T! BASEBALL WOULD PUT A METH ADDICT INTO A DEEP SLUMBER
Game(s) haven’t started, and we’re already at FOZZRAGE levels!
Wait, who’s fish gills? Or guts, but who needs reading comprehension when everything is A through G?
Sharkbait.
I am really looking forward to this. An actual, har-hitting, physical matchup, not just “two derpy offenses” like we saw last night.
6-4 final.
I wonder if there is a Scorinami winner, where all points scored were safeties (and has to be multiples)
I’d pay a fair amount to watch 10-8 overtime in person.
Poor Geno. Otoh the local fanbase is in freefall.